Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
'Neath The Light of The New Moon
The wind sighs emptily into the moonless sky. The feeling of hollowness inside him grows stronger and he lowers his ears in a gesture that will only be available to him for a scant few more minutes. Swirling thoughts bite at him. He hates this! Every single time! A small touch on his shoulder filters some light on his gloom.
"Inuyasha!"
He doesn't answer. He doesn't want to. He knows that the moment he opens his mouth he will say something…something that will make her uncomfortable and unhappy, and willing to go away and never return, never return, never return…never…so he sews his lips shut and sinks further into darkness.
"Inuyasha!"
She never was one to give up, but she knows him, and she knows he won't speak. She knows the secret he is trying to hide so desperately, and so she reaches out to wrap him in her arms. His blue aura intensifies sinking deeper into her bones and she knows he is almost broken on the inside. She knows better than to ask anything of him, even his own happiness, so she reaches out her own powers to envelop him in soft comfort. Her body follows suit, and soon he is wrapped so tightly in her arms that she can feel his heart beat thrum through her. Still not close enough.
He doesn't ask to be accepted, or even liked, and dares not think that love may come into the question. His past has taught him that if there is such a thing, it is not for him; so, it frustrates him that she still tries to tell him otherwise, to prove him otherwise - especially on nights such as this one. She knows this, but she also knows that the moment she stops badgering him will be the moment he gives up on himself; so she kisses him – willing him to understand it is not pity, trying to comfort him, and praying that he understands her actions are all out of love.
She is not surprised when he doesn't kiss back, after all a heart broken so many times across so many years can hardly be healed with one kiss...this is their second, though.
It is one of many to come. Fervently she tries to tell him, show him, in every way she can that it is not a duty, that he is not a duty, that she knows him – all of him – and that it will not change anything.
He reciprocates by sealing himself further, afraid of her touches, her kisses and all they imply. He knows if he does so she will eventually leave him, and it will be sooner rather than later. Locked in his own solitude he allows himself to admit that he will miss her, but that it is inevitable. He knows he cannot be loved. Not anymore. Never more. He has almost come to terms with this fact, her insistence opens up old wounds – wounds caused by old dreams, unfulfilled fantasies, silly childish wishes of a family and warmth and someone to hold him on nights when he is at his weakest. He is thankful to her for doing that, even if she won't always be there.
She trudges on, slipping past his defences, sliding through the chinks in the armour of his soul until she can see the him locked inside himself, and when she sees him she pulls him to her. She is real, and she loves him. Her warmth seeps into him diffusing the numbness. At first there is the pain that comes with warming what is frozen, but she refuses to let go, letting instead their tears mingle in an irrefutable and undeniable manner of showing him she will not abandon him. When at last they both come to, she is still gripping him stubbornly. Her kisses rain over him washing away his insecurities, fading his scars.
"Kagome..." at last he regains his voice. She looks at him. The pain in his eyes stays the same whether he is hanyou or human and she almost shudders knowing what a heavy burden he carries.
His hands clench and unclench half-way - he is not used to not having to mind his claws - and his eyes are lowered before he can meet hers.
"Kagome..." he tries again, as though just through that word alone he can make her understand. His hands are roaming her back shyly and a heavy blush is etched on his cheeks.
She nods and kisses him once again, because she knows he needs to feel wanted, to feel needed and loved. Slowly, shyly, he warms and reciprocates. When they become a mad tangle of limbs and breathless kisses she knows it is time to stop. With one last kiss she pushes him away gently, bracing herself for the pain that will inundate his eyes. She is not mistaken: hurt and confusion mingle on his face.
"Kagome..." He doesn't understand, he really doesn't understand. She is rejecting him...
"You're human." she says simply and he thinks his world is shattering. She does not accept him after all.
The look in his eyes tells her of the severity of his misunderstanding and she gently grasps his side-burns.
"Inuyasha. I love you, but when that happens...it will be when you are your true self. I will not make you choose."
He scarcely dares let himself believe he isn't dreaming. This particular subject has not been discussed openly before, and he doesn't know how to react.
A fact hits him so hard he almost reels from it...she said 'when' not 'if', which means...The blush triples in intensity.
