After All

Disclaimer: There is absolutely zero chance that I could ever own Ranma ½ or any of the characters seeing as Rumiko Takahashi already owns them. Don't sue. I have no money.

"After All" The Cardigans

after all you were perfectly right
our relation just split me in two
and on a night like this
pieces fall apart
visions fall apart

after all you were perfectly right
I have never been happy before
and on a night like this
you can hear the words
see behind the words

after all you were perfectly wrong
though I thought I'd found love
and on a night like this
nothing could be worse
nothing could be worse

Warm shades of violet and crimson touched the tips of the clouds, spreading color across the skyline, blending themselves into the rooftops of the houses in Nerima. Shadows crept across the lawn as the sun melted into the horizon, fading away as the night beckoned the stars into view.

It was his favorite time of day. When everything ended.

Sprawled across the shingles of the Tendo's roof, Ranma Saotome watched as the last rays of sunlight slipped beneath the cover of dark. He wished he could slip away with the sun, too. Just disappear for a while when the darkness came. Come back when things were brighter. When things were better. He wished…

The wedding had ended a few hours ago.

But it seemed like mere minutes. He closed his eyes tightly, stormy cobalt-blue pushing away a vision of soft fabric pressed close against her skin, pale and smooth in the bright lighting. A fragrant bouquet of flowers secured by delicate fingers. Vivid auburn eyes mingled with joy, suppressing a tinge of sadness. The graceful lines of her face illuminated by a seamless smile. She looked so…

unhappy.

At least to him she had. His heart constricted painfully at the wanderings of his mind.

Standing across from her in his ebony suit, he felt shaky, as unsteady as the thoughts that were trembling in his mind. Distractedly forgetting how closely he had been studying her, a pair of soft amber eyes looked up to catch his. Captured by their warmth, he had felt a surge in his heart for... something. He was frozen, mesmerized by that moment in time. How had they gotten here?

Now, absentmindedly he glanced sideways at his discarded suit jacket, strewn across windswept wood. Hesitantly, he ran a hand over the pocket of his suit…

"Do you have the rings?" His head had snapped up at the sound of the priest's voice. Wordlessly, he had shoved a wavering hand into his pocket, the silky lining brushing his fingertips as he retrieved the two glittering bands.

The rest of the ceremony was blurred from his memory. He only remembered a few choice moments at its very end.

"You may now kiss the bride.." He had not realized how quickly this moment had come. Too fast. Too soon. He wasn't ready for it. A wave of guilt hit him as his eyes locked with hers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Tofu Ono."

Everything had gone by so rapidly. Before he knew it, they were processing down the middle of aisle, Dr. Tofu and Kasumi beaming with blissful excitement. His breath caught as Akane gently slipped her arm in his, still clutching her bridesmaid bouquet, smiling for all the flashing cameras. He vaguely remembered doing the same, his mind a flood of reflection, centered on the light touch of her fingertips against his skin.

He should have been at the reception by now, enjoying the festivities like he knew their fathers were. He just knew Nabiki would regret paying for the open bar by the end of the night. But he just didn't feel like celebrating tonight. Kasumi and Dr. Tofu didn't need him there to put a damper on their happy day.

He had been shocked when the doctor had asked him to be in the wedding. Actually, he had been shocked when the doctor had asked Kasumi to marry him in the first place.

It wasn't like everyone didn't know the doctor was head over heels for Kasumi anyway. He always had been. Even a stranger that saw them together would be able to tell. Kasumi with her sweet smile and Dr. Tofu, dancing with his skeleton Betty, stuttering and fidgeting, attempting to suppress the fit of overwhelming nervousness that always struck him when he was around her. They were so perfect for each other though. Each blessed with more than enough kindness and patience to promise their happy union. They were both generous and warm, thoughtful and welcoming... how much more perfect could you get? If Dr. Tofu and Kasumi couldn't last no one could, let alone Akane and himself.

His brain slowed at the implications of his preceding thought.

Hell..who was he kidding.

Guilt assailed his brain, capturing his thoughts, melding them into painful memories and regrets.

