Say my name
So I will know you're back, you're here again
For a while, oh, let us share
The memories that only we can share
Together

(Within Temptation, Say My Name)

The Awakening Potion was shimmering like liquid light into the chalice he had in his hands. Remus had followed every single note the Prince – or better, Severus – had scribbled in the margins of the old book, and for seven long hours he been working restlessly, at deep night, only able to think about her – his beautiful, adorable, beloved Nymphadora – and nobody had dared to come and disturb him, apart from Andromeda. Two hours ago, the woman had knocked at the door of what once had been Severus' office to bring him something to eat, which he had kindly refused with a tired but grateful smile. Andromeda had said nothing; she'd laid the plate full of roasted potatoes and rice on the desk and left without a word. Remus hadn't even given a second look at the food.

Now, about three hours later, a rosy dawn was rising and a pale, milky light had started creeping over the hills on the horizon, slowly stretching its lazy golden beams towards the large windows.

Remus sighed, propped to the working table with his palms, and glanced down at his left: wrapped up in his soft blanket, soundly asleep in an improvised crib, lay his little Teddy, holding his tiny fists at the sides of his head. His hair was jet black.

You miss her, too, don't you?

There was only a missing ingredient for the Potion, the most important one, the crucial one.

My happiest memory.

He seriously didn't know where to start. What was it? The moment he had received his long-desired letter from Hogwarts? Or when Sirius, James and Peter had decided to become Animagi for him? No, it was indeed a very happy memory, but not the happiest. His real happiness had begun only a few years ago, when one young pink-haired witch had burst into his life out of nowhere and turned everything upside down.

He had lost everything, and she had given him a new everything to fight for, a new reason to wake up and strive through every day.

I live for you, Nymphadora.

But everything he could think of – their first kiss, the wedding, Teddy's birth – didn't feel good enough. There had been another moment, in his recent past, that had made him happier than ever before. The moment he had known that nothing would ever be lost, because, as long as the woman he loved was with him, everything was alright.

But you are not with me, now…

He took a chair and sank in it next to Teddy's crib, where he rested his folded arms. Teddy's slow breath was like a silent lullaby, rocking Remus through his memory, and all the times – joyful and sad – flowed in his mind, all melted up into one, becoming just a river of mixed feelings. But there was something floating above this river, a moment that he would never forget, because it had been the moment of his real gift: second chances were a luxury, in life, and he had ruined his by doing the most stupid thing ever. And yet, despite his unforgivable mistake, he had got a third, undeserved chance, which he would always treasure as the most beautiful gift he had ever been given.

-

At one o'clock in the night, a heavy, cold rain was pouring from the darkest sky he remembered having ever seen, as if the weather had been enchanted to mirror his inner mood.

Remus was feeling worse than he had ever felt, worn by his guiltiness and the awareness that he had absolutely no right to do this. As he trudged through the rain, boots stomping into the muddy path, he didn't dare rising his eyes onto the house he was heading to.

His sight was misted by the thick rain, falling upon him like a shower of sharp needles, assaulting the skin of his face. He bent his head, clenching his fists inside the coat pockets, and squeezed his eyes.

He had no right to go back to her like this, he knew this better than anything else, and yet, even if his eyes were burning and he had a sour knot in his throat, even if he felt arrogant and vile for what he was going to do, he kept walking. Ahead of him, a faint yellow light was glowing from behind one of the windows of his destination.

Grazed and torn inside by the nails of cruel regret, he strode over the wet paving leading to the front door, uncaring of the pools he encountered on the way, uncaring of anything but his own foolishness.

How could he have been so stupid? Had he really believed Tonks' life would have been better if he had died during some heroic mission, that she would have thanked him for leaving her alone in the middle of a pregnancy?

Remus bit his lip in sorrow and cursed himself for his egoistic blindness. He wouldn't blame her if she wouldn't forgive him, but he needed to apologise to her, to tell her something he should have told her long before.

"Dora! You've been standing there all the day, dear, why don't you come back inside and lie down for a while?"

Andromeda's voice jolted him back from his thoughts. Automatically, he lifted his look: Nymphadora was leaning on one side to the doorframe, the door left ajar behind her, wiping her eyes with a hand, the other resting on her swollen stomach. Remus' heart skipped a beat.

He heard Andromeda call her again, but Tonks just ignored her and closed the door once for all. Remus noticed she was wearing only a pair of shorts and an old, baggy sweater that made her look even thinner than usual. He thought instinctively that it was harmful for her and the baby, but then again, he had already done them all the harm possible, and it was very hypocrite of him, now, to demand to take care of them.

He watched Nymphadora wrap her arms around herself, the black sweater sleeves covering her pale hands almost entirely as she nibbled at her purple nails. It was then that she saw him.

