Goodbye and Hello

It had probably been the hardest decision Gil Grissom had ever made. He'd sat up at night a week earlier and decided that if he didn't do it, the team would soon fall apart. There was no denying the cold, unfriendly atmosphere that had settled between him and Sara Sidle; though it was partly his fault, he didn't know how to fix it. So, on that gloomy night, he'd rung up Horatio Cain from the Miami crime lab and offered his services. With a lump in his throat, he'd accepted his job offer and agreed to start the following week.

The last couple of hours had been torture. The team had thrown him a goodbye party in the break room and everyone, even Hodges and Ecklie had attended. It would be the last time he'd see any of them.

His speech had been short and shaky. He'd caught a glimpse of Catherine whipping tears from her cheeks when he'd finished, Nick and Warrick looking serious, Greg looking lost, he could tell they'd miss him. But she looked as peaceful as ever. There wasn't any hint of pain on her face, it was like she didn't care; for all he knew, she didn't.

Sara had gotten the news a week ago. She'd spent the past five nights crying herself to sleep, cursing herself for not making a move and letting things get to this point. He was going to leave. Tomorrow, she would walk into the lab and get assignments from Catherine. She was so close to him when he hugged her goodbye. It was the same kind of hug as he'd given Catherine but she knew Catherine hadn't felt the electricity she had at his touch. Watching him leave the lab never to return was one of the most painful things she'd ever endured.

Sitting in his living room, boxes packed and lights out, Grissom felt lost. He'd never felt so empty or cold. The thought of never seeing her again was crushing his heart and he could barely breathe.

I can't leave like this he thought as he stared into the darkness of the room. I have to at least try or I'll never forgive myself. He sighed heavily and turned on the small light beside the couch. His heart swelled up with the thought of going to her apartment. Even if only to here her voice again or to see her smile one last time, he had to go.

Sara hadn't even bothered to take her coat off or shower. She'd simply slammed the door shut and fallen to the ground clutching her keys her body shaking in sobs. I'm never going to see him again she thought leaning her head against the door he's leaving and didn't even bother to tell me himself. That had hurt her more then him leaving. She'd heard it from Ecklie. Not that she thought she deserved special treatment, but she'd known Grissom for longer than most the team and he hadn't even bothered to tell her himself that he was leaving. It hurt more than anything he'd ever done to her. I need him she thought, her heart pounding in her chest I need him with me. Though all that was true, she knew there was nothing she could do. She'd let him know, several times, that she was up for it if he was. But he'd simply kept himself locked in his own little world and ignored her feelings. She'd been right. Now, it was too late.

He looked up at the apartment. All the lights were off. Sitting in the driver's seat of his jeep, Grissom hesitated getting out. What would he say? What would he do? Was she even home?

Taking a deep breath, he opened the driver's door and crossed the road to her apartment building. He would normally have rung the doorbell and waited for her voice to invite him up, but this time he found the door was ajar and let himself in.

Trying to buy some time, he took the stairs up to her floor thinking what he'd do. All the logic and reason in him was screaming for him to turn back, that he wouldn't be able to say what he wanted. But his heart was leading him forwards telling him to do the right thing for once.

Standing outside the door, he couldn't see any light coming from underneath it. She isn't home he thought as he got ready to leave. Then he heard something he hadn't expected.

Now the sobs had died away, Sara could feel nothing but rage. "DAMN IT!" she shouted at the air punching the door. Not five seconds later, she heard the bell ring.

Turning on the light as quickly as she could, she glanced in the mirror and realised that there was nothing she could do to hide her red eyes. She took a deep breath and opened the door without first checking who it was.

There in the door way was Grissom. He looked like she'd never seen him before; his expression was a mixture of sadness, loss and vulnerability. She felt her anger towards him wane, now she just wanted to hold him.

"Hi…" He tried to keep his voice steady "can I come in?"

She nodded trying not to meet his eyes and held the door open wider so he could enter.

"Did you just get home?" He asked noticing her bag was on the floor by the door.

She looked away "no…I've been here for a while…"

He noticed her red eyes and tear stained shirt "Sara…are you alright?"

She loved it when he did this. The concern in his voice made her feel safe, she could tell there was more to that concern than he allowed her to see "I'm…I'm fine…" She answered whipping away a tear.

