AN: So, now, let's see. I have to finish Safe? And God Laughed? But- but- I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!!! It all becomes clear, I'm writing a one-shot fic because I literally can't think of what to write on my other fics, and sadness sets in. But dears, enjoy this fic, it is another one of those humor Sirius/Remus stories I seem so fond of writing. I have endeavored to write longer one-shots, and such, so this will hopefully keep you guys busy and free from complaints about the length. Before you read, understand that this is a slash fic between the characters mentioned above and below. No flames, they ruin the drapes.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything belonging to Rowling. The idea is mine.
Summary: Remus learns just what troubles being a selfless soul can bring when he does an act of generous kindness for Sirius Black and has it predictably blow up in his face. Slash SB/RL.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, or Watch What You Say
It was a rather deplorable situation. A disaster. And it was all Sirius' fault. He really had pushed Snape a bit too far, posting the pictures he had taken of the Slytherin hanging upside down in his underwear, writing in bright pink lettering: For a good time, owl me, baby, on all the pictures, then proceeding to post them up all over the school. The boy had been nearly killed by all the insistent owls he got at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in-between classes, knowing that all his 'suitors' were just making an even bigger joke out of him- laughing at him! And the one who was laughing loudest of all was Sirius Black. Remus would not admit that it was brilliant so Sirius let him be, basking in the glory of the prank with James and Peter. So, Remus didn't actually see it when Sirius was struck by an unidentifiable spell.
Everyone saw who attacked the former heir of the House of Black; Snape wanted to be seen. He sneered at Sirius and waited for the boy to rage against him, spew all sorts of curses, and retaliate. Sirius tried. Though not visibly altered by the spell, when Sirius Black opened his mouth, no words would come out. He stood mouth and throat working but no sound issued past his lips. Snape smiled and turned out of the Great Hall that morning at breakfast, robes billowing, leaving the mess to the teacher's to puzzle through, the school population to gape at, and the Marauders to fume and plan against, as for once, Sirius Black was quiet.
Remus Lupin couldn't abide that. Though Sirius could be annoying, more than that, bloody irritating, the boy couldn't be mute. Remus didn't like that. Silent Sirius could talk to Remus about inane facts of wizarding history, muggles, and life itself. So that was how Remus came to be standing at the bedside of a distraught Sirius who fought to remain cool and collected. The day had been horrible. No teacher, not the nurse, and even Dumbledore could find out what spell Snape had used. The little potion's genius wasn't telling, and no detention or punishment was going to make him. When asked he would smile, which in itself was unnerving, because that kid didn't smile. He would smile and he would tell them nothing, aside from how he was glad he wouldn't have to hear the lunatic blab about how wonderful he is. Remus was smart, known fact, not even a disputed fact. He knew lots of things. Plenty of them useless for this situation but one thing that could help. There was a spell that he had learned, not a hard or complex little spell at all, that would help a person afflicted with the loss of a sense, to borrow on the caster's own. It wasn't a spell cast with a wand, it was silent, only an action and a phrase muttered in the confines of one's mind at the time of the act would trigger the spell.
So when Remus knelt and took Sirius' face into his hands, and laid a gentle, chaste kiss upon his lips, thinking to himself the words: Willingly given, share what is mine, take a willing voice, for a short time. It would be enough, Remus thought as he pulled away, feeling the magic snap and crackle around them. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't come. The confusion on his face was plain, when Remus' own voice asked, "What the bloody hell did you do that for?!"
Remus frowned at the strange sensation of having another person's words on his lips, being formed with his tongue and breath, another's intent in his mouth. When Sirius gaped at him, still silent, he didn't mouth his question, instead used the werewolf's.
"You, you're giving me your voice?" Remus shook his head, raising his hand for silence, then stopped and laughed at the notion; he would be in fact silencing himself. When he felt the magic of the spell withdraw he spoke his own words.
"It's something to tide you over until Dumbledore can find the counter spell. I think the only reason this worked is that the spell prevented you from using your voice, not others. A loophole that may help figure out what is wrong," Remus mused, as Sirius stood, grabbing Remus' wrist and dragging him out of the dorms, his own excited words spilling from Remus' lips as they walked, "Yeah! Let's go tell gramps! You're the best, Moony!" Anyone who heard them would have thought Remus was praising himself, there being no difference in his tone or cadence of speech when Sirius used his voice, only the tingle and build of the spell Remus had cast would serve as a warning for the werewolf that it was Sirius who wanted a word in. Hopefully, the werewolf thought, as Sirius ran down the stairs, Dumbledore would be able to fix his friend.
