CHAPTER 5

"Suck my sprockets, Autobot cog!"

Starscream's high-pitched shrieks traveled echoed throughout the Ark's narrow hallways, riling the inhabitants and stirring dispositions to dangerous levels of frag. Skyfire met Jazz stomping out of the prison cell where he'd been trying to interrogate the Decepticon commander seconds before. Upon meeting Skyfire's optics, Jazz dropped to his knees and grasped Skyfire's boots.

"You'll let us deactivate him now, right? Or sever his vocalizers? Please?"

""Not a hand on him. You know the deal," Skyfire replied calmly.

Jazz flopped unto the floor and beat his chest melodramatically. "It ain't fair! It just ain't!"

"The problem is simply that neither you nor Optimus are employing the appropriate methods of inquisition. If he's anything like the mech I used to work with, I'll be able to get through to him."

Jazz pointed to the mesh bag in Skyfire's hands. "So you're gonna bribe Starscream with candy?"

"Appropriate methods, Jazz." He flipped open the intercom on the wall. "Skyfire reporting for duty, sir."

A nondescript panel whooshed open. Optimus emerged, wearily clutching his antennae. "Thank Primus. He's all yours."

The cell, built to average Autobot specs, was cramped but now brightly-lit. Skyfire could just squeeze his bulk through the door though his head scraped the ceiling and his back flares jutted out into the hallway. Pushed against one wall, the red-tipped jet swiveled on its wheels. They'd removed Starscream's shoulder cannon and assorted light armory, but they hadn't reckoned with his voice, which now struck Skyfire like broken glass.

"So it's you. The traitor."

"Nice to see you too, old friend," Skyfire said noncommittally.

"Deserter! Deceiver!" The words scathed. Nevertheless when Skyfire opened the mesh bag and withdrew a black disk about the size of a hubcap, Starscream fell silent. Skyfire had been counting on the fact that the jet, after hours of violent belligerence, would be hungry. He was right. The disc was a booster battery, carefully rationed for emergencies, which could provide brief but powerful jolts of energy. Skyfire sensed his old friend's attention zero in on the battery like a laser scope.

"I despise your tainted leavings, Autobot turncoat!"

Skyfire withdrew the battery. "Well, if that's how you feel…"

"—Gimmeeeee!" the jet screeched.

Skyfire obligingly clipped the battery to Starscream's wing. The latter moaned softly as power surged into his depleted circuits. Skyfire could almost hear the Ark breath a collective sigh of relief. For several minutes, no words passed between them.

Gorging himself on the battery, Starscream was almost…gentle. On Cybertron they'd had countless moments of shared contemplation like this one, and if Skyfire relaxed his mind he could almost imagine that the war and the disastrous Earth expedition had never happened. Any astro second now, he and Starscream would takeoff to conduct a new experiment on a neighborhood moon or explore a hidden asteroid belt.

Starscream interrupted his reverie by then nudging Skyfire's boot. "Join me, Skyfire! United, we can conquer the Decepticons and the Autobots. Earth won't stand a chance! We'll suck it dry and claim Cybertron for ourselves! I'm still hungry, by the way. This battery's tapped out."

Skyfire dangled a second battery in front of Starscream's nose. "First, you know what the Autobots want: information on Megatron's projected targets."

"Oh right, like I'm supposed to betray our entire war strategy for a piece of scrap—"

"Take it or leave it."

"I can't! You think Megatron's stupid enough to leave me with you without implanting me with auto-destruct chips? If you try accessing classified data-or if I give it to the wrong people- they'll detonate my core, probably taking half of your pathetic ship along with it. Scan my processors to see if I'm lying! Nothing would make me happier….except," he added in a bitter voice, "giving Megatron what he deserves."

"Megatron doesn't deserve you. Moreover, Starscream, he obviously doesn't want you. You're nothing but a liability in your current form and stuck in the middle of a cesspool. As usual."

That came out harsher than he expected. Even more unexpected was Starscream's silence. Skyfire scolded himself for losing control of his emotions, however briefly. By way of apology he replaced the depleted battery on Starscream's wing. "I didn't here to dole out lectures, merely to inform you that Wheeljack and I have developed a way to reverse the Nullifier's effects. I made a deal with Optimus to let us repair you and send you back to….wherever. In exchange, I've sworn to become a full-fledged member of the Autobot combat division. When you and I meet again, it will be as fellow warriors."

The jet sniffed. "Why in the Pit would you do that?"

"Because…" Skyfire struggled to grasp the ineffable answer from deep within his core. "Because, despite everything, we're friends. Because I respect you… admire you--"

Starscream allowed himself a smug chuckle as Skyfire peeled a third battery.

