Let Me Get My Overnight Bag
A fan fiction in typical Mario Bros. fashion (for the 100th time).
It was a calm and sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Like usual. And like so many times before, it was a good day for a Koopa invasion. For whatever reason, the Mario Bros. were off and away doing who knows what, who knows where. Maybe they secretly belonged to some sort of support group for plumbers who did anything but plumb.
So naturally, when the double doors to Princess Toadstool's royal office flew open with a loud crash, she barely flinched and continued reviewing the paperwork she had finally gotten around to. Even her closest 'servant' Toad seemed uninterested as he flatly watched Bowser stomp into the room towards them.
The princess slightly shifted the bifocals on her nose, continuing to read the paper in her hands. She asked very monotonously, "Need I bother calling the guards?"
"Nope. Kamek froze 'em this time." Replied the massive Koopa on the other side of her desk.
"Ah." Okay, so she was vaguely intrigued by the old Magikoopa being rehired. "Any fatalities?"
"Naw. The little spores'll unthaw on their own in a few hours." Bowser scratched the back of his head as if he were a little embarrassed about being 'nice' in dealing with the other nameless Mushroom Retainers.
Silence filled the room for a few seconds, making the time drag on so much more slowly. The next noise in the room was the rustle of paper as Peach flipped to the second page of her document.
Bowser's eye twitched and he let out a gruff, "Are you coming or what?"
Toad yawned and his princess raised an eyebrow at her uninvited guest. "I have a lot of paperwork that I have finally gotten time to do. Can't you come back later?"
The Koopa king shifted his posture and sighed. Sure, he understood the necessity of official paperwork and all. He was royalty too, to some fashion. But that's what minions were for … weren't they?
"Well… bring it with you!"
"Fine. But I also have an appointment at the spa. As if I hadn't had a chance to get a facial in between soccer, golf, kart, tennis and party games. I'm drying up like a prune here!"
Even though he was rival royalty, Bowser didn't think she looked any different. Sometimes he wondered if her biological clock had stopped at eighteen. Which made another question arise in his mind as to just how old was this girl?
"Look," She continued as she took off her glasses and placed them and the document on the desk. She leaned forward on her elbows and clasped her hands in front of her like a displeased boss would."This exclusive spa doesn't give back deposits. I've been waiting for months to get an appointment. And in any case, Mario and Luigi won't be back for hours. I insist on keeping my appointment and then you can carry on with this kidnapping like usual. Just… let me get my overnight bag…" Reaching under her desk she pulled up a pink bag, pre-packed and ready to go. She obviously knew the drill by now.
Never in history, at least until now, had there been a defeated sigh emitted by Koopa Royalty. He shook his head and offered a scaly arm, which Princess Toadstool took and allowed herself to be graciously escorted out.
In another part of the Mushroom Kingdom, the Mario Bros. were enjoying their usual favorite meal at their usual favorite restaurant. And as usual, they knew that there was a good chance they might find the castle in disarray upon their return.
Luigi fidgeted with his pasta, like usual, as he contemplated whatever it was that he did during a meal. Perhaps he was thinking about being second fiddle. Perhaps about what his 'relationship' with Daisy could be classified as. Or even, if he should quit the hero-plumber business and start his own fancy sports attire shop. However, in this case one could assume the extreme concept of him becoming supreme overlord of the continent. As if by power of suggestion, he suppressed an evil grin at the overlord concept and looked over at Mario who had just finished clearing his second helping of dinner.
"Hey Mario. You think we're in for some Koopa kicking tonight? It's been a few months."
Mario shrugged at his brother. He didn't really think that old Bowser would really have any energy as of late due to all the soccer, golf, kart, tennis and party games…
"Ah, probably not. …Hey, let's be sporadic for once and go someplace overnight!"
His brother sighed and shook his head. Silence between them as Mario kept shoveling in the pasta, his fork making a light scraping sound every now and then.
"C'mon! We could go camping in Hoo's Woods! I even brought my overnight bag!" Luigi then held up his green 1-Up print bag like a trophy.
Mario looked at him and shook his head as he entered into something not unlike an inner monologue. What if the Princess had been kidnapped and was in terrible danger? Well, more so than usual. She barely ever had a scratch on her whenever they got her back from Bowser's. And there was even a time where he had even appeared sooner than expected and had come across them in the middle of having pizza together. Pizza!
"And what if there really was trouble and the Princess is gone?" Mario said finally.
"Ah, I'm sure she's fine." Luigi waved a hand in jest. At that moment, he had a strange mental vision of the princess's current whereabouts…
She was wrapped in a pink spa terry in a steamy sauna room, reclined comfortably with her hair in an up do, thick facial mud
on her face and cucumber slices over her eyes.
She grinned as she said, 'See, isn't this the life? You'll probably love the sea salt rubdown' .
