Where You Used To Be
Summary: The staff at Sacred Heart have to deal with a terrible loss that affects everyone in different ways.
A/N This is set mid-season four. Italics denotes flashback. Character deaths- not major but Major angst!
To be able to write such a depressing story, I listened to Hallelujah by John Cale quite a lot, which was used on Scrubs in the episode 'My Old Lady'.
I've asked before about a beta and never had one. I've had offers but the people never get back to me (I must make a fantastic first impression). So if anyone is interested, and actually interested, not just emailing me once and then vanishing, please get in contact with me.
'There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept,
things we don't want to know but have to learn,
and people we can't live without but have to let go.'
A Hole In The World
JD rushed towards the room where he knew he'd be.
Turk was outside, leaning against the wall. He looked drained of energy. His face looked tired as his eyes locked with JD's. "Where is he?"
Turk moved away from the wall. "He's in with Carla."
"What happened?" JD asked.
Turk took a deep breath. "They were just too badly injured from the crash." JD could see a glistening in Turk's eyes.
"Turk, I need to know." JD said gently. He knew how hard this was for his friend, but he just needed to know what had happened.
"Jordan suffered massive head injuries as well as internal trauma. Chances are that, even if it had just been the head injuries she'd never have regained consciousness. Jack died on his way to the hospital."
"Oh, God." Was all JD could mutter. The full extent of what he'd been told hadn't sunk in yet.
Silence passed between the pair as they sat unmoving outside the room. Eventually, JD asked, "Is she in there? Jord..." He couldn't bring himself to say her name.
Turk nodded. "He hasn't even seen Jack yet."
"It'll kill him." JD said.
As they stood there, Turk thought back to earlier on that day.
His community service had come up and Turk had took the role to work in an ambulance to get it over and done with. He'd still have another shift to do, but he'd decided to split it up a little.
They were called to a road accident which they got to within 5 minutes of getting the call. The car was hardly recognisable, the front smashed so far in. They went to check on the people inside and that's when Turk realised who was inside. Jordan's dark blonde hair had a little blood in it. She was unconscious.
He'd been so focused on her it wasn't until Danny, the guy he was on the shift with, mentioned a passenger that Turk realised she had Jack with her.
He was also unconscious as well.
A quick inspection showed that Jordan was trapped inside and they'd need a fire crew to cut her out. Jack was good to be moved and as soon as the next ambulance arrived to wait with Jordan, Turk and Danny got Jack into the ambulance and speed towards Sacred Heart.
They were only half way there when Jack stopped breathing. Turk called forward to Danny, who pulled over as they both worked to save the youngster's life. When, after 5 minutes they couldn't get him breathing again, Danny went back to driving. He told Turk to keep trying, that they might get lucky. Turk worked, knowing that as long as he tried then someone at the hospital might be able to do something.
When they eventually arrived, they moved as fast as possible getting the boy into a room. The doctors and nurses arrived, Danny passed on all the information, how long the child hadn't been breathing, how long they'd tried to resuscitate for.
The doctor tried for a while longer before they officially called it.
Turk knew that Jack had died while he'd been sat there with him in the back of the ambulance.
Elliot walked up to JD and Turk. Her eyes were already filled with tears, which escaped the moment she saw the two of them. She embraced JD, the nearest too her as she started to cry.
Inside the room, Carla stood watching her friend. Tears ran down her face silently, as she looked at Jordan's still form. All the machines and wires had been removed. It was just the body that was left now.
Perry was sat on the bed next to his wife's battered body. One hand was rubbing her arm gently, the other was moving her hair, trying to make it neater, making her look alive again. The blood that was matted into it didn't allow it. However much he tried to gently coax the hair into a normal style, it just stayed the same.
He continued the motion nonetheless. After a few minutes he stopped and looked round in Carla direction, not making eye contact with her. "Where's my son?" he asked, voice flat.
She could see the tears on his face, he didn't care enough to try to hide his grief. It was all too much, too consuming.
"I'll find out for you." she said, leaving the room.
As soon as she stepped out and saw the faces of her three friends there, she almost started crying again. But she held it together, fighting back the emotion. Taking a deep, unsteady breath she asked, "Do any of you know where Jack is?"
"He was up in room 306." Turk said
"One of the interns wanted to move him down to the morgue, Kelso chewed the guy out big time." Elliot said, having witnessed the event.
