A Little Respect
Oh baby please give a little respect to me
This fic is set during episode 37, "The One to Revolutionize the World."
It was dark at Ohtori, but it always was when the two of them met like this. Under the cover of night they came together, neither of them really understanding the compulsion to have these late rendezvous. It's not as if they particularly got on with each other, though a grudging respect had started to grow between them. Still, Juri thought, it wasn't all bad, and really, Miki was her only friend on campus. What could be wrong with maybe cultivating a working relationship with the would-be Prince?
Of course, she also had an answer to that as well: Utena is an idiot, a na?e fool. To associate herself with such a blithering dolt would be to lower her own standards for herself, and if there was one thing Arisugawa Juri never did, it was ask anything less than perfection of herself. Dimly she recognised that was probably her own failing, and that not having to constantly strive to be the best she can be when she was around the Tenjou girl helped her uncoil the constant tension within her gut. But lately, she had only found it being replaced by an all-together different tension, one she recognised and dreaded intensely.
And yet, here she was, waiting with as much patience as she could muster, which she could only admit at times like this that it wasn't nearly as much as she probably should be able to, whether willingly or not. No, she sat upon a shawl draped carefully across the wide rim of the fountain in the dorm area, hoping that it wouldn't get too dirty, but willingly sacrificing it if she had to, to protect the plain white cotton dress she wore at the moment. It was a simple garment, not as sleek as the clothes she often wore for her modelling jobs, not holding so tightly to the curves and swells of her body, but clinging just enough to still emphasise her femininity. She didn't own many dresses that she hadn't been given as thanks for working, most of them being nothing she'd particularly want to wear, but she accepted them nevertheless. This one, however, she had bought with her own money. She found that she had a taste for the simple things, despite being easily able to afford ostentation.
She stood up when she heard footsteps approaching, running her hands down her dress so as to smooth out any wrinkles from sitting. She wondered quite why she was so nervous; it wasn't like anything illicit happened at these little meetings, and they weren't exactly a secret, even if she did her utmost to sneak down here without being seen. They were in the open, they couldn't hide even if they wanted to, but surely they had no reason to want to do that anyway. Well, maybe to escape that insufferable Touga, or to avoid the embarrassment of witnessing Kozue with another of her conquests. That was always unpleasant. But this, what the two of them were doing, was pure, innocent. Even if her libido wished it were otherwise.
Juri clasped her hands behind her back, unconsciously wringing them slightly as she pushed her chest forwards against the fabric. As the familiar pink hair stepped out of the gloom, she felt her heart beat just that little bit faster before rigidly slamming control back down, demanding it be still or cease being so damned erratic.
"Utena, I'm glad you made it," she said coolly, recovering from the slight frown she wore as she took in the Tenjou girl wearing her Prince uniform. It wasn't that it looked unflattering on her, but still, she realised she'd been hoping that Utena would wear something a little less masculine. Of course, the last time she'd seen Utena in a skirt had been after losing her first duel against Touga, and that had been a most decidedly unpleasant visage to behold, seeing the younger girl so devoid of her usual self.
"...Juri?" came the startled reply, to which Juri frowned once more. "I, ah... thank you."
They stood in silence for a few moments, Utena gawking in a rather unseemly fashion, whilst Juri studied her expression and the slight blush upon the younger girl's face. "You were expecting me in my uniform, I gather," she stated. "Even I sometimes wish to garner myself in clothing that makes me feel like a woman. Recall the first time that we met out here?"
Utena's blush deepened in colour as she remembered that incident. Juri in a lacy pink nightdress that was somewhat translucent, and most definitely coming onto her. She didn't think she could forget that night even if she tried. Of course, it had been a ploy; Juri wasn't really interested in her like that.
Meanwhile, Juri cursed herself for bringing that first meeting up. She hadn't been particularly honourable in her early dealings with Utena, and invoking those memories didn't strike her as a particularly good idea. Why though, she found herself wondering, why should she be so concerned about it?
"I do wonder though, whether you have any clothes other than that uniform of yours, Utena," Juri spoke, trying to steer the conversation somewhat away from her inauspicious start. "I can't say I've seen you in anything else except for on a few anomalous days."