A gruff voice replied, 'Sounds lovely. …More steam, fungus! It's dryer than a Dry Bones in here!'
To which the vision widened scope to show Bowser in a near exact state as hers to her right, commanding an attendant to
pour more water over the hot coals in the center of the room.
Luigi shook his head to rid himself of the thought. That had felt very real. Disturbing, but real. In any case, Mario eventually won out their discussion and they ended up going back to the Mushroom Palace for evening's fall.
As they walked through the main hall they passed by many of the palace's attendants frozen solid in blocks of ice. Puddles of water were here and there but no one had thawed out yet. Mario looked up at his brother with a raised eyebrow and was about to speak before Luigi smacked a hand to his own forehead and cut him off.
"Please don't say anything."
In one of the rooms in Bowser's Castle, creatively called the TV room, the King Koopa himself sat on his rather large beanbag chair with a blank expression as he flipped through channel after channel of what he called 'Uninteresting Blargg'. (Naturally, the minion of similar name was pleased to learn he had more status than just being a lava monster.)
"Oh, by the eyebrows of a Goomba! 500 channels of satellite tv and not a thing to watch!"
From on a duvet to one side of the room came the voice of Peach. She barely even looked up from her cross-stitch of a 1-Up mushroom as she spoke. "It rots the mind anyhow."
Bowser growled a little as he sighed inwardly. After a long pause he turned off the extra-wide-screen television and looked over at his 'prisoner'. "So what's it gonna be this time?"
"Ah, let's try Cajun this time." She replied, still focusing her concentration on her project.
"Ooh, spicy." The other grabbed for a nearby phone and dialed a number. "Hello, Sasafras To Go?"
Floating, drifting; endlessly on a sea of bliss... Luigi felt lost in a dream. A twinge of guilt then forced him to open his eyes and look over at his pool companion. Both brothers floated on inner tubes in the palace's royal pool enjoying themselves. Well, Mario was at least.
Luigi shook his head as he studied his brothers star print shirt for a moment. "Shouldn't we be going very soon?"
Mario, oblivious to being watched, adjusted his shades and took a sip of his lemonade. "Nah."
After some very spicy food which prompted Bowser to almost spew fire on the Princess by mistake, everyone at Bowser's Castle was subject to a kart race. That is, all the minions were allowed time off to watch a rare treat of royalty versus royalty in Bowser's race course. They had gambled that the loser would have to force their castle guards to wear things much different from their usual attire. Therefore, in either case, either Koopa Troopa's or Mushroom Retainers would be subject to wearing very frilly dresses for a week. To top it all off, mass media coverage would ensue the humiliation of the 'losing' kingdom.
"Losing is such a harsh word." Naturally, Peach was the underdog in the Koopa's home track. But she was chipper nonetheless. "Let's try 'eating dust'!"
Bowser blinked at her as she revved her engine maniacally, then grinned. "Awright! Let's get this race started!"
The usual Lakitu hovered before them with his traffic light on a pole, waiting for the announcing Birdo to bellow the countdown and then 'Go'. With a deafening cheer from the crowd, the karts blazed down the track the millisecond the light hit green.
A deep dark hole lay before them. It was only wide enough for one occupant. Mario furrowed his brow in concentration. This wouldn't be easy...
Luigi tapped his foot impatiently. He was getting tired of holding his brother's golf clubs. He tried to ask about going to Peach's rescue again but was shushed.
"...No, it's fine." Mario finally replied after sinking his putt. "Besides," He continued, bending down to get his ball. "she's not in any real danger."
"How can you say that? He's probably got her locked up in a dungeon and starving her to death!"
The sound Mario made in retort was not unlike 'pfft'. He then launched into a speech about how royalty doesn't usually treat other royalty like commoners and how the 'prisoner' chains, cages and the like were all an act for effect. He even ranted about how the last time he had rescued her she had been too busy eating pizza to come back with him right away because he had arrived way ahead of schedule. She and Bowser had really should have factored in that, after a few times of rescuing her, Mario had a bit of a knack for increasing his time efficiency.
"My paycheque comes from rescuing her." He stated plainly, handing his putter to Luigi. "Her getting kidnapped makes her more endearing to her people. That keeps her on the throne. Heck, Bowser benefits from it too. His reputation gets boosted with his troops when he's successful and when he gets thwomped thereafter, they sympathize and help him plan revenge. It's all a weird cycle that keeps everyone's reputation ideal."
Luigi looked appalled, but put the putter into the bag.
"I miss the days when it was you and I that adventured into the unknown - as a favor for a friend." Mario continued. "You're lucky, baby brother. You get to do your own thing, as you're by not being legally bound by contract to rescue her royal hiney."
And thus was the truth of any queries of a real 'relationship' between the Princess and the Plumber.
... conclusion to come soon! Including who won the kart race!