The spell he had used, remember, wasn't supposed to be hard. It was such an easy thing to give, give freely, and be happy giving, but the hard part about giving was the way others use the gifts so willingly given, how they treat the giver, and how the giver is paid for his kindness. That was the hard part. It didn't seem so hard, Remus mused, as he saw the flickers of happiness across his long haired friend's face, as he spoke to Remus, using his friend's voice and how Remus answered, what seemed to be his own questions. He must have looked quite odd and more than a little nutty, but Remus was caught up in the magic of his giving, and he didn't see how it could go wrong, how anything that felt so good to do, anything that made Sirius so happy, could end up to be bad. It's the way of things, and it was what Remus learned in the days that followed what trouble he could get into with a magic kiss and his kind heart.
>>
Remus was scrubbing the floor of the Transfiguration classroom. His professor, who sometimes exchanged her human form to chase mice, looked upon him with disappointment and a little repugnance.
"Such foul language, Mr. Lupin! And at the Head of your House! You should be ashamed."
And he was. Very. He had no idea Sirius would take advantage of his gift. He should have known too, when he stood to answer his professor's question, felt the build of magic between himself and Padfoot, who sat a few inches to his left. He didn't catch the smirk and the twinkling light of his eyes as when Remus opened his mouth to explain the useful qualities of transfiguration when lost in the wilderness and instead vile vile language spilled out.
"Might I say, Minerva my darling, that you are looking quite fetching this morning?" The professor gaped at the lewd yet conversational tone Sirius filled Remus' voice with; she flushed, and asked him if he was feeling quite all right. Her confusion only grew as Sirius spoke through Remus, accompanied by the hum of magic.
"It's so touching that you care for me so much! Now, why don't we go out sometime maybe next Hogsmeade weekend and continue that?" Remus burned as his voice became low and leering, "Especially the touching bit." No amount of Remus' sputtering apologies, or his explanations that it was Sirius doing it, would sway her.
It must have taken all her patience as the professor lowered her wand hand, deducted several hundred points, gave the lycanthrope detention for the week, and then sent him off to the Hospital Wing to get his head checked. Sirius, who had strolled out at his heels, added with a silent, sultry, pout: "I would like something more interesting then my head to get checked out." A heavy Transfiguration text followed the pair out giving Remus an actual reason to visit the nurse.
>>
Remus fumed. He glared at Sirius from the bed he was perched on, awaiting the nurse's ministrations for the large goose egg that had appeared on Remus' temple. Sirius was on the floor, splayed in a calculated sprawl at Remus' feet with the perfect look of begging on his face. Puppy dog eyes, Remus noticed, were on full to bursting. If anyone other than the lycanthrope had been given that look, Sirius would be the proud owner of not only their sympathy, but their gold, the deed to their house, and the clothes off their backs. Remus had no wish to strip off his robes for the pureblood- not at the moment anyway.
"Not working, Padfoot." In response to that, the eyes became even wider, gleaming with his 'aren't I just too adorable and hopeless that you want to do exactly what I wish?' look. Remus was immune. He looked away and Sirius crawled up the patient's legs, still looking like a kicked puppy and failing at plucking Remus' heart strings. He was, however, plucking the strings of an already frayed libido as he practically threw himself into his lap.
"Please!" For a second, what Sirius had intended to say spilled out of Remus' mouth completely unannounced. Remus blushed as what he had intended to stay firmly in his head rushed out with the hormones. Sirius cocked his head to the side and left the lycanthrope's lap. He looked awkward, ruffling his hair and said, "I'm sorry, Moony," with his body and the borrowed voice. Remus sighed. He nodded.
