(A/N: I know, I know, I know! Violet Kat you suck! You took years to update this, blah, blah, blah. It's up now so read. :D)

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Title: Saga of the Sakura Archives

Entry 4: Fall From Grace

Sakura felt kind of guilty about what she was going to do, as she took a deep breath, right outside the Yamanaka flower shop. It was a bit busy today, and her friend-sometimes-rival was too engrossed with her customers to notice her acting like an airhead. 'Get a move on forehead!' the pinkette yelled at herself. A couple of the Yamanaka's neighbors looked on in curiosity, wondering if she'd had another fight with her friend.

"If only that were the case," she mumbled to herself.

It would be a lot easier to do this if she was mad at Ino but she wasn't. Sakura was too busy being scared of her own shadow to be mad at anything Ino said or did. The teenager was also too tired to have any energy to retaliate even if she did get offended. It had been 2 months since Ame no Tohru and she still couldn't get a proper night's rest. He was right about taking a piece of her with him… a huge piece, the bastard.

She'd learned to adapt herself to the fatigue she'd been developing and was acting semi-normal around anyone male. Fortunately, or unfortunately, she hadn't seen Kakashi since her mini freak out. So she wasn't able to see if her efforts made any difference. It was kind of taxing, this cover up of hers. She wanted to sleep so badly. It isn't normal to get used to daily hallucinations and terrifying nightmares waking you up at midnight. Sakura would feel so disgusted by the sweat and tears that poured out of her body that it would remind her of that night all over again, making her attempt to remove her skin in the shower. She vaguely remembered being called haggard by Ino a couple of days ago… or was it weeks?

"Hey billboard brow!" Sakura nearly jumped out of her skin as she found herself facing Ino's annoyed baby blues.

"I-Ino?"

"Yeah?"

"How did I-," Sakura took in her surroundings.

She had somehow missed, actually walking into the store and towards the counter that her friend was manning today. That fact made Sakura even more desperate, anxious, and determined to get it over with. She was starting to lose it near the 3 month mark. Ino gave her an impatient stare, waiting.

"Look, you're scaring off all the customers, if you've got nothing to say then help me out."

There was NO way that was going to happen… at least not today. "Um, remember that diary you gave me awhile back?" Ino pouted in disappointment and started to put some freshly cut flowers into a bouquet. Put out, but listening. This made it a lot easier for Sakura to lie, as she wasn't making any eye contact at all. So she pretended to be interested in what Ino was doing.

"You mean the one we barely talk to each other in?" Ino registered with a bored tone.

Sakura smothered a wince into a minute twitch, just a random muscle spasm… yeah right. She couldn't risk Ino seeing one of her soul baring entries so every time she wanted to write something devastating, she'd spy on Ino until the girl fell asleep. Then she'd jot down her feelings for hours back in her own room. A bit creepy, but it kept her sane… most of the time. There was several times where she'd find Ino holding open the diary and writing in it or just staring at it, waiting for Sakura to write. She hated to admit it but it crushed her that she already had a friend who was ready and willing to keep all of her secrets and help her through the hard times. But she was ashamed to share her mortifying experience with the blonde… or maybe to prideful.

"Sorry about that. I keep weird hours. SinceI'mnotpartofasquadanymore."Sakura was still looking down but saw the other girl's hands stop mid motion after she got it out of the way.

"Oh," was all Ino said in a soft tone. That subject was still so raw, especially when Sakura brought it up all on her own.

"…"

"… do you at least use it?" Ino tested out.

This time Sakura looked up with a grateful and honest smile on her face. The blonde looked a bit mystified at the heartfelt expression the pinkette showed.

"Everyday."

…

May 13th

Dear Diary,

Today, on my day off, I asked Ino where she bought the diary. It was not easy, especially since I haven't been "writing" to her in awhile. I admit it's not fair that I see some of her entries when she gets the urge to write while I'm aiming to prevent her from doing the same to me. It really isn't and it makes me feel like a brat. But geez, it's always like pulling teeth when it comes to asking her a simple question.

…

"Why do you want to know?"

"No reason."

"Oh well then I guess there's no reason for you to know."

"This little…"

"What?"Ino was smirking as she gave the pinkette a hard time. Her irritation mounted.

