Disclaimer: Only the plot belongs to me.

I, Lily Evans, have a problem.

What, you didn't actually think that I would reveal the details of my problem, did you?

You expect too much of me.

…

FINE. James Potter, all right? JAMES BLOODY POTTER.

The bane of my existence. The one boy that I will always hate. And love just as much.

Lily surveyed the words before her with disgust.

Exactly three months had passed since James Potter and Lily Evans, the most infamous "Will they? Won't they?" couple ever to pass through Hogwarts, had parted ways.

And yet, she still remembered it like it was yesterday, right down to the very last detail. The look on James' face. The ache of her regret. The sensation of his lips against her forehead as he uttered a final goodbye…

It was unfortunate that she remembered these things so clearly, and sometimes she wished she didn't…but she did.

She added the word "pathetic" to her self-deprecating rant.

Everyone knew that acknowledging a problem was the first step toward overcoming it. But Lily was not entirely sure that she could solve her problem. In fact, lately she had begun to wonder whether she was the problem. For if she truly hated James Potter, and would not hesitate to admit it, she hated herself even more. She had given her heart to the one boy she always knew would leave it broken. And she had let him keep it. It was killing her inside.

Scowling, she folded the paper roughly and shoved it beneath her pillow, glancing quickly at the sleeping forms of her roommates. They remained motionless, their breathing calm and steady. That was a relief. As usual, Lily was the only one awake, alone in her depression. She closed her eyes and prayed silently for sleep to overtake her. She knew it would; it was merely a question of when. Any moment now. She fluffed her pillow. She rolled onto her right side, then her left. She fiddled with her wand, and even counted cracks in the ceiling. It had to be after midnight, at least, and still sleep continued to evade her. Lily wanted to scream and storm the boys' dormitory with an army of hippogriffs and chocolate frogs (a years' supply of hair gel might also be helpful, considering the recipient). Loudly. Biting her tongue, she slipped into her robe and silently exited the room, in search of a place to vent her frustrations.

The common room was eerily quiet. As she descended the staircase, Lily noticed a fifth year asleep in the armchair nearest the fire, an OWL practice booklet open in her lap. She wondered briefly if she should wake her, but decided against it, enjoying the pleasant atmosphere too much to risk disturbing it. She was almost tempted to lie down on the couch, in the hope that the warmth of the fire would ease her nerves a bit, when she remembered the purpose of her little midnight excursion. James Potter. He was the reason for her sleepless nights. And for that he would pay.

Taking a long, steadying breath, Lily Evans thundered up the stairs and into the boys' dormitories. She stopped at the room belonging to the marauders. Her hand shook when she raised it to knock.

Her resolve was firm. James Potter was a…one time he…well, it was late, and Lily was having some difficulty articulating her thoughts. But she knew she loathed him with every fiber of her being. The dull ache in her chest was proof enough. And she wanted him to know it too. Didn't she?

Suddenly Lily wasn't so sure after all.

Before she could muster the courage to knock, or turn back, the door swung open with a bang.

Lily gulped. Standing in the doorway was a very confused Sirius, fully dressed and clutching an old, worn piece of parchment. He blushed at the sight of her, shoving the parchment behind his back.

"Evans?" he whispered cautiously.

"H-hullo, Sirius," she managed. She tried to keep calm. At least she hadn't come face-to-face with James. "Nice night, isn't it?"

He nodded, then, "Oy, Prongsie! You'll never guess who - !"

"Shut up, you great git!" Lily gasped, pulling Sirius into the hallway with her. He stumbled forward, knocking into her. In spite of everything, Lily couldn't help the smile that crept across her lips; most girls would kill to find themselves pinned to the floor by the self-proclaimed Gryffindor Heartthrob, Sirius Black. Too bad she wasn't interested. Still, she made a mental note of the situation; maybe she could give free consultations. "How To Get an Unsuspecting Sirius Black in a Compromising Position." The name needed work. Still, the thought made her giggle. She was the last person on the face of the earth with the authority to dispense relationship advice.

Sirius, presumably on his way to a midnight snogging session, mistook her giggle for one of arousal rather than amusement. "Uh. No offense, Evans, you're real pretty and all, but – umm – considering your history with Prongs-."

"Ugh. Did you seriously think…?" She couldn't even bear to complete the thought. "Get off me!"

Sirius frowned, but thankfully relented. "As you wish."

