Spoiler note: DO NOT READ this story unless you have completed Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Author's note: I have never written a fan fic on a book before, but the end of Deathly Hallows compelled me to do so. Severus Snape has always been my favorite character in the books and I found his story both beautiful and tragic. This takes place between Snape being run off from Hogwarts and his his confrontation with Voldemort. Any reviews are appreciated.
"The Road Not Taken"
He was unceremoniously driven from Hogwarts by people who he used to think of as friends. Well, not so much friends, Severus didn't have any more friends really, but they were colleagues. Colleagues who were supposed to be on his side, though, he supposed they didn't know it. Severus brushed off his cloak and it billowed out around him as he stalked away from the school as quickly as possible. He assumed they wouldn't give him chase. They had more important things to worry about, as did he. The time was coming. He could sense it. He needed to get to Harry Potter.
It had been over a year since he saw the boy, who, by now, must look more mature and manly than childish. It had been over a year since he looked up at him with Lily's eyes and all Severus saw was cold, hard hatred. In a way he couldn't blame him really. The boy had just seen him kill Albus Dumbledore. The hatred in his eyes mirrored Severus' hatred for the act he was asked to perform. But, as difficult as it had been to see Potter day-in and day-out, Severus wondered if it hadn't been harder to go without seeing him. Yes, the boy infuriated him. He stood for everything that Severus never had and still…
When Lily died his anguish was gut-wrenching. He had thought of the various potions he knew. A few would put him into a dreamless sleep until he wasn't there anymore. He wouldn't feel the pain anymore. All he needed were a few magical roots and he could get the job done. His studies were, after all, geared toward potions and the Dark Arts. He seriously mulled the idea before realizing that Lily's son has survived. To know that she died and her son, James' son, lived, was almost too much for him to bear, but there was something in him that screamed for justice and Harry Potter was the one who could give it.
In that moment of realization Severus had decided that his life would go on, it had to. He sought out Dumbledore once again and put himself at his mercy and so it went for the last seventeen years. Severus was Dumbledore's staunchest supporter and no one could know. That was the story of his life he supposed. He had loved Lily from afar and though she must have had her suspicions, she never really knew.
Severus pulled his cloak around him as he got to the edge of the forest. He peered in and wondered if this might not be a better place to wait until he formulated a plan. The Malfoy Manor was certainly not where he wanted to be. Voldemort might find it suspicious that he had disappeared, but Severus didn't care. All that mattered was getting to Harry. He had to know the truth. The moment had come when Dumbledore's years of planning were to come to fruition and something in Severus snapped. He knew he couldn't allow it. The boy had a right to know what events had been set in motion and how he factored into the plan.
But, with McGonagall and most of the school rallying around the invincible Harry Potter, Severus knew he didn't have a chance to get close to the boy without a hundred curses flying in his direction. If only he'd been able to tell him the truth before. If only he'd been able to treat the boy with respect, the way he had once wished. The problem was that he looked so much like James. Harry Potter was impulsive and arrogant like his father, but he looked at Severus with his mother's eyes. It was more than he could take and his frustration culminated in treating the boy abominably.
Severus sometimes wondered if his own father's treatment of him came about because of similar reasons. His father thought his mother an irritating freak of nature, though he discovered this well after Severus was born, and he took out that frustration on young Severus. He had never wanted Harry to feel as he had as a child, but nature and nurture had both been unkind to him and he had no knowledge of how to treat anyone with much kindness.
The only way Severus knew to show Harry any kind of kindness was to drill him, prepare him to become the mighty wizard he must of he was to defeat The Dark Lord. It must have seemed harsh at times and even he knew deep down that he singled the boy out, gaining small pleasures from taking his anger at James out on Harry. It was juvenile to be sure, but he wouldn't help it. Aside from Dumbledore, Snape was the only one to know how far Harry would have to go in order to defeat him. All these years of keeping the boy out of trouble, alive and it would all come to nothing. He wondered if Lily would forgive him. He wondered if she knew how far he'd gone or if she had somehow seen how he treated her only child. He hoped she would understand, though, as his mother, he wasn't so sure.