"I wanted to know if they had any other interesting products because I wanted to redecorate my room." That part was of course a lie.

"Oh."

Then Sakura ended up staring at the blonde arrange flowers for 10 minutes. Ino could get seriously annoying when she wanted to be.

"Well?" Sakura prodded.

"Well… the diary was handmade by an artisan who has a shop outside of Stone. I got it while on my last mission there."

…

You ever have that jarring feeling where your heart skips a beat then drops into your stomach? That's what I experienced as soon as she said let it slip. It was highly uncomfortable. I guess my disappointment must've had made its way on my face because Ino tried to make it all better by giving me the exact location and name of the store, so the next time I had a mission near the area, I'd be able to "Pop by, as she said."

Let me explain something about the travel laws of Konoha. Shinobi must "file" to temporarily leave the village on personal grounds. You can't just have it in your mind to just up and leave like that. It's not a normal village in which your business is your own. If your leave without any prior and proper notification you could be considered as AWOL or simply a missing nin. You will be hunted by your fellow comrades in arms. Depending on the degree of seriousness of your disappearance, the time, and your shinobi level you may be considered to be taken in dead, alive or both.

Those who wish to leave the village, whether temporarily or permanently; must state their reasons, the duration of the absence, and reveal their supposed destination. Not only do we have to go through that torture, (the department who's in charge of this has really nasty people working there) we also have to be put on a waiting list based on the nature of our leave, our shinobi level and social status. If you have to visit your sick Aunt Chisa, and you're a first generation Chuunin you have to wait until the Genin of a prominent shinobi clan with a blood line limit finishes their shopping spree. Even if you signed up first!

I am not the first person to say that the system has flaws. Civilians have a less severe process but they go through one of their methods as well. Konohagakure wants to keep tabs on their shinobi to make sure that they don't defect and become potential threats in the future. It's ironic because they had established this rule right after shishou had decided to just up and leave on one drunken night out. That and I'm still in training. It's suspicious for someone like me to have no ties to that area to want to travel at such a crucial time in their shinobi career. I'll have to wait until I receive a mission to go there which could take months. Though I could just leave like shishou did, without the alcohol part… that's not happening either. This is so depressing; it seems lately I've been taking 2 steps forward while taking 1 step back. I'm barely able to accomplish anything because of my teacher's whims! I'm going to try to take a nap now. I'll feel better afterwards… I hope.

-Sakura

…

When Sasuke and Suigetsu got back to the inn at break neck speed he made a subtle suggestion to the others that they get a check up as soon as possible, successfully scaring them out of their wits. If he was alarmed, to the point where he cared enough for their well being, than there was great reason to be anxious enough yourself. You'd be wise to do so. While he was running, he kept checking with the Sharingan but didn't see any evidence of his own molecules mimicking what happened to the woman at all. It was better to be safe than sorry. He didn't want to be whole one minute and dust the next any time soon.

He wasn't going to be killed by some unknown jutsu, that even his own eyes had the trouble detecting the cause of. Sasuke didn't have anymore goals to attend to, but that didn't mean he'd forfeit his life because it currently didn't have a purpose. So what if he decided not to live in the village anymore, where he'd be most useful, safe, and occupied? There were other ways to survive in this life, to make money, to simply exist. He'd already gotten used to the routine of occasionally evading Anbu forces from all the hidden nations. He was a survivor and living, however aimlessly or humbly, a life. Sasuke was not going to give up the ghost because of his potentially crazy ex-team mate. He glared at the text tucked under his arm.

…

Somewhere on the shores of a beach, Sakura sneezed, and thought that maybe she should get out of the water now. Especially since it seemed a typhoon was rolling in. Her green eyes reflected the lightning off in the distance on the water as she stared out into the sea. It was a couple of miles off but moving in fast. The waves were already mirroring its impending brutal influence, rolling towards her and submerging her legs up to the calves. She vaguely remembered surfing when she was younger, during the summer, before the…

"Excuse me, miss?" The kunoichi swiveled towards the nervous sounding voice.

