That's Using Your Noodle by Cleo the Muse
Rating: Older Kids
Genre: Gen, Friendship (Team), Humor, Parody/Satire
Warnings: Religious parody ahead! Oh, and no plot.
Episodes: Early season ten, passing mention of Daniel's Ascension (either time), Orlin, "Abyss", and "The Changeling". Very vague mention for Vala's roles as former host of Qetesh and mother of the Orici.
Synopsis: On a perfectly normal night on the town, the team finds... religion?
Status: Completed
Notes: As always, thanks to Nyx Ro!
That's Using Your Noodle
"Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design.
I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe
was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster."
-- Bobby Henderson, Letter to Kansas State School Board
It was a perfectly normal team night out, with a perfectly normal movie and plans for dinner afterward. The movie itself went off without a hitch, the team acquiring four seats in the very center of the theater after Teal'c gave a group of teenagers a rather menacing glower that sent them scurrying for higher ground. Nothing and no one would be permitted to stand between a Jaffa and his enjoyment of the third X-Men movie. Sam and Daniel shared a tub of popcorn, Cam unsuccessfully attempted to filch Raisinets and Mike and Ikes from Teal'c, and a good time was had by all. Vala was as yet not permitted to leave the base, so the team was spared from what would doubtlessly have been a plethora of questions about the conversation which was to follow.
The discussion as they left the theater began with evolution as it related to the film, but soon shifted to the recent controversy over the teaching of Intelligent Design, to which Sam and Daniel were firmly opposed. Teal'c found the topic fascinating--as he did anything which involved Earth culture in any form--and Cam was undecided.
"But I guess that's the born'n'raised Baptist in me," he shrugged. "People can believe whatever they want to believe, I reckon."
"Of course they can," Daniel agreed, "but they should learn those beliefs at home or church, not at school, and certainly not at a public school."
"Amen," Sam agreed cheekily as Teal'c's SUV pulled to a stop at a traffic light. "In a few of the towns my family moved to, I went to Catholic parochial schools and even they taught evolution."
Cam whistled. "Baptist, Catholic, Jaffa, and atheist. The four of us were raised all across the religious spectrum, weren't we?"
"Not atheist," Daniel replied with a grin. "My parents were spiritual, but not religious. These days, though, I'm more agnostic. Even with the number of times I've died already, I still can't say for sure if there's really a God!" He paused. "Actually, that's not entirely true: I've recently been converted."
"Really? To what?" Cam asked.
"Pastafarian," the linguist replied with a wink at Sam, who promptly clamped her hands over her mouth and doubled over in a fit of laughter.
Cam turned around to stare at the duo occupying the back seat. "Pastafarian?"
"The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster," Daniel answered.
Cameron blinked. "Flying what?"
Teal'c glanced in the rearview mirror, lips curving. "His Meatiness, the Spaghedeity. I did not realize you had heard of the Prophet's teachings, Daniel Jackson."
"Sam and I stumbled across the FSM website a few weeks ago," Daniel shrugged. "Of course, I'm still not big on the pirates versus global warming theory, not too sure about the idea of Heaven including a beer volcano and a stripper factory, and sure the universe didn't begin when an inebriated blob of concentrated carbohydrates created a midget and a tree-covered mountain."
"It's a religious parody created by a physics graduate named Bobby Henderson," Sam explained for the slack-jawed colonel. "Last year, during the Intelligent Design debate in Kansas, he wrote a letter to the state Board of Education in which he used absurdity to argue against the adoption of Intelligent Design as a 'science'."
Cameron looked skeptical. "A Flying Spaghetti Monster."
"And I have been touched by His Noodly Appendage," Daniel agreed with a grin.
"Okay, that just sounds wrong," the other man protested.
"Sam has, too."
"I have?"
Smiling enigmatically, the archaeologist interlaced his fingers, waggled his expressive eyebrows, then tapped the index fingers together. "With me it was Oma, with you it was Orlin." He waited a beat. "Think about it, Sam."
The blonde colonel's face split into a wide grin. "I never thought of it that way. An Ascended being--"
"Looks like a floating, glowy octopus, as Jack would say," Daniel finished.
"Or," they began together, "a Flying Spaghetti Monster!"
Teal'c inclined his head slightly, though his gaze thankfully stayed on the road. "Then I must be a Pastafarian as well, Daniel Jackson, for you came to me in my time of need."
"And General O'Neill, too," Sam chimed in excitedly.
Cameron looked at the three of them like they'd lost their minds, then rolled his shoulders. "Count me in. Where do I sign up?"
"Well, we'll have to get you your own copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster," she grinned.
Daniel nodded. "But we can start by teaching you the Eight 'I'd Really Rather You Didn't's'."
"As opposed to the Ten Commandments?" Cam guessed, finally beginning to smile.
"Well, there were ten, but two were accidentally dropped by Captain Mosey and his Pirate Gang," the other man agreed. "Oh, Sam... don't tell Vala about the pirates. She's been a figurehead in two religions already, don't need her adding a third."
Sam gestured that her lips were locked and the key thrown away. "Okay, enough missionary work for one day, let's eat."
"Forget the steakhouse, guys," Daniel suggested. "Let's go to Luigi's... or Para Vicini's. I have a sudden craving for Italian food."
"RAmen," agreed Teal'c and Sam.
Author's Notes:
For those of you who have gotten this far and haven't "gotten" it yet, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a parody of religion, and not an actual religion... and pretty darn funny!