I haven't left her side since we came back yesterday. She hasn't woken up yet and I'm afraid the bastard hurt her internally when he hit her.

My workers wondered what had happened but I couldn't tell them or they would make sure all of Spira found out about it. That would be unbearable for Rikku and for me. I told them a fiend attacked us. They seemed to believe it. I'm not going to tell anyone until she wakes up and I talk to her. Although I'm sure it won't be easy convincing her to talk about it.

I'm lying in my bed next to her when I feel her move. I sit down and look at her. Her eyes open up and she looks lost for a moment. She looks around the room and I finally move to turn to her. She jumps out of bed and screams in fear.

"Rikku, it's just me. Calm down."

She looks at me. Her eyes looking around the room desperately. She seems to be looking for a way to get out of the room, to get away from me.

"Rikku, It's me Gippal. You're in Djose," she relaxes immediately,"you're safe."

She lowers her head and stares at the ground. Her hair is blocking me from seeing her face.

"Gippal… it… was just a… dream… right?!"

Inside me something hurts as I hear her say those words and something hurts even more as I refuse to answer her question.

"Rikku, come here. You need a bath."

She starts shacking and sobbing. I reach for her and grab her shoulders.

"Don't touch me!" she slaps my hand away and jumps back, trying to put some distance between us.

Her scream pierces my heart. I think I can understand her. But it still hurts to see her this way. To see her total lost of confidence.

"I would never hurt you Rikku. Please let me help you."

"I'm fine. I don't need your help!" she screams while tears roll down her face.

"Stop being a child! That didn't happen to me and I know I need help. God, every time I remember I couldn't do anything I feel so fucking useless! You're hurt outside and inside, we're hurt inside and outside. I just wanna help. But we're gonna have to talk about it."

"I can't. I can't. God, you don't know how it feels. I don't wanna talk about it ever. I'm going to forget it and never talk about it to anyone. You will keep your mouth shut too. What will people think? Everyone will be disgusted just by looking at me! I'm disgusting!" her tears continue running down her face and her breathing is faster.

She falls to the ground on her knees and her sobs reach a whole new level of pain.

"Rikku no one will be disgusted because of something you had no control over."

She raises her head and looks me in the eyes. Her eyes plead for me to go to her.

"Gippal… Gippal… Gippal… Help me."

"Shhhh… I'm here." I move towards her, grab her shoulders and raise her up so I can hug her.

"It's gonna be ok. I'm here. I'll help you. Will you help me?"

She raises her head and looks me in the eyes. Her eyes are red and puffy from her tears. Her lower lip is bleeding from her insistent nipping.

"Y-yes."

I smile at her, grab her hand and head to the bathroom.

"Take a bath. I'll be in the room waiting for you. If you need anything just call. I'll get something for you to wear. I'm afraid everything's going to look big on you."

"It's ok. Thank you."

I exit the bathroom and close the door behind me.

--------

An hour later I was still in my bed waiting for her. I got up and knocked on the door.

"Rikku, you okay in there?"

I could hear the water running but no other sound was coming from the other side of the door. God… please.

"Rikku! Open the door!" I try to open it but it seems she locked the door.

When she doesn't answer again I back up a little and kick the door open. I look to the bathtub and there she is, naked, sitting and hugging her body full of nail marks and looking truly desperate.

"I can't take his smell off of me. It won't go away Gippal."

I look at her and again I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. This wasn't Rikku. This was just a broken girl that looked like her.

"No you don't, silly. I only smell good things here." I said with a smile. I try to be strong for both of us. I don't know if I can keep this between us. It's only the beginning and I'm already emotionally worn-out.

I approach the bathtub, turn off the water and wrap her in a bathrobe. She rises and steps out of the bathtub and stands just in front of me. She raises her head and looks at me, a hopeful glint in her eyes.

"Really?"

"Yeah, kid. You smell like Bikanel. Sand, oil, machina… a little of sandworm too, but that's a smell hard to get rid of."

Then she laughs and leans against me. I am so amazed that I don't even react at first when she hugs me. After a few seconds I return the hug.

"Thanks, Gippal."

I didn't even said a word as I led her to the bed and showed her the clothes I could find that could actually fit her.

"This is my working shirt. It's tight so it doesn't get stuck when I'm working on some of the machina, so it should be good for you." I raise a purple long sleeved shirt. "These are actually pants from when I was fourteen." I give her a pair of red pants. "I have a thing about keeping clothes that aren't useful anymore. It looks like now they are. The strange thing is that I only keep pants."

"Why?" she asks with a shy smile. I feel like she's afraid of smiling. It'll pass. I know it will. God, I hope it will.

"Good question. Maybe because I get my shirts full of oil and rip them in machina. I don't really know."

She smiled again. But then her smile wavered.

"Gippal, I don't have underwear."

I try to answer her as I normally would before the incident.

"Want some of mine? As you can imagine I don't have any bras but the rest I can look for something."

She blushed and lowered her head.

"I'm sorry. My only purpose in life is to trouble the people around me."

"Kid, you killed Sin and Vegnagun. Shut up while I look for the most horrible boxers I have. I'm sure they will be your favorites."

And then she starts crying and rubbing her eyes like a child would. I hold her in my arms until she stops.

"I was saving myself, waiting for the special guy. Now no one will want me, Gippal. I'll never have the bunch of kids I always wanted, I won't have a big house in Bikanel and people will never look at me the same way. What will I do from now on?" she speaks into my chest but the words are as clear as water.

I wanted her to talk about it but I'm not comfortable talking about it either.

"Are you crazy? Of course someone will want you. You'll have twice as much kids as you wanted. You'll have two huge houses in Bikanel, one as a present from me and another from that guy you we're saving yourself for. People will look at you the same way they always have because they are not going to know, unless you tell them of course. From now on you'll heal. I'll help you. I'll help you the best way I can. If you want to get out of here I'll get you that house you wanted in Bikanel."

She jerks away from me.

"No! I don't wanna be alone. What if it happens again and you're not there?"

"That will never happen again Cid's girl."

"You don't know that."

"I'm promising you it won't happen again."

She looks me in the eye and nods.

"Get dressed while I'm going to take a shower. Then we'll find a room for you somewhere on this temple."