"K-Kagome..." he gulps. He thinks he must be dreaming. There is no way this is happening. No way she has just told him she loves him, no way she just said she would become his lover...his mate...no way...! And then it strikes him...Kagome could not know about the implications of...of...that...when it comes to demons and half-demons.
Part of him tells him to leave it be, but he cannot lie to Kagome, cannot force her to share an empty life with him...he who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as her, he who hurts her and makes her cry, he who breaks her heart...she cannot want him!
Again, he tries to reason with her.
"Kagome...you can't mean that!" The words just won't come together right.
"Of course I can. And I do. I want to be with you."
His mouth runs dry again.
"Kagome...for demons...even for half-breeds...t-that is something that is...it means...if we do...it will...Kagome...you can't want that."
She quirks an eyebrow.
"You are not a half-breed; you are a half-demon. And as for the other parts of that sentence...I don't know how it's different for demons and half-demons but, that won't change my mind."
"But Kagome...it's...it's permanent."
She blinks and then a peal of laughter escapes her lips.
Each giggle is another hit to him. He had been right. She wanted something temporary...she didn't want him...
He hangs his head again.
The change in his demeanour does not go unnoticed and Kagome feels the need to clarify her outburst.
"Inuyasha..." she begins gently. "In my time, many people do it to...well, do it. There is no meaning in that act for them...but then there are the people who spend their time fantasising about a 'first time' and how it should be...I must admit I'm neither of those types." A sheepish smile stretches across her lips. "I agree with you...it is permanent, because for me there can be no other, Inuyasha, okay? I'm sorry I laughed, but you just sounded funny..."
"S-so..."
She nods.
"Permanent. That's fine by me." she snuggles closer.
"But...Kagome...there's the...other things about it that you don't know about."
She giggled.
"I doubt that. In my time, it's pretty hard not to be informed about this...and many many things to do with it." She mutters the last part under her breath.
"No...I mean...we...you accept my mark as proof of our union...and then there is the union...and then...then...then there is the chance that you will no longer be human."
"What?"
"A small chance. I don't know. But what if...you know...youki and your energy as priestess don't mix and...youki wins over."
"Inuyasha...don't be silly. I know my energy well enough to know it wouldn't let that happen...and if it did...well...at least you won't have me badgering you to play with your ears. I'll have my own." she winks.
"But the marking..." Urgency strains his voice.
"Minor detail. Face it Inuyasha. I'm not changing my mind. I won't abandon you, I won't leave you, and I won't force you to choose! Is that clear?!"
It is his turn to nod.
"Now what's all this...marking thing about?"
He gulps.
"When...er...we...you know...then..." She watches amused by his flustering. "...a mark will appear on both of us, as a symbol of our union...it will be somewhere in the area of the throat, and it will be visible to anyone...and basically everyone will know I belong to you..."
"I don't see the problem..."
"They'll also know you...b-b-belong to me..."
"Good. Just one thing though, we are not property. We belong with each other."
"Well...er demons are possessive and..." Realizing what it must sound like to her he stops abruptly. "You're not an object Kagome. Never...but demons...they don't think in terms of beings...they think in terms of property...that's why marks protect their bearers...but Kagome...you're not...property!" he murmurs almost angrily, and crushes her to himself.
"Never! Never! Never!" he whispers over and over, frantically.
"It's okay. I know."
"You don't. Kagome...Kagome is my heart...my reason for continuing to breathe...I may have given my life...but my heart, my love, my strength...it's all Kagome. All of it...All!"
She stops breathing for an instant.
"Kagome...Kagome...just...Kagome."
Her arms tighten around his trembling frame and her fingers tangle in his hair.
"Thank you." her whisper tickles his ear.
They do not let go; instead, they spend the night listening to each other's thoughts, learning each other's secrets in silence.
When the morning comes once more, flooding the world with light, she watches with undisguised admiration as he transforms. His hair begins to change its colour, and his claws start growing. She disentangles herself for the shortest of moments and drops a kiss on each on of his ears before they disappear to allow for the ones on top of his head.
"I'll always like your ears, Inuyasha."
He only smiles and holds her closer.
Author's Notes: Thank you very much to my editor, Star Rhapsody. To all my readers, I hope you enjoy this. :D