Disclaimer: Incidentally, JKR does still own the characters and places and everything else in the wizarding world, except for this rather bizarre plot. That happens to be a product of my brain - just in case you couldn't have guessed as much.

A/N: Thanks loads to my chapter one reviewers - Kharina, your advice has been taken on board; Belle, you do not own the gits, or if you do then remember to share!! and fifespice, thanks loads for the encouragement:D
I hate to say it, but I really don't know that much happens in this chapter either lol! More of my ramblings - I tend to come up with those more than anything else - and some random "jokes" although we'll leave it up to you if they were funny or not :P

Reviews: I wouldn't complain :P Well, no pressure - but if you have any suggestions or advice I'm happy to take it on board [that goes for the plot too!! Thanks :D

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"You're hilarious, Nymphadora," Sirius informed her later that evening, reclining on the sofa. But his tone of voice made it perfectly plain he was nothing like amused – and his use of her dreaded first name, after defending her to the twins earlier, was a clear warning. The majority of Order members had left already, leaving Sirius, Tonks, Remus, the twins, Harry, Ron and Hermione in the drawing room. Arthur and Molly had retired to bed already, and Ginny was expressly banned from coming anywhere near these talks.

"I don't know what you expected," Tonks replied coolly. "Cissy might have acted like a –"

"Since when was Narcissa Malfoy 'Cissy,' anyway?" Sirius cut in. Tonks flushed a tad.

"Look, her family's in danger. Ever since You-Know-Who's return, he's been putting immense pressure on the Death Eaters who didn't go looking for him earlier. You know, trying to test their loyalty, and all that. He's trying to get Lucius to hand over Draco," she confessed quietly, looking away. This was a detail she had left out of the general account – the last thing the boy needed was to be watched as closely as Harry was.

Harry looked up, surprised, and he, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George all exchanged looks.

"Look, Tonks …" Hermione began hesitantly. "I know you want to see the best in your family, but in all honesty, Draco Malfoy, he … well, he's got a reputation … he can be …"

"If his father were to hand him over to You-Know-Who, he'd probably roll up his sleeve and beg for a new tattoo," Fred chimed in bluntly. "He loves the Dark Arts, that one does."

"Slimy git," Ron muttered. Remus raised his eyebrows over the book he'd been reading.

"Funny," he said in a thoughtful voice, "when I taught Draco, I never got that impression. Don't misunderstand me," he added hurriedly, seeing the shocked and sceptical glances aimed at him from around the room, "he was certainly rude. And he never seemed to have much respect for authority. Arrogant, oh yes. And I don't suppose he gave much heed to others' feelings. But he's a young boy. He's fifteen. If it weren't for his pure-blood obsession, I would have said he was just like us when we were at Hogwarts, Sirius." This comparison earned him a look that clearly showed Sirius was not impressed. It was one of those 'if looks could kill' moments. Remus merely shrugged and lowered his gaze to focus on his book again.

"He's a Slytherin," George pointed out. As Fred and Ron nodded, Harry's resolve wavered.

"Being a Slytherin … it doesn't make you evil," he said carefully. He could have sworn he saw a faint smile cross Remus' face behind the text. The boys gaped at him.

"You're kidding, right?" Ron scorned. "You of all people, defending Malfoy? He's a git!"

"I never said he wasn't a git," Harry grinned. "But you can't use being a Slytherin against him. I mean … the Sorting Hat almost put me in Slytherin, first year. It was this close."

These words were met by shocked stares from the younger generation. Remus didn't even look up from his book, and both Sirius and Tonks grinned widely in Harry's direction.

"That's exactly my point, Harry!" Tonks said earnestly. Harry glanced at Sirius – why had he been grinning? There was no way he was pleased about Harry defending Malfoy.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, the Malfoys are all arrogant berks," he said, waving a hand airily and earning a glare from Tonks for his trouble. "But I know what you mean about Slytherins. Bloody Hat – tried to stick me in, because my whole family so far had been in it. I told it exactly what would happen to it if I wound up in Slytherin. I hated the lot of them – the thing probably did it to spite me! Anyway, even if I had been shoved in there – and thank Merlin I wasn't! – I'd still be me. It's not the house that makes the man."

