Yep, finally got around to posting this

Yep, finally got around to posting this. Not much else to say, just be warned: my good friend the plothole monster assisted me in writing this, so if you try to put logic to it, then you're doomed to fail. Unless it's plothole monster logic.

That plothole monster is my best friend. :3

--

It definitely wasn't a peaceful day in Princeton. Partially because it was randomly in this weird dimension where they could be in both the US and the country of Amestris, and partially because nobody seemed to realize just how physically impossible that should be and everyone knew exactly where they were in regards to both countries, which makes no sense because… yeah, it just doesn't. But mostly because doctor Gregory House was working the clinic.

Most of the patients had the sense to do exactly what he told them to do, but a few of them were tricky. House was just about ready to leave for home when he was ordered to check another patient. He walked with a nurse to the examination room, a frown on his face as he listened to the problems.

"Well, to start it off, this kid has troubles sleeping, weight loss, a pain in his left leg that doesn't want to go away, not to mention numerous injuries from a fight, and that's only the beginning. This morning he collapsed in his superior's office, and according to his brother, there's a strange rash going down his right side that couldn't have come from the fight."

"Sounds like this kid's seen better days. What's his name?"

"Edward Elric. He's a state alchemist."

House opened the door to the room in which the alchemist was waiting. He looked from the kid on the bed from the dark-haired soldier standing next to him for a minute before putting down his clipboard.

"Okay, I'm doctor Gregory House, and I'm here to check up on Edward Elric. Why exactly is there a little kid in here?"

The soldier placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and somehow prevented the boy from attacking House. "This little kid is the one who's sick," the man said. "I'm in charge of him."

"And you are?"

"Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist."

"Oh, great. Well, you really don't need to be here, so you can wait outside."

Roy raised an eyebrow at the doctor, but left the room anyway. House closed the door behind him before turning to Edward.

--

Ed watched with a small amount of unease as he watched doctor House open a drawer. The doctor pulled on some gloves and walked up to Ed.

"So… you've been feeling a little down lately."

"I'm fine."

"The fact that your superior dragged your sorry little ass in here says otherwise. Take off your coat."

Ed thought about refusing, but then he remembered that Mustang was right outside the door, snappy gloves on his hands. He decided to listen to House and took off his red coat, leaving his long-sleeved shirt on. House grabbed Ed's right arm and pushed up the sleeve, revealing the bandages beneath. "This from your little fight?" House asked.

"Yeah. What are you doing?"

"I'm doing my job. Now be quiet so I don't mess up and cause your death."

Ed watched as House placed his fingers on a select place on his wrist. Then he watched as House's facial expressions became very confused.

"Are you sure you aren't a zombie?"

Ed jerked his arm away and pointed at it. "This is a prosthetic, moron."

"Then why is it bandaged?"

"Because I broke it."

"Fine. Give me your other hand."

Ed held out his left hand and waited impatiently for House to do his job. House had him do a variety of things, including lying back on the patient bed and letting House look at the bruises on his side. After a while, he gave Ed another command. "Stand up."

Ed stood, not quite knowing what to expect. He watched as House came within inches of him, standing straight and looking down on Ed. "What are you doing?" Ed asked.

"I wanted to see how tall you were. You're pretty short."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to be sure I wasn't imagining it. Wait here."

--

House left Ed to wait as he went to talk with Roy. The colonel was waiting in the waiting room (fancy that, waiting in a waiting room), and stood up when House approached him.

"And?"

"Has he been stressed out lately?"

"Not any more than usual. He and his brother just got back from a mission."

"What kind of mission?"

"They were looking for something, but they couldn't find it, so they came back."

"How long has this been going on?"

"His brother didn't notice anything unusual until a week ago, the day after they arrived in East City. He didn't say anything until yesterday, and when I called him into my office, he passed out on the floor."

"Has he changed his eating habits at all?"

"No, not that I know of."

House nodded. "Right. Well, from all of this, I can honestly say that it's not anything that we can diagnose without more information."

Roy raised an eyebrow. "You don't know?"

"Not right now. The best thing to do would be to keep him overnight for observation."

Roy hesitated. "Overnight?"

"You have a problem with that?"

Roy shook his head. "I don't have a problem with it, but…"

"But what?"

"Edward has… attitude problems. He doesn't always use common sense. He might be a little difficult to handle."

House decided to use his witty sarcasm in response. "Then it'll make things interesting. I wouldn't want to have a boring patient. Either way, it's the only thing we can do at the moment."

"Of course."