It was an old man. Sakura's pupils dilated dangerously as she emitted killing intent on impulse. All the man saw was a teenage girl in shredded, soaked, clothing staring back at him. As if she was lost and yet completely aware of where she was. It was an odd contradiction that popped up in his mind as he contemplated her presence. The poor guy couldn't understand why this forlorn looking girl seemed threatening to him. She was all skin and bones, as if she hadn't had eaten a proper meal in weeks and had various cuts and bruises littering her person. Her face was completely devoid of emotion. His heart went out to her but he felt as if he was dealing with a wild animal. It was rude of him to think that way, but she reminded him of the stray cats that the local youth would always hurt for kicks in their spare time. The felines were always weary of everything and everyone, as if they couldn't trust their senses, keeping others at a distance by their eyes and body language.

She didn't reply to his call so he took the liberty of carrying on the conversation. "Hrm… there's a pretty bad storm headed this way. You should take shelter soon."

Sakura already knew that but she couldn't move. He was just an elderly local who was nice enough to let her know that her life was in danger. But she couldn't help but read into it more. Maybe the organization had sent in spies after they realized their lone female member wasn't coming back. 'Too bad,' she thought smugly, 'the witch is dead.' She regarded the individual who called out to her. She had been too preoccupied with her thoughts to sense him and she couldn't help but suspect him of foul play. The young woman was completely still taking him all in. He was perfectly composed though he seemed to be smart enough to keep his distance. As if he understood that she appreciated her personal space in a generous amount of meters. The wind howled harshly at them both, blustering so hard that she had to fight to keep her balance.

Annoyed, she looked back at the storm that really was closing in fast, as if it were a wolf on a hunt for prey. Sakura regarded her own body. She had a slight case of malnutrition, resulting in a significant loss of body mass, which is why the wind had the potential of knocking her over in the first place. The young woman had almost forgotten the stranger was still there as she missed something he said, and looked up with a puzzled expression. He looked almost relieved she'd heard him, as if he assumed that she was deaf or ignoring him. She kind of was and was a little embarrassed. How long had it been since she was in polite company? It felt like eons, besides, it had only probably been a day since her opponent's death. That organization wouldn't move until a couple of more days after noticing her lack of contact. Sakura could stay here, wherever here was, for 2 days max.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" The man asked. She shook her head and looked past him up into the hills where she could see a bit of light pollution emerging in between its mounds. It seemed that there was a village a couple of miles away. The old man noticed her eyes drift towards the nearest village.

"If you wouldn't feel too offended, could I offer up my home to shelter you from the storm? Anri, that's my wife, would be delighted to have the company of another woman. I fear she's getting bored of my companionship as of late."

"…" Sakura must have given him a look because he added.

"I reside closer to the coast than the village. It would take hours to get there by foot. A warm bath and an equally warm meal along with some," he coughed a little, "clothes as well. I promise you won't regret it." Sakura's ears picked up a murmur of thunder behind her and nodded.

"By the way my name's Watanabe Souichi." He gave her a gentle smile as he turned to where, she assumed, was the direction of his house. It was a total of 10 minutes later, when she'd remembered her manners and whispered,

"Sakura."

He jumped, a little startled as he heard her voice. It was a bit raspy and small, so small. Souichi hadn't expected her to speak at all. He didn't believe that she was incapable of speech rather he suspected that she just didn't want to. She wasn't looking at him and had a slight blush that wasn't there before, as if embarrassed, though he couldn't imagine why. It took him awhile to realize that they had stopped walking and that she was a considerable distance away and behind him.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Sakura-san."

…

This shift was killing her, literally. It had been 6 days since she last slept. Her eyes hadn't even considered closing themselves for relief. She had to remind herself to blink and was so wired and tense. A civilian man had accidently bumped into her on the weekend and it took all of her strength not to scream and send a hundred kunai with paper bombs attached into his body. After that, all of her efforts to seem normal were shot right out of her. Sakura kept looking over her shoulder every five minutes, had twitched at every sound she heard, and had frequent panic attacks that would render her unconscious and gasping for air.

It is a proven fact that a human being, no matter how strong or advanced they were in any aspect, could die after a week of sleep deprivation. The brain couldn't handle that much lack of rest. Sakura was nearing the completion of a week of involuntary induced insomnia. She was terrified that she'd drop dead in the middle of the street sometime soon while doing some inane errand for the 5th. Lately Sakura had found out that she had a rather active imagination. Every time she couldn't sleep she imagined that Ame no Tohru was still alive and that she had the privilege of torturing him for revenge.

