_
"Lalalala! Muffin, muffin, I want a muff-in..."
"Quiet, GIR." Zim tapped a few keys on his computer, bringing up his log. "Log vocal recognition begin."
"Oh, master, have you heard about muffins? They're like cupcakes, but healthy for you! You can get them in blueberry and strawberry-"
"GIR..."
"And banana nut and bran and-"
"GIR!" Zim glared over at his robot. Why don't you go scan one of these earthen baked goods into the computer." He handed GIR a pack of hostess cupcakes. GIR's tiny blue eyes lit up. "Yay! Snoballs!"
Zim watched his obedient little bot trot off towards the lab. The odds of the pastries even reaching the lab were not very good, seeing as how GIR was already tearing at the cellophane with his metal tongue. However, he didn't really care at all about breakfast pastries, rather wishing to fill out his log in piece.
"Dear log." He paused, meditating on the next sentence. "Once again, I have proved myself superior to the pathetic human stinkbag known as Dib. Its almost becoming a chore, rather then a joy. However, he MUST be stopped if I am to launch an effective plan of world domination. Since physical injuries seem to do little more then provoke him, Ill have to crush him in a different way." He drummed his fingers on the table. "He must have a weakness...computer! Do a scan on basic human weakness, crossed with the information files we have on Dib!"
"Processing." A list showed up on the screen.
"Hmmm..." Zim studied the list. "Weakness for paranormal activities...that's no good. Weakness for peanut butter? That's just ridiculous. Ah." An evil grin crossed his face. "Perrrrfect." He laughed evilly and took off for his lab. "Dib! Your pathetic human husk shall be no MORE!"
Back on the computer screen, the final phrase still flashed- "Weakness for human and physical contact".
~
Weakness
Chapter 1-Everyone Hates Puberty
~
Dib stared at the ceiling of his room. It was growing dark, at last. He pulled his glasses off and huffed on them, then polished them with the corner of his shirt. he squinted off into the night sky, searching for alien life as always...
Oh, hell, what was he kidding. He was looking for Zim. Zim, his one abiding obsession. Zim was what got him up in the morning, what kept him going to skool despite his complete boredom, the sum of his evening and weekend activities, the first thought in his mind in the morning and the last one in his head at night.
An outside observer would have thought Dib was psychotic or in love (or a mixture of the two). His obsessiveness about trapping Zim and keeping him from being a threat to the world paralleled obsessive-compulsive behavior.
People who thought this, however, would have maybe benefited from spending a day in Dib's brain. Dib's life had never been that much fun. His Mom had taken off at an early age. He was lucky if he received a birthday card from her, despite the fact it would be a month late and possibly be addressed to his sister, Gaz. However, this was an outpouring of affection compared to what he received from his father, Professor Membrane. He was so busy trying to save the world from its inevitable self-destruction he barely noticed the breaking down of his own family life. Dib had tried everything to please him, from feigning interest in science (thus triggering his interest in the paranormal) top getting his stellar grades to keeping the house clean-nothing worked. Nothing earned him more then a pat on the head from Membrane with a murmured "good job son" on the way to the lab. Gaz was a lost cause, mentally scarred enough by her parent's absentia that she immersed herself in a digital world rather then deal with the real one.
In that respect, Dib and Gaz had a lot in common-ignoring the real world in favor of their own. Gaz's utopia of choice had no real chance of emerging in the real world. Dib's didn't seem to either, until Zim showed up and turned his whole world upside down.
Dib laid on his bed, thinking about (what else?) Zim. He had shown up in skool a little more then 3 years ago. In that amount of time, a lot had happened to Dib. One of those things was puberty. That hated enemy of the already awkward child, puberty had done little in his favor. He had acne, now, along his hairline. He had grown gawky and thin-limbed with little actual muscle, and his voice squeaked nearly any time he tried to talk. Another thing that had accompanied this bouquet of delights was his first actual stirrings of physical attraction-
Ah, young love. Already a problem for a young man who wasn't exactly popular, the problem was compounded by the fact that his attraction was...well...not the expected. He had to keep his eyes closed in the locker room for fear of embarrassment. Like he didn't already feel like enough of a freak, now he had to deal with a socially unacceptable sexuality?
Acceptance was never something Dib got easily. His head was huge and oddly shaped, and his hair stuck up like a scythe no matter what he did. His obsession with the paranormal had labeled him a geek from an early age. The last thing he needed was-
Oh, forget this. All this thinking was doing him absolutely no good, just depressing him more. He opened his window wide, then shimmied down the ropeladder to his bike, confident he wouldn't attract Membrane or Gaz's attention.
Not that he ever did anyway...
~
Dib pulled up alongside Zim's house, trying to be quiet and not knock into a lawn gnome. He crept up to the house, belly to the ground, straining to hear Zim's voice. Sounded like he was going into another rant...good time to listen, get a jump on the next plan-
His thought was cut though by one phrase, a phrase that rang clearly through the night- "And tomorrow, I will declare my love to DIB!"