He helped her up, and they stood together awkwardly. Lily racked her brain for a fitting alibi. The truth was, she hadn't the faintest idea what she was doing there in the first place, so technically nothing she said could be construed as a lie. Not exactly, anyway. She sighed, twirling her hair in concentration. Finally, Sirius broke the silence.

"So what're you doing up here, anyway, Evans?"

Oh, crap. "Umm…well…I was just going to…I wanted to…I thought I should…"

"Pay a visit to dear 'ol Jamesie?" Sirius interrupted, smirking. "See how things were going Post-Meltdown?"

Yes. That's exactly what you were doing. Tell the truth, Lils. Harsh. Surely her conscience would have realized how much she despised the nickname "Lils." Just for that she would disregard it. Besides…trust Sirius with the truth? Ludicrous! And pointless, really, especially since the whole truth involved such nonsense as fire and large quantities of hair gel…

"No," she snapped instead. "I was taking a stroll. I needed to clear my head. Get some fresh air. You know."

He eyed her suspiciously, but didn't question her explanation. "Gotcha."

"Anyway, I'd best be getting back to my dormitory, but I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this…erm…incident between us. There's no need to bother anyone else." She put extra emphasis on the word "anyone"; she hoped Sirius would take the hint. "Or give anyone the wrong idea." Lily, however, was more concerned that someone (meaning James) would get the right idea than the wrong one.

Sirius didn't seem entirely convinced, but reluctantly agreed to let her presence in the boys' dormitories slide. Lily thanked him, smiling. Her secret was safe with him.

She turned and headed back downstairs to the common room, still mulling over the depths of her own pathetic desperation.

She flopped down on the couch, curling into a ball and hiding her face with a pillow.

What in the world had possessed her?!

James.

The answer came to her with a swing of the portrait hole.

Lily blinked, confused. Was he real? Indeed he was. The boy Lily had once considered the truest of all true loves, her soul mate, her better half, standing beside her once more, his eyes widened in shock.

He raked his hands through his hair nervously, dazed, as if he were dreaming. "L-Lily?" he choked.

She sat up a little straighter, her head spinning. She had forgotten how intoxicatingly sweet her name sounded coming from his lips…

Damn.

"James," she managed to reply coolly. She kept her eyes trained on the fluffy white rabbits perched atop her slippers. She didn't dare look up…or perhaps she couldn't bear it.

He was near enough to touch now, so near that goose pimples rose on her arms. His presence made her anxious…and not in a good way. This was not the first time in three months that she had seen him. On the contrary, Lily had seen James every day since their breakup, even gotten used to seeing him with other girls. It was easier to bear when she reminded herself of how much she hated him, and all the reasons why it hadn't worked between them. But she hadn't been alone with him until now.

Ugh. She had to pull herself together! She wanted to destroy James, make him feel her agony, not melt into a puddle at his feet. Not that it wasn't tempting. A minute more of being in such close proximity and she might have cracked.

That is, until the portrait hole opened once again and out stepped Analiese Minnow, wearing a short, slinky nightie, her blonde pigtails bobbing merrily. In her arms was a carton of ice cream, nearly empty. The flavor was cookies n' cream, a favorite of Lily's. She cringed, watching as Analiese licked her lips flirtatiously, a glob of sticky ice cream dangling from her finger.

"And you thought you could outrun me! Didn't I tell you - ?" She froze. "Isn't that your ex-girlfriend?" she wondered instead.

So James had moved on, after all. Really moved on. Why had no one told her? And here she was, holding on to the ridiculous notion that someday, perhaps -.

No.

This was the last straw.

"I think I'll be going now," she said to no one in particular.

And with that, she rushed up the stairs and into the safety of her dormitory, soundlessly.

She felt like such a fool; she couldn't even cry.

Her heart struggled with an overwhelming mix of emotions: anger, disappointment, and…something else she wouldn't mention.

Inhaling deeply, she fell into bed and bound the curtains tightly around her, overturning her pillow. Its contents spilled onto the bed. A candy wrapper, an old photograph of her parents, a Christmas card…and one wrinkled, tearstained piece of parchment.

She found a pen in the rubble and gently unfolded the paper, smoothing out the creases.

Alice was right. I'm not over James…but I will be. I HAVE TO BE, understand?

Getting Over James: A 12-Step Program.

It's as simple as that.

A/N: Reviews are, as always, both welcome and appreciated.

Please give this fanfic a chance :)

Love,

AllIWannaDo