Fifth Season Spoilers up to "Intervention"
Buffy/Spike did you expect different?
This was all brought on by all the discussions of Spike not being redeemable, or able to really love because he doesn´t have a soul. What if he said the hell with it, and went all the way, and asked Willow to do a soul restoration spell on him (though it has always amazed me that no one on the show ever thought of doing one on him anyway if they were so worried about him being dangerous with, or without the chip.) I was also listening to VNV Nation tracks while writing this so this will get sort of weird. This is set after "Crush", "The Body", and "Forever", after Joyce´s funeral, and after Spike gets bit by the Ghora demon. This sort of ignores the some of the story line in "Intervention", for the purposes of this story. Also I used parts of Willow´s original spell in "Becoming II" with some modifications, and changes here, and there. Other magickal works are by me, out of my head for the story based on my own experiences.
This is also revised somewhat from previous postings here and elsewhere before July 10, 2001.
Usual disclaimers all apply to not stepping on anyone´s copyrights with Josh Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, etc.. I don´t any of these characters, just borrowing them, especially Spike, and trying out different directions than the show has gone.
Rating about PG-17. If you can watch the show you can read this. Cuss words, sexual situations.
You may archive this, but ask me first.
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Part 1
Spike had made up his mind, and nothing was going to change it. He could admit to himself he was scared to death to do what he was going to do, and knew he had to be insane to even think of voluntarily doing this, but he was sick to death of the Slayer, and every one of the Scoobies throwing it in his face that he couldn´t, didn´t have feelings, or couldn´t be trusted because he didn´t have a soddin´ soul like his bloody wanker of a sire. He had gone this far in changing for her that after their last argument and her saying he was dirt because he was souless, he had decided that the only way she was going to believe he cared was with a soul. He was so damned close to having one anyway that he couldn´t see what the big deal was in having one, except she thought it made a big difference. He couldn´t go back to what he had been, so the only thing he could do was go forward, and go all the way on this redemption path he seemed to stuck on.
He was resigned to being a poofer just like his bleedin´ sire if he really wanted Buffy to change her mind about him. Seeing Dru, going to the Bronze, had been great at first, but then watching Dru kill those two kids had made him realize he wasn´t like that any more. It sickened him to see her vamp out then watch her drain the boy. He had reluctantly drunk the girl´s blood because she was already dead, and Dru was watching him expectantly, but he had derived no pleasure from doing it, and the blood just had soured in his stomach. Even if he had the damn chip out now he still didn´t think he could kill anyone—it just wasn´t in him to do so any more. Humans had become real, they weren´t happy meals on legs because he knew them as thinking, living people with lives, hopes and dreams. They had a right to exist as much as he did—even more so because their lives were so brief. Seeing and being with Dru he had realized that he had gotten over her, and he didn´t love her any more. Then Buffy had showed up, and he had really messed things up with Buffy by chaining her up. That had to be the stupidest thing he ever could done to prove to her that he did really love her. Maybe if Dru hadn´t been there he might have been able to talk to her—explain what had happened in the warehouse, and how he did feel about her, and what that meant for her, and the rest of the Scoobies. But pumped up by human blood, Dru watching him, and Buffy being her usually sarcastic self-- he had lost it—he fully admitted that to himself. He had been a total ass, and he really didn´t blame Buffy for being mad at him. Then Harmony had had to show up again, and add her two cents in. He just couldn´t win. But now it was over, done, and he couldn´t think of any way else to prove to Buffy he cared. He had no doubts that having a soul was not going to be a cake walk—not after all that he had done over the last hundred years. He wasn´t as bad as Angelus, Darla, or Dru, but he couldn´t say he had been entirely innocent either of doing his own share of killings, tortures, and plain vicious nastiness just for the sheer thrill of the kill, and the battle.
With steely determination the peroxide blond vampire made his way through the sewer system, avoiding the odd demon, and vampire also wandering through them to avoid the daylight to get to their own destinations. Now if he still had the ring Amara then the sun wouldn´t be a problem, but it was long gone and getting his car out just to drive over to the magic Box wasn´t worth the effort. Besides, walking gave him the time to think over what he was going to say once he got to the shop. He sincerely hoped that Willow hadn´t gone through with her plans to make it so he couldn´t enter the shop, and talk to her. He knew the red headed witch was there now. He had all of the Scoobies schedules memorized just in case he did need to track one of them down in emergency, though if any of them knew that they´d think he had ulterior motives, and not because knowing where they were at any given time was a good thing. They kept track of one another but he wasn´t part of the group so his keeping track was seen as stalking. He couldn´t win.
He came out of the sewers about a half a block down from the shop in the alleyway. Making sure the coast was clear he climbed out, and replaced the manhole cover while keeping the blanket wrapped around him as he stuck to the shadows to make his way to the front entrance of the shop.