"Oh, Sara…I…" He was cut off by her falling into his arms weeping he decided to stop talkin and simply placed a hand on her head, his fingers intertwining with her brown hair. "Sh…" he tried to comfort her.

"Griss, don't go…please…" Her voice sounded desperate and he held her closer to him.

He sighed "I don't want to go, Sara." She looked up at him whipping her face as he tucked a few damp strands of hair behind her ear.

"Then why are you?" She asked and pulled back to examine his face.

"I…" It was now or never he knew he had to tell her or he'd definitely loose her, "Sara, sit down…" He motioned to the couch and she took a seat, he sat next to her.

"I can't stay here like this, Sara. It's too much for me, for you and for the team." She tried to follow what he was saying, "I'll explain. When you asked me out, I was a coward to decline. I was scared of breaking the rules, of going against the ethics. It was stupid. Now, things are all messed up between us. We barely talk, its affecting our relationship as well as our work. I have to go…for the team and our sanity."

She tried to cut in but he stopped her with his eyes "Let me finish. I came here tonight because I think I owe you an explanation."

She nodded listening to him. Never moving his gaze from hers, he proceeded "Sara, I need you."

She felt her insides burn with those three words but again he stopped her talking. "I need to know how you feel. I need to know that if I leave, I won't be missing out on anything. I need you tell me I'm not making a mistake in leaving."

He looked at her and this time she knew he expected an answer "I can't tell you that, Griss."

He had to suppress a sigh of relief. This was what he'd wanted. She wanted him to stay.

He smiled and put a hand to her cheek "Good. Because I think if I walk out that door now, it'll be the biggest mistake of my life. Sara, I need to be with you. But I need to know you understand me. I'm not Hank." She had to smile and the disgusted way he said the name "I need my space, I need to think and I'm not always the easiest person to communicate with." She nodded letting him know that she knew that.

"Grissom…I…" There was so much she wanted to say but he cut her off by standing up and facing away from her. She looked up at him curiously.

"Sara…I…" He held out a hand to bring her up to standing in front of him. Now, only inches from her face, he knew he had to say what he felt "I…I love you, Sara. I've loved you from the moment I saw you at that seminar. You made me the happiest man on earth when you accepted to move to Vegas and I'm a fool for even thinking of leaving. I've been a fool about other things too. I should never have hesitated in telling you how I felt. We could have been together a long time ago if I hadn't been so stubborn."

She smiled and felt him pull her closer, his hands on her hips. "You were stubborn." She stated looking into his sapphire blue eyes "but you weren't the only fool…" She had tears building up in her eyes now and it was her turn to stop him interrupting. Placing her fingers on his lips, she continued "I shouldn't have let you walk away. I should have tried harder. We both knew it was there and were afraid to pursue it."

Looking in her face, Grissom felt like he finally had everything. He whipped away the single tear that was tumbling down her cheek and held her tighter to him.

"Sara…" He half whispered to her as he felt her hands wrap around his waist.

"Gil…" It was the first time she'd used his first name and it made them both feel happy.

After that, no more words were needed. Grissom pulled her as close to him as he could and their lips brushed against each other's never quite making contact. The slight, teasing touch sent spars through both their bodies and placing a hand behind her head, the other firmly on her hip, Grissom pulled Sara into a love-filled kiss. It started as a tentative peck, mouths and eyes closed, hands moving in and over each other's hair and backs. As they stood there where they belonged, the kiss escalated, tongues began to explore each other's mouths as the gap between their souls and hearts was sealed.

Without much effort, and without ever breaking the kiss, Grissom picked her up.

Two hours later, they lay in each other's arms, a few sun beams trespassing the closed curtains, lighting their faces. As they lay there facing each other they couldn't help smiling.

"So…" Sara was the first to break the silence "what time's your plane?"

She looked at him awaiting an answer. Grissom smiled, kissed her neck and answered "what plane?"

She pulled his head back so she could look him in the eyes "you're staying?"

Grissom nodded and pulled her closer to him "I'm done running. I'm all in…if you are."

With a smile, Sara replied by kissing him passionately. Things were finally how they were supposed to be.

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