"I know you're sorry. Just think before you speak! I don't think I've ever seen her turn such a shade of magenta...it was like angry plastic Easter grass." If Sirius had a voice, he would have laughed. He used Remus' as the boy reflected again at how annoying it was to laugh at oneself. Sirius made his mute presence known and hopped up on the bed with him as the nurse entered and doctored to the boy. She looked at Sirius and asked after his health. Sirius made the thumbs up sign, and Remus said, "I'll be as good as new next week, Dumbledore said so!" She cast a confused look at Remus, whose goose egg was diminishing rapidly via the medi-witch's spells. He shrugged, "Till then, I speak for Mr. Black." She looked as if she wanted to laugh or console Remus but she did neither. She turned to Sirius and asked him in an overly loud voice, "PLEASE MR.BLACK, DO NOT ENDANGER MR. LUPIN'S HEALTH ANY FURTHER WITH ONE OF YOUR DELIGHTFULL LITTLE QUIPS!" The sarcasm was almost lost in the volume. Sirius caught it and when she had finished, Remus yelled to her, eyes wide with fear as the magic took control, saying, "I'M FRIGGIN MUTE NOT DEAF, YOU OLD BAT!"
Sirius and Remus were forced to run out of the room, followed by various tools of the nurse's trade. Remus was hit with a bed pan and refused to let Sirius "patch him up better than the old bat". He stated that Sirius had done enough for one day.
>>
Sirius was at the center of a very large group of girls, Remus unwillingly glued to his side. They were overwhelming to all the lycanthrope's senses. Too much perfume and hairspray. Their laughter was too high and made the boy grit his teeth. Worse was all the touching they did to Sirius; a hand on his arm, a not so subtle stroke across the chest or stomach, the full body hugs employed by the desperate and daring. He could smell the lust burning off the girls and was unmoved, only vaguely angry that they should feel that way at all for the dark haired object of their adoration. Remus adored him as well, even if the status was a recent change, an unsettling change at that. A werewolf passing for human, hiding in the best wizarding school in the world does not develop feelings of lust for their best friend. It wasn't supposed to happen. But it had, and Remus now suffered having the object of his affections use of his lips and tongue for the benefit of the bubble-headed group that had assembled to comfort poor poor Sirius. Remus wanted to rip them to shreds. But since that would tip off everyone in the vicinity of the blood and tuffits of hair that something wasn't quite right with the young Prefect, he restrained himself. He let Sirius talk and wondered for the umpteenth time why he allowed himself to do the spell.
"My darling hearts, you all love me! It's amazing how you give of yourselves. Why," Sirius stated his eyes on all the ladies as Remus voiced the boy's lecherous and suggestive humor, "I do love a willing woman!" The girls tittered in response and huddled around Sirius tightly, ignoring Remus since the novelty of watching him spout out such out of character things had worn off and though he provided sound, Sirius was definitely, as always, the main attraction. He cringed as the giggling increased, wondering if Sirius was suffering as much as he was, due to his improved hearing as a perk of the animagi transformation. He showed no distress, smiling and pouting, looking alot more like a pantomime of Sirius Black than the real person.
The bell rang and blissfully, Remus allowed himself to be dragged away to their next class, Remus having to adhere to Sirius' schedule for the week till Sirius could speak for himself. When the still offended Transfiguration professor heard of the arrangement she modified Remus' schedule so all work he would miss could be accordingly taken care of, and that the punishment he received for Sirius' actions would be served as one half of a pair, with the two Marauders cleaning toilets without magic for the duration of the spell. Remus didn't complain as the teacher wouldn't have been so upset if Sirius had been mute like he was supposed to be and there would have been no detention for that little escapade. He was definitely learning what it meant to give, taking the good with the bad, and realizing just how much blathering Sirius did on a daily basis. How could he have thought that the world was deprived when the sentiment of the moment when classes were over was a, "God, how can one person take all that crap? We should burn down the History of Magic classroom and take a naked yogurt class instead!" If it were a different week, Remus would have corrected him, (because we all know that the correct term would be yoga) but was silent after his friend had finished using Remus as a mouth piece. Remus found himself counting, very slowly and thoroughly the days he would have to speak for Sirius. The spell would last for seven days, the book had promised, and could be renued if need be. The yogurt statement had ushered the close of the third day, Wednesday. He had performed the spell Monday night. He turned the facts slowly in his mind. The curse upon Sirius was not meant to last long maybe a month or two. The addition of Remus' spell, Dumbledore had theorized, gave the curse more of a deadline. One week (a business week that is, five days), and with another chaste kiss, the boy would be able to speak on his own. Remus had blushed on a bit Monday night, when he told Dumbledore about the way he had helped Sirius. The Headmaster had nodded sagely and said not without humor, "Magic kisses: antidotes for all sorts of magical malalidies. And from what I hear, they are quite pleasant!" Remus couldn't wait, because as much as he loved (and lusted, remember?) after the young pureblood he wanted to spend some time being quiet.