--

Ed watched as House came into the room, a worrisome expression on his face. The doctor didn't move further into the room than the doorway. "We're keeping you overnight. If you have a problem with that, then you'll have to deal with it, because your superior agreed to it, and I have a feeling he has some power over you."

"What? Why?"

"Because at the moment it's impossible to say exactly what's wrong with you, and it'll be easier for all of us if you just stay here. We're moving you to another room soon. Wait here."

Ed watched as House left and Roy entered the room. The colonel sat in a chair next to Ed with a sigh. "Figures you'd make this difficult for me, Fullmetal."

"I'm making this difficult for you?" Ed asked incredulously. "Hey, you're the one who dragged me here!"

"I don't want you getting worse. If you die, then I'll be in a very bad situation, and I have a lot to deal with already."

"It's not that bad!"

"I don't care. You're staying here, and you're going to behave."

"No."

Roy smirked. "Then I'll just have to court-martial you for disobeying a direct order."

"What? No way!"

"I will do it, Fullmetal. You might as well make it easier on the rest of us."

Ed folded his arms. "I'm going to complain about you to the higher-ups."

"Of course you are. And I'll just accidentally tell them your little secret."

Ed tensed. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, no, I would."

"Damn it! You suck, colonel."

Roy smirked again. "If you still have the energy to argue with me, then you'll probably be fine. Don't worry, I'll let your brother visit sometime."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah, way to win me over with that."

"Hey, you brought this on yourself. If you hadn't passed out in my office I wouldn't have thought there was a need to bring you all the way out here. And besides, do you really think it's okay for you to continue what you've been doing when you're in this condition?"

"Then give me some time off. We're kind of at a dead end anyway."

"That's why you're here. I'm not expecting you to do any work for me until you recover. All I want you to do is behave, and I can trust you to do that much, right?" Roy had a worrisome glint in his eyes as he spoke.

Ed grudgingly nodded. "Fine."

--

While Roy was talking to, or rather blackmailing, Ed, Dr. House was talking to one of his colleagues about some thing dealing with Ed, just as Dr. Cuddy walked up. She stood next to House and looked him straight in the eye. "So I heard you're dealing with someone in the military."

"That's right," House replied. "Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Fullmetal? I've heard about him. Isn't he the youngest state alchemist?"

House shrugged. "No idea. He doesn't seem to be the bragging type."

"What's he here for?"

House handed Cuddy the report. "Whatever's wrong with him isn't something normal."

Cuddy looked at the papers House had handed her. As she read them, she muttered to herself, "Unexplained weight loss, insomnia, pain, a rash, dizziness, numerous bruises and cuts from a fight… if I didn't know any better, I'd say this kid is suffering from stress, but if nothing has changed for him in the past few weeks… looks like you've got yourself another puzzle."

"Yep. And I have a feeling this kid's going to be more trouble than he's worth."

Cuddy gave back the papers. "Maybe for you, but if the military's bringing him here, then you'll have to put up with him. Vogler's still on your case, so if you're on an important case, then it'll make you look better and maybe make our lives a little easier."

"Great, just what I always wanted," House said sarcastically.

"Hey. I'm trying to keep you from losing your job. The least you could do is politely take care of this kid, because if you give us a good reputation with the military, then you'll probably have a better chance of keeping your job."

"And you want to keep me here why?"

"Just do it," Cuddy shot back as she stormed off.

House watched her leave before turning back to deal with Ed. The alchemist did not look happy, and House noticed a rather strange look on Roy's face. He shrugged it off and gestured to Ed. "We have a room ready for you. Come with me."

Ed got to his feet and nearly lost his balance as he followed House out of the room. Roy caught him and walked right behind him so that he could help if Ed lost his balance again. House made a note of this gesture as he opened the door to the room Ed would be staying in.

--

And just a note, I just saw that I made some continuity errors in the whole description area, so if you noticed those… Sowwy… I'll fix it once I figure out what the hell I was trying to say. XD

Edit on 4/8: I'm turning off anonymous reviews, because if I get one more "HOMG YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT YOU GOT SUCH-AND-SUCH WRONG" when it's either a. not wrong or b. wrong on purpose, I am going to give up my "try to be nice to stupid people" policy and bitch at people, and I'm only going to be able to do this if I can contact people. Dear god, people, how the hell are you expecting so damn much from a fanfiction on a subject that I barely know anything about? After all, wikipedia can only do so much for something that isn't as important as most of the things in one's life. Also, I'm bitching because I'm pissed off at the world, which is happening more and more lately, since I'm blasting my music with headphones and I can still hear my roommate eating chips.