THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
WHOOSH!
Directed by THE PARODY KING
WHOOSH! WHOOSH!
Co Starring HARRY POTTER and HERMIONE
WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!
THE GOOD
WHOOSH!
THE BAD
WHOOSH!
AND SNAPE
WHOOSH!
HBP/ DHspoilers
Severus Snape walked into a graveyard, cloak draped over himself. He had been told by Dumbledore to come. And he had a few plans, himself.
"Dark lord," He said to himself, "I might just be returnin' to your services. But you should know I don't work cheep."
He lit a cigar in his mouth and blew smoke into the darkness, thinking this might make him look cool.
Later That Evening.
"What makes you think I'll believe you?" Asked Voldemort, hands ready to draw his wand.
"Well, you've known all along I go where the money is." Said Snape, calmly. "And it looks like you may just be hittin' the jack pot by takin' over the world and all that."
Voldemort eased his hand.
"Yes," He said, "I might get pretty rich from it. And defiantly, if I tax the blood out of all the muggleborns."
"Me, I just call em' mudbloods." Said Snape, chewing on his cigar. "And you should know Dumebledore told me ta' come over here as a spy, but this way, I can spy on him' without him suspectin' it."
"Fine then," Said Voldemort. "Your back on the team. How much do you wish to be paid."
"No less than what I deserve." Said Snape. "I'll say about a hundred galleons ta start."
"Done. You will start by spying on Dumbledore."
-
"That much for that vial betrayer?!" Bellowed Lucius, once Snape had left. "You've never paid me that much!"
"That's because you are a vial betraye, Lucius." Said Voldemort. "And if you get on the Half-Blood Prince's bad side, you'll be a dead one. No one dares mess with the Prince, except me and... Dumbledore."
-
"The dark lord told me ta' come here and spy on you all." Said Snape, blowing smoke into Dumbledore's office. "This is gunna take a load of actin', so I better get paid well."
"You will," Said Dumbledore, fingering his pipe. "A hundred galleons to start. You will start by spying on Voldemort. I can give you fake things to tell him about me."
"Then that's what I'll do." Said Snape, getting up.
Dumbledore drew his wand, shouted "Avata Kadavra", and jet of green light hit Fawkes the phoenix, killing it.
Snape left.
-
Snape aperated back to the graveyard, whistling the theme of the muggle film, "A Few Dollars More".
"Squibs and muggleborns feel fear!" Chanted the enchanted skeletons.
"Dumbledore told me ta' come here and spy on you all." Said Snape, "This is gonna take a load of actin', so I better get paid more."
"You will", Said Voldemort, fingering his bone-like wand which was also a pipe. "A hundred more galleons. I can give you fake things to tell him about me."
"Startin' with?" Asked Snape, putting his wand to a cigar in his mouth, and murmuring "Flamatartis".
"'Startin' with' the 'weapon'. You know of which, I speak. The one that gives me real good stealth. Since you, I, and Dumbledore were the only ones who know what it said, we all have a piece of the clue of where it's hidden. Tell him my piece says it lies in the Department of Mysteries, in the Ministry of Magic. When my clue really says the pensive in the place my father grew up in. Which is where we are, now. Find out Dumbledore's clue!"
"I will.", Said Snape, lighting his cigar with the tip of his wand.
"Squibs and muggleborns feel fear!" Chanted the enchanted skeletons, again.
-
"His clue for the 'weapon' lies somewhere where he is now." Said Snape, to Dumbledore.
"Excellent. Tell him my clue says it lies in a, uh, toilet. He'll be digging up real shit, thinking someone flushed it. While my clue really says the pensive lies in a graveyard."
"That would mean", said Snape, "The pensive lies in the graveyard where Voldermort is now."
"Indeed." Said Dumbledore, "You must go and give Voldemort the false information. I will send a member of the order to help you dig up the pensive. Only you know the name of the grave it's uner."
Snape left.
-
"Squibs and muggleborns feel fear!" Chanted the skeletons, Voldemort had enchanted.
"It lies in this graveyard." Said Snape.
"Excellent!" Said Voldemort, "Now, you must tell me the name of the grave it lies under!"
"'Tom Riddle'." Said Snape.
With this, Voldemort paced among graves, searching for his father's grave.
At last, he found it.
"You dig!" Said Voldemort, conjuring a shovel.
Snape began digging, but then another shovel was conjured.
Serious Black threw a shovel to Voldemort.
This match had just gotten personal.
"I think you better start digging." Said Sirius, "The Half-Blood Prince is on my side. You can't fight both him and me."
Voldermort's shovel hit something.
He drew it out, and opened it.
There, lay the body of his father.
"What did your clue really say?" Asked Voldemort.
Snape looked from one to the other, judging how much money each was worth.
"How bout'" Said Snape, "I write out it really says on this stone."
He picked up a stone and got out his wand to etch on it.
He walked away, then placed it down, by his side.
"You know you can't fight me and the other," Said Snape, "Let's find out where my true allegiances lie the old fashioned way."
Voldemort and Sirius approached on either side.
Voldemort's hand went over his wand.
Sirius's hand went over his wand.
Snape's hand went over his wand.
Sirius drew his wand.
Snape drew his wand.
Voldemort drew his wand.
Snape pointed his wand and shouted "Avata Kadavra!".
Voldemort pointed his wand and shouted "Avata Kadavra!".
Sirius pointed his wand and shouted "Avata Kadavra!".
WHOOSH!
A jet of green light headed towards Sirius, which he avoided.
WHOOSH!
A jet of green light headed towards Voldemort, which he avoided.
WHOOSH!
A jet of green light headed towards Sirius, which killed him.
"What's written on the rock?" Asked Voldemort, after Snape had killed Sirius.
"Nothing." Said Snape, "The grave is unmarked."
Voldemort found the grave with no name, and used a spell to auto dig it.
"Here is the pensive!" Said Voldemort, taking the foggy object out.
"Indeed.", Said Snape, "Since Dumbledore's clue stated it lay in a graveyard, I suppose it made him think you were lying to me. And soon figured out it was probably here."
Voldemort lifted the pensive, tung out so he would look more like a crazy person, ready to smash the pensive.
Fawkes flew into view and grabbed the pensive.
"No!" Shout Voldemort, and shot down the phoenix.
The phoenix twisted in the air, then flew strait down, in circles.
It's fire grew as it reached the ground.
It crashed and exploded.
A tiny Trelawney appeared, but was too far away to be heard, and vanished.