He practically flew through the door as his blanket started to catch fire, relieved that the witches hadn´t done the uninvite spell after all. Before he could even lower his blanket, he could feel their eyes, and their hatred of him before he even took his blanket off, and put out the flames on it. "Truce people," he warned them looking over their angry faces because he had dared to come into the shop. Xander, and Giles were already getting up from the study table, and coming his way. The only one he didn´t see was Buffy, herself, which actually was better as it was going to be hard enough asking the witches without her adding her own two cents in before he could get the words out.
"We thought we told you, you were not welcome here Spike," Giles warned coming up to him.
"Yeah, Deadboy. You really want to be a crispy critter," Xander smirked, already enjoying the idea of throwing the vamp out as he reached out a hand to grab Spike´s duster for that purpose.
Spike held up his hands in surrender. "I come in peace. I need to talk to the Wicca´s. I need them to do a spell for me," he told them.
Giles and Xander exchanged puzzled, and curious looks as they halted their forward motion in front of the nervous vampire. "A spell? What kind of spell?" Giles asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing dangerous behind his glasses.
Taking a big unneeded breath, Spike told the Watcher, "one like you did to Angelus—to restore his soul." Spike finished embarrassed, and waited for the reactions he was bracing to get.
Xander started crackling up, and laughing as did the rest of the group. "You want a soul? Are you for real? You—with a soul?" Xander cackled, almost doubling over because he was laughing so hard.
"Yeah, mate, you heard me right. I want a soddin´ soul," Spike said tight lipped, trying not to lose his temper, and hit the kid chip, or not. He glanced over to the table where the two girls were seated hoping that at least one of them would understand.
"But, Spike, I thought a soul was the last thing you wanted. It´s the last thing I ever thought you´d want—being a vampire, and all that," Giles said calming down, and really looking at him, and seeing that he was serious about it.
"Things change, Watcher, and so have I. None of you believe that I have changed because I don´t have a soul like the poof, so I want one to show you that it isn´t going to make a bloody lot of difference in me. I´m me, soul, or no soul, so I´m willing to go all the way, and have the witches doing that spell on me to give me back my soul. I know you got the soddin´ stuff for the ritual as you always have it on hand in case Angelus decides to come out in play. This is a one time offer—either do it now, or forget it as it is I´m already regretting this," Spike told them all sincerely trying his best to ignore Xander.
"Yeah, we can do this—if you´re really sure you want this?" Willow asked big eyed, not quite understanding this change in the vampire, but very happy that he wanted to do this.
"Yes, and as soon as you can before I bloody well change my mind," Spike told her fidgeting already, and saw that she did understand after all.
Xander was not convinced, and was glaring back at the blonde vampire as he went over to where Anya was behind the counter. "You really think a soul is going to help you? Buffy will still stake your ass," Xander smirked thinking he knew what Spike was hoping to accomplish with this. "And it won´t change how any of us feel about you because you will still be a vampire."
"Xander, can it!" Willow yelled angrily at him. "Spike is willingly wanting to do this. I think it´s taking a lot for him to even ask us to do this spell. I am not going discourage him so you shut the hell up, and if you don´t like what is going on, then you can just leave!" she said much to the shock of all in the store.
"Fine...good! I will go then. I still think it´s a trick. He´s got something planned and you guys are so blind you can´t see it!" Xander said angrily grabbing up his coat and throwing in on as he stormed for the door.
"Xander, wait—don´t go!" Anya said frantically trying to stop him from leaving coming around the counter to stop him as she glared daggers at Willow..
He shook his head, hurt because Willow couldn't see the danger she was going to put them in. He still like vampires souled or not. No, it was better if he left, and went somewhere to get calmed down--this he could not watch. He was really hoping that the spell wouldn't work at all so he wouldn't have to be nice to Spike as with a soul he wouldn't have any more excuses not to. "I got to. I can´t stay, and watch this. I´ll see you later at home," he said giving her a quick kiss, then he was out the door heading for the Bronze.
"See what you did! He left because of you," Anya spat angrily at the vampire, and at Willow.
"Yeah, and your point is?" Spike asked, glad that the whelp had left.
She glared at him, and then stormed back to behind the counter glaring at them all.
"Well, if you want this done let´s get to it," Giles said motioning the vampire to follow him. Since the workout room was still bright, and sunny that let that area out for doing the ritual in, so they went upstairs to the loft to use one of the rooms up there. "I´m still surprised about this, Spike, but I do believe this will relieve a lot of worry about you if you got dechipped, and back to normal," Giles said as he started setting up for the ritual while they waited for the two witches to get the orb, and other ingredients from the shop.