>>
The quiet, Remus had planned to get the next evening, was ruined when he felt the magic thrum and he began speaking to the empty air of the library. Sirius was no where in hearing range. He was supposed to be in the common room playing wizard's chess with James and Peter, both of whom suppressed giggles at Remus whenever he spoke. Sometimes he would hear James mutter something like, "How is it having Padfoot's tongue in your mouth, Moony?" Remus ignored it and reminded himself that no good deed goes unpunished. So he won an hour's peace away from the former heir of the House of Black only to have it interrupted by a very adult soliloquy. Or what passed for a conversation during shagging.
Remus cringed as he unwillingly moaned and grunted something very inappropriate for the library. He prayed that the Madame Pince wasn't in earshot as what Sirius obviously wanted to say was given a release. Sirius, before the curse, had been bragging about landing a date with Beth, a girl of their year who was known for being easy on the eyes as well as being easy in other ways. Remus had hoped before that Sirius had brought a condom. Now all hopes that Sirius wouldn't use it at all were lost, as another moan tore through the tomb like room.
The combination of the sounds Sirius were making in a far off tower and the absolute need of it allowed Remus to unzip his fly and start pleasuring himself in time with Sirius. He tried to tell himself that it was wrong. Very wrong to jack off to your best friend having sex with a girl you wished would disappear so you could joyfully take her place in the current activities. But it didn't matter at the moment. It was highly erotic and, just as Sirius needed a vocal release for his exertions; Remus needed a physical one for the images that would come with the sounds of his own voice. He could see Sirius, pistining hips, and sweat dampened hair, flushed skin, as he took the miserable excuse for female hormones against a cold stone wall. Remus had never been more excited. He threw his head back and stroked and rolled himself into his hand, feeling his moans mingled with Sirius' as he dragged himself closer across the burning line of orgasm. The magic was rushing in and out, like ocean waves between the teens and Remus took a kind of erotic enjoyment, they were connected by it, making the moment feel shared. It almost made Remus forget that he wasn't doing anything remotely sexual with Sirius, that he was just fisting himself in a musty corner of the library. The magic made it special, it made it more, Remus tried to rationalize. Or it could have been the ecstatic high Remus was receiving because after so much giving, he was finally, in a way, getting something back. As he came, two names were cried into the stillness of the night, though one was only mouthed into the nape of a girl's neck.
One was a broken "Sirius", as Remus whimpered at the last. And a scant moment later was the other, almost a whisper of fogged breath against foreign flesh. "Remus."
Remus tried not to think about it as he cleaned up and slid furtively out of the library, watching for signs that someone had heard him but found none. When he reached the dorms and found Sirius' bed empty, he crawled into his own and shivered for awhile till, finally sleep took over and he wouldn't have to think about the many and varied reasons Sirius could have said his name during sex with a girl of questionable virtue. There were many reasons and he had to shut out the most insistent one that was, above all things, impossible.
>>
The next morning, Sirius was in bed but he hadn't looked like he had been sleeping. He had dark rings under his eyes. Remus could still smell the sex on him and could still smell the traces of his own pleasure seeking on himself. They needed to shower, if Remus was going to ignore that moment when they had been connected by the spell and Sirius had said his name, and get on with the rest of the day. It was Friday. They still needed to go to Sirius' classes. Rousing Padfoot out of his thinking, Remus waited for Padfoot to reply to his morning greeting. Sprawled at the center of the bed, clothes rumpled and buttons out of place, Padfoot turned his head to look at Remus who held a towel and some other shower implements. The grey eyed boy opened his mouth the slightest bit, and on that exhaled breath, a sigh fell from the lycanthrope's lips and words that were like dropped stones in still waters.