When she rose her chin, the weak light of the rare streetlamps fell on her face, stressing her tense features. She was noticeably tired, and according to the redness around her ice-grey eyes, she had been crying for a while. Her hair had turned a dark shade of blue, laying long and lank on her half bare, bony shoulders. She literally lit up at his sight and her arms fell on her sides in astonishment as she stood straight, although seemingly unable to move from her spot.

Overtaken by his own emotions, Remus couldn't help speeding up in her direction, arms stretched forward as she launched in them, barely keeping herself together.

"Remus!"

Her voice was nothing more than a breath, a feeble whisper that went lost as she buried her face in his neck, sobbing silently.

Remus didn't remember having ever been so glad to see someone in his life. He had given up the hope to hug her again – to even manage to talk to her again – but here she was, holding him so tight that her belly was squeezed against his abdomen. And then, in that very moment, when his lips were just about to meet Nymphadora's, he felt the baby move.

"Oh my –"

It had happened so fast and so unexpectedly that he hadn't even had the time to actually realise what it was, nor to memorise the extraordinary sensation the whole thing had provoked, but all of a sudden everything became real and concrete: he was married to this incredible girl, who loved him and whom he loved more than he had anybody else before, and, absurd as it sounded, it was amazingly true. Before he could even start reflecting about it, though, he felt Tonks' cold hands lead his own down to lie on her stomach.

He looked at her: her expression was sweet, loving, profoundly emotional, and she didn't bear any sign of resentment or indecision. She was happy to see him, and it couldn't have been more obvious.

The baby moved again under his palms, and a couple of timid grins formed on his and Tonks' faces. Remus felt like a real idiot for having even thought about leaving her alone.

"I'm sorry, baby," he muttered to her, his hands moving to cup her cheeks as he leant his forehead on hers. "I'm really so sorry, I shouldn't have –"

"You needed some time on your own," Nymphadora's fingers had sealed his mouth. "I understand this." A smile faltered on her lips. "I knew you'd come back, I was waiting for you."

Remus was at a loss for words. Whatever he could say, would never sound the way he meant it, and there were just too many things that simple words could never express.

"It's just that –" His thumbs stroked her gently. "I don't deserve you, Nymphadora," he glanced down at the bump under her sweater. "I don't deserve any of this, and I…" It was such a crazy thing, in his mind, that he could hardly believe it was real. He had never though he would ever say this to someone. "I love you, the both of you."

"I love you, too." She breathed.

To Remus' ears, it was nearly too great to believe.

"Do you?"

Tonks took his face between her hands and stroked his chapped skin with the softness of her fingertips.

"Yes, Remus, I do." She reclined her head slightly. "Is it so absurd to you?"

"I thought that… After what I did –"

But she shook her head patiently.

"I don't care about what you did, Remus, past is past," Her forehead touched his and she smiled reassuringly. "I love you."

She had told him before, so may times that he had forgotten how immensely wonderful it was to believe it. But still he couldn't see why a marvellous girl like her would want to stay with a starcrossed man like him.

"In spite of all the horrible things I did to you?" he asked feebly, but the answer was already twinkling in Nymphadora's eyes.

"Yes."

"Despite I am what I am?"

"This is what has never been clear to you, Remus." She replied with a light hint of amusement in her tone. "I don't love you despite you are what you are… I love you because you are what you are."

Remus was so stunned that the millions of words forming in his brain couldn't seem to find their way to his mouth. Tonks observed him affectionately for long seconds and just returned the intensity of his dazed gaze, and a new, pleasant thought hit him.

I'm home

"I had a check up this morning, you know," she whispered softly, hands resting on his wet chest, and he found her voice throaty and slightly shaky. "The baby is healthy, and he's – just perfect… He's not going to be a werewolf." She sniffled as she squeezed him tighter, but in a joyful, serene way. "He's not going to be like you," A watery smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "But I'll love him all the same."

-

Remus had to open his eyes to realise he was clutching at the border of the desk. He was unconsciously holding his breath, his eyebrows creased in affliction. Living that moment again had proved harder than he had imagined. Nymphadora's absence was affecting him more than he cared to admit. He constantly felt like walking on thin ice, without her, as though his trust in the world dwelled in her eyes, in the sound of her laugh, and without it everything was only the old, unfriendly hell again. Now that she'd become an integral part of him, the empty place she'd left on his side made him feel like he was living by halves, like everything was split and incomplete.

He straightened up and glanced sideways: Teddy was quietly babbling, fully awaken, stretching his chubby little hands in the air, waving them towards Remus, his mouth hitched by what couldn't be but a carefree toothless grin..

A warm smile painted across Remus' lips as his heart swelled with affection and pride.

"Come here, little marauder." He said lovingly, and lifted the baby boy into his arms.

He filled with emotion, a new strength rising in him as Teddy's giggles caressed his soul like a healing spell, and he reminisced the sense of almightiness he had felt when he and Nymphadora had first set their eyes on their son.

"What did I do to deserve something so wonderful like you and you mother?"

