A break from the serious HP world. No spoilers for any recent events.

Warnings: The slander of the name Garry and MPREG. Some swearing.

The Revenge of the MPREG: Part II

Severus was in labour.

"In and out Severus. Remember how we did it in Lamaze class." Harry breathed rapidly, hoping the oxygen would cease the pain collecting in his hand.

"If you utter ONE MORE WORD, I will be bringing up this child in Azkaban, Potter." Severus snarled, cracking a bone in his common-law husband's hand.

"I can see a head!" The doctor said, his hand on Severus' rectum.

"Not until the priest arrives! We haven't been married yet! What will the wizarding world think if I have a child out of wedlock?"

"No less then they think of you now you Gryffindor imbecile."

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter, there is nothing I can do – we have a head!" An earth shrieking cry pierced the room.

"YOU FUCKING PRICK POTTER!"

"Push Mr. Snape!"

"GAAAAH!"

"Wait! Wait!"

"AVADA–"

"One more time Mr. Snape!"

"ARRRGGGHH!"

"The priest!"

"It's a boy!"

"Bollocks, and the priest – he's so cute!"

"You arse. Does he have all the required body parts?"

"Ten toes, ten fingers and a little nose."

"Thank Merlin." Severus paused and made a grouchy face. "Well you brainless dolts, may I see my child?"

"Our child, Severus." The little boy continued to cry, wrapped inside its blanket cocoon. "Here's your papa."

"Father." Severus corrected, holding out his arms to embrace his son. He brought his child to his chest, Harry crowding by his side.

"He's so precious," Harry sighed, resting the hand without the broken knuckle on his husband's head.

A small cough, then: "Mr. Potter, Mr. Snape." The priest bowed and gazed at the newborn. "Would you still like to proceed…?"

"Sod off."

Harry grimaced. "I think what Severus means is: We'll contact you another day."

"As you see fit, Mr. Potter." The old man bowed again and then hobbled off to attend to more priestly duties.

"Have you two picked out a name?" The nurse asked.

"If you say James, Sirius or Remus, I will not permit you within 15 acres of our son." Severus growled and Harry gave a one note laugh.

"How 'bout Jeremy?"

"To close too James." The baby cried.

"Steven."

"A interesting name Harry."

"Mmm… Freoge?" The baby kept wailing.

"A plausible name."

"Jim? Dean? Sam? Deam?"

"Under no circumstances will our son's name be a half-arsed collaboration of mediocre given names."

"Garry? Wolfgang?"

"I was thinking about sophisticated names, you spineless boy."

"My name's Garry." The doctor said, the new "I just helped bring life into the world" cheer depleting.

"I'm not spineless Severus. Anyways, I think you meant to call me a nattering nit-wit."

"Garry's a handsome name," the doctor interrupted.

"Shut-up you fool." Mommy Severus shot a nasty glare at the doctor; the man cringed. "Your services are no longer needed." He shot a metal-searing look at the door.

"Come on Doctor." The nurse gave a tight smile, picking her college up. "My fathers name was Garry…" The doctor's blabbering muted as the door shut.

The nurse walked back in a moment later. "I'm sorry Mr. Snape, but I need to take your son for a few hours to monitor his vital signs."

"Bloody hell you will."

"Come on Severus. She's just doing her job."

"Like a barnacle she is."

"You'll be able to visit him, sir."

Glowering, Severus reluctantly gave his son to Harry, who transferred the baby into the wench's paws.

"Why don't you take this time to pick out a name?"

"I would, however I don't see you scrambling away, so I can see my son before the next lunar eclipse."

Harry sighed and gave the nurse an "I'm sorry my husband's such a prat" look, and ran his fingers through Severus' sweat damped hair.

"Blasted muggle hospitals."

"It was the only—"

"Shut-up Potter."

"So ah, back to the baby names…"

"Sigmund."

"You're joking. That's worse then Garry."

"Sigmund is a refined name."

"Dick?"

"Oh how brilliant. I can picture our son years later asking us why he was named after his dad's pitiful knowledge of jargon."

"Pervert."

"Apollo."

"We're not naming our son after a god Severus."

"Afraid that the wizarding world will think the Golden Boy got to big for his breeches?" Severus snorted, his lover giving him a tiny push.

"Trying to kill me already, Harry? They'll know you committed the crime. They might be muggles, however they do have a substantial forensic equipment."

"Oh stuff it."

"I'm much to tired."

"Giles?"

"Moderately better then your other putrid attempts."

"Otto?"

"He's not a vehicle Harry."

"Albert?"

"Why don't you says Charles and get it over with?"

Harry huffed and tried to woo his increasing headache away. "Silvanious–"

"No."

"Alexander?"

"Common."

"Jared?"

"Please don't over extend your infinite knowledge for the sake of your child, Harry."

"Bugger it all."

"That's not a name."

"Albus?" There was another pause.

"Satisfactory."

"A little old though."

"I have always believed that Thatcher was a suitable name for a child."

Harry pondered for a moment. "Thatcher's a satisfying name." He gave Severus' shoulder a squeeze.

"Should I got and tell the nurse the good news?"

"In a moment." The bed creaked as Severus edged over. Harry smiled and lied on his side.

"Good morning Sev'rus."

"It's goodnight Harry."

"But it's the morning."

A soft sigh. "Good morning Harry."

"Good morning Severus."

As sun peered through the drapes, both men drifted off to sleep.

THE END

(Unneeded and badly timed Spoiler Alert: Because Thatcher is truly Severus's middle name XDDDDD)