"About last night." Remus tensed and tried to speak but the magic was preventing him from getting a word in. Sirius was talking now. "I'm not weird or anything. I just, I couldn't hear myself and then I knew that you were doing it for me, stupid to forget. I couldn't just stop...I couldn't help myself. When I said your name," Sirius blushed and averted his eyes, pursing his lips. "Beth wouldn't know. Me being mute and all. But you know." Sirius looked back up and there was a fire in his eyes.
"It's not what you think."
"It doesn't mean anything. It was just fucking and I got carried away. I don't feel that way about you."
Remus nodded and went to the showers, leaving Sirius to dress in yesterday's clothes and go without a bath. He left Sirius to think that he wasn't hurt about the words he had just made him say. Let him believe he was embarrassed at what he had been made to vocalize for Sirius the night before. He stayed under the water for several minutes, till the minutes bled into hours and he had to cancel his classes with Sirius, pleading the moon that close to full, for his sudden illness. The water was cold, but not cold enough. It seemed that every minute his skin became less numb or that some spot was left neglected by the chill water and he could feel still the phantom touches of his attraction to Sirius... He didn't want to feel anything at the moment. He wanted to be clean, hoping that under the shower head he could be free of his hopeless little addiction the Mr. Sirius Black and was failing. He would never be free of Sirius; dreams of Sirius, days with Sirius, a friendship with Sirius. A half remembered dream having a life with Sirius in it. It wasn't possible. He had known from the beginning that the thought was an impossibility, that Sirius wasn't like him and that no matter how much he cared he was still just a friend. A friend that he couldn't bear to be without, emotionally and physically. He was like air or sunshine. Food and water. Remus need him to live. He gave the lycanthrope a reason to stay, he made him feel wanted. It had been foolish of him to think that one, whispered little name, not even an endearment, could herald the change of anything he had spent the long nights wondering about.
Hours maybe, minutes if he looked at the clock and found that it was close to the time he had kissed Sirius before. Remus looked at the clock again to be sure. He had been in the shower far longer than was normal to get clean or succumb to self-pity. All that mattered was that Sirius would no longer need him. And that was the thought that trigger another, What if I cast it again? and it was squashed. The spell was one of kindness, of giving. Remus would be giving for a second time, but he would also be taking too, maliciously stealing Sirius' freedom just to feel as if Sirius needed him half as much as he himself needed the animagus. It made Remus wonder what exactly Sirius might be stealing from him, if anything at all. Sirius, like Remus when the little silent episode started, seemed to have only good intentions with the lycanthrope. He accepted him, cared for him, stayed around him, even if it was to spout nonsense to get a laugh or a grin. Leaving the shower, dripping and wet, Remus took up his towel and put it around his waist.
It was possible that the black haired boy only wanted to be different than his family. Sticking it to his family traditions of muggle and half-breed hate by going around with a werewolf. It wasn't unheard of for children to act out against their family's ways of thinking. But it didn't make the situation less puzzling. But when, he entered the dorm once again to get into cleaner clothes he found that he wasn't alone. As always the one person he thought of most was there, called, summoned by the sheer weight of Remus' wanting of him.
"It's not very nice to leave the mute kid without an interpreter." Padfoot was frowning at him as the sentiment was sent across, his voice colored by Sirius' hurt and confusion. Remus could taste it on his tongue: Sirius was upset about something. "I even had to tell Prongs and Wormtail to bugger off in very crude ways." Remus laughed at the images of a silent Sirius trying to tell their two friends to leave them alone without words. He most likely had to use a few hand motions and the descriptive pantomime he had learned to accompany his lycanthrope aided speech.
"It isn't," Remus agreed, "but I couldn't come in today. Not feeling well." Sirius cocked his head to the side. Obviously it was time for an actual talk between the canine duo. It was an irony that the important conversation Remus has wanted to have would be essentially done alone. He could tell that Sirius wanted to say something, opening his mouth, taking a breath, magic building before faltering and Sirius looking away in clear frustration. He couldn't find the words, Remus thought with a touch of amusement. He knew what he wanted to say to the pureblood.
"I see," Remus said, nodding, "You are uncomfortable. Didn't want anyone to see this chaste little kiss and get the wrong idea?" Sirius bared his teeth and would have growled himself if he was able, instead the sound was reproduced effectively by Remus' wolfish side, because growling was a skill he was most adept in. "No. I wanted to be alone because then they won't have to know it wasn't a chaste little kiss!"
