Card Captor Sakura, and all its characters, are the legal and intellectual property of CLAMP and any entities they have granted legal rights to. I claim no rights at all with my story. I greatly admire CLAMP's creativity and skill.

--- SPOILER WARNING ---

This story is based on the uncut version of the anime, with some of the information from the manga, too. Please be aware that this story contains the major spoilers for the series. Read further at your own risk if you wish to avoid spoilers.

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For Gus -- For seventeen years you were my steadfast, feline companion; giving me far more trust and love than I could ever deserve. I hope that, like Clow in my story, you found more than can be imagined beyond death's door. Maybe someday my life will be enriched by your presence, again. Rest in peace, my beloved. I miss you. I love you. Knowing you are gone is tearing my heart apart.

Prologue -- New Moon

It is confirmed. The threads of my plan fall apart, the magnificent tapestry unraveling before my future-seeing eyes. I would laugh, but the sorrow and pain revealed in this unraveling don't allow the irony of the reason to induce that in me.

So much pain, and to those I would leave only the best of what I can give -- of what I am... From this benign, twilight watching beyond life, I had hoped to confirm my plan would settle into the inevitable that cannot be avoided, but it is not so. If I reach into the world again to adjust my plan after my passing, I render that part of it, the reason for it in the first place, ludicrous, but the pain...

My Cards, Kerberos, Yue, the sons of my now-twinned soul, the poor child I groomed for destiny's attention... All of these, and more, will suffer if I do not reach forward now and act. But, if I do that, I won't fade away, and I will never be able to rid myself of this awful power; I will suffer for all eternity, being the most powerful, in all the world...

Chapter One -- Waxing Moon

A swirl of feathers and moonlight dances in the dark basement. Huddled sorrowfully in their wake, he is curled in on himself in grief. It pains my heart to see him like this; I had delighted in seeing him floating on the white feathered wings I'd crafted for him with my hands and my magic. In the darkness, his very presence creates moon glow. With a father's love, with a father's heart, I reach out and touch the tear trapped in the lashes of his closed eyes.

My touch breaks his slumber. With a sob he stands, curling his wings around himself is a protective self-hug.

"Clow!"

The name, uttered in a harsh whisper, rends the air. He does not yet notice me -- him -- us, only seeing the vessel that has been borrowed, if that, for his attention seems to be focused inward, as if he can only see his own pain and memories.

"Why can't I sleep? Why can't I escape this sadness, living in a world without Clow Reed? I just want to die, knowing that he is gone..."

"Dead, yes, but gone -- not quite," I say aloud.

"CLOW!"

"No -- merely a last touch of his magic, I think. A task befalls you, Yue, a task Clow had not anticipated when he thought to spare you what he could of the pain of losing him. I am truly sorry to break your slumber, but the need is great."

"No. I just want to -- sleep, and forget -- I don't want to know this world. I don't want to live here, anymore. There is nothing for me in a world without Clow!" Yue protests.

I speak to him as if Clow is a third person, seeking to spare him the pain of having to say good-bye again. I seek to spare myself the same pain. It hurts me to see him in distress; to know that I caused such distress in him. If I let myself dwell on it too long, the course of action I'm resolved to take, which renders the reason for either of us to have felt such pain and loss useless, my will might falter, and spread the pain to even more people. I cup his cheek with a gentle hand. Kerberos might never see in Yue what shines in him so clearly for me to see; perhaps no one but me will ever realize that it's there; but Yue has the gentlest heart. He hides it well, but of the two of them, for as loving and sensitive as Kerberos is, Yue is the more sensitive. As much as I delight in having created a being so contrarily prickly, yet gentle, I wonder if my selfishness might have doomed Yue to a life of loneliness, an uncompleted love searching always for an understanding that no longer exists in this world.

The tenderness I feel is magnified by the fact that I am borrowing another's heart to feel it. The tendency toward feeling the most nurturing and protective touch of love is so much stronger in him than it ever was in me. Where I would simply override Yue's feelings and wishes, in my need to have him do what I say, this one is far more understanding, gentle and accommodating. Though he, himself, slumbers under my influence, his way of doing things floats softly through my mind.

A way presents itself. A way for Yue to help prevent the future I wove for him, Kerberos, my cards, and my heir, to unravel any further; yet still a way for Yue to hold onto the comfort he needs until he is able to bear my absence without collapsing into grief. In fact...

I peer closer into the brightening future. This way makes it easier for him to accept what must be accepted. It is harder, both on him and on my little heir to do things this way, but the bond of love shimmering between them before my gaze -- of the future that is becoming more and more certain as I ponder this possibility -- should help both of them through.