"It's not that I don't have them," the younger girl replied, "it's that you haven't seen me at the times I've worn them. Apart from nights like this, you only ever see me during school hours and at the duelling arena. For all you know, I swan about my room in a tutu and feather boas," she finished with a smile.
"Now that's an interesting mental image," Juri responded dryly, a small smirk on her face. "I'm quite sure your fan club would be horrified by such a display."
The wind picked that moment to pick up, the cold breeze eliciting a shiver from the taller of the pair. As she hugged her arms around herself, casting a glance around the area, Utena blushed at the sight of Juri's chest straining against the fabric of her dress, nipples clearly erect from the chill. Quickly she moved past Juri to the fountain, where she picked up the shawl and gave it a brief dusting off. As Juri turned to face her, an eyebrow raised in question, Utena wrapped the shawl around her shoulders.
"Thank you," Juri murmured softly, before straightening up. "I should probably head inside. Come with me?"
"I..." Utena hesitated, trying desperately to keep from looking back down at Juri's breasts. "Yes."
"I'm just over there," Juri pointed to her dorm building, before giving the pink-haired girl a brief smile. Together they walked, Utena's hand unconsciously resting on the small of Juri's back as they moved in silence, something that Juri couldn't stop herself from grinning at, though she refrained from commenting upon it. Utena's princely side coming out wasn't exactly a bad thing, and it was nice for someone to treat her like this, considering most people in the school were afraid of her, teachers and students alike.
Opening the door to her apartment, Juri stepped in, kicking off her shoes and removing the shawl, folding it neatly as she moved along the corridor and into her bedroom, setting it upon her desk. Turning around, she saw Utena still standing in the doorway of the apartment, looking somewhat uncertain. "Please, do come in, Utena."
Hesitantly stepping inside, the younger girl removed her shoes, setting them to one side before following after Juri, who moved into the kitchen. "Do you want a drink? I fancy some wine to warm these chill bones of mine."
For a moment, Utena didn't respond. "That would be fine, Juri, thank you," came the somewhat stilted reply eventually, meriting another raised eyebrow from the older woman.
"If you're uncomfortable being here, you can leave anytime you wish to do so."
"Oh no! It's just, well, I'm somewhat surprised that you brought me here. You're... acting differently from how I'm used to, I guess, that's all, and it's caught me off guard," she laughs.
Juri felt a little sad at that, though keeping a smile on her face as she opened a cabinet to retrieve two wine glasses. After being offered a seat, Utena waited in silence as Juri took a bottle of wine from the fridge, deftly removing the cork and bringing it and the glasses with her as she joined Utena at the small table in the room, taking the only other seat, her legs struggling to find room away from Utena's, their knees and calves occasionally meeting each other's.
The silence between them started to become strained as it was dragged out, both taking occasional sips of their wine, the glasses even having been refilled before Juri sighed. "I have to admit, Utena, that I am somewhat worried about you. For you."
"How so?"
"You say that you want to revolutionize the world for true friendship, but I have to wonder, is that really true? Or rather, it's not that I doubt your belief in friendship, but that it's really reciprocal of nature."
"You are not my friend? Or Miki isn't?"
"That the Rose Bride isn't. That she has merely been manipulating you in service of End of the World. I do not trust that girl, not in the slightest."
"I believe in her, Juri," the pink-haired girl stated coolly.
"And I fear that will be your downfall, Utena. Understand me, I am just concerned about you. I truly do not believe that girl is capable of honesty. She is steeped in trickery and deceit, and only wishes to further the aims of her brother."
"Himemiya is not like that!" Utena shouted, rising to her feet, causing the table to wobble as her thighs hit the edge. "She is the kindest, sweetest person I've ever known! I absolutely believe in her and that she truly is my friend!"
"Even though she is sleeping with him? Her own brother?" Juri spat out, her tone acidic.
All at once the fight left Utena as she staggered a little, a hand reaching out to steady herself upon the table. "How did you..." she trailed off.
"Nanami saw the two of them. Quite possibly the worst person to witness that, I think, considering her own feelings towards her brother. And still, you knew? And you do not doubt her? I am not sure whether to praise your convictions or to curse your foolishness."
"I..." Utena shuddered slightly, her eyes wide as she stared at Juri, salty tears gathering at the edges. "I..."