"You never could refuse me anything," Starscream gloated. "This futile persistence in clinging to some ill-defined concept of friendship is your weakness… and ultimate downfall. Believe me; I'm actually doing you a favor. A warrior's life is far more exciting. My only regret is that I'll have to destroy you soon enough, but never fear. I'll grant you an honorable death. I shall shroud your corpse in eternal glory and sing your funeral dirge with energon tears and --hey, you gonna eat that?"

CHAPTER 6

"Okay, so once Skyfire and I got our cajungas together, we figured out how the Nullifier disrupted your transformation process," explained Wheeljack as he walked Starscream to the main operating chamber within the Ark. "And your input didn't hurt, either."

"Thanks," said Starscream.

Wheeljack missed the obvious sarcasm.

"Skyfire told me that you used to be a scientist back on Cybertron. You still doin' any research with your Decepti-buddies?"

"Autobot, if I was, what makes you think I'd tell you?"

Wheeljack halted and turned to Starscream with what Starscream guessed was a thoughtful look.

"That's what really bites about this whole war," said Wheeljack. "Once upon an astro-age it didn't matter what faction you belonged to; science was science. One mech builds on another's findings. On the shoulders of giants, and so forth. Now, with this war…"

Wheeljack pounded his fist into the wall.

"…There's no exchange of ideas, for fear that one side's findings is going to give the other a tactical advantage. We're so busy trying to kill each other that we've no time for knowledge. We've taken our optics off the stars and trained them down the barrel of a laser cannon."

They reached the repair bay.

Inside, Skyfire waved at them and gestured to the repair berth that had already been hooked up with various sensors and prods. A small group of Autobots, including Optimus Prime, had gathered around it to form a security cordon and also to gawk at the novelty of having a Decepticon in their midst (who wasn't trying to kill them).

Starscream recognized their names- Prowl, Sunstreaker, Ratchet, Tracks, Bumblebee, the pet human Spike, and Jazz, etc.- but beyond the tech information (how they were armored , for instance) he realized that he knew nothing of the personalities behind the names. It made him vaguely embarrassed.

Wheeljack continued explaining as Skyfire began hooking up the sensors to different points on Starscream's frame.

"The Nullifier was designed to disrupt basic Transformer processes by tricking one's main security network into defense overcompensation. Sensing an attack, your security network immediately overrides default systems and locks into the most resource-conserving state possible. That, it turns out, is your jet mode."

"I get it. It's kind of like cramping a muscle," said Spike.

"Exactly. The Nullifier forcibly 'cramped' Starscream's transformer muscle, to use a human analogy. Now all we have to do is relax that muscle- so to speak- and restart his system. Ol' Bytes-for-brains will be good as new. Or as evil as new, if you prefer."

Starscream's spark leapt. Freedom! He couldn't wait to stretch his legs.

"---'Course, the tough part will be convincing his security network to allow a full system restart. The only way we could do that is to shock it temporarily senseless with a barrage of sensory stimulation. My experiments have demonstrated that a sensory quotient of 98. 9739 or greater will overwhelm a typical Cybertronian security network for 0. 81 nanoseconds. That should be enough time to restart his system without crucial data loss."

Starscream didn't like the sound of this. "Sensory Stimulation? Barrage? You mean…"

"That's right," said Skyfire uncomfortably. "Extreme pleasure or extreme pain."

This wasn't sounding well at all.

"But how …?"

"We could cut off a dispensable appendage," volunteered Ironhide. "Like his head."

"What's the other option?" asked Starscream hastily.

Skyfire cleared his throat before replying. His voice was barely a whisper:

"Someone could interface with you, and run a copulation program."

Several Autobots tried to hide snickers.

"A copulation program!?!"

"Nah, I like the first idea better."

"Quit joking, Ironhide." Optimus this time. "The sooner we get Starscream fixed, the sooner we can all get on with our lives."

His voice was authoritative and full of confidence. Whereas Megatron's voice rumbled with thunderstorms and dread, Optimus's was a deep ocean- ancient, forceful, and pure. Starscream wondered why he'd never noticed this before.

With that wonderful voice, Prime once again addressed the room. "Autobots, you heard Skyfire. We need a volunteer to interface with Starscream."

"Gee. I've never seen a Volkswagen reach mach 2 before," murmured Wheeljack, observing the dust cloud which now occupied the space where Bumblebee and the other Autobots once stood.

Prime glanced apologetically at the jet. "Don't be offended, Starscream. They're an…inexperienced bunch."

"Don't be offended, Prime, but somehow I'm not surprised."

