A/n: Yay another Wicked parody!! Tehe. There are HP references in this chapter. Just forewarning you. (No spoilers or anything. Swear to Oz.)

Disclaimer: If I actually owned Wicked, would I be writing a fanfic on it? Or would I be making it into a movie?

Chapter 1: No One Mourns the (Undead) Wicked (Who Wasn't Actually Wicked)

(Really long intro music plays. It is a mix of As Long as Your Mine, the "unlimited" parts-you know, the part in The Wizard and I, Defying Gravity, etc.- and some other stuff, so unless you've seen the musical before or listened to it, you won't be able to place the music until later on.)

Ozians: Yay!! She's dead!!! Good news!!! Good news!!! Good news!!! Good news!!! Goo-

Ozian #1: (who is not Boq) (annoyed because the others wouldn't stop saying "Good news") OMG!!! It's GLINDA!!!!!! MARRY ME, GLINDA!!!!

Glinda: NOOO!! I thought I finally finished you off, Boq!!

Boq: What??!!

Glinda: Uhh... jk?

Boq: I can never forgive you. Ever.

Glinda: (magically makes a Life-Sized Glinda Barbie doll appear.) Here.

Boq: OMG!!! I always wanted one of these!!! THANK YOU, KUMBRIC WITCH!!!!

Frex: (runs onstage) IT'S THE UNNAMED GOD!!! GET IT RIGHT!!! (beats Boq with a stick)

Boq: Ahh!!!!!!!! (runs offstage, with Frex following)

Glinda: Umm... where was I?

Authoress: Fellow Ozians.

Ozians: Yes?

Authoress: No, I was talking to Glinda!!

Glinda: What do you want?

Authoress: It's your line!!

Glinda: Oh yeah. (Clears throat.) Fellow Ozians, let us be glad! Let us be grateful! Let us rejoicify-

Ozian #2: Rejoicify? Is that even a word?

Glinda: (stiffly) Yes.

Ozian #1: (randomly pulls out dictionary) No, it's not.

Glinda: LET ME FINISH MY SONG!!! Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue the wicked workings of You-Know-Who!

Voldemort: What??!!

Glinda: Isn't it nice to know that good will conquer evil-

Voldemort: I'll show you!! (points wand at Glinda's bubble) Avada Kedava!!

(Green light bounces off bubble and hits Voldemort.)

Voldemort: Oh no not again! (scurries away)

Glinda: (singing ridiculously high) The truth we all believe'll by and by outlive a lie for you and-

(The glasses of wine that Ozians were holding break.)

Ozian #2: Glinda!! Why must you sing ridiculously high!! This is not a musical!!

Authoress: Umm... actually it is.

Ozain # 4: Glinda how dead is she?

Glinda: Hey!! I wasn't finished yet!

Ozian #2: But how dead is dead?

Glinda: Increda dead.

Ozian #1: Super-duper dead?

Glinda: Heck yes!!

Authoress: (under her breath) Heck no!

Glinda: What?

Authoress: (shifty eyes) Nothing...

Ozian #3: No one mourns the wicked!!

Ozian #4: (ignoring her) No one cries they won't return!

Ozians: No one lays a lily on her grave.

Authoress: Umm...she melted. So she didn't have a grave.

Ozian #2: It's a metaphor!!

English teacher: No, it's symbolism.

Ozians: ...

Glinda: Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?

Ozian #3: It's not your line yet!!

Glinda: So? You sung when I wasn't finished!!!

Ozian #2: (in reference to Glinda's philosophical statement) What in Oz's name possessed you to say that? It sounds like something Elphaba would say.

Glinda: (sobbing) Elphie...

Ozians: ...

Glinda: Tehe?

Ozian #1: Just tell us her life story already!

Glinda: OK!!! Let's watch a random memory I managed to steal- I mean, borrow, from Melena's pensieve.

Ozian #2: What?

Harry Potter: (randomly Apparating out of nowhere) You guys have pensieves, too? Awesome!!

Ron: (also Apparating out of nowhere) Oops. Wrong place.

(They both Disapparate.)