Harry grinned appreciatively at Sirius. He still thought Draco Malfoy was a serious jerk, and he would never forgive him for everything he'd done to Harry and his friends, from calling Hermione a 'Mudblood' to impersonating an all-too-realistic Dementor in order to make Harry fall from his broom during a Quidditch match in his third year. But if anybody understood the threat of Voldemort coming after you, and those you held dearest, Merlin knew, it was Harry. And at that thought, something hit him – something he'd certainly never expected to feel. Pity – pity, for Draco Malfoy. And worse than that … empathy.

Remus' eyes were watching Harry surreptitiously over his book. How long he'd been doing so, Harry didn't know, but he was suddenly aware of the fact. The man was sharp.

"Narcissa," – everyone noted the renewed use of the woman's full name – "is a lot of things," Tonks conceded. "But they never went looking for You-Know-Who after he fell, and I honestly believe that it's only out of fear they've returned. Lucius is a malicious man, I don't deny that … but he's built a life for himself, a life that doesn't have You-Know-Who at the centre of it. I think he'd be hard pushed to recreate his old life just like that."

"And if you're wrong?" Hermione spoke up quietly. "What if the Malfoys do go back to his side, Tonks? We can't put the Order at risk like that! Don't you see how dangerous it is?"

"Dumbledore agrees with me," Tonks said simply. "He understands Cissy's position."

"I swear, Nymphadora, if you call her 'Cissy' one more time …" Sirius muttered.

"Then you'll do to me what I'll do to you if you call me Nymphadora again!" she snapped.

"Touché," Remus said mildly, not glancing up. Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Well of course you'd take her side, Moony," he scoffed. "I mean, I completely understand why, of course. She'll never jump your bones if you torment her half as much as I do."

A stunned silence followed these words, in which Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged quite startled glances; Fred and George made valiant but useless efforts to bore holes in Remus' book with their eyes; Tonks turned bright pink; and Sirius lounged back in his armchair quite casually. Remus simply turned a page, barely batting an eyelid at the implication, and managing to retain his skin's usual – although unnatural – greyish hue.

"Padfoot, as ever you demonstrate all the logic and maturity of a five-year-old," he said serenely, still not even looking up from his book. "And a five-year-old Weasley, at that."

"Hey!" Fred, George and Ron all protested aloud. Tonks, Harry and Hermione, on the other hand, all snorted loudly at this, and a slight smile flickered over Remus' features.

"If you think the old high-and-mighty approach is going to deter me, you're severely mistaken, Moony," Sirius informed his friend, pointing his wand at the fireplace so the dying embers roared back to life. "And neither is avoidance, before you even bother."

"I don't believe anybody was avoiding anything," Remus replied, finally closing his book and eyeing his friend with mild interest. "I wasn't aware I had been asked a question."

"You're avoiding confronting the implication, which was that you WANTED Tonks to jump your bones." The twins let out loud wolf-whistles and Tonks' face flushed again.

"I most certainly was not. I was trying to spare you the embarrassment of the reality that perhaps you don't know as much about what goes on around here as you'd like to think."

"Which means what, exactly?" Sirius challenged, sitting up a little straighter. Remus merely shrugged as he got to his feet and picked up his book, glancing around the room.

"For one thing, you're always jumping to conclusions about how we all feel," he pointed out quietly. "And for another … you have an awful habit of making assumptions about us."

"I do nothing of the sort." All eyes in the room swivelled between the two Marauders. Considering the argumentative nature of their exchange, Harry found it remarkable that both men were still smiling faintly, and neither showed any signs of anger at the other.

"You most certainly do," Remus countered smoothly. "Why else would you presume to imply that Tonks wasn't already – as you so delicately put it – 'jumping my bones'?"

The room fell silent once more. Sirius gaped at his old friend quite openly; Harry shot a shocked glance at the twins, who looked as though Christmas had come early; Hermione gazed at Tonks uncertainly; and Ron stared into the fireplace uncomfortably. Remus smiled calmly, shifting his book from to the other hand and lifting his cloak from the chair.

