Notes: I took the title from a Tim O'Brien novel. I plan on writing a chapter for each of the team…

The Things They Carried

As Carson Beckett looked down on the one place, he truly felt accepted and home he could not help ponder the complexity of those he had known during his journey in Atlantis. Every member of the Atlantis Expedition carried some sort of emotional baggage. No one who had reached any sort of emotional enlightenment would have made the decision to exile themselves to another galaxy where danger and death were about as common as Starbucks. The Atlantis crew was a complicated bunch; they had somehow found a way to turn their emotional repressions into fortitude, or loyalty, or talent to. These amazing individuals shouldered their own baggage and that of an entire galaxy.

Ronan Dex carried with him the memory of a wife and child. It is hard to believe it, but Ronan was once a naïve and idealistic man. He believed that with enough willpower and strength of character that anything could be achieved; failure merely indicated laziness or lack of desire. When he had met Alia he was barely more than a child. The young woman sashayed into his life all legs and big hazel eyes. She was thought by all of Sateda to be a solemn girl, but Ronan saw a glint in the eyes that made him respectfully disagree with that assessment. Her parents had intended her to be a priestess; she was not destined for the love of a man. Fortunately, for Alia, Ronan had other thoughts on the matter, he knew the moment he looked at her that she was his.

As a Satedan warrior, his father had often instructed him on how to catch elusive prey and Alia certainly fit that category. Ronan fully believed that if he wanted her love enough and worked for it that her heart would belong to him. He began following the young beauty around and attempting to impress her by hunting the hard to catch Gitchmaz bird and presenting Alia with its rare plumage. He began learning poetry so that he could recite it to her as he walked her home from her lessons. When it came time for Alia enter her priestess training her decision was easy and Ronan's world theory that with enough dedication and work you could achieve anything went unchallenged. As he took Alia to their new home for their first night as joined, he did not believe his heart could known any greater happiness.

That theory was proven wrong years later when a tiny child with big gray eyes and creamy brown skin entered the world with a sharp cry demanding that someone notice her entrance. One look at those big soulful eyes and Alia and Ronan unanimously agreed that she be named Ayana the mythical goddess of wisdom. Ronan Dex had been trained to fight, he could kill a man with his bare hands and he had, but looking at his wife and newborn daughter he only felt unadulterated love. Despite the havoc the Wraith were administering across the galaxy he would keep them safe and would frighten away the young men who would inevitably recite poetry to his daughter as they walked her home from lessons. As long as he worked tirelessly they would be spared, they would be the lucky ones.

The universe unfortunately failed to offer up proof to Ronan's hypothesis on the workings of the world. The Wraith came and captured him, the Satedans, or what was left of the once formidable people, were scattered over the galaxy. The worst part was that Ronan could not even be sure that his wife and daughter were among them. No one on Belkan had heard even rumours about Alia's and Ayana's survival, but nor did anyone remember theirs being among the numerous corpses. At least with secure knowledge of their death he could mourn and perform the necessary rituals. He could not bring himself to mourn his family that could still be alive.

Ronan Dex was a man that dealt with the concrete; he did not cope well with uncertainties. This is why he killed Kell on Belkan; it felt cathartic to end the life of a man who had ended the life of so many. His encounter with the former Task Master felt like he was avenging his wife and daughter, even if it was nowhere nearly enough.

Ronan Dex carried the image and memory of a wife and child, happiness, and innocence with him to Atlantis. Those images are what fueled him to accept Sheppard's offer to join SGA-1. Each time he saw a Wraith or the havoc they wrought he would picture reciting poetry to a beautiful woman under the Satedan moon or gazing into the soulful eyes of a child as she slept and it became the catalyst to fight with ferocity and protect those that could end the reign of the Wraith.

As Carson pondered the young Runner he realized that the Satedan's baggage was what made him such an asset to Atlantis' frontline team. The uncertainty of his family fueled him to become the protector of his team. John, Teyla, and Rodney provided the Pegasus Galaxy the best chance of being rid of the Wraith. If the world decided to return Ayana and Alia to him then he would damn well make sure that they would return to a place where they would be safe and thrive. Plus, since losing his family, John, Teyla, and Rodney had become the equivalent; after losing one family he refused to lose another. That is why he met each threat fearless and full of passion. It was his baggage that allowed him to continue to fight.