Frex: (speaking like one speaks to a beloved pet) Bye Melena!! I love love LOVE you!!! Who's the good wife-y? Who's the good wife-y? Yes you are!!!

Melena: I'm NOT a dog!!!

Authoress: (muttering) Yeah but you're a bi-

Frex: But know that you're here in my heart (points to heart) while I'm out your (hits a ridiculously high note for a guy) sight!!

Melena: Ahh!! You just broke the wine glasses I had set out in case a traveler came by and had some "green elixir" he wanted me to drink, thus ensuing the baby that I would have nine months later would be green, causing her to be scorned by others for life, until being "killed" by a young girl from Kansas!! CURSE YOU, FREX!!!! (pushes him out the door)

Glinda: Well, that was oddly specific. (coughs) And like every family, they had their secrets, too!

Guy Who Is Actually A Younger Version Of The Wizard: (falls out of closet.) What were you thinking??!! Frex might be suspicious!!

Melena: No he won't.

Frex: (walking down road, thinking) Hmm, I wonder if Melena is going to cheat on me tonight with some traveler who'll get her drunk on "green elixir". Maybe I should go back- (spots shrine to the Kumbric Witch) Ooh!! I sense conversions!!

(Nine months later)

Midwife: The baby's coming!

Frex: I think I deduced that already.

Midwife: The baby's coming!

Frex: Umm... you said that already...

Midwife: I see a nose!

Frex: I see a curl!

Melena: How can you see the nose before the hair?? And when you saw the nose, wouldn't you see that she was gr-

Midwife & Frex: (ignoring Melena) It's a healthy perfect lovely little-

Midwife: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FRANKENSTEIN!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!

Frex: Sweet Oz!!

Melena: What is it? Is the prediction I made nine months ago true??

Midwife: How can it be?

Melena: Well, you see, I just read ahead in the script.

Midwife: I meant in reference to the color of the baby, not in reference to your (correct) prediction!!

Midwife & Frex: Like a froggy ferny cabbage, the baby is unnaturally-

Ozians, Midwife, & Frex: (incredibly high) GREEN!!!

Melena: Woohoo, did I call that or what?

Frex: (looking around) Did you hear a bunch of other people when we said, "GREEN"?

Midwife: No...

Frex: Well, anyway, take it away. I can't stand to look at it, or say "her", for that matter.

Glinda: Ahh, the beginnings of a great father-daughter relationship.

Ozians: (super loud) NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!! NOW AT LAST SHE'S DEAD AND GONE!! NOW AT LAST THERE'S JOY THROUGH OUT THE LAND!! AND GOODNESS KNOWS...

Glinda: (randomly singing really really high)

Ozians: We know what goodness is. Goodness knows the wicked die alone!

Glinda: (singing even higher, if possible) She died alone!!

Authoress: Technically, she didn't die alone. Dorothy was there. And so were you, Glinda. Are you that ditsy you can't remember where you were when your best friend died?

Glinda: Oh, right. Hey Ozians. She didn't die alone.

Ozian #4: Great. Way to ruin the whole song. Way to go.

Glinda: Heh heh... sorry.

Ozians: No one mourns the wicked!

Glinda: Good news!!!

Ozians: (really fast) No one mourns the wicked, wicked, wi-... Well, you get the point.

Glinda: OK, bye now, I really must be going!

Ozian #1: Is it true you were her friend?

Glinda: (completely clueless) Who's friend?

Ozian #1: Elphaba's.

Glinda: (shifty eyes) Noo...

Ozians: Glinda, is there a reason you (shifty eye)'d?

Glinda: Er...

(Scene changes to Shiz)

Shizians: (singing Shiz's school song). (Wow, try saying that sentence 5 time fast!)

Galinda:(getting higher with each "oh") Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh- oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-

Authoress: (holding broken glass) Galinda!!!

Galinda: Oh-oh-oh-OLD...

Shizians: Dear old Shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(Bees come out of nowhere)

Shizians: AHHHHHHHH!!!

(Shizians run offstage, being chased by bees.)

-YL