Author's note: This is it, the last chapter, and I just want to say thanks for all the kind reviews. Opening email this week has been a real joy, as if I'd gotten a little injection of happiness with each of your messages. Thank you!

Pam

When Sam woke up in the infirmary, she was pleased to see her father there. But then he gave her the bad news about the Tok'Ra alliance going sour, and his need to spend an indeterminate amount of time trying to smooth things over.

Sam was concerned about the alliance, but also disappointed. She'd so much wanted to take some time off with her father, but now…Once again, duty interfered. When she was growing up, it was his duty; when the Stargate program first started, her obligations prevented father and daughter from spending time together. Once he and Selmak joined, at least they saw each other more often, but it was usually related to one catastrophe or another.

Now, it seemed that yet another promise was to be broken – the one she'd made to herself to spend time with her father and tell him how she felt about him.

Jacob kissed her, and told her that he'd be back eventually. Sam told him, "I'll miss you."

He answered, "I'll miss you too. Bye."

He moved to the infirmary doors, but Sam came to a sudden decision. This time, she couldn't just let him go. This time, she would talk to him.

She called out to him, "Dad, before you go, do you remember Pam Sperling? You met her when I was at the Academy."

He was puzzled by the question, but replied, "Yeah – she was that wild friend of yours, right?"

"I wouldn't exactly call her wild, but yes, that's her. Did I ever tell you that she was one of the training instructors at the advanced course of SERE?"

"No. Wow, that's impressive. You have to be top-notch to run those exercises."

"She was a great instructor. I thought about her a lot while I was on the run back at the alpha site. Well, not just Pam, but all the survival instructors. Their suggestions and all the training really helped."

"I'm glad. I'm certainly indebted to anyone who helped to keep you alive."

Jacob wondered what this was all leading to. Was Sam just trying to keep him here a little longer, or did she have a point to make?

He asked, "Are you still in touch with Pam? As I recall, you two were pretty close. Maybe you should let her know how effective the training is."

Sam sadly responded, "No, I haven't talked to her in a long time. But after I'm out of here, I'll make sure to contact SERE and let them know how much I appreciated their training. You're right; they should be told that they're doing a great job."

She shook her head, forcing herself to get to the point.

"I'm sorry to keep you, Dad, but I thought about you a lot, too. I just want to say – please take care of yourself. I love you."

Jacob was a little surprised by her last statement. The two of them had never been good at expressing those kinds of emotions out loud, even though the feelings were definitely there. He felt guilty that he had to leave her now, but at least he could tell her how he felt and try to reassure her.

"I love you too, Sam, and I will be back."

This time she let him leave, and her head fell back on the pillow.

A week later Sam sat in the passenger seat of a rental car, on her way to visit Pam again, a visit that was long overdue. Upon her release from the infirmary, she told Janet of her plans. Janet had reservations, but understood the need for the trip.

"Sam, I know that you feel a lot better, but you're not completely recovered yet. That leg is still bad, and the meds that you're taking aren't conducive to a long drive alone. Find someone to go along, and I'll approve it. I wish that I could go with you, but right now it's impossible for me to leave. Are you sure that you can't wait for a week or so?"

Sam couldn't explain the urgency that she felt, not even to herself, so she just shook her head, and agreed to find a companion for her trip.

She briefly considered asking the colonel. He would have done so, she knew, but his own experiences as a captive in the Gulf War were too close to what Pam had endured. She preferred not to expose him to an experience which might trigger painful memories.

Daniel – Daniel would be caring and sympathetic, eager to help in any way that he could, maybe too eager. Right now, she wanted silence and time to reflect. She didn't think that she could ask Daniel for that, to basically shut up for a day or so, not without hurting his feelings.

That left Teal'c. He was the ideal choice. When she explained her desire to see an old friend in another state, and Janet's conditions, he offered his help immediately.

"I would be pleased to accompany you, Major Carter."

As they traveled, first by plane, and now in the rental car, he allowed her the solitude she needed. Yet he was a solid presence, strong and supportive.

Now, Teal'c followed her directions, and they drove through the gates and parked. She eased her way out of the car, carefully placing weight on her injured leg. As Teal'c came around the car to be sure that she was steady, she looked up and said, "Thank you Teal'c; I'm fine. I can walk the rest of the way myself, and I'd like some time alone."

Teal'c nodded in understanding, and stepped back to the car.

Sam slowly limped through the rows of white headstones. As always when she visited a national cemetery, reserved for veterans and their families, she was flooded with emotions. Sadness, of course, for so many lives lost. Pride, - proud of all those who had gone before and sacrificed so much for their country, but also a pride that she too served not only her country, but the entire world. Awed at all the lives represented here by the endless lines of simple markers.