Sasuke's drive for revenge was now understandable only it was much more agonizing that the source of her anguish was already gone from this world. Sakura couldn't do all the things she conjured up. Sakura knew that this was unacceptable and that her mother, who was a civilian, wouldn't approve of such thoughts. Just the other day she hallucinated her mother's stern frown and disapproving green eyes, the same eyes as her own, while in the middle of training. It felt like hours when she snapped out of it and found that she'd just been standing there with a dumb look on her face and a tree as her only companion.

Sighing at her predicament she stared at the clock across the wall. Today she was helping out in the hospital utilizing her skills for planned operations on civilians. If she was really good at what she did she would soon help out on emergency surgeries for shinobi, coming in from high risk missions with serious trauma attached. It had to be done if she was going to be an accomplished medical nin in the field any time soon. Her teacher was thinking of dumping some more missions on her after this, the village still had a shortage that would be solved in 3 years. But in the mean time Sakura and her peers had to step up their game. Sakura felt she was losing though.

She couldn't take it anymore. Even though it was just a week she wanted to sleep. Not being able to relax and the desire to let it all go was getting to be too much. Keeping her diary was the only way to comfort her and able to steady her. Sakura looked at the needle then out the door of the office she helped in. No one was there. It wouldn't hurt to try it one time. Sleep. That was the goal here. Nothing else. Kaka-sensei told her sleep was important and the girl couldn't help but violently agree. The needle pricked her skin then forced the rest of its spine into a vein and released its contents. The kunoichi felt her nerves go numb. A giggle left her lips and she slapped a hand on her mouth as she ripped the metal away and threw it in the garbage with the other unmentionables.

Looking around, apprehensive and a little high, she went back to the drawer she'd found the drug from and stuffed a bunch in her backpack. Her inner was screaming at her that it was wrong and that she was absolutely crazy. Sakura agreed with her and the inner shut up, probably not knowing what to say to that. Sweat rolled down her neck as she kept her senses on high alert so that she wouldn't be caught. 'I'll replace them later,' she told herself, zipping up the bag. The urgency to go to sleep was creeping up on her so she decided to get a move on and decided to sign out of the hospital for the day. She did some hand signs and found herself at the front desk. A couple of minutes of idle chatter with the clerk, one last teleport home, and her eyes were ready to shut close. Her world became dark as she descended into a world of darkness. The last thing she saw were the steps leading to her bedroom door.

…

May 17th

Dear Diary,

For the first time in days I was finally able to have a whole 10 hours of sleep. I'm smiling as I write this although I shouldn't be. If I was found out, I would be seriously reprimanded by both shishou and the Board of Directors. I'd be fired from the hospital and probably arrested. Imprisoned then tried and stripped of my rank. That's what scares me. I became a medical nin to be of help to Naruto and possibly Sasuke in the future. I became a kunoichi to protect my mother and make something of myself. I became a shinobi to better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Why is everything going wrong? Why am I so weak? My first kill was last week so why wasn't I satisfied that I had matured? In terms of first kills I've probably surpassed Naruto and Sasuke by now. It was always rewarding to know that there was something I could do that they couldn't, well at least not right away.

But now? No one will know I have occasional hallucinations during self-training. No one will know that I'm a criminal that has yet to be discovered. No one will know that I've gone through one-fourth of the hoarded sleep inducing syringes. I feel pathetic and yet I'm still smiling. I think I'm going crazy. Or maybe I already am?

On another note I decided to spend my hard earned money to replace the syringes I stole. Someone will notice soon and push for an investigation when they can't be found. And even though I complained about it before I filed for temporary leave from the village to go visit relatives in the country of Earth where Stone resided. My mother originally came from Earth and my father, I was told came from a prominent noble clan that supported the Stone village financially. I'm visiting family on my mother's side. I've never went to father's family because they tried to have my mother killed when she was pregnant with me so… yeah. I may have his last name but that's it. There's no such thing as immunity in Earth. They're very unyielding just like their shinobi village name.