"I think I'll turn in," he said mildly. "Goodnight, all." He bestowed a smile upon the younger ones; a smirk and a raised eyebrow on Sirius – and then when he was halfway out the door, Harry could swear he saw Remus tip Tonks a wink, and hear her giggle so quietly he could have imagined it. And maybe he had, he thought bemusedly, when a split-second later the door snapped shut, and Tonks was staring daggers at her cousin, who just happened to be returning the favour at that particular moment in time. Harry felt a horrid sense of foreboding – two angry Blacks at odds? That equated to bad news, in his book.

"Where the hell do you get off?!" Tonks snapped, jumping from her seat and storming across the room so she and Sirius were face to face, as he got to his feet determinedly.

"Don't you put this on me!" he said just as heatedly, and for the first time, Harry got to see a side of his godfather he only ever saw in its restrained form. "You're the one who's been up to Merlin knows what with my best friend – in MY house, I might add, Nymph! And this is how I find out about it?! You should be ashamed – don't dare blame me for it!"

"Oh, what are you, sixteen?!" she spat. Hermione now looked thoroughly frightened, and the twins were exchanging muttered bets with Ron about who would win. "For one, Remus never said we HAD been up to anything, he said you were ASSUMING we hadn't! Which, incidentally, was true! And even if we have been, it's certainly none of your business!"

"It's my business when he's twelve years older than you! You reckon Andie would be happy to hear about this? You don't think she'd castrate me if I didn't step in?!"

"That's your problem, dear cousin," Tonks replied, her voice cooling so quickly it startled the others. "Besides, I don't know what you think you have on me. You can't bully me, Sirius – threaten to report to my mother. If you were going to do that, you'd need proof. Which you have absolutely none of. So don't try to intimidate me – it won't work." Clearly, this was one-nil to Tonks, in the twins' opinions. Fred grinned, and George sighed.

"Since when did a Black woman need proof of anything?" Sirius retorted, and George sat up, looking hopeful. "I give Andromeda Black the slightest clue that something might be a bit off with her precious daughter, she'll haul you in for a dose of Veritaserum and the harshest interrogation of your life – including the ones you get to dish out, Auror Tonks."

"You had better not, or I'll hurt you more than if you call me by my first name!"

"Tell me the truth about your relationship with Remus, and I'll think about it!"

Fred and George seemed to have stopped breathing completely by this point. It was certainly a tough call – which of them was more stubborn and angrier? Hard to tell.

"I'll tell you nothing," Tonks hissed angrily, and with a loud 'crack!' she Disapparated from the scene. Hermione seemed frozen with a hand over her mouth. Ron resumed his focus on the dancing flames. The twins began arguing quietly about whose victory it was. Harry, however, was focussed on his godfather. Sirius turned towards him, and upon seeing his concerned face, let out a very loud, very startling, bark of laughter, and his eyes twinkled.

"That," he said, slumping back in his chair, "was bloody funny. Accio firewhiskey!"

A moment later, a bottle came flying through the door, which had opened itself, and straight into Sirius' hand. He took off the lid, waved his wand, and two glasses appeared. Another flick of the wand and one soared over to land on the table in front of Harry.

"But, Sirius …" Harry said, attempting to sound unsure, but the glass of firewhiskey was already in his hand as he spoke. Sirius let out another laugh and raised his own glass.

"I'm the legal guardian here," he said, grinning, and the twins looked up, appearing thoroughly disgruntled. "The odd drink under supervision won't do you any harm. I should know … besides, you're just like your father. And James could handle his drink … mostly."

"Well, in that case …" Harry felt his own face split into a grin, and he lifted the glass to his lips. Before he could take a drink, however, there was an uproar to his left.

"Why does Harry get to drink firewhiskey?!"

"He's not even of age in our world, never mind in Muggle drinking terms!"

"How come WE couldn't have an escaped convict for a godfather?!"

"Stupid law-abiding parents!"

"Harry, that stuff's supposed to be horrible," Hermione cut the twins' ramblings off sharply.

"Nonsense," Sirius scoffed. "It's great! And your parents have to decide what they think is best for you – I do what's best for Harry," he informed the twins. "A little taste now, when I can make sure he's okay, is better than him going out on a bender to try and look cool."