"Very well, then. Sleep you shall, Yue, my Moon Guardian. You shall sleep in dreams untroubled by memories of the one you love so deeply, who has passed on. Your dreams shall be brighter, happier and lighter things, delighting your heart -- indeed, delighting everyone around you. Come."

I open my arms and permit my spirit to overflow the one serving as my vessel. Unmasked, Yue recognizes me fully and with a soft cry throws himself into my arms. Truly, he loves me deeply, even now, to behave in a such a way, uncaring of his usual sense of dignity. As once before, I embrace him close to me, touching the threads of his spirit with my magic to change him. Unlike before, I'm not simply rendering him into his symbol form to sleep upon my book until the time for his role in the Final Judgement arrives.

The father's heart I dwell in guides me in my task. Who better to know what will be needed? Yue must remain near my little heir, since Kerberos will not be able to guard her properly until the time of the Final Judgement. With all the chaos that she must encounter, and the danger in some of the unbound Cards, she will need to be protected.

I smile and know that a touch of mischief dances in my smile. What better way to open my proud Moon Guardian's heart than to force this 'other self' to be by her side and protect her? It will be difficult for him to resolve having two hearts and two natures -- at least until he gives in and admits that he really possesses only a single heart and a single nature, that is. What better way to show my Moon Guardian the true nature of his own spirit, and his own capacity to love, than to force him in this way to express -- and face -- both?

Yue wants to sleep. He says that he wants to forget, and that he doesn't want to live in this world without Clow Reed. Very well. Yue will sleep. Yue will not remember, while he sleeps, anything about Clow Reed, or anything that Clow touched. Yue will forget his very self while he sleeps, for he, himself, is a working of Clow's.

But...

My arms are full of moonlight. I touch the inchoate moonlight with my magic, shaping it, reforming it, still in a human shape, again into a human form, but...

He's still my creation. He's still, in a way, my son, one of the two 'sons' that are the only ones 'Clow Reed' will ever have. What better way to show Yue all the depth he has than to magnify those things he thinks he doesn't possess in this false form I'm crafting for him? All the supreme skill I gave to Yue shall be in this one, untouched, but...

Where Yue is defensive, fiercely hiding and denying his softer aspect, this one will be open and actively express his softness. Even Yue will have to see that his own best strength derives from his ultimately gentle nature. I was so remiss as his 'father', not being able to show him these truths about himself before passing on.

I deeply regret that in order to salvage some of my plan, I have to act again in this world. If all goes well from this point on, Sakura will indeed become my heir, claim my Cards, make them her own, and thus prove that she has surpassed me. With her supreme power, she will be able to do what I could not, cleave my power in two, thus releasing my soul from the burden my power became, and bringing me to rest.

However, as I had to reach back into this world to correct the one flaw in my plan, even if she does all that I have foreseen, I, that is, the complete Clow Reed, existing in the realm beyond that of the living, will not receive the peace and rest I sought to find. By affecting the world of the living again, by interfering and changing fate, after I have passed on, I give up my one sure chance to be free of the onus of my power.

Perhaps, in some future day, I will manage to be reborn into the world, complete with my memory, my power and my burden -- and not reborn as I have already been; half of my soul bearing my memories and power, and the other half bearing my love and urge to care for people and make them happy; but as a complete, undivided soul, as I am now. I will be without any sort of ability to split my power again and undo the continued misery of my existence.

Still, as I watch the coherent moonlight that is one of my greatest magical creations -- Yue -- reform under the new shape I'm giving him with my power, I know there is no chance for me to behave differently. At least, this way, I'm the only one who will suffer. As the moonlight further develops and features start to form, I take up the deck of Cards that is my greatest triumph, and, in the final analysis, my greatest downfall. I thumb through them, looking at the order they are in and knowing that as much as I want to, I can't change it.

Windy is on the top, she is the one whose power will scatter the other Cards. It is as I had foreseen -- indeed as I had planned. I wanted my heir, Sakura, to have one Card that never escaped her, one Card to always rely upon as her friend. Who better than the gentlest and most helpful Card of all? I know that Kerberos, with his great, warm, loving heart will always be at her side as well. I had thought these two would be enough to safeguard her. I had hoped that after she'd found all the Cards, and the time came for her to face her Judgement, Sakura would be able to best Yue's proud heart. I know that part of my plan to act as a failsafe for her in that dangerous moment is already in motion. I had planned that the Final Judgement was to be the worst trial she would face.

I never thought to look beyond the Card she would be destined to keep in the scattering. If I had, I would have realized that Kerberos, no matter how strong his heart, no matter how deep his devotion to his new Mistress, no matter his will, would not be powerful enough to protect her. His aspect cards, the ones Sakura must possess in order for Kerberos to fully manifest with all of his power, Firey and Earthy, they won't be recovered until far too late for Kerberos to help her.

