"Oh just leave it Harry," he muttered irritably.

"All I'm saying is that it's weird not knowing what you two are fighting about. You both usually make it so public…"

Ron fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Maybe you should ask her." He vaguely intimated the her he meant by sticking his nose up in the air and pretending to…flounce around a bit. Harry pretended not to see this startlingly accurate portrayal of his other best friend.

"Yeah ok. I will actually. Because I'm sick of this…" he swiftly and determinedly exited the common room.

Staring blankly out of the window it took him a minute or so to come to his senses. Flying clumsily through the portrait hole and narrowly avoiding a frisky-looking Lavender, he eventually caught up with Harry.

Ron stood there catching his breath, a ridiculous grin, in spite of his anxiety spreading across his flustered face.

Harry began to laugh.

"So I gather you'd rather I didn't ask Hermione?"

At the sound of her name, his face became momentarily contorted with either guilt or discomfort…or both, it was hard to make out.

"She thinks I'm a complete pervert," he whispered, shaking his head regrettably.

"What!?" Harry sniggered, "Well you are a bit of a pervert…"

"No, no, no Harry…you don't know the half of it…" he sighed dramatically before continuing, "…recently I've been sort of…erm…having these dreams. No, I know what you're thinking… that it's normal? But mine sort of aren't…normal…because they're always about the same person…her. And I'm not the only one who remembers them in the morning. She…erm…she remembers them too." He gulped and made a feeble attempt at assuming a nonchalant expression as he awaited Harry's response.

"What kinds of things does she do in these dreams Ron?" He tried to sound offhand, uninterested, serious.

A strangled cross between a moan and a sigh escaped Ron's lips, "Oh if you only knew Harry…she…she…she…well…magnificent, extraordinary, beautiful things…"

A garbled and excited account of Hermione's recent nighttime exploits was then relayed to an astounded Harry. So graphically and eloquently was it portrayed that the two of them had to take a few minutes of silence to dwell on this. Undoubtedly Ron was pleasantly reliving these wonderful events whilst Harry was still trying desperately to envision his reserved, sensible and presumably innocent best friend in this light.

They both collapsed into immature giggles.

"Hang on though Ron. I don't understand. You're both dreaming about stuff with each other…why are you fighting?"

He scratched his neck embarrassedly, "Oh well, you know the last one I told you about?"

Harry's voice dropped to a whisper. "The one where she was wearing a black leather cat suit?"

After only a brief hesitation he continued. "Yeah, that one. Well after we err…you know…this time we sort of woke up…only we were still dreaming. And that's never happened before. I panicked. I didn't know what to say to her! And then she started crying and brought up Lavender which you know, pissed me off…"

"Understandably."

"…erm yeah. And anyway, she just looked at me like I'd done something completely awful…when I wasn't the one who'd just been mercilessly whipping me all night…only I didn't mention that of course…"

"Good."

"Then I woke up. She's been ignoring me ever since, you know…"

"I know. Well if it makes you feel any better, it sounds to me like she was the one in control most of the time…"

A small smile momentarily flashed across Ron's thoughtful face.

Harry continued, "All that dominatrix stuff…I mean…"

"She practically raped me."

"Exactly."

The both dissolved into laughter again.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I dunno. She's avoiding me. Not just during the day…I mean in our dreams too. It's quite humiliating actually…last night I found myself naked, sprawled across the floor in the dungeons." His ears reddened, "Well…eventually she just walked in, didn't even look at me, grabbed a book and left. I couldn't move you see. I thought I was going to explode…"

Harry struggled to contain his laughter because, by the hopeless look on Ron's face, it was clearly something quite upsetting to him.

"Ok…please don't punch me but don't you think you should finish things with Lavender? You are sort of stringing her along you know…"

"Yeah, I know. I only went out with her to make Hermione jealous (he whispered her name almost fearfully) and that worked out pretty well didn't it…" he muttered sourly.

"Well you'd be surprised. As an onlooker I can affirm that her jealousy was merely suppressed out of stubbornness whenever you were present. Think about it, since when has she been so civil towards Lavender…a girl who she used to dismiss as a useless bimbo?"

Ron looked immensely pleased with himself.

"But you probably shouldn't get too excited mate."

"Why?" he looked aghast.

"Because she's going to Slughorn's party with Cormac McLaggen." He blurted out, his thoughts turning rapidly to how he could possibly escape having this conversation.

"What!? What?! You're joking right?"

Harry thought it was safest to keep his eyes fixed firmly in front of him…there's an interesting looking tree…

"Cormac McSlaggen!? Him?!"

Oh look, there's Ginny with her friends, over by the tree…

"I can't believe this…"

She's probably studying for her OWLs…

"Hermione with 'Cormac McSlaggen and his talent for shaggin'…" Ron winced at the crude song. He'd always thought it was catchy. I mean, yes, it'd always annoyed him. Especially when he'd caught his sister humming it…but now it was beyond stupid. It was evil. It was criminal.

Such lovely red hair…

"No way…there is NO way I'm letting her go on a date with him. No way! What exactly is she trying to prove anyway?! I mean, she must be doing this for a reason…"

Harry snapped out of his own fantasies at that, regarding his friend with a certain level of pity.

"Oh I don't know Ron. I mean, what sort of person goes out with someone else just to prove a point?"

"Exactly." Ron's satisfied smile faded and he began to look confused…then suspicious, "Hang on a second…you're talking about me aren't you? Oh for Merlin's sake Harry, me going out with Lavender is completely irrelevant to this. I knew what I was doing, whereas she…that McSlaggen isn't safe." He looked grim.

"Hermione's the smartest person I've ever met!"

"Yes, but not when it comes to things like this Harry. Do I really have to bring up Lockhart…and Vicky?" He looked faintly disgusted.

"There was nothing wrong with Krum."

"Oh of course there wasn't Harry, whatever you say." He rolled his eyes impatiently. "But the point is, someone needs to tell Hermione that she's been a naïve idiot and that she's going to get herself into trouble if she doesn't see sense. And as you seem to be siding with her on this for some reason, I fear that the task will fall to me."

"Do have a death wish?" Harry gave him a look of warning.

Ron's brow furrowed slightly.

Harry continued. "You're actually considering attempting to give her a lecture when it's clearly nothing to do with you in the first place, she's already furious and it's bound to make her more so, not to mention the fact that it'd be incredibly hypocritical and oh yeah, she'd hex you into oblivion."

"Ok, I did have a death wish just then. But, I've decided that I love life too much…and I…erm…won't interfere."

Harry bore an expression that disturbingly resembled Mrs. Weasley.

"I'll try not to interfere!"

"You better not. Hermione's more than capable of taking care of herself. And frankly I'm tired of having to watch her cry over your pig headedness!

Ron looked slightly wounded at that.

"Look, I'm sorry Ron. But it's frustrating. Why can't you just ask her out?"

"Victor Krum…Lavender…McSlaggen…" he sounded pathetic.

Harry smiled sympathetically. "You'll sort yourself out."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ginny was determined. She needed to have a chat with Hermione. Her brothers' extendable ears had come in useful once again…

Talk to Hermione now.

Kill Ron later.

A/N: I hope you liked that! I apologise for the lack of smut and for the fact that Hermione and Ron don't interact at all in this chapter. Sometimes it's necessary for a filler don't you think? It's probably quite obvious what the next chapter will entail. Anyway, thanks for reading, and PLEASE REVIEW:D