Chapter 1 – Harry Potter, a Horse, and Distant Relations
"…That's my opinion, anyway. How do you feel about it?" A pause. "Kira? KIRA!"
I looked up from my book. "Huh? Were you talking to me? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening…"
Leah, my rather temperamental friend, growled and snatched my book, flinging it across the room. I leapt after it, emitting a pained cry.
"My precious manga!" Snatching it up, I hugged it close. "How could you?! This is brand-new!"
"What, Volume 4 of Ouran High School Host Club? Come on. It can't be brand-new. You've read it at least three times during your stay here."
"Actually, I just got it yesterday. The only reason I've read it three times already is because I love Ouran Host Club, and because I love their Alice in Wonderland spoof in this volume."
"That's two reasons."
I waved a dismissive hand in the air. "Don't be nitpicky, Leah, my dear girl."
Her temper flared. "Don't call me that!!"
I looked at her curiously. "Why not?"
"Because!! I'm not your dear girl!!"
I shrugged. "If you say so…hunnybumpkinsnookums."
"KIRA!!!!!!!!"
"Fine! Fine! Relax! You're so excitable!" I tucked my manga in my messenger bag and pushed my glasses further up on my nose. "So, what do you want to do?"
"Well, since you're obviously not going to talk to me regarding the newest Harry Potter book…" She trailed off. I took that as my cue to retaliate.
"Look, I don't want to talk about Harry Potter. I don't even read Harry Potter."
"WHAT?!" she screeched. "Have you even TRIED reading one of the books?!"
"Yeah, I tried reading one of them," I said, thinking back. "The first one. I got about halfway through, put it down, haven't picked it up since."
"WHY?!?!?"
"Mmm…it just didn't spark my interest. Really." I regarded my friend curiously; her short, spiky black hair was practically standing on end (probably because it was spiked, heh) and her hazel eyes were blazing with rage. "Why are you so angry? Really, you need to relax. Take deep breaths, let the karma flow." I demonstrated by closing my eyes and beginning a soothing mantra. "Ooommmmmmm…ommmmmmmm…ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…OW!"
My eyes flew open, and I rubbed my cheek where Leah had struck me. "What the heck was that for?"
Eyes still blazing, she shoved the first book in the Harry Potter series in my face. "READ IT," she said in her voice of doom. I was unperturbed.
"I don't want to."
"Read…it…." Her left eye was twitching spasmodically. I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Shan't. Won't. It's not happening. Besides, Harry Potter is stupid."
I didn't see the hardcover book descending upon my head until it was too late. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone caught me squarely on the side of my forehead, and I went out like a light.
OoOoOoOoO
"Ohmigosh! Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh! KIRA! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?! SPEAK TO ME!!!"
My eyes slowly fluttered open, and I groaned. "Stop screaming at me before I stuff a gag in yer mouth," I snarled. "You're making my headache worse. Am I in a hospital?"
"Noooooo!" Leah wailed. "You're not! Ohmigosh! Ohmigosh! I'm so SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO KNOCK YOU OUT!"
Rather than come up with a witty/sarcastic response to that, I reached forward, grabbed her by her black chain-link necklace, pulled her face close to mine, and said in a calm, collected voice,
"Leah. Stop screaming your head off and tell me what the heck happened before I throw you in the nearest convenient lake."
She got the hint, calmed down, and began speaking. "Well, it's like this. After I hit you on the head with the book, the room filled with this bright white light, and when it disappeared, we were sitting here in this park-thing. Well, actually, I was standing, and you were lying on the ground…" Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm soooo sorry!"
"No, you're not," I grunted, getting to my feet and looking around. Sure enough, we were in what appeared to be a park. And…what was that, lying on the ground nearby? "Oh! How convenient! My messenger bag was transported with us!"
Leah was about to respond when she inhaled sharply and stared past me. I looked at her.
"What?"
"Who…is…he?"
I blinked and turned around to see who she was talking about.
OoOoOoOoO
Armand, brother of Lady Marguerite Blakeney, member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel, and chick magnet extraordinaire, pulled his horse to a halt to regard the two oddly-dressed people in the park by the road. One was obviously female, despite her short, spiky black hair, black eyeliner, thick black eyelashes (mascara was used), and black lipstick. She was also wearing (A/N: I will use 21st-century terminology here to make it easier to understand) black-and-pink sneakers, black jeans, a black-and-pink checkered belt, and a form-fitting black T-shirt. A black chain-link necklace was around her throat, and three black studs adorned each of her earlobes. She was holding a book with an odd design on the cover and wailing something that sounded like an apology to the person on the ground. Armand couldn't be sure if the other person was a boy or a girl, but he thought it was a boy. He was wearing white sneakers, one of which was untied, dark blue jeans, and a dark brown hoodie with some sort of light blue design on the front. He had no makeup on, but two gold hoop earrings were in his left ear, and he was wearing glasses. His rather wild curly dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid, further controlled by two silver barrettes.
As he watched, this strange young man reached up and gripped the girl by her necklace, jerking her down so that her face was mere inches from his. He then whispered something that seemed to frighten her, because she straightened up, calmed down, and began talking in a calm, reasonable voice. Then she wailed again. The young man stood up, dusted himself off, and looked around. As he started towards a bag on the ground, the girl looked over and saw Armand. Her mouth fell slightly open, and she stared at him. He smiled. She looked like she might faint. The young man turned and looked at him as well.
Dismounting, he strode over to them with a friendly smile on his face. "Hello, strangers. What are you doing on this fine summer day?"
OoOoOoOoO
I took a firm grip on the shoulders of my boy-crazy friend. I was not about to allow her to glomp this handsome stranger. This really handsome stranger. He was tall, slender, and slightly effeminate in appearance, with long-ish blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, and shiny white teeth. He was also dressed sharply, though his clothing was from a couple centuries ago, and his skin was flawless.