Remus was pulled to Sirius roughly, pressed up against the slightly taller boy in a way he had envied the empty headed girl's for the privilege of groping the animagus whenever a flock of them descended upon their little group of trouble makers. Now, Remus lightly placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders as he got exactly what he wanted for the very first time. In the kiss that followed Remus decided that actions speak so much louder than words. Lips and tongue and teeth. Primal rushes of energy fueled the spell, shattered it as Remus' gift was obliterated and sent back to the lycanthrope in charred pieces. If Remus hadn't been engaged in another activity he would have breathed out smoke or steam as what was his became solely his once again. Sirius didn't seem affected by the spell, just like at the beginning when he was cursed, he only seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly. When they pulled away with a final sizzle of magic and the air smelling like ozone, Sirius let out a bark of laughter, the sound coming from his own mouth, shaped by voice and tongue pushed out with a puff of breath and passing the slightly swollen arches of his lips. Remus sighed and leant against the animagus for a moment. He felt drained, a little weary, and he couldn't care less that he was still wearing a towel and that Sirius didn't notice or mind. The magic was helping him get rid of his own nervousness at the situation. Really, if Remus hadn't just participated in what equates as a magical supernova he would have been clawing away from Sirius and searching for the clothes he came into the dorm room to retrieve. Instead, he just let himself be naked and allowed Sirius to continue holding him.
"You can be such a confusing bastard, Padfoot."
"I know," the animagus said, his voice still hoarse from disuse.
Sirius nodded to himself and began to divest Remus of his towel. "And now?" Sirius had the towel in a damp pile on the floor, Remus looked at it and then at Sirius. "Still a confusing bastard, but I can guarantee I'll warm to you, in time. Just tell me," Remus said, walking his partner and himself backwards towards Sirius' unmade bed. It was definitely going to be warmer and more comfortable than a stupid stone wall, Remus thought as he sat down upon it, Sirius finding it fit to sit astride him like in the Hospital Wing days ago. This time he wasn't going to get up for just anything; to shed a few articles of clothing being the most likely at that moment. And Remus was fine with that.
"Did the other night really mean nothing, then?" Remus asked as Sirius lapped up a few beads of water off his friend's neck. He paused in his ministrations to reply. "It meant lots of things. Not nothing. No more denying, no more running off with other girls, that's for sure. It's time to sink or swim," he announced, stripping of his shirt and having to stand to start working on the button to his pants. Remus laughed.
"And what are you doing now?"
"Doing? Oh, hopefully you if I can get this button to work properly."
"That's nice, but are you sinking or swimming?"
Padfoot had managed to get the trousers unbuttoned and slid them off his hips and down his legs, getting tangled in the cloth and almost tripping in the process. After losing the garment he stood slightly flushed in his boxer shorts and pretended he hadn't been anything but a smooth operating seducer. "We'll find out." He was about to climb back up onto the bed when Remus stopped him.
"Do you mean this?" he said, gesturing to room, himself and his current state of undress, and Sirius as well as the bed.
"I mean it as well as anyone can mean these things." Once again, Remus laughed.
"Confusing to the last!" And Sirius smirked, "Yeah, but you knew what you were getting into. Falling in with such a disgraceful little Gryffindor, getting him to borrow your voice. Actually," he said, "I think it had to have been the highlight of my life to hear you swear." He turned a bit mischievous, "I'm afraid I have a newfound desire for you to talk dirty to me."
Remus blushed at that. "Make me." Sirius jumped up on the bed causing the lycanthrope to yelp and clutch at the nearest solid object- Sirius. He was pulled closer to the animagus, who had retrieved a wand and was casting spells to lock the doors, dim the lights, and cast several silencing spells so they wouldn't be interrupted. In the darkness, Remus couldn't see the other boy but he heard his voice and that was a comfort. He would thoroughly enjoy hearing that voice during the intimacies soon to follow.
"Why, Moony," Sirius said, his voice low and musical with the thread of laughter all through it, "I thought you'd never ask."
END
AN: Yes, longest one shot ever done (by me)! I liked the idea and I went with it. Say what you will in the form of a review.