The symmetry of the markers and the well kept green grass between them created a beauty that she newly appreciated each time that she came. It didn't matter which one of the national cemeteries that she visited, they all invoked the same feelings. There was a sacred feeling here, not necessarily in the religious sense, but in the sense that those here deserved to be honored.

Reading the inscriptions as she walked along was almost like reading a history book.

MATTHEW R PLANTER

SGT

US ARMY

WORLD WAR II

SEP 16 1920

JUN 21 1944

JOSEPH S BANKS

CPL

US MARINE CORPS

VIETNAM

JAN 2 1950

MAR 11 1995

and on and on.

Sam kept moving, coming to a stop in front of

PAMELA T SPERLING

MAJ

US AIR FORCE

PERSIAN GULF

MAY 16 1969

NOV 23 1999

When Sam and the others went on that first mission to Abydos, it was supposed to be one-time-only trip. At that point, they only knew one destination through the Stargate. Daniel's discoveries on Abydos revealed more addresses, which of course led to the expansion of the Stargate program. The approval for more teams came almost immediately, and Sam was sure that Pam would be a natural fit for the program. But Pam was still in a fragile mental state at that time. She had just begun counseling, and Sam knew that Pam wouldn't be able to pass the stringent psychological testing required of the SG teams.

A year and a half after the start of the SGC, when Pam's progress was evident, Sam submitted her name to General Hammond. Even though no new teams were being formed, replacements were needed, and Sam hoped that Pam could be added to the pool of candidates. General Hammond agreed with Sam's assessment of Pam's capabilities, and the approval process began. Of course, Sam couldn't tell Pam about the program or that she was involved herself. All Pam knew was that she was being considered for a top-secret program. She confessed that much to Sam, and was clearly excited by the prospect of meeting a new challenge.

General Hammond informed Sam when Pam had cleared all tests, and that she was on the list of replacements. When her name came up, she'd be brought into the SGC, and the specialized indoctrination could begin. Pam was told almost the same thing, that she would be placed into the program when a slot opened up, but still wasn't told the exact nature of the program.

Pam called Sam with the good news that she was on a short list, and the two met to celebrate. Pam was almost back to the old Pam from the Academy, enjoying life and looking forward to her next assignment. Sam looked at Pam's smiling face and thought, "If she only knew what's coming, she'd be even more excited."

Over the next few months, Sam was busier than she could have ever imagined. Going off-world, working in her lab on the new technology which they brought back, and trying to keep the Stargate running smoothly occupied almost all her time. She did occasionally check with the general to see what Pam's status was on the replacement list, and Pam was slowly moving up. Sam didn't wish for faster movement, since many of the openings were due to the death of a team member, but she was looking forward to seeing Pam's face the first time that she saw the gate open, and her reaction after her first trip through.

Returning from a mission, Sam walked down the ramp, half-smiling at the exchange between the colonel and Daniel. It began before they entered the gate, and continued now, barely interrupted by the passage through millions of miles.

"Honestly, I can't believe those two. The colonel goads Daniel, and Daniel defends himself. Or Daniel questions the colonel, and the colonel blows up. I keep expecting one of them to yell to mom that he's being picked on."

She handed her weapon to the airmen standing at the base of the ramp, and noticed that General Hammond stood there looking unusually grim.

The colonel stopped short just behind her, and asked, "Something wrong, sir?"

The general waved him on, saying, "We'll debrief in an hour Colonel."

More gently, he said to Sam, "Major, there's something I need to tell you. Let's go upstairs."

Her stomach dropped as he led her to the briefing room, and her first thought was of her father.

"Sir, is it my dad?" she asked.

"No, he's fine as far as I know. It's your friend, Major Sperling. She was killed in a car accident yesterday."

Sam stared at him, too stunned to respond.

"I'm so sorry, Major. From what you and her commanding officers have told me, she was a fine officer and a wonderful woman. I'm sorry that she didn't get a chance to come on board with us."

Sam recovered enough to reply.

"Thank you, sir. But how…Do you know any of the details? Pam's an excellent driver."

"It was just a fluke accident, caused by a young father. He looked into the backseat of his car for just a moment, distracted by a crying child in a car seat. He swerved slightly, enough to swipe Major Sperling's car and force it out of control. They were on a freeway, and both cars were moving pretty fast, but not speeding, according to the highway patrol. Her car rolled and she didn't have a chance."

"What about the father and child? Were they injured badly?"