Taking the rich fabric of his suit between his fingers, he thought of the fitting he had gone through just earlier in the week. He'd been to several fittings, the process itself beyond his comprehension. Why on earth did he have to go through three fittings for one suit? He had been to the tailor, taken measurements, stood ungodly still for at least half an hour, been poked and prodded in a stuffy suit… and they had proceeded to make him return again and again for adjustment after adjustment.

"Ranma.. you really should hold still before the lady makes us pay double for all the trouble you're giving her." From across the room, Nabiki's shrewd voice rebuked him airily without looking up from the cream strip of chiffon she was examining.

Turning around, she surveyed him with a calculated gaze, assessing just how ridiculous his antics were and if there was possibly a way to make money off of them. She seemed to come up with limited prospects.

Resisting the temptation to squirm beneath her gaze, he averted his eyes from hers, tugging at the neck of his tie, hoping to gain some brief freedom from what felt like a straight-jacket hold it had on him.

With as much nonchalance as he could muster, he glanced up— only to find that he was not staring into the eyes of Nabiki Tendo but those of her little sister instead.

A painful memory reflected itself in her irises as she took in the dark cloth, polished and smoothed, the silky white of his button up shirt peeking over the edges, the silly little flower that was clipped to his breast pocket, wavering slightly in the blast from the air conditioning vent above…

How he wished he could take away that pain.

"You look nice.. Ranma…"

Nice.

He saw every moment he'd teased Akane or thrown unwarranted insults her way. His vision filled with images of their arguments, faces reddened and contorted with anger, sour expressions glued into place. He saw himself tearing away at her confidence and criticizing her skills— in cooking, the art, and various things in general.

Internally he groaned with the agony of realization, shifting his position on the worn roofing.

How had he managed to screw this up so badly…?

He felt his body stiffen and his muscles tighten as an icy awareness grasped his senses.

He had to leave.

There was nothing else to do but pack up, go away, and get out of the country.

Get out of her life.

Before he made it any worse than he already had. Chaotic and troublesome, a constant barrage of fights and craziness that never seemed to cease long enough for normal life to resume. For so long he had waited it out, hoping for some miracle or inexplicable phenomenon to come and change everything. To make everything right. To make everything better. He wished he knew what that meant. Better.

Leaving..

Without her.

He felt as if his heart had been plunged into a bucket of ice water at the very thought.

Life without Akane. There had already been too many moments in his life where the very idea had lingered near the verge of reality. One in particular stood out more strongly than the others. A fear too real to be acknowledged without a fight. For there were some obstacles Ranma knew he could not overcome to be with her… death being one of those.

Life without her smile. Without her laugh. Her moments of charm and her rare soft expressions. Her genuine concern and unfettered spirit. Life without her.

Anguish tore at his heartstrings with maddening persistence.

Akane…

"Ranma..?" He nearly jumped out of his skin as her voice broke through his thoughts, calling to him from the ground below and back to reality.

He heard the clamor of Akane's footsteps on the ladder, wobbling their way up to the shingled rooftop. He tried not to stare anxiously as the top of her black tresses appeared over the edge. Perhaps he should have watched more carefully.

From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of the tip of Akane's shoe catching itself on an irregularly protruding shingle…

What possessed Ranma Saotome to choose such a ridiculous thinking spot, Akane Tendo would never know. Then again it didn't make much sense for Ranma to choose an ordinary place like a park bench or a favorite restaurant. Ranma just wasn't an ordinary kind of guy.

"Ranma?"

There was really no purpose in calling out to him. She knew he was up there.

For all the chaos in his life, Ranma really was quite predictable. When he was nervous or flustered, he twiddle his fingers, made very little eye contact, and sometimes tugged at his pigtail. When girls cried, especially if it was because of him, he panicked and stuttered. When he was afraid or worried, he pretended to be angry and shouted the first thing that came to mind. Come to think of it, he always turned to fighting whenever he didn't know how else to deal with his emotions…

Clattering up the ladder, she asked herself why she didn't just have a replica of their roof made at ground level for Ranma to escape to instead. It would certainly be ten times more convenient for her.