The door behind Carla opened as Perry walked out. "Where?" was all he said.
"306." Carla said.
Perry stepped past her, never looking at any of the people there, and none of them could bare to look at him either. "No one goes in that room." Perry said as he walked away, vaguely pointing to the room he'd just left.
"What do we do?" Elliot asked.
"There's nothing we can do." JD said. "Just wait."
Up at room 306, a man stood over the small child's body. The man was the one who'd ordered this room to be set up for the child rather than the small ward where the doctors and nurses had fought to save his life. Their was no privacy there.
He used his own handkerchief to wipe away the trickle of blood that had dried by Jack's ear.
As he moved back, he noticed the figure stood at the door. He was a little surprised to see Perry here so soon.
Perry moved over to the bed, not saying a word to Bob Kelso, his eyes were focused on his son.
Bob remembered back to when Ben Sullivan had died, Jordan's brother and Perry's best friend. He remembered the way Perry completely denied the truth, he never even went to see the body.
Bob knew he couldn't deny the truth this time. He could tell just by the defeated manner in which Perry walk into the room that there was no denial this time.
Bob moved away from the bed, but didn't leave.
Standing outside the room that Perry had just vacated, Carla looked at Turk. She could see much he needed someone right then. She knew it should be her.
"Elliot, can you go check on Dr. Cox for me?" she asked, wanting to know where he was.
"Yeah." Elliot said, walking off in the direction the older man had gone moments ago.
"JD, wait here for Dr Cox to come back. Make sure you go in with him, even if he yells and screams for you to get out, don't leave him alone."
JD nodded "What are you going to do?"
Carla held out her hand to Turk. "Come on."
"Baby, talk to me?" Carla said as they sat in an empty room.
Turk sat with his head down. This was one of the hardest days he'd ever had. He'd never had someone he'd known as well as Jordan die, let alone the fact that he'd seen Jack go too.
"I can't tell you how I'm feeling Carla, it's just... it's just so unfair."
"I know."
"I've never felt more useless as a doctor. I mean, I watched him die and I couldn't do anything. How can I ever face Dr Cox again after that."
"We'll get through this somehow." Carla promised as she moved closer to Turk, embracing him. He moved closer into her as the tears threatened to escape.
Perry didn't touch his son once. He stood and looked for a long time.
Bob stayed there the whole time. He saw Elliot come to the door and leave when she saw him in with Perry. He was grateful that his friends were watching out for him. Bob guessed that's why he was here. He knew that he'd need as many of this people as possible around him in the coming weeks.
Then without a word, Perry turned and left the room. Bob followed after him, closing the door of the room. Elliot had been standing not far from the room, and as soon as she saw Cox leave, she followed him again.
Elliot saw JD waiting outside the room where Jordan was. Perry walked straight in, JD following him in.
When she got to the door, it was closed. And yet again, she waited outside. Every time she was alone, the tears would threaten to fall. She couldn't help but let a few escape every now and then.
After a while, she noticed a presence with her. The Janitor was stood with her. "I heard what happened. I just didn't like to see you on your own so I thought I'd stand with you."
She nodded at the kind gesture.
JD watched as Perry moved round next to Jordan and sat on the bed next to her. He reached for her hand, moving it closer to him. JD saw a look of confusion on Perry's face as he looked at her arm. He suddenly let go of her hand and looked at Jordan's face. Reaching to touch her cheek gently, he carefully glided his fingers over her skin. JD watched Perry's head drop as he did.
"She's cold." he said. Whether it was to JD or just himself, the young doctor had no idea, but he didn't say or do anything. JD knew that this long after Jordan had died, rigor mortis would be setting in. Her body would be cold and the muscle would stiffen. He'd seen it many times, but it was different to look at when it was someone you knew.
Perry stayed sitting with her, not ready to let go. Not willing to give up the body and let the morgue take her and put her in a drawer.
JD despised the doctor in him that knew there was a patient who needed a heart transplant. His inner voice told him that Jordan hadn't suffered injuries to her chest and the heart would have been perfectly healthy as she was young. But he knew he could never ask.
We would never ask.
-TBC-
A/N: What do you think, depressing enough? I've had this idea for a while and then last night, every thing just came to me. Sorry for the depressing nature of it guys, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Well, as much as you can enjoy a story all about death.