It's been awhile since I last saw my grandmother and I don't think I ever told her that mom died a year ago. I know what you're thinking. Shame on you, Sakura, for not keeping up to date on such an important topic. But life happens… as a kunoichi of the Hidden Leaf that had just survived an invasion, (okay the invasion was a year ago, so sue me) I had to help rebuild it. I also had to grow and make good on my promise with Naruto to bring back Sasuke together next time. That required strength and skills that had to be acquired at a fast pace. I'm no blood line limit wielder but I have made, in Shizune's own words, "astounding progress" so far. I only hope that I'm able to keep up such results with so many things on my plate right now.

It's 5:15 right now and I have training with shishou right now so I have to get going. Wish me luck… and peace of mind.

-Sakura

…

"Anri dear, I'm back with company." The old man called out into the house.

The two were now in a little cottage on a hill a ways away from the beach. It was surrounded by trees and had no neighbors. If this wasn't a trap and just good will from one human being to another it would be good cover from the organization that would definitely hunt her down. This Watanabe Souichi character was around 73 years old with a wife and a couple of kids who live in the village that she had spotted on the coast. He has 2 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild on the way. He used to be a fisherman but retired when his hip went out five years ago. His wife was a seamstress for kimono that were bought by well to do families in the nearby village. Why does she know this? Because the old man would not stop talking the whole way here. It was obvious that he, as a civilian, was very accomplished. He was happy and whole unlike Sakura.

She frowned at her surroundings not particularly offended, but it had been awhile since she'd been polite enough to smile and compliment them on their taste in terms of interior decorating. It had been years since color and harmony in a room mattered to her. But she could tell that the house was filled with a lot of memories of love, life, and happiness. Sakura shivered a bit which was odd considering that the place was very warm unlike outside. Rapid movements of shuffling sounded beyond the walls of the room they were currently in as someone hurried to their location. Sakura resisted the urge to force killing intent out like before. That would be rude and totally uncalled for.

A moment later and a woman around the same age as the old man waddled through a doorway. The brightness of her green eyes startled the kunoichi a bit and the woman seemed to mirror her own surprise.

"Oh my, you poor thing! Where did you find her Souichi? She looks like something the cat dragged in." Sakura looked down feeling her ears go red.

"Along the coast. It looks like she was shipwrecked but she has yet to tell me the real reason."

"How did you get like that on the coast, sweetie?" The woman prodded.

"Now, now. Miss Sakura, that's her name, doesn't speak much so don't make her feel uncomfortable. I took it upon myself to offer her shelter for as long as she needs it." The kunoichi was squirming inside. They were just so kind. They also talked a mile a minute. Sakura forgot that old people liked to talk a lot especially to tell stories of their past. She felt the urge to check for genjutsu.

"Well, I stand by my husband's decision as well. I would've done the same thing if I was in the same position. Come along dear so I can draw a bath for you. I was about to start dinner so you're lucky you came when you did. I'll be able to make enough for all three of us. My your pretty under all that skin and bones. You wouldn't mind dressing in one of my old kimono's would you?"

Sakura's head spun a little bit trying to keep up with all the yammering. She shook her head and stamped down the reflex to throw her throw her through the dusty blue walls of the hallway as Anri grabbed a hold of her arm to pull her further into the house. In a panic she turned her head to look at Souichi who had a sheepish smile on her face. He knew his wife was pushy, it was all in the look, so Sakura bore it. They were being… kind and it would be rude to screw up her face in annoyance. So her visage only looked a bit confused as she was dragged to a bedroom.

Preview: "What the-," Sakura stared down at the woman on the floor before her. There was so much blood, but it was old and finally browning, the sound of flies buzzing all over the carcass echoed in her ears. Tears snuck their way down her face as she choked on the smell of rotting meat. She slapped her hand across her mouth and nose so that she wouldn't breathe any of it in anymore. It had been days since the death occurred. Sakura couldn't believe she was mentally diagnosing what had happened to her own flesh and blood. "Guess I don't have to tell her what happened to mom anymore," she laughed out. The familiar taste of bile came to her tongue as she ran outside and threw up her lunch on the front porch. Sakura would never look at kimchi the same way ever again.

(A/N: I'm glad that I'm writing again. I'm taking a break from college and trying to find a job in the mean time, so yeah, it's pretty self explanatory. Also on another note this story follows the manga up until Sasuke kills Itachi. He doesn't join Akatsuki in my story.)