Optimus cleared his throat. "Skyfire-- You're his friend, so I assume you'd be more… familiar with his pleasure centers…?"

"Sorry, but I need to be fully conscious when we restart Starscream's system. There's always a slight risk it will collapse into volatile arrest once we breach his security network. "

"Wheeljack…?

"Ditto, Optimus."

Silence.

Optimus sighed.

As he lay on the berth, optics shut against the glare of the overhead lights, Starscream was aware of a faint humming in the distance. A wire protruding from Optimus Prime's main output jacks snaked around Starscream's fuselage until it connected to the jet's corresponding inputs. Occasionally Skyfire and Wheeljack would discuss the operation in muted voices.

"Get ready, guys, this is it." Skyfire's voice, Starscream recognized: terse- but was it a bit higher than normal?

"Connection in T-minus three…"

"Two…"

"One…"

"Engaged."

Skyfire's voice vanished. All was darkness. All was silence. Starscream hovered on the edge of a vast expanse of emptiness. It was vaster than outer space, but at the same time seemed infinitesimally small. He was a disembodied spark, adrift and alone.

"Starscream?"

"Prime! Where are you? I can't see anything!"

"Calm down," said Prime. "I'm coming for you."

In an instant Prime was there beside him: not his physical form, but his spark- or rather, the awareness of his spark that reached across the ether between them like compass arms.

"Don't be afraid, Starscream. I won't hurt you."

Prime's spark was brilliant and more powerful than anything Starscream had ever felt before- perhaps more powerful than Megatron's. It felt indestructible. Warm And gentle. . It felt…good.

The spark grew brighter, if that was possible. It lit up Starscream's circuits, pooling in the tiny corridors of his being. Despite himself, Starscream moaned. He wanted to curl his entire being within that spark and bask in its light forever.

"D-don't stop…" he whispered.

In response, the light intensified until it nearly blinded Starscream. But instead of heat, it emanated rays. The rays reached out towards him, prodded his openings, teased his empty places and flooded unknown psychic energies into his own deficiencies. Starscream felt his own spark being engulfed by Optimus, but the knowledge of his absorption- his total and absolute surrender- only heightened his excitement.

Primus, it was so good!

"Starscream…" -Prime's voice interrupted the waves of ecstasy- "Does Megatron sometimes hurt you?"

"Hurt me…? What do you mean?"

"There are fractures on your spark, Starscream. Some very old, and some very new. They make me…concerned."

"Oh, don't bother with them. It's spoiling the mood," Starscream giggled. He was drunk, and it had nothing to do with energon.

"Starscream, you know that you'd be welcome among the Autobots."

"Don't be ridiculous, Prime. We've been trying to kill each other for ten million years. Hatred that strong doesn't just fade away. Besides, I've sacrificed my life to the Decepticon Cause."

"To enslave sentient beings? To spread destruction and fear throughout the universe?"

"To attain Glory…Dominion….Perfection…"

"I don't think I'll ever understand," said Prime sadly. Then Prime's spark flared again, becoming a column of pure psychic force. Before long, neither mech was capable of coherent thought.

"Systems online!" Wheeljack crowed. "Skyfire- give me stats!"

"Vital signs repowering. Security bypass and system restart successful. The patient is awake, Doctor Wheeljack," grinned Skyfire. He leaned over Starscream's supine body.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?"

"My hands…" Starscream held them up.

Starscream's gaze swept past his hands to the shining white mech above him. He didn't think- or rather, thought and action were one. He grabbed Skyfire's face with his blue hands and deliriously pressed their lips together.

If Skyfire was surprised he didn't show it.

A minute passed.

Two.

Five.

Neither mech pulled away.

They would have kissed for hours had not Starscream, drained from his full-system restart, finally collapsed into peaceful stasis ten minutes later.

Meanwhile Optimus Prime brought himself to his feet with great effort. Purposefully ignoring the lip-locked jets, he walked slowly to the door, then transformed.

"Hey Optimus- stick around, will ya? We should scan you in case there're residual impulses from the copulation program."

"Later, Wheeljack," said Optimus as he wearily drove away. He didn't mention it, but he really needed a cold shower.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Optimus rolled into the Ark well after midnight. He headed straight for his berth, hoping to avoid conversation and the curious stares that he knew would be swinging his way. Unfortunately, Skyfire was waiting outside Optimus's quarters. Hoping to discourage the white mech, Optimus nodded curtly and tried to push past, but the larger Autobot blocked his path.

"You smell like lemons," Skyfire said. His voice was playful, but Optimus noted an undercurrent of tension…. and was that jealousy?... like a wire stretched taut.

