Disclaimer: This applies to the entire story. I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! I only own my original character.

After writing two Mary-Sue stories without receiving a single flame, people might wonder what the heck I'm doing writing a parody. But, after spending a lot of time reading other, even more obvious Mary Sues than the ones I wrote, and keeping up with the BMSD forum, I decided that I couldn't resist. I've written out quite a bit of this story already. Unfortunately, I must have been switching personalities or something during the entire thing, because the later chapters sound a lot different from the beginning ones, but oh well. It is a giant parody, anyway, of everything from Mary Sues to even the dubbed version of the show. So, enjoy yourselves.

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Chapter I

Whenever the Rare Hunters were not out torturing people, running after rare cards, or creating mass havoc and destruction, they liked to party. In their underground secret hideout, where they often plotted the next world disaster over their afternoon tea, the Rare Hunters would gather, turn up the eerie Egyptian music, and enjoy drinks. Sometimes, they would dance, but it was soon evident that after all the stealing and killing, they had no time or energy left to learn how and quite frankly, they sucked.

This day was an especially special day for the Rare Hunters. Their leader, Malik Ishtar, had brought them a special present. A girl. Now, Malik made it especially clear that this girl was special and therefore deserved special attention, and basically anyone who hurt her would have their soul sucked out and their body cut into miniature pieces. But the Rare Hunters were allowed to play with her of course, carefully.

When Malik returned to his throne – he wasn't actually a king or anything, but it helped his ego – his friend was there to greet him. Now, here, the term friend is applied rather loosely. You see, Bakura and Malik were about as much friends as fire and ice. But, in this case, they had a common interest. Or at least, Malik said they had a common interest. Bakura still hadn't been informed.

"The girl?" Bakura said in his British accent, which really didn't make much sense considering that he was an ancient Egyptian spirit. "You think I'm interested in the girl?"

"No, no of course not!" Malik snapped back. "But I'm sure you'll be interested in what the girl has to offer. She's a Mary Sue." He said this last part quietly, afraid that his Rare Hunters might hear. Bakura narrowed his eyes and shot the girl a nasty glare.

"You brought in a Mary Sue, here, of all places?"

"Relax, relax!" Bakura got up and paced in front of Malik.

"You know the Mary Sue are dangerous folk. That's why they were put into reservations and monitored closely."

"And most of them were killed," Malik informed. He motioned to the girl. "She's the only one left." Bakura looked back at the girl in the party. The Rare Hunters were obviously having a great time. After all, the Mary Sue was gifted with such a high level of beauty that all men, no matter what age or what occupation, would find themselves enamored with her. Bakura stared at her. Malik stared at her.

"Snap out of it, Bakura."

"You first Malik."

"You said you weren't interested."

"Well, I wasn't. Now I am." The two kept staring until finally Malik was able to pull himself together and slap Bakura across the shoulders. The unnaturally white-haired man brushed himself off and shook his head.

"I told you she was dangerous! Let's go to another room." Malik complied, though reluctantly, and the two vanished into a secret room, which really wasn't that secret because every Rare Hunter knew where it was.

In the room, Malik proceeded to find the biggest chair and sit in it. It wasn't golden or throne-like in nature, but his ego would be satisfied. He turned to Bakura, who stood with his arms crossed in front of him.

"So, what are you planning to do with her…what's her name?" Bakura asked. Malik cringed.

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Is it that long?" Malik nodded with a pained expression and brought out a small but wide sheet of paper, on which he had written the name in question.

"Apparently, it is…Sakurelle Lumina Melee Catt Shiroi Starr Dancer Moonlight Tsariyu Mitsui Serenity Wingweaver Amane Cecilia Taylor…" Malik paused for a breath.

"Is she related to Tristan?" Bakura asked.

"No."

"Is she Japanese?"

"Highly unlikely…but she does speak fluent Japanese, along with English, French, Spanish, German, Arabic, Italian, and Russian. I was supposed to note that she doesn't have a particular reason for knowing any of these languages."

"Wow…she must be one of the most powerful of the Mary Sue."

"Indeed, which is why I think she would be of interest to us." Bakura raised his eyebrows.

"What exactly do you have in mind?" Malik grinned. He reached into his robe and pulled out another sheet of paper, which he opened up to reveal a drawing of all the Millennium Items. Bakura looked at it with casual interest until he noted there were eight objects, instead of seven. His eyes widened in horror.

"Then the stories are true!" he gasped. Malik nodded solemnly.

"Yes, they are. There is an eighth Millennium Item." Bakura looked closely at the drawing.

"What is it exactly?"

"I'm not sure. I figure it's a Millennium Photo Frame, but Rishid thinks that it is a Millennium Shoe Box. Either way, it has an awesome power."

"What?"

"Well…it can distort Plot Lines. It can make random characters die. It can control all the other Millennium Items; in fact, it is more powerful than them. And that's not all, it has a Yami too. And she is somehow connected to our ancient Egyptian lives. Probably a wife. Were you married?"

"No! Of course not."

"Okay, well I wasn't. Maybe it was Atem's bride? Or Seth. Either way, the point is, this weapon is powerful. On top of that, there's a fourth God Card." Bakura's eyes widened.

"Why is this Sue so powerful?"

"Because she's the only one left. That's the point. I'm going to use her as bait to lure in the eighth Millennium Item and fourth God Card."

"That's a good plan. I'm with you all the way." Malik gasped.

"Oh…no…did you just agree with me? Did you not question what benefits you get from this partnership?" Bakura thought for a moment.

"No, Malik, I didn't. Is that a problem?" Malik slapped his hand to his forehead.

"You need to get out of her influence; she's affecting you."

"In what way?"

"You're beginnings to show signs of major OOC. I will not utter the name of that horrible disease here, but it's happening to you. And I believe I have some of it too." Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"I've heard of it…it's not a good sign. How will we avoid it?" Malik took his time to fold the pieces of paper in his hand together and put them into his robe.

"You, Bakura, will take the Sue to Kaiba."

"Kaiba?"

"Yes. I've analyzed Sue attacks on various canon characters and figured out Kaiba is the most likely target for a Sue of Sakurelle Lumina…whatever's nature. He is rich, handsome, and possesses a cute kid brother. And he's an orphan with a troubled past that she can connect to. It's perfect; she'll fall for him at once. And then, the Item and the card will appear and we can take it."

"The Item and the card will appear…" Bakura muttered with a sly smile. "…and we can take it. I like the sound of that."

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There you have it, folks, the first chapter. I hope it has caught your interest. I shall be updating approximately every week. The dates will be posted on my bio with any possible changes. Please review and tell me what you think!