"I'll drink to that!" Harry laughed, grateful as ever that Sirius treated him with respect.

"How about we drink to Remus and Tonks?" Sirius smirked. "The resident lovebirds."

"That really was awful of you," Hermione said reproachfully. "Tonks seemed really upset!"

"Tonks is half-Black," he scorned. "She could do with some emotional toughening up."

"You really are a twisted soul, aren't you, Padfoot?"

All heads turned sharply to see Remus entering the room again, still wearing his irksomely calm expression. He raised an eyebrow at the stares, and began looking around the room.

"Thought you went to bed?" Sirius challenged him, sitting down his glass determinedly.

"I left one of my other books down here," Remus mused distractedly. "The one I was reading is interesting, but more for research purposes than a good bedtime read, so …"

"Only you and Hermione would read two books at once," Ron said disbelievingly.

"Hermione's a clever girl," Remus responded, inclining his head towards her politely.

"So you heard everything, then?" Sirius pressed him. Remus lifted a book from a shelf.

"Not at all. Just you rambling about 'emotional toughening up.' And incidentally, Padfoot, most people do retain some form of emotional weakness. You may allow it to slide off your back like water off a duck's, but the majority of us do actually feel these things."

"Bit defensive there, aren't you, Moony?" Sirius said, narrowing his eyes. "Well, Tonks wouldn't tell me a thing – how about you explain to me exactly what you've been up to?"

"Now we both know that's highly unlikely. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really am off to bed this time – and you do know that Harry's too young to be drinking that, don't you?"

"Fully aware of it," Sirius said cheerfully. Remus, to Harry's surprise, grinned at that.

"Harry, it's a good thing you're like your dad. Once he gets started, he will get thoroughly sloshed, so I'll leave it to you to keep him in line. I have no doubt you'll do a fine job, being James' son through and through. Goodnight." And he closed the door after him.

"Where were we?" Sirius seemed decidedly unperturbed by his friend's attitude, as he turned his attention back to the firewhiskey before him. "Ah, yes! A toast, I think."

Harry quickly raised his own glass, ignoring the glowers Fred, Ron and George were all shooting him, and the disapprovingly pursed lips gracing Hermione's face.

"Here's to … you," Sirius said, tilting his glass to Harry. "The Boy Who Lived, everyone's lost track of how many times; a wonderful godson; an extraordinary wizard … and a credit to your parents." Harry's eyes shone with tears. "They'd be so proud if they were here to see you today, Harry. And I know I'm proud of you. I just hope I can do them proud too."

"You already have," Harry promised. The two men toasted one another, and Sirius downed his entire glass in one mouthful. Harry hesitated a tad, with the eyes of everyone in the room on him, before taking a sip.

The drink seemed to burn his throat, and he gagged, but then something odd happened. The burning sensation was almost … pleasant. And as the liquid hit his stomach, it warmed his insides rather enjoyably. And then there was the aftertaste! He grinned broadly, and followed Sirius' lead, swallowing the whole lot at once. Shaking himself slightly, he grinned even wider at the looks of shock and indignation scattered over his friends' faces.

"That," he said smugly, "was fantastic." Sirius shot him a brief smile and a tiny wink.

"Are you serious?" George said almost longingly, staring at the now empty glass.

"No, George – that's Sirius," said Fred, pointing, and everyone rolled their eyes.

"Excuse me while I throw up," said a slow, drawling voice from the doorway. All joking forgotten, Harry, Ron and the twins all glared simultaneously towards the shadowy figure; Hermione looked away uncomfortably, and Sirius got slowly to his feet, hatred etched into the deep lines of his face. Draco Malfoy stepped forwards, but Sirius continued to glower at the doorframe. A moment later, a thin, anxious looking woman stepped through it.

"Sirius!" she gasped breathily, looking sincerely frightened and nervous. Draco's eyes widened in shock, and he took several steps back from the 'criminal' facing him.

"Hello, Narcissa," Sirius said coldly. "I see you found your way to my house."

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A/N: Wow I really don;t think I like how this one ended ... ah well! Already partway through chapter 3 so I should be updating regularly as promised, and thanks again for taking the time to read my drabbles:D