"Yes, apparently it's the scent of the day. Here, they gave me some free samples." Optimus handed Skyfire a pack of velvety neon-yellow air fresheners emblazoned with the words Trucker Sam's Wash and Dash.

"Is he…?"

"Starscream's gone. He left several hours ago."

"I see. Then if you'll excuse me, Skyfire-"

"I tried to convince him to stay," Skyfire whispered. His earlier joviality melted into an earnest fragility that looked out of place amongst his armor and guns. "I don't know why he keeps going back to the Decepticons. He's not the mech I knew on Cybertron. They must have some kind of hold on him. When you…interfaced with Starscream, did you find anything…. strange?"

It was the question Optimus had been dreading. He decided that he couldn't face Skyfire's obvious distress on depleted circuits. Optimus nudged Skyfire aside, entered his barracks and gestured the white mech to follow him. Closing the door firmly behind them, he poured two flasks of premium energon and sat down at his computer port. Skyfire slumped forlornly on the floor. He gazed at Optimus, wordlessly searching the Autobot Commander's optics. Optimus drank deeply before continuing.

"During the interface, I felt fractures on his spark. Some were old and fused over, some fresh. All quite deep. Whatever Starscream's been going through for the past four million years, it hasn't been very healthy."

"Megatron." Skyfire's normally-calm voice curdled with hatred.

"It's not for me to say. I'm sorry, Skyfire. If it's any comfort, I know that he's not completely beyond compassion. What I saw was a brilliant spark trapped within eons of resentment and fear, but still very much capable of morality-- certainly, capable of kindness. Whether any of these potentials will resurface…well, anything's possible."

"I won't give up on him, Optimus."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Just try not to get hurt."

Skyfire got to his feet. "By the way, I thought you might want these." He dropped a data crystal into Optimus's palm, where it pulsed with a faint reddish blush. "The whole plan worked perfectly. During your interface with Starscream, his entire security network went into cold shock…including the Decepticon auto-destruct chips. Just before we restarted his systems, Wheeljack extracted a cubic load of information from behind Starscream's firewall. What you have in your hands," he said, grinning again," are projected Decepticon targets for the next deca-cycle, coordinates to numerous confidential energon reserves, and a three-dimensional layout of the Nemesis straight from Starscream's memory banks."

Optimus closed his fist protectively over the crystal and shook his head incredulously. "Remind me not to get on your bad side," he said softly. Talk about counting coup. Optimus once believed that deviousness and subterfuge were Decepticon traits, but it seemed like his troops were learning. He didn't know whether to be pleased or appalled.

Skyfire opened the door, stepped outside. He paused, and then looked Optimus squarely in the optics. Almost as if he'd read Optimus's mind, he said, "I know it was necessary, but we deceived Starscream. Dishonorably. Do you believe it was worth it?"

Optimus held his hand briefly over the spark compartment in his chest.

It ached just a little.

"Every moment, Skyfire."

When Starscream docked into the Nemesis, he was taken aback by the relative silence which greeted him. He'd been expecting Megatron's tirade, perhaps a blow or two. The again, what did it matter? For the first time in years he felt good, really good. Exultant, even. He was feeling so good that he decided to wait a while before beating Rumble and Frenzy to a pulp. Let the little punks enjoy a few more healthy days.

He strode into the main deck feeling like he could take on Omega Supreme single-handed. He was almost too lightheaded to notice the distinct atmosphere of disarray until Skywarp intercepted him just outside the mess hall.

"Starscream! Thank Primus you're here--whoa you look great!"

"I know," Starscream said. "But you should see the Autobots I wrecked while escaping-"

"Later--We've got a situation!" Skywarp grabbed his arm and teleported them both to the repair bays. The black Seeker tried to explain between warps: "As soon as we got back from the trade-off with the Autobots, Megatron and Soundwave immediately started poking round with that Nullifier thingamabob, but it blew up right in their faces! Now--"

The repair bay's doors swooshed open.

--" we're all fragged."

Hook was bent down over a repair berth, fiddling with a gray semi-automatic laser rifle and a blue cassette deck.

Skywarp rushed to the rifle. "Megatron! Soundwave! Guess who's back!?! And it looks like he's figured a way to fix your alt-modes, too! Screamer's gonna get you guys right back to normal. Right, Starscream?"

Starscream felt delight burbling from his spark. It suffused his circuits with white hot glee, pure and stupid, until his smirk stretched from vent to vent.

"Sure I can, Skywarp. I'm just going to need some time…."

He cracked his knuckles together.

" …a lot of time."

The day was just getting better and better.

Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

-----Stealers Wheel , Stuck in the Middle With You