The Akatsuki headquarters was well hidden, and looked to be no more than an oversized mound in the earth; most of the base being hidden underground.
And in the dark and stormy night of foreboding bad luck, the headquarters could not even be seen, except between the flashes of lightning.
Which another flash of lightning did, highlighting the outline of the base for the split second it was there before shrouding into the darkness once more.
And with it, the outline of a lone figure staring intently at the headquarters of the orginization Akatsuki.
A pair of red sharingan eyes glowed in the darkness, the only sign of someone being there before the flashes of lightning.
"Now..." the figure said to himself. "Now I shall have my revenge..."
Pein pulled at his hair in frustration. Financial issues had been hard enough when Orochimaru had run off, then Sasori had to go and get his strings all tied together. And now Itachi had to get eaten by the village idiot.
Couldn't an evil maniac catch a break everyone once in a while?
Pein kicked back in his chair with a sigh. "Did that little prick Orochimaru really have to take his hand with him too? At least then I could have sold the damn ring on eBay or something..."
There was a crash heard from above.
Ah, yes. And now the storm. Just when things couldn't look worse their power had cut off. And lord knows the electrical company was always slow as hell.
"If only some of those odd job guys could come by and-" Pein cut himself off, then slapped himself in the face. "Duh!"
"Zetsu, go outside and fix the power."
"What? Why me?"
"Cause I said so, that's why!"
"But I don't know anything about electricity!"
"You were the one who worked on the blind couples house!"
"Oh... I was hoping you'd forgot that..."
"Nope."
"... so I suppose this means you also remember what happened at the New Years party last year?"
"Yes."
"Like I said man, I am so sor-"
"Just, don't bring it up anymore. Please."
"I really didn't think that-"
"Shut up and fix the power."
Deidara took a sip of his Capri Sun and continued staring at the blank TV screen.
It was sad, really. Some people seem to lose grip on reality when they've gone more than 24 hours without television.
Hidan came in and leaned over Deidara. "Ummm... why are you staring at a blank TV?"
"What, did you steal Itachi's eyes before he died? The TV isn't blank... yeah."
Hidan stared at Deidara who stared at the blank TV intently.
"Did you steal Itachi's eyes before he died?"
"Shut up Hidan."
"Hey, have you seen Zetsu anywhere? I can't find him..."
"Pein made him go outside to fix the power... yeah."
"Oh. How's it going?"
There was a flash of light and a scream of pain from outside.
"Not well, I imagine."
Hidan sighed. "Then why don't you help him?"
"Dude, my favorite show is on. I'll help him when it's over!" Deidara said, pushing Hidan out of the way of the TV screen.
Hidan looked once more at the blank TV before looking at Deidara again. "You are so weird..."
Deidara picked up the remote as Hidan left the room and started clicking the buttons. "Damn, the sound is too low..."
Hidan stepped outside, cloaking himself with... umm... well, his cloak.
"Zetsu? Ya out here man?"
A bolt of lightning and scream of pain confirmed that yes, he was out there.
"So... how's uh, how's the power coming along?" Hidan asked.
There was another scream that sounded a little like "Suck it Hidan."
But Hidan wasn't too sure.
"Bad then?"
"Of course it's bloody bad! This fucking antenae is a giant lightning rod!"
"I thought we had cable?"
"... oh Goddamnit, you better be kidding..."
They were both so absorbed at throwing and dodging giant heavy objects that... they didn't notice the shadowed, red eyed form sneak inside behind them...
Kakuzu walked into the kitchen, where he saw Kisame eating some well cooked salmon.
"Oh dude, that has to be cannibalism."
"I'm not a fish." Kisame replied between bites.
"...Kisame, are you crying?"
"I'M NOT A FISH!"
"THEN STOP EATING YOUR BROTHER!"
"POOR RITCHIE!"
As Kakuzu comforted the bawling fish like non-fish fishy man, a pair of sharingan eyes lurked from the shadows on the kitchen. He quietly sneaked past them and further in the base...
Tobi -walked- skipped through the halls of the base while whistling "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He stopped in front of Deidara's door and knocked enthusiastically.
"Deidaaaaaaara-sempai! Are ya in there? Helloooooooooooo?" Tobi smiled beneath his map. He loved doors. They were so tall, and made of a wood like substance!
"Deidara-sempai?" Tobi said again, a bit more quietly. He wanted to go inside, but the door looked so happy being closed, and he didn't want to hurt it's feelings. Finally, he said "I'm sowwy door..." And went inside.
Once he stepped in, he gave the door a tight hug and small kiss before looking around. "Deidara-sempai? Where are you?"
Tobi looked everywhere for Deidara. He looked on the bed. He looked in the bed. He looked underneath the bed. Why, he even looked on the bed! But Deidara was no where to be found.
Tobi sighed sadly. "Where could Deidara-sempai be?" he pouted, sitting on the bed with his arms crossed agrily. As he sat, he felt something weird beneath him. "Deidara-sempai?!" He asked excitedly, looking. But all he found was a webcam.
"Oh... just his webcam..." Tobi said sadly. His eye tracked the cord to Deidara's laptop, which was flipped up and on. Tobi went over to it, and saw a file called " raised an eyebrow. "... I didn't know Deidara-sempai was a photographer!"
Tobi eagerly double clicked the icon, excited to see beautiful artwork from Deidara. A windows media file opened of the very room Tobi was in.