She popped her head up over the side of the roof, peering curiously at Ranma. He was paying very little attention to her somewhat noisy entrance and instead was gazing off in an indifferent manner to some undefined point in space. Typical.

She sighed mentally, pushing her feet up onto the weathered roofing.

Suddenly, her toe caught on a jutting roof shingle, her breath hitching as her balance deserted her body momentarily. Instinctively her arms went out to brace herself for the impending roof- to-Akane contact.

And then he was there. Her hands meeting instead the soft threads of his shirt and hardened muscles beneath it. She felt the pressure of two warm hands at her waist, steadying her with perfected ease.

Ranma…

His body had reacted so impulsively that he had barely had time to think. In a flash he was there, his hands securing themselves around her, stabilizing her stumbling form.

Instantly, his senses were flooded with all things Akane. The scent of her shampoo, the feel of her silk top, the warmth of her skin against his. Suddenly, he found himself… completely and utterly distracted. The only time he got to be close to her like this was when he was saving her. From anything and everything. Scrapes and bruises, Shakespearean kendoists, vengeful fiancés, demigods…

Snapping himself out of his momentary stupor, he peered down at her through a fringe of black bangs.

"You okay?"

He had stolen her line. She was supposed to be the one checking on him. Damn her clumsiness. She felt the burn of his fingers still lingering mysteriously on her hips. Probing further, she glanced up at him. If she said yes, he might release her… which would be totally disappointing.

She decided to skip over the answering part and get straight to the questioning.

"Why did you leave the party?"

She knew the answer already. It was the same reason she had buried herself in chores and wedding reception details all week. She had to pretend to be happy. For Kasumi. She had to try and ignore it. The creeping sadness in her heart. She didn't want to ruin one of the happiest moments in her eldest sister's life. They were supposed to be celebrating.

Receiving no reply, she rebuked him gently with a tired sigh. "Ranma… you know Kasumi would have wanted you to stay…"

Her words were more than true. Kasumi had asked her more than once where Ranma was. Each time Akane had flitted out some mindless excuse like "oh I'm sure he just went to get some more ice" or "I know he's around here somewhere…" Finally, she had given up on making excuses and gone off to find him. She didn't have to look far. Even now her conscience was weighed down with guilt from lying to Kasumi… but it was easier than making her worry. Kasumi was just too sweet to be bothered on a day like today. Her wedding day.

"I know, Akane… but.. I.. just couldn't…not tonight." Through her bangs she could feel the whisper of his breath hot on her forehead, tingling her skin. She let her eyes slip closed, her mind wandering back to the calloused fingers that still clung to her sides…

"Doesn't it bother you at all?"

His voice had so unexpectedly interrupted her daydream that she almost misinterpreted what he was referring to with his question. Well his arms around her most certainly did not bother her… Fighting the tinge of blush that had spread across her cheekbones, she feigned ignorance. "What? You sulking up here on the roof?"

A tiny rush of regret hit her as his hands fell away from her waist, depriving her of their warm touch.

"No.." He shook his head in the darkness, pigtail flopping at the nape of his neck. "Forget it." Her conscience weighed a little heavier as he settled himself back down on the weather-beaten roof.

"Of course it does…" She said softly, suddenly longing for his arms to be back around her. She missed their comforting tenderness. Without them, she felt naked… vulnerable.

At her response, he remembered her masked unhappiness during the ceremony.

"But Kasumi needs me to be happy for her. She's spent all her life being happy for me… I owe her this much." Gingerly, she took a seat next to him, curling her knees to her chest. As silence passed between them, she tried not to think about the wedding. The reminder. Of what could have been. Of what could be.

"Do you… do you think that.. it could have worked out?" Her voice wavered on the brink of hopefulness, her eyes only daring to continue staring forward into the horizon, focusing on the starriness of the young evening sky that stretched before her endlessly. Anywhere but him.

There was a pause, pregnant with words and questions left unspoken.

She did not hear how he forced the casualness into his voice. "Probably not.."