"Hush now," Juri murmured as she rose to her feet, pulling Utena into her arms. "I apologise for speaking so out of turn. I just fear that she will betray you, and you'll lose that light of yours which shines so brightly." Leaning back slightly, she looked the younger girl in the eyes. "I am your friend, Utena, and I am worried for you." She gently brushed the hair out of Utena's eyes, tucking it behind an ear, her fingertips lightly grazing over the skin of the younger girl's face. "I do not wish to see you hurt, to become something less than you are right now. You are beautiful to me, in both body and spirit, and I do not wish to see you changed by how cruel this world is, by how cruel people can be."
Pulling her back into her arms, Juri smiled slightly as she felt Utena rest her head upon the taller woman's shoulder, her own hands stroking slowly through the long, pink hair, so soft and smooth against her fingers.
Taking a step backwards from Utena, she took one of the younger girl's hands in her own. "Come with me," she said, before turning and leading her into the bedroom. Releasing the hand, she took three further steps before throwing the dual doors to the closet wide open. She ran a hand through the various dresses hanging inside, occasionally pausing on one to take a longer look at it, before dismissing it and moving onto the next, before finally pulling out a light blue dress, more extravagant than the one she wore. "I think I would like to see you in this, if you would?" she said as she pushed the hanger it was on into Utena's arms.
For a moment, she thought Utena would refuse, but she shrugged instead, hanging the dress upon the edge of one of the closet doors. "Could you turn around please?" she asked, looking pointedly at Juri, who smirked in response. Turn indeed she did, though only so far as to the full-length body mirror that hung upon the wall, watching as the younger girl started to disrobe; first her jacket and the vest she wore beneath it, and then her shorts, setting each upon the nearby chair. As she unhooked her bra and drew the straps down her arms, she looked up at Juri's back, hesitating, before baring her breasts, also placing it upon the chair.
Juri's breath hitched for a moment as she watched Utena's reflection, clad only in white panties as she moved to take the dress from the hanger it rested upon. She knew she shouldn't be taking advantage of the pink-haired woman like this, but she didn't look away at all, whilst still fighting the urge to turn around and take Utena into her arms once again.
Slipping the dress on over her head, she let it fall down her body, noting the fact that it seemed to fit quite snugly around her hips as she smoothed it down. "Could you zip me up?" Utena asked as she turned her back to Juri, looking over her shoulder at the older girl.
Juri turned around, stepping in close to Utena as she took the zipper in her right hand, resting her left upon the younger woman's shoulderblade, slowly doing up the dress. Reaching the top, she lowered her hands to Utena's hips, turning them both around to face the mirror.
"What do you see?" she whispered into Utena's ear, her eyes never leaving those of Utena's reflection.
"I see... a woman?" Utena answered uncertainly, craning her neck from the mirror to look at Juri's face.
"I see a prince, Utena. A woman embracing her own femininity, whilst still holding onto her princely essence." The pink-haired woman turned her head back to the mirror, studying herself slowly and cautiously. "The prince is who you are in here," Juri continued, her hand moving to rest between Utena's breasts, silently revelling at the intake of breath from the younger woman, "but you are also a woman at the same time. You don't need to deny one to be the other, Utena, and no one can ever take either of them from you unless you allow it."
Straightening up, Juri took a step backwards, and then another as she watched Utena's eyes inch over her own reflection. "It suits you," she said, a genuine smile upon her face. "Much more than it ever did me. I'd like you to keep it, if you would."
Turning around to face Juri, Utena could feel the heat rising to her face. "I couldn't possibly!"
"Nonsense," Juri replied dismissively. "I got that as a thank you from one of my modelling jobs, and it was going to waste in my closet. It's yours, so long as you promise to actually wear it."
"I... thank you, Juri. I promise that I shall."
"In that case, I'll look forward to you absolutely stunning everyone. You really do look quite lovely in it," she stated, a large smile on her face.
