Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar, including any of the characters from the series. Nor do I own the song "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof.
Catch Me a Catch
CHAPTER ONE
Well, somebody has to arrange the matches,
Young people can't decide these things themselves.
"You want me to have a what?" Fire Lord Zuko asked, staring at the Fire Nation Council in disbelief and shock.
"A Courting Ceremony," explained Council Member Zang. "That is when you court a few ladies during a period of one month and then choose the best-"
"I know what a Courting Ceremony is. What I want to know is why you insist I have one?" Zuko demanded.
"You are twenty years old, Fire Lord Zuko, turning twenty-one in a matter of weeks; that it a perfect age to wed and start producing heirs," explained Council Member Yanlo, the other Council Members nodding in agreement.
Zuko narrowed his eyes and turned his head to the right to look at his uncle Iroh, hoping to find some support; only, to his dismay, his uncle was too busy trying to hide his chuckles to offer anything at the moment. The young Fire Lord let out a sigh and rubbed his