A couple centuries ago… I wondered suddenly where that white light had come from, and exactly where it had sent us.
"Who are you?" Leah blurted suddenly. He smiled a winning smile.
"Why, I am none other than Armand, the brother of Lady Marguerite Blakeney!"
I made a vaguely strangled noise and released Leah's shoulders quite suddenly, clutching at my throat. Leah looked at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Hac…k…ack…" I coughed. Then, leaping to my feet, I grabbed her and hissed in her ear: "We've been transported to the universe of the Scarlet Pimpernel!!!"
She stared at me for a moment. Then: "B…but…WHHHYYYYYY?!? Why not the Harry Potter universe?! WHY HERE?!?!?"
(A/N: Because I control the story. And Harry Potter is no match for Sir Percy. MUA HA HA HA!)
Armand stared at us. "Are you…is she quite alright?"
"No, she's a boy-crazy fangirl, which will never make her mentally alright," I growled (no offense to boy-crazy fangirls), then I whacked her upside the head. "Behave! Get yourself together! Snap out of it! AND QUIT CRYING ON ME!"
"But I can't help it," she whimpered, drying her eyes on my hoodie (which was too big for me). "Why not…Harry Potter…?"
"I told you already!! Now stop crying!" She didn't. "Are you two or three?"
She looked up at me with tearful eyes. "I'm four and a half…"
"Really! Kewl!" I gave her the V for victory symbol with my fingers, experiencing a sudden change in attitude/mood swing. "Me too! Wanna play together?"
"Yeah!" Thus, taking each other's arms, we skipped off together while Armand stared after us like we were a pair of idiots. Then I saw his horse.
"NAAAAAAH!!! PRETTY HORSEY!"
"No! Sit! STAY!" Leah commanded me, but I ignored her, running over to the horse to pet its nose. It was a pretty black-and-white pinto, with blue eyes.
"Pretty horse…" I purred. Leah marched up to me and pulled me away.
"No. Bad girl. You cannot have the horse."
"But………….." I trailed off, trying to think of a reason why she should let me have the horse. "LOOK! A flying rabbit! With a pocketwatch!" (That was totally random and had nothing to do with anything, so don't trouble yourself trying to figure out why I said it.)
"You left your bag on the ground over there."
"MY BAG!" Forgetting about the horse, I ran over and grabbed the bag. Then, whirling, I turned and pointed at Armand. "You! The dude whose name I already forgot! Take us to Sir Percy Blakeney!"
He glared at me, immediately suspicious. "Why?"
"Because, we're his long-lost second cousins twice removed on his mother's father's uncle's third-favorite cousin's butler's rich uncle's wife's brother's side." I glared back, challenging him to argue with THAT. Amazingly, he didn't. Instead, he jumped on his horse, said "Wait here!", and galloped off.
"Wait here," I grumbled. "Brilliant. He'll probably bring back the entire LEAGUE, and we'll be subjected to minute interrogation by the Pimpernel himself."
"What's going on?" asked my bewildered friend, whose world revolved around boys, food, Harry Potter, and her favorite movies. So, I took her aside and, after checking behind and up in trees for any French spies, began to explain to her in low tones the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel.
I had just finished when Armand came riding back. This time, though, he was accompanied by two smashingly handsome gentlemen and one lovely lady. I knew instinctively that the lady must be Marguerite, and the blond guy – the one who wasn't Armand – must be Sir Percy. He hopped down from his horse and approached me.
"Greetings, long-lost distant relative," he said. "I heard you asked for me?"
"Yes," I said, doing my best to imitate a sweeping bow. "Hail and greetings, oh-great-one-with-the-small-red-flower-as-your-mascot. I have traveled far and wide with my friend here in search of you. I wish to join your League, wear silly disguises, and battle crime in France and other such places!"
Sir Percy frowned. "And what makes you think that I am the Scarlet Pimpernel, young man?"
Ah! He thought I was a young man. Hey, I could deal with that. "I have my sources," I said dismissively. "So, can I join you? Please? Pretty pretty please?"
He raised one eyebrow. "Hmm…you are not from England, are you?"
"Ah, no. No, we're not. I'm from the middle of nowhere, and she's down the road and to the left." I grinned, as if that somewhat enigmatic statement (yay, I had managed to be enigmatic! GO ME!) explained it all. He looked at me like he thought I was slightly insane.
"Let's talk about this in a more private place…shall we?"
A/N: And there you have it. I'm in the universe of the Scarlet Pimpernel, who is like one of my biggest heroes EVER. Sadly, I think my friend is crushing on Armand. Oh, yeah, and I've been mistaken for a guy…and I'm armed with various items from the 21st century, plus two or three volumes of shōjo manga. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Leah: Tell them about our stupid nicknames.
A/N: Hey! They're not stupid! Anyway, later on in the story, I give Leah and myself secret nicknames. Oh, yeah – and my cravat is magical! WHOO! (Waves cravat in air)
Cravat: Poor, poor, pitiful me...
A/N: Hey! WHERE did you hear Terri Clark songs?
Cravat: That's for me to know, and you not to find out, silly teenager. So there.
A/N: WAAAAAHHH! LEAH! MY MAGIC CRAVAT IS BEING MEEEEEEEEAN!
Leah: (Eye twitches) Oh, shut up and act your age already!
A/N: (Turns brightly to audience) Well, I hope you enjoyed! I'll be back soon with another installment in the ongoing saga of Pointless Flood of Roses!!
Leah: What a stupid title. Why couldn't you name it something like Teenaged Girls in the 18th Century?
A/N: Because…I like the other one better. So, nyah. Now (addressing readers) please review! It'll make me happy!