Title: Explanations
Requester: nandesuka
Author: londondaime
Pairings/Characters: Jiraiya an' Naruto
Genres: General and some sex talk.
Rating: Hard R
Squicks/Spoilers: Shota?
Notes: I wrote the majority of this over the last week, but unexpectedly had something to do today, so I haven't had much time to look over it. Just wanna get it in before deadline, haha. If you see anything that needs editing (unclear, typos, slipping out of tense..) feel very free to point them out. :) This was written for a fanfiction exchange. For more information see the narutoflashfic community on livejournal.

Explanations

Their first meeting is riddled with observations and odd impressions.

He is a large man, tall and broad. Mature, but not wrinkly and desiccated. Naruto, soaking utterly in the hot, misty water of the baths rubs the water from his eyes, gazes up, more in shock than in awe, at Jiraiya. The Sannin sits on a mighty amphibian, a delicious pattern of flames sheath it, beads and cloth adorn it.

Jiraiya's hair is wild. It flares energetically away from his face, like a great lion's mane. It trails down the man's back in a messy, tangled mass, appearing more like the muscular tail of a dog than human hair.

Even Naruto finds the man's garb unusual: fishnet gauntlets, a helm of some sort, decorated with little horns, and those lines, which dripped smoothly from his eyes to his jaw.

Ebisu-sensei lies defeated on the ground nearby, though Naruto is not entirely surprised.

Naruto, brazen as always, calls the pervert out, demanding answers and explanations. Confusion first, then disbelief towards this crazy old man.

Jiraiya introduces himself with great pomp and flourish; he spins and flails his arms purposefully, the toad matching his movements, the dust of the ground launching into the air.

Like most children, Naruto is unimpressive to him at first. He doesn't look particularly strong or fast or smart. He's rather loud. Jiraiya's about to lose all interest in the kid, at least until he suddenly sprouts a pair of breasts and two long, blond pigtails.

Jiraiya is fast to notice something else, which sets Naruto apart.

The work of his best student, the fourth Hokage, played beautifully on the boy's stomach. Surrounding those swirls is the unrefined, familiar looking seal of his former teammate, Orochimaru.

The rush that Naruto feels as the intruding seal is removed is extreme.

First, pain, as Jiraiya slams his hand against his midsection. Then suddenly, his body seems more balanced than before. He doesn't know why, but at this point, Naruto doesn't really care, curiosity overruled by the elation he feels finding that he can now walk on water.

Perhaps this strange pervert is worth listening to, after all.

oOo

During the pair's search for the elusive Tsunade, Jiraiya comes to realize that despite the brat's perverted ways, he actually knows very little about the mechanics and biology of reproduction.

"Okay, okay, Ero-sennin, I have a question!" Naruto yells, ignoring that they're no more than two feet apart and alone completely.

"Ask away. There is nothing this man does not know," he responds with a grin, eager to show off the extent of his super-perverseness.

"What is it for!"

"What is what for? I can't answer if I don't even know what you're talking about," Jiraiya snaps.

"That flappy thing. That goes around the you know."

"Are you talking about your foreskin?"

"Umm.. it's made of skin, I think. So what's it for?"

"Protection!"

"Protects what?"

"What do you think?"

"It doesn't seem sturdy enough to protect anything," Naruto complains, eyes narrowing.

"Well, you can play with it, too," Jiraiya says.

"Naaa?"

"And make sure you keep it clean."

"Okay, so where did it come from?"

"What do you mean 'where did it come from?' It's just there. You were born with it."

"Then how come Sasuke doesn't have one? I don't think Iruka-sensei has one either. Do you have one? Let me see!" His hands descend on Jiraiya's clothes, attempting to undo the cloth, which held his robes closed. Jiraiya bats his paws away, hastily pulling back a few inches.

"I only show that to pretty ladies! And yes, I have one."

"What about Sasuke and Iruka-sensei?"

Why is he paying such close attention to their privates? "Some people get them removed when they're born."

"Why?"

"How should I know?"

"Eeeh? Ero-sennin, you said you know everything!"

"That's not important! What is important is what happens during and after the union of a lovely woman and a handsome man!"

"So what happens when the man's love juice mixes with the woman's?" Naruto inquires, attempting to imagine it in his head, but unsure of whether he should feel excited or disgusted.

"A baby is conceived," Jiraiya answers sagely.

Naruto cocks his head to the side slightly, hearing but not understanding. "Conceived?"

"You know that babies come from women, right?"

"Of course I know that! Everyone knows that! Even Lee!"

"Who?"

"Never mind, just go on."

"Well, when the baby starts to grow inside the woman, then it has been conceived," he explains.

"What, babies grow from gooey stuff? I don't believe you," he declares. "Are you trying to trick me?"

"Truth," Jiraiya swears.

"Then how does the baby know how to grow?"

"The baby grows if there is love!" the Sannin proclaims, face reddening as his smile widens.

"Eeeh? What happens if there isn't any love?"

"Then the baby grows up retarded and deformed."

Naruto thinks for a moment, an intense look of concentration on his face. Finally, he comes to a conclusion: "Did Kakashi-sensei's parents hate each other or something?"

Jiraiya hits him, hard but not too hard, and dismisses him with a wave and a laugh.

"What, that was a serious question!"

"We're done for today, Naruto. Go to sleep. I'll tell you more when you make progress with those balloons."

"But—" he starts to protest.

"Sleep."

The toad hermit shuts the lights off, and throws a blanket over Naruto before retiring himself. Naruto struggles with the fabric for a moment, righting himself on the hard futon. He closes his eyes and takes some time to digest what he has learned.

Jiraiya is about to fall asleep before he's disturbed by a loud, astonished shout in the dark.

"Wait, girls have three holes?!"

oOo

Jiraiya returns to their room at the inn late one night. He's drunk and alone. He looks about the room, and then thinks that he may just be a little too drunk. Drunk enough to imagine seeing a beautiful blond woman, leaning against the wall in the dark, hand pressed between her legs.

But, no. It's just Naruto. Naruto and his sexy-no-jutsu.

The boy looks up, a little startled at Jiraiya's presence. "Haha," he laughs nervously. "This is hard as a girl."

Jiraiya briefly considers his options before advancing slowly across the room. "Y-you're doing it wrroong," he slurs.

"Naa?"

"Mmngh, let me.. show you."

Jiraiya cuddles close, and lightly takes hold of one of Naruto's breasts. Naruto is unsure of what to do, but lets Jiraiya touch him anyway. The Sannin's eyes close as he lets the weight of this day's activities and the heat from Naruto's body to overwhelm him, sending him off to sleep.

For once, Naruto keeps his mouth shut, letting Jiraiya rest without explanation. He's a little uncomfortable, pressed between the man and a cold, wooden wall, but he tolerates it enough to sleep himself.

---------------------------------

Reviews are nice. I hope I didn't squick anyone too badly.