Severus sat under a tall tree and tried to think of a way to get to Potter and explain what must occur. The boy was usually insolent and he assumed that he wouldn't believe a word he said. That was going to be a problem. Severus had thought on it though and luckily he had placed Veritas serum in his pocket before being forced to flee Hogwarts. Both Severus and Dumbledore agreed that it might be the only way to convince Harry of his story. He palmed the serum carefully and hoped it would work when he was suddenly aware of a noise in the brush. He was startled and dropped the potion against the root of a tree. He heard the vial shatter and he silently cursed, but he didn't have time to think on it long. He turned to squint into the darkness, standing and keeping his wand at the ready.
"Who's there?" a voice called.
Severus said nothing. He crept slowly through the darkness and tried to get closer to the voice without giving away his position. It only took a few steps before he realized the voice that beckoned was Lucius Malfoy's.
"Lucius," Severus said quietly.
Lucius made a quick movement with his wand and peered over to where Severus stood.
"Severus," he replied with contempt. "Why aren't you at the school?"
"Apparently they're downsizing and my services are no longer required," Severus replied with equal distain.
"But Draco?" Lucius said.
"I haven't a clue where Draco is right now," Severus cut him off.
Lucius seemed to take in that information before focusing on his task again. "The Dark Lord wishes to see you," he said.
"I was planning on cornering Potter," Severus said trying to buy himself time. Somewhere in his gut he felt that no good was going to come from being summoned by The Dark Lord.
"He's not concerned about Potter," Lucius interrupted him. "He wishes to see you immediately."
"Where is he?"
"The Shrieking Shack."
Severus took a deep breath and closed his mind to the thoughts he'd allowed to recently permeate his brain. He took a step forward and followed Lucius Malfoy into the dark wilderness, trying, one last time to summon his courage. There was a sudden calm that had taken over him as he moved through the forest. It was as if he could sense an end was near. Seventeen years of mourning, fighting, lying and it seemed to be coming to a head. He felt almost relieved.
The Dark Lord was angry when Severus entered the room. It wasn't too long before he found out why. His wand wasn't working and Severus realized half-way through his tirade what must happen next. The problem was that Severus had one last task to complete and that was to find Harry Potter. He had to explain. He had to tell the boy everything he hadn't had a chance to tell him. It was bad enough that he lost Lily before he had said everything he needed. He could not abide not getting to Harry in time.
Severus' insistence that he find Potter did nothing to deviate the Dark Lord from his mission and that was to make the Elder Wand his and his alone. Severus knew that his death was already a forgone conclusion. He could feel it in the air. The Dark Lord might not want to kill him, but he was going to. It was at that moment that Severus thought he felt another presence in the room. He opened his mind and suddenly he knew. Potter had come to him. Well, not him exactly, but it didn't matter anymore. He was there.
The time had come and though Severus had his wand drawn to protect himself he was resigned to his fate. He didn't really put up much of a fight. Somehow he thought if he went quietly it would easier. After seventeen years there just wasn't much fight left in him. It didn't make it any more pleasant. Nagini coiled around him tightly and Severus silently wished for death to come quickly. There was no escape at this point. As Nagini let him go and he fell to the ground, his life draining from him, he knew there was only one thing left to do. He needed to stop the bleeding long enough to pour out his memories.
Severus heard Voldemort leave and suddenly he felt Potter knell over him. He knew once again that although the boy looked like his father he had a large part of Lily in him. The boy looked conflicted. Severus couldn't blame him. He probably didn't want to come to his aid. He probably assumed that Severus was getting what he deserved. Severus wondered if it might not be a little bit true. There were a million different ways he could have handled his life. He could have treated the boy better. He could have allowed Dumbledore to inform the Order of his allegiance. But, it was too late to rethink his choices. The end was near and he had one last task to accomplish before he could finally move on to, hopefully, a place where he could be the man he had always wanted to be.
Severus allowed his memories to pour out of him. It was the only thing left that he could give the boy. The memories he had concealed for most of his life poured out around him. Once he felt that he had let go of everything of importance he allowed the cold to come over him. There was only one thing that could comfort him now.
"Look…at…me," he whispered, using everything he had left in him.
With that Severus looked into the eyes that had haunted him for years and he finally saw what he was looking for. Peace.
The End.