She ignored the pang that shot through her insides. Frozen to her spot, she concentrated on making the burn of fresh tears in her eyes recede. She would not cry here. Especially after having so many people fuss over her makeup for the wedding. She would not allow herself to return to the reception with a tear-streaked face, smeared with mascara. Laboring to inhale once again, she fought for oxygen.

"… but I would have wanted it to.." It was so quiet, almost inaudible in his need to conceal the emotion that threatened to spill over into his already trembling voice.

Turning to face him with widened eyes, she felt an unfamiliar emotion seize her heart, squeezing it tightly in her chest.

"Geez, Akane… you don't have to look at me like I'm some alien life form…" He tried to back out of the seriousness that had enveloped him, filling the air between them. He heard her laugh lightly, the wind tossing the ends of her hair about in its passing.

Her gaze met his, honey and amber melting away every conscious thought in his brain.

"Me too… even after all of this.. I would have wanted it to.." At her words, he dropped his eyes, knowing that he could not bear to look up to see that same sadness in her eyes as before. It was too painful.. because it was his fault. The craziness that came with his life had infected hers, tearing it apart piece by piece.

"Well.. I guess I'm sorry that it didn't then..." And he meant it.

If there was just a way to travel back in time…

He was sure there had to be. There was probably just some strange Amazon potion or magical pocket watch hidden away in some remote village in China that would transport him back to that moment. So things could be different. So things could be better.

Tentatively, a pair of cerulean eyes met an intense blaze of amber.

"So that's it then… you give up?" Out of all the challenges, he'd ever received she wasn't sure why this one would be the one to break him. Sure, their relationship had never been easy by any means… but they'd gone through more together in the past years than people did in a lifetime. Or several lifetimes for that matter. How could he give up on them..? How could he give up… on her. She felt her insides shrivel up as her mind wrapped itself around the thought.

Life without Ranma. Life without his lopsided smirk and silly grin. Without his obstinacy and determination. Without his constant presence and silent companionship. Life without him.

But before a fresh wave of dread could wash over her heart, she found herself pressed against the smooth feel of Chinese silk and Ranma. Trying to ignore the gnawing little voice in her head that told her there must be something very wrong for him to react in such a fashion, she instead felt her fingers wrap themselves timidly around the scarlet folds of his shirt. Clenching her eyes shut to the rest of the world, she drew in the night air, the smell of Ranma coming with it.

All at once he felt his arms tight around her shoulders, clutching the lavender of her silk top, his face burying itself in the crown of her dark hair. And he wasn't sure what he was doing or why, but whatever it was… he was doing it anyway.

"I don't think I could if I tried.." he mumbled, his lips forming the syllables slowly into her scalp. He felt her breathe beneath him, the rhythm of her heartbeat pounding against his skin.

And for a moment, she just allowed herself to be held, knowing that seconds like this were more precious and rare than any gem or diamond out there.

Finally, reluctantly stepping just far enough away from him to meet a set of suddenly bashful indigo eyes, a diminutive smile crept to her lips.

"I guess I won't either then.."

Pressing up on her tip toes, she permitted herself an instant of bravery which far outweighed anything that was necessary to fight demons or supernatural beings or the horde of boys at her high school. With a speed she had not known herself to possess, she brushed a feather-light kiss on his cheek, turning quickly to hide the widening blush on her cheeks.

"By the way… you do know you still have to do the best man's speech for the toast..."

Shit.

She was right. He watched dumbly as she scurried down the ladder, his mouth still incapable of functioning properly, let alone his brain. Not only was she right but…

His brain went into overdrive trying to compute the last few minutes of his life.

Oh what the hell.

He had a speech to give. He stared off incredulously in the direction in which she had hurried off.

Snatching his suit jacket from the clutches of the roof shingles, he threw an arm into its sleeve, starting after her.

This was definitely his favorite time of day. When everything began.

AN: Well. What can I say… it was stuck in my head. Definitely an impulse piece. I stumbled across this song by the Cardigans and it inspired.. a bunch of nothingness. Incoherent character reflection. But I had to let this one just go ahead and be written. It was screaming to come out.

Read & review as always. Comments and criticism are welcome.

-SP

Dedicated to the sweetest boy in the world: Chandler. even though he's not old enough to read this.