"That is one of the reasons why I am doing this, Watcher. I´m tired of everyone being paranoid that I´m going to bloody hurt the lot of you if I get the chip out. Once, yeah, I would have had no qualms about doing you all in, but now…I can´t, no matter how bloody mad you blokes make me. And it´s not the chip doing it…I just can´t because I know you all. That´s what I want to prove to the lot of you that chip, or not, soul, or not I´m still me, still Spike. You think because I don´t have a soul I don´t have real feelings, that I am not capable of love, regrets, guilt, all those soddin´ emotions that you think I don´t have, but I do. If I have a soul you will have to acknowledge that what I feel is real, and that I am capable of doing good, and have been doing good all these months. I want the lot of you to see it isn´t a game, a trick when I help. If you can soddin´ accept Angel, then you can accept me. That´s all I want is to be bloody accepted. I´m on your side, been on your side for months, but none of you wanted to see it, so I´m making the sacrifice, and going all the way so you will believe me," Spike told him seriously.
"Does Buffy know any of this?" Giles asked fascinated despite his own misgivings about the vampire.
"No. I tried to talk to her, and it got me hit up side my head for my efforts. It´s because of her, and her thinking a soul equals being trustworthy, and sincere that I´m doing this. I won´t lie to you, Watcher. I do care what the Slayer thinks about me. Maybe before I wanted to kill her, but not now. All I want to do is help in any way I can and not for money like I had been. It´s so I can protect her, along with the Nibblet against this Glory bird. Ever since Joyce died I´ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. I owe it to Buffy´s Mum to make sure her girls stay safe, and I can´t do it if Buffy is paranoid about me, and is afraid of me because I don´t have a soul. I know I don´t stand a chance in hell with the slayer—she´s made that clear, but I can give her one less thing to worry about—me," Spike finished, looking up at the Watcher his deep blue eyes calm, and a bit sad along with being resigned to his fate.
"I see. So you´re doing this so Buffy will feel more safe around you, am I understanding you correctly?" Giles questioned, shaking his head and feeling almost pity for vampire.
"Yeah, pretty much. She´s got enough to bloody worry about with the kid, school, and all of her mom´s affairs still to worry about plus her slaying, and then worrying when Glory is going to have another go at her. This way I can be a help to her not a thorn in her bloody side as she puts it. It´s either this, or walk away from all of this, and with Glory gunning for her, and the Nibblet she´s going to need all the bloody help she can get, and you, and I both know this. Maybe after I get a soul we can think about getting this chip out so I can be more help seeing that the slayer has to fight all these soddin´ knights that keep popping up that want to kill Dawn. They almost got her the other night in the cemetery," Spike told and Giles looked alarmed.
"She didn´t tell me about that," Giles said worriedly hoping Spike would tell him what had happened since Buffy hadn´t yet.
"It was bloody messy. Ten of them ganged up on her. I managed to knock a couple of them out and take out three, but I had a blinding headache for hours after it. The slayer killed two of them. The others we lost when we broke off, and got away from them. She had to kill them in self defense. It was the first time she ever really killed a person. She didn´t even think about as she was doing it, but afterward, when she realized what she had done. and these guys weren´t vamps or demons but bloody humans and—she freaked—really bad. She was going on that now she was no better than Faith, the other slayer. That she had reached another low, and was now a full blown killer. It took a lot to convince her that she wasn´t and that she had did what she had to do to protect her sis. She wasn´t any different than a soldier protecting his country or family. That´s when we got into it about souls," Spike explained, wishing he had a bloody fag, but that was another thing he was going to give up for her as she said the smoke stink clinging to him made her sick.
"Dear God. She hasn´t said a word about any of this. In fact I haven´t talked to her except briefly last night on the phone after she came back from patrol, and she said everything was fine. How was she when you two parted?" Giles asked worriedly.
"Honestly, Watcher?," he asked, quirking a scarred eyebrow, and looked up at the older man to see if he wanted the truth, and Giles nodded to go on. "She was a bloody mess both physically, and mentally. I wanted to walk her home, and make sure she got there in one piece, but she wouldn´t have any of it. She had some damned nasty cuts that needed looking after, and I didn´t think her sis could handle them, but she just wouldn´t let me help—that was part of our bloody fight too—her not letting anyone—and I don´t mean just me— I meant you all too help her anymore. It´s like she has to do it all, and keep all of what is happening to herself—it ain´t good, and it ain´t right, and I told her that, and she really fired on me then. Anyway after a few nasty parting shots she stormed off, and when I thought it was safe I followed any way to make sure she got home. Then I hung around until I was sure she, and the girl were asleep, and then I went home when it started getting towards dawn."
"I see. You hang around the house a lot, Spike?" Giles questioned with a frown.