Yue's aspect cards, Windy and Watery -- Sakura will never lose the first and is destined to recover the second almost immediately. If not for Yue's distress, if Yue could have been the Appointer and Kerberos the Judge... No, their natures don't allow for that. Kerberos would never be able to muster the harshness to test properly, and Yue -- Yue would never let Sakura know how much he cares for her. Their tasks are as they must be, no matter the hand of fate reaches forward with such caprice to disrupt my plan.

With Yue sleeping until the Judgement, and Kerberos weakened for so long; the order that the Cards scatter in and the order she encounters them again, Sakura could never hope to prevail. If she were to fail...

Misery for her, if not death; sorrow for her father, brother, and the friends destined to meet her from my far away homelands; anguish for my big-hearted Sun Guardian, eternal, forgetful slumber for my grief-stricken Moon Guardian; chaos and confusion for everyone my wild, willful, unbound Cards chance to encounter... The only benefit would be mine. I would find release from the agony of my existence, in the end.

Eventually, my soul, split into two new lives, would come to the end of those new lifespans. My power is intact in one of those halves, but without the power of the Cards also, that power would start to diminish. By the end of a normal lifespan, once that half of my soul came to reside here, beyond the living world, it would be weakened enough to free me.

But, I can't buy my own release with so much misery. I don't want my Cards to fade into useless memory, and as much as I long to dissolve my existence, I admit I don't want my name or my magic to fade into mere memory. Arrogant and prideful, I know; but, I admit there is a core of soft concern under it for all these I set in place to free me, too. Even if my name and place were assured, I think... I think I would still act to save these children from the lifelong heartache facing them if I don't.

It doesn't matter. I cast my lot when I entered this one to wake my Moon Guardian, or most certainly when I decided to change fate, once again.

Dark lashes lift to reveal warm, brown eyes full of soft gentleness and concern. As I'd designed, he has moonlight-pale, skin and dove-grey hair upon which the gleaming of light reminds one of moonlight.

"Uhm...?"

I raise one hand in a familiar, mystic gesture. His marvelous eyes close as he slumps over, pushed into sleep by my power. I catch him before he can fall to the floor and settle him into a nearby chair. Something doesn't quite seem right about his appearance, somehow. It's his face -- it still resembles Yue's too closely. For this to work, even Kerberos needs to be fooled... My usual nervous habit, one that drove Yue crazy, of twirling my spectacles in a circle on the end of their chain leads me to the answer.

I slip a magically conjured pair of glasses onto the boy's sleeping face. There -- that, along with Yue's wish to forget everything, and the magnified gentleness in his nature should be sufficient to hide Yue from Kerberos, even though he will remain in plain sight.

Still regretting that no matter what order I place the Cards in, other than making certain Windy will never abandon Sakura, nothing I do can change this one aspect of fate, I place my Cards one final time back into the book I'd designed for them. I stroke a finger lovingly down the winged lion decorating the front of the book, sensing that Kerberos is sleeping deeply enough to not wake at my action. There is no need for me to confirm Yue's winged moon is absent from the back cover. Yue sleeps -- as he wishes -- forgetting Clow Reed and all the workings of his magic. I place the book back in its spot on the shelf and take one last look around.

Yes, to even the sharpest sight, the basement library is as I had found it -- or it will be once I settle Yue into his new place.

I look down at the boy who conceals my Moon Guardian within himself, and decide what I must do to place him in Sakura's life. There is a vacant house on one side of town. If I place him there, make him self-sufficient, and invent parents -- no, grandparents -- who are always away; with his gentle, helpful nature no one is likely to look too closely at him or check his story. He can go to the high school next to Sakura's grade school and in that way be close to her. Hmm, Sakura has an older brother, about the same age as I made Yue appear to be. Perhaps they should become friends -- to keep Yue even closer to Sakura.

He needs a name, though. If he's called 'Yue' even with all the changes to his appearance and nature, Kerberos will catch on.

"Tsukishiro. Yukito Tsukishiro shall be your name." I gather the sleeping boy in my arms and will us away from the basement library of the Kinomoto house. I'll return to the house after my task with Yue... Yukito is completed. I sort of have to. Fujitaka Kinomoto hasn't been aware that he's hosted me this night, not in any lasting way, but if I don't return him to his house and his own bed, he's likely to suspect something.

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Author's notes

I know it's a strange, reflective piece of writing. I've always wondered what happened to Clow Reed. I know the canon has him 'splitting' his soul into the persons of Fujitaka and Eriol, but I think the single will of Clow Reed, that single, indivisible soul, must have continued a sort of existence, somehow, even after his 'death', especially as Yue and Kero didn't witness it.

Next chapter teaser --

Clow's actions, after he possessed Fujitaka, were observed. Does this create a new wrinkle in his already-troubled plan?