It amused Juri that she could be like this, so... open, calm and relaxed. After that last duel of hers, the shattering of her locket, she had been so tense, flailing blindly about. But it had abated, that sense of loss, of purposelessness and abandonment. She was still closed off to most people, still unwilling to be any more courteous than was socially demanded to others, but with Utena, she could be, well, human. Not Ice-Queen Arisugawa, not the Beautiful Leopard, but just Juri. And Shiori... everything had turned around. Now it was Shiori who chased after her and Juri who had no interest. It wasn't that she suddenly hated Shiori, it was more that she felt nothing at all towards the girl at all. Had she ever been in love with her, or had it faded to be nothing more than just clinging onto what her idea of Shiori really was? It didn't matter, not anymore, she realised. Her last tie to Shiori had been cut away in the duel and since then she had been discovering, or maybe even rediscovering, her own freedom.
She shook herself mentally as she realised that she had been staring at Utena with a goofy grin stretched across her face. The sudden urge to lean forwards and kiss the younger woman gripped her, but she beat it down furiously. Nothing of that sort was going to happen between them, she knew that, she wouldn't allow it, and she was fairly certain Utena wouldn't want it to happen either. Somewhat certain. Kind of certain.
Moving to the stereo, she slipped inside a CD and hit the play button, the soft sound of flamenco guitars filling the air. "Dance with me?" she asked, blushing slightly. Utena nodded her consent, but was taken by surprise as Juri took the position for the younger woman to lead. They moved together in silence, their bodies close together as they followed steps; dips and spins mixed in as Utena grew in confidence, stepping up and taking charge.
As the third song came to an end, they mutually disengaged from each other, both of them panting slightly from the exertion, but nevertheless smiling at each other.
"You see? It's always inside of you, always a part of you," Juri said breathlessly. "You just need to believe in yourself, believe in your princely side. Being a woman won't change that.
"But you need to be careful," she continued. "Ideals can destroy or redeem you. Your true friendship, I hope, I pray that you are right. Having that strong a belief in someone, only to have it betrayed; it could destroy you. This is something I know from experience, you can trust in me when I say that. But if you're right, if she is truly worth believing in..." Juri paused, gently caressing Utena's face, "if it all works out in the end, then it makes all the hardship you've had, all the struggles you've been through, all of it worthwhile.
"I don't want to ever see you become like me, broken and twisted by betrayal, wounded by the one person you trusted the most. I couldn't, wouldn't, wish that upon anyone." Leaning forward, she pressed soft lips against the younger woman's forehead, before drawing her into another embrace, this one heartily returned.
"You... you're magnificent, Juri," the pink-haired woman whispered. "Even if you were broken like you said, you aren't anymore. Right here, right now, you're wonderful." She smiled beatifically at the older girl, before hiccupping.
"And you're drunk," Juri smiled. "Come, I'll walk you back to your room." Going back to the closet, she grabbed one of the bags that sat upon the floor and scooped Utena's clothes into them. Resting her hand upon the small of the younger girl's back, she guided her to the front door and helped her slip her shoes back on, snatching the shawl on her way, draping it around Utena's shoulders.
They walked in silence, Utena leaning slightly against the taller Juri, both of them wearing identical smiles and neither noticing the chill wind as they made their way to the isolated dorm building that housed the younger of the pair.
"Well, since I have no idea when the final duel is coming up, I guess I'll see you when I see you, Utena. I'll be sure to watch, if I possibly can."
"Thank you, Juri, for tonight. It was... nice."
"It was my pleasure, I assure you," Juri replied, a smile upon her face.
"You know, you're quite the prince yourself when you want to be," the pink-haired girl said, leaning against the door.
"I'll take that as a compliment, Prince Utena," said Juri, offering a mock bow.
Fumbling with the door handle, the younger girl finally got it open and stepped inside, before turning back to face Juri. "Good night, fair Prince Juri," she beamed.
The older woman backed a few steps away as Utena watched, offering a small wave before turning and stalking off into the night.
Returning to her apartment, she entered the kitchen, re-corking the wine bottle and putting it back into the fridge, placing both glasses into the sink to be washed the next day. Moving towards the bedroom, she pulled the dress from her body, tossing it to one side as she clambered onto the bed, rolling onto her back, a hand snaking between her legs.
When she had satisfied herself, her fingers still stained with her longings, she allowed herself to drift off to sleep where she could live out any desire she so wished. She wouldn't do anything in her waking hours, she decided. Utena was still a child unlike herself after all, and no good could come of it. But in her dreams and those moments before she fell asleep, she could make love to Utena as much as she wanted, and still have a little respect left come the morning.