Teddy replied with a loud squeal and giggled again. Remus couldn't smother a low laugh himself.

Without taking his eyes of his child, he took his wand from the pocket of his robe and pointed it at his temple. When, a second later, he pulled it away, a thin, silver string fluctuated along, glistening in the dawnlight. Remus approached the tip of the wand to the chalice and with a small prod let the memory fall in it. The silver melted at once with the opalescent white of the potion, turning it a pearly shade of pink.

Remus found it quite funny: a pink potion was exactly what one would expect to use in order to awaken a girl like Tonks.

He took the goblet into his free hand and then look down at Teddy with a conspiratorial smile.

"And now, big boy, let's go and bring Mum back."

-------

When Remus entered the room, his first thought was that it was deserted. All the lights were off (except a candle by Tonks' bed), every curtain closed, and the quietness was almost frightening. A shiver ran though his spine the moment when the words 'deadly silence' popped out in his mind.

But then the momentary fear dissolved into relief: Andromeda was sitting asleep by Nymphadora's side, head nestled over her folded arms, just next to her daughter's hand, which she was holding firmly. All about the room, one by one, Remus could spot all the others: Arthur snoring onto one of the free beds, Molly peacefully slumbering beside; Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione squashed together on the floor, resting back against the wall; Minerva's head hanging to her chest, deeply asleep. Bill and Fleur, hand in hand, lay on the bed opposite to Tonks', a few inches from a window from which a sharp ray of light penetrated the velvet curtain like a golden blade, going to lie right on Nymphadora's inexpressive face.

Not uttering a sound, he headed to his wife, Teddy cuddled against his chest, the chalice safely kept between his fingers.

He knelt down by the bed and laid the chalice on the nightstand, trying not to wake Andromeda up, then stopped to contemplate Tonks' young looks. She still had a whole life ahead of her, and this unbelievable experience had let him understand that it was only her choice how to live it and with whom. Not some sodding Death Eater's, nor Voldemort's, and surely not his.

Nymphadora's time had been cut too soon and too unfairly, and he was going to give it back to her. Because she had a right to see everything she hadn't seen yet, and enjoy what she hadn't yet enjoyed, and, above all, because he was selfish enough to admit that the prospect of a future without her made no sense whatsoever to him.

He cupped her face with a hand and found her colder than he remembered. He sighed; it hurt him to see her like this.

When he look up, he met a pair of dark eyes – tired and sad – scrutinising him intently. He hadn't even realised she had woken up. Andromeda kept staring at him with a piecing gaze that Remus couldn't help associating to Nymphadora's: deep, intense, with barely hinted sensual undertones, even in a moment like this. What made her so different from her daughter was the lack of that sparkle of innocence mixed to mischief that was Tonks' trademark, the thing that had captured Remus' fondness in first place. Now, looking straight into Andromeda's glossy eyes, he easily recognized the adamantine stubbornness and temper of his Nymphadora.

"I trust you, Remus," Andromeda murmured, glancing at the steamy Potion on the stand. "I know I've been cold to you, but – I want to apologise, now, because," she set her hand on his and pressed her lips together, moved. "I saw what the two of you did for each other. You sacrificed your life for my daughter, and she did the same for you… For love… And you, together, defeated death."

We haven't defeated death, yet, Remus thought bitterly, but nonetheless he was thankful to Andromeda for the support she was showing him. It was actually more than he would have dared hoping for, especially after Ted's death.

"I know you can do this." Added Andromeda. Her attempt to smile vanished into a sniffle; she withdrew her hand and placed it over her mouth, facing away. He watched as the woman stood up and walked away, heading to a table the other side of the room and pour herself a glass of water, her muffled sobs resonating gloomily within the stones of the walls.

Fuelled by a new self-confidence, Remus brushed his lips against Teddy's forehead and dipped a finger into the thick Awakening Potion. He took a deep breath, swallowed, then took his finger above Nymphadora's slightly departed lips and let three drops fall in her mouth.

He didn't know what to expect. He could remember his Awakening as a very painful process, but how long would it take for her? Would it really work? He couldn't stand not to know what was going on inside of her.

"I – I need you to come back, Nymphadora," he whispered to her, leaning forward. "I need this, because I can't be alive if you're not..." It was scary to even think how true it was. He sat down next to he and grabbed her hand, still holding Teddy with his left arm, cradling him gently as he started getting fidgety. "Teddy's hair has turned black now, and he's so nervous… I guess he knows unconsciously that you're far away from him, and misses you… We both do – so much. And I'm pleading – supplicating you – please – please, come back and make everything alright again."

But the seconds turned into minutes, and Nymphadora was still lying there, motionless and pale, and nothing had changed.

TBC

A/N: I love this chapter, it's very powerful and emotional, and, as I promised, it was longer than the previous, and way more interesting, imho. I really hope you liked this, too. There are two last chapters to go, I'd love to know what you think about this. : )