"They're fine, just a few bruises and scratches. No other cars were involved, either."

"Major, I know that she was a good friend. Skip the briefing today; go home, and contact the major's family. Let the colonel know when the services are scheduled, and we'll arrange for your leave time."

In a state of shock, Sam headed to the lockers. She quickly changed clothes and went home without talking to anyone. The general would talk to the colonel and let him know where she was. At home, she did as the general suggested and called Pam's parents in West Virginia. They sounded as shocked as she felt. They agreed to contact her as soon as arrangements were finalized. After she hung up, she poured herself a stiff drink and slumped down onto her couch.

"After all that she went through, all the suffering, and then the hard work she did to come back – just to have it end like this. And she was right on the verge of coming into something more exciting than she could ever have dreamed. She would have loved going off-world, exploring, all of it."

Sam managed to make it through the next awful week, spending time with Pam's parents, enduring the funeral and graveside rites, visiting with Pam's fellow officers and even some Academy classmates at a gathering after the funeral. These events were all rituals meant to bring some sense of closure, but Sam still couldn't get over the seemingly meaningless death of her closest friend. The woman had the potential to do so much more if she had lived.

As the years went by, the feeling of loss diminished, but the feeling that something precious had been stolen remained. Sam visited Pam's grave at the cemetery in West Virginia on the first anniversary of Pam's death, but hadn't gone back since. The easy excuse was her busy schedule, if she was willing to lie to herself. The truth was that she still resented Pam's death. It wasn't logical, but emotions seldom are. Visiting the grave forced her to face that resentment and examine its roots. Once she opened that particular door, who knew what other hidden feelings might come tumbling out.

Now once again standing in front of the marker after all these years, Sam realized that she had finally come to terms with Pam's death. Maybe it was just due to the length of time which had passed, or maybe it was due to the road which Sam had traveled during that time – all the deaths and pain she'd witnessed and endured. It didn't matter how Pam had died, or what she hadn't been able to do as a result; what was important was how she'd lived and what she'd accomplished while she was alive. By dwelling on her death all this time, Sam unwittingly had devalued Pam's life.

She spoke out loud, not caring that no one else would hear the words. She needed to say them.

"Pam, I'm sorry that I never got the chance to say thank you for so many things. Your friendship at school meant more to me than you ever knew. You dragged me away from my books and forced me to see that the Academy could be more than just a place to get an education and a commission, but that it was also a place to form long-term friendships and learn how to socialize with others. You showed me that I could have fun without neglecting my work."

"After we graduated, you were my touchstone. Whenever I got too wrapped up in work, all it took was a phone call to you, and I'd be laughing in no time. You never let me take myself too seriously."

"Then after you told me about your capture and imprisonment, and especially after you struggled through the trauma due to that, you inspired me. I wasn't allowed to tell you what I've been doing the last few years, but I've been in some bad situations myself at times. Whenever it happened, I thought of you and the example that you set for me."

"I've just gotten back from a really rough mission, and you were on my mind a lot. The training exercises that you ran at SERE were invaluable, but more than that, the things you told me about your captivity and what you did to persist mentally and physically helped me to survive."

Now tears spilled as Sam continued.

"Pam, you were the closest thing to a sister that I had, and I miss you tremendously. Even though you're gone, you're still a part of me. Every time that I go to a new world, your influence and spirit are with me, urging me to not only complete a mission, but to also stop for a moment and enjoy the experience."

"Thanks, Pam."

Sam lingered for a few more minutes, allowing memories of Pam to wash over her. Then she turned and walked back to the car and Teal'c.

"I'm ready to go now."

He moved to help her into the car, and she allowed it this time. She was emotionally drained by the visit, but more at ease than she'd felt in a long time.

Teal'c turned the key in the ignition, and they drove slowly past the rows of markers. He hadn't questioned her about the trip in any way, just quietly accepted her directions and provided a sense of companionship without intruding on her need for silence. But now, he sensed a change in her mood, and commented, "This is a beautiful site. Your country does well to honor its warriors in this way."

Sam nodded in agreement. "It really is nice, isn't it? I'm glad that Pam's parents chose it."

"Pam? The person you came to honor?"

Sam pondered his phrasing, and appreciated how appropriate it was. She had come to satisfy a need of her own, to confront her inability to accept Pam's death, but had ended up recalling the wonderful life that her friend had led. Sam was ready to move on, and the best way to do that was to honor Pam by sharing her history with others.

"Teal'c, haven't I ever told you about my friend Pam Sperling? Let me tell you how we met…."

Now, it's done! Hope that you enjoyed it.