"Why would Deidara-sempai take a picture of his room? It's kinda a mess!" Tobi said, then he saw movement on the video.
Deidara came into view, with "Sexy Back" by Jeremy Timbolack. Deidara was rubbing his hands over his body while moving his hips around to the beat.
Tobi lifted an eyebrow, and a confused look was hidden away underneath the mask.
Video Deidara then started slowly stripping off his cloak, then his shirt. He soon had his hands running over his bare chest, with his mouths slowly licking and sucking his nipples.
Tobi's jaw dropped. "Deidara-sempai eats himself?!"
The video continued. Soon, one of Deidara's hands moved inside his pants, and Deidara closed his eyes and started moaning while rocking his hips back and forth.
Tobi nearly shouted at the video. "No, Sempai! Don't eat your wee-wee! You need that to go potty!"
Deidara's TV watching was interupted by Tobi's piercing voice. Just the sound of it made Deidara cringe.
But what Tobi said confused him... at first...
"...oh... oh my God... Oh my God!"
Deidara ran into his room just in time to see the horror; Tobi staring at him on screen, the portion of his video where he started massaging his buttocks... and there was licking... innappropriate licking.
"Tobi!" Deidara shouted in worry. He quickly ran forward and slammed the laptop closed.
"Tobi! Are you okay?!" Deidara asked frantically.
"Deidara-sempai! Wh... wh-why were you... I don't... you... I don't understand..." Tobi stuttered, with growing tears leaking from beneath the mask.
Deidara was sweating like crazy. "Ummm... Tobi? D-Do you want to talk about what you just saw?"
Tobi looked at Deidara in confusion. "Sempai, why to my pants feel tighter?"
Oh... oh this just got much more akward...
A while later, everyone was gathered in the living room, watching Spaceballs on Mr. DVD, while drinking coffee from Mr. Coffee and monitoring the status of the base, via Mr. Radar.
Deidara was sweating.
More than usual.
And Tobi was unusually quiet.
"Are you two okay?" Pein asked.
The two only nodded. Slowly.
Pein shrugged, then went back to the movie.
"Now... now I'll have revenge!" A voice shouted out.
Everyone turned in surprise.
Itachi laughed coldly. "Surprised? I thought you would be. After all, who expects someone to come back... from someone elses ass? Oh, and from death?"
Everyone stared.
"Yes... your stunned silence is to be expected. You lost me, but now I have returned. And now..." Itachi's sharingans started spinning wildly. "Now I shall kill you all for the way you treated me!!"
Hidan just stared, then turned to Pein while pointing, and said "Am I the only one who sees a rabbit?"
Pein shook his head. "No Hidan, that is a rabbit. That is a pink rabbit, to be exact. A pink, talking rabbit."
Itachi sighed. He knew they'd bring that up. "Uhh, yeah, pink rabbit blah blah blah. You're missing the poi-"
"Oh! Oh! Can we keep him? Please?!" Tobi jumped up and down excitedly. "He can be my... my early christmas present! Please please please please please?!"
"Umm, I'm trying to-"
"Dude, is that really Itachi? What the fuck, I thought you said the nine tails brat ate him?"
"He did! I swear! I saw it with my own two eyes!"
"Yes, I was eaten, but if you'll-"
"He's SO soft! And cute and cuddly! Awww, and his eyes are cute as buttons! Please let me keep him!" Tobi was hugging Itachi the rabbit closely with a huge grin.
"Hey, put me down you-"
"We'll need some carrots now, I guess. Damn it Itachi, you're always a handful..."
"I'm not coming back to you! I'm going to kill-"
"Oh, I think I'll name you Pinky! Pinky the Rabbit! And we'll go swimming! And play hopscotch! And... and cuddle together at ow! HE BIT ME!"
Itachi landed on the ground. "WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?!"
Everyone shut up. Except Tobi, who was running around frantically. "AUGH! BACTERIA! RABBIES! I NEED ANTIDOTE! ANTIDOTE!"
"Dude, what the hell happened to you?" Kisame asked Itachi.
Itachi scratched his long rabbit ear before answering. "It's the circle of life, bitch."
Pein raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"
Itachi sighed. "Okay, I'll explain it slowly. When people eat stuff, that stuff get's broken down and digested. Then they pass it in the form of bowel movements. The result is often called shit. The shit then get's flushed down the toilet, and dumped into the ocean. In the ocean, the shit becomes nuitrients for underwater plant life, which breaks into small bacteria eaten by very small fish, which are eaten by bigger fish, which are eaten by even bigger fish. Then those fish are eaten by bears, who once again reproduce shit. That shit is used as fertalizer for grass, which gets eaten by rabbits. And so here I am."
Pein jaw dropped. "So, you're saying you were eaten, passed, eaten again, passed again, then eaten and took over the body of your host?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"You gotta be fucking kidding me..."
"Well, I'm not. And now I'm here to kill you all for all the years you mistreated me!"
"Well, we still have your old room. You can stay there. I'll by some carrots in the morning, then we'll discuss what to do with you." Pein said, walking out the door. "Maybe you can be the start of a petting zoo or something..."
"What? Wait, no, I'm not-"
"Well, I'm headin' to bed too. Goodnight Itachi."
"Good night Itachi-san."
"Nighty Night Pinky!"
Everyone left for bed, leaving Itachi alone and bewildered.
"... I hate you guys..."
Sorry for a long wait on an update. I've been busy (code for lazy)
Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Please read and review