He ducked his head. "Yeah, I do, mate. Ever since those knights started showing up, and I know that that Glory chick can pop in, and out whenever she wants. Someone needs to be around if she needs help quick—besides, I don´t have anything better to bloody do except watch late nite telly. The Nibblet knows I´m there. I´ve seen her spot me a few times, and wave. Buffy may not be happy that I´m around, but little bit is," Spike finished and Giles just nodded, not really mad that Spike had taken to protecting the girls while they were alone in the house at night. They wouldn´t let anyone stay with them, or stay over at anyone´s home, so Spike doing guard duty because he wanted to was a welcome relief to the Watcher.
Willow and Tara bounded up the stairs with their arms laden with supplies from the shop for the spell. "Got everything, Giles, where do you want us to put them?" Willow asked, looking pleased and excited.
"Over there. Luckily, we thought to make a couple of copies of the spell after you did it in case something happened," Giles told her finding the right notebook, and the correct page in it. Then turning to Spike. "You do realize that the version we have has the happiness clause taken out? That means if you get a moment of happiness you won't lose your soul like Angel did. This spell will be permanent with no loop holes--are you all right with that?" Giles asked him carefully, wanting him to know all the facts.
"That´s good. Not that I´d be acting like bleedin´ Angelus if something happened to give me a happy. But if the spell was going to work like the poof's that would have put a real damper on certain things I rather enjoy. Yeah, this version sounds a lot better," he grinned, visibly relieved that his spell wouldn´t be just like his sire´s—he´d really hate that.
"Anya´s watching the store, not that we´re really busy right now. Though she´s still mad that Xander took off," Willow told Giles as she mixed out the herbs, and set everything up.
"I´m rather glad he did go as this is delicate work, which he ought to know about since I believe he was with you when you did the last spell, am I correct Willow?" Giles asked.
"Yeph, right there in the hospital room with Oz, and me. Now it´s going to be you, and Tara helping. It should be okay. At least I´m not all injured, and hurt like the last time."
"You all about ready?" Spike asked getting more and more nervous as he watched them set up the ritual area. He was already wondering if this was a bad idea after all, and debating whether he could make an quick exit.
"All set," Willow cheerfully announced. "Okay, Spike, you just sit there, and get comfortable. You don´t have to do a thing," she told him.
"I don´t? No mumble jumble, or anything?" he asked surprised.
"Nope. Angel wasn´t even around when I did the spell on him—that´s when he was fighting Buffy over at the mansion."
"Yeah, I caught part of that, but from what I hear, I left before the big finale," he told her remembering the scene well as he left with Dru. "So you´re saying you don´t need me here? Would it be okay if I stepped out for a smoke while you do whatever?" he asked.
"Sure, but before you go I do need one thing—some of your blood to make sure the spell bonds with you and not anyone else," Willow asked coming over to him with a ritual knife, and a small copper bowl.
"No problem," he agreed as he took the knife from Willow, and sliced his wrist, and let his thick dark blood drip into the bowl. "That enough?" he asked, looking up at the nervous red haired witch.
"Yeah, thanks. You doing okay?" she asked.
He struggled, "just get it done before I bloody well change my mind," he told her as he stood up, and quickly went downstairs headed for the back alleyway to smoke.
"He´s not needed for the spell?" Tara asked her surprised.
"Nope. Last time we did it Angel was miles away, and we didn´t even have anything personal of his. This time we have Spike´s blood. Which we are going to dip into the stinky herbs, and dab on the orb."
"Are you sure that´s wise, Willow? The spell says nothing about using vampire´s blood in it," Giles asked, a bit alarmed by this change in the ritual.
"Well, I figure that by using the blood, the soul will form a tighter bond with Spike than with Angel, and since we aren´t doing a happiness clause, there ain´t going to be nothing to break this once it´s done," she said determinedly. "Shall we begin?" she asked her fellow magic casters after she added Spike´s blood to the herbs, and to the orb.
Tara begins burning the herbs, and incense while Willow cast her stones then gave Giles his clue to begin.
Giles: Translation: What is lost, return.
Willow: Willow: Willow: And like before when she cast the last spell without warning Willow's
head snaps back and she looks up with her eyes wide open. Her head snaps
back down and her eyes stare into the blood covered Orb. She begins to
chant steadily in Rumanian as though possessed.
Willow: Translation: I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request.
Willow: Translation: Neither dead, nor of the living...
Willow: Translation: Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry William´s
soul to him, and bind it to him permanently.
A cool then warm wind whips through the room rustling pages, and lifting
the table coverings. The table lurches hard. Giles look at Willow worriedly
as he face is lit up by the golden glow of the orb and the non focusing
of her eyes.
Willow: Translation: So it shall be! So it shall be! Now!
Willow: Translation: Now!
The Orb glows brightly for a brief moment, and goes dark. Willow suddenly
relaxes, and looks around blankly and then she collapses into a heap on
the floor.
End Part 1
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