Disclaimer: Strangely enough this isn't mine, but reading and reviewing is much appreciated.

Christmas with Snape

"Harry! What are you doing mate" shouted Ron, my best mate. He had walked in on me cutting my neck. I turn around and stare at him, "haven't you ever seen a guy shave before?" Ron looks at me and shakes his head.

"Normally when you shave there has to be something to shave, apart from skin, which is all that you have done and now you're missing half your cheek". I give him a dirty look and put down the razor, man you would think that they would teach us a shaving spell or something, all the girls are taught how keep their legs hair free permanently, so why don't they show us blokes? Stupid sexist teachers, just because Dumbledore hasn't seen a barber since before the time of Jesus, stupid old git, the boys should do it the way we used to, my ass.

Don't know why Ron is so concerned, about me "trying to shave" there actually was a hair there, I've counted two, no one likes a hairy wizard. Though he is probably just a bit concerned about me trying to grow up, its really hard to get some identity and recognition when no one can see that you are trying to change, when Cedric Diggory started he was considered cool and grown up, I want to go from being the boy who lived, to the boy who is living. Which is incredibly hard when all that people think of when they hear the name "Harry Potter" is some dark wizard fighting enigma, not a human being.

Well you may have realised this, my name is Harry Potter and I am a student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am in the seventh year and I'm doing my very best not to fail school because I want to become an auror and keep the world Dark Wizard free after we banished Voldemort a little while ago. But currently the only evil I'm battling is the evil that takes the form of Serverus Snape, the potions master and the world's oiliest, biggest prick. Here is an example of a typical potions lesson.

I enter the room, a little late, who wants to be early for potions? You have to sit there for even longer. He turns around and his smoothest most I'm-a-scary-teacher-beware-or-I'll-curse-you-back-to-the-stone-age voice turns on me. He looks in that snooty way of his at me.

"Potter, you may be stupid but I am sure even you can tell the time". Snape coolly says.

"I'm sorry sir, but where I come from time is an allusion, it's all a plot to enslave civilization by making them obey a non-material object." I reply, trying to be smart.

"What did you say boy?" the evil one sneers in a confused way.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I forgot you cannot handle big words, basically I'm late because I don't like being in your room because…because...you smell funny."

Well done Potter, you really know how to keep the laughter coming, not only does the entire room think you're a try hard but you're also a boring try hard, even Hermione and Ron think you're an idiot.

Sometimes I hate my conscience, it shouldn't be allowed to talk, must find that box to stick it in before it crushes me even more.

"Potter, even for you that was lame, go and sit down before you make me vomit". Snape spat.

Begrudgingly I walk to my sit and sit next to my friends. This is when the real fun begins. My potion making isn't really that great, no that's an understatement, my potion making is enough to make a saint swear.

Snape writes up a potion on the board, add one wolfbane tooth to blood of muggle…..dunno why we have to do it but hey its school, when was the last time it had a purpose?

I start making up my potion adding the random bits of stuff left, right and centre. It's always amazed me how little safety precautions are taken in this school, I mean couldn't muggle blood be dangerous? Hello, it could have HIV or something like that; then again these smart ass magic folk can cure anything (so why am I still wearing glasses?).

Before we get too far you need to understand Snape. In the dictionary if you look up the word evil, you will see a nice picture of him, HE IS EVIL. He thinks so much about himself just because he is a potions teacher but he hasn't been able to become a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher so he can't be that great. Oh and a small insignificant fact about him. He kind of hates my guts, just because my dad made his life miserable is no reason to be nasty to me.

So there I am, innocent as usual making up my potion. When it starts to bubble and make a funny noise, HOLY SHIT MY POTION IS SINGING and it sings worse then a cat being run over by a truck. Little stars and swirls start to take for and suddenly the screeching of my cauldron has stopped and its now singing twinkle twinkle little star. Of all the times for my magic to take on music ability, why did it have to be now? Snape is walking over, curious as to why my cauldron is singing..Finally something we agree on, as someone who has been attacked on numerous occasions by strange things, including house elf's and three headed dogs I'm an expert on weird, and my potion singing is definitely it.

Snape walks over and looks at me, straight in the eye, I can smell him he actually doesn't smell that bad, for a potions teacher.

"Potter………" he starts to say, but he doesn't get the chance to finished, because at that very moment there is an all mighty explosion and my potion/mush goes everywhere.

When I open my eyes after that all mighty bang there is a sight in front of me that will be permanently burned into my imagination, Snape is no longer Snape, he has transformed into a star, he looks like a really bad fancy dress costume and he's singing.

But over the singing there is yelling of POTTER!!! Uh oh I'm in big trouble at the moment. I look everywhere looking for an antidote, that or a phone book that can tell me where I can sell him, but we'll start with the antidote and move on. By now the entire class is looking at us and they are starting to laugh. Snape the cheap costume attempts to look threatening but fails miserably, but in his defence it is pretty hard to look scary when you're covered in glitter and are the light is reflecting off you and making you look so pretty.

Some of the smart asses in class are making comments, like "you are the light of my life" and "oh my god I'm seeing stars" stupid gits. Meanwhile all this is going on, Snape is changing colour. He's gone from quite a pretty gold to a bright red, red like a blood red ruby.

He starts to yell over the "twinkle, twinkle little star", something about what an idiot I am, well hello, I'm not the one dressed like ten year old girl. Suddenly there is a fizzing sound and a pop and Snape appears right in front of me, but gone is the happy glittery smile, all that is left is a very angry man that looks like he is going to kill me.

I turn on my heel and I run…Like you have never seen anyone run before, chased by an angry glitter covered man…. If he kills me I can safely say that this will go down as one of the most embarrassing moments of my whole entire life.

Authors Note: Will Harry escape? Or will Snape get him? Read and review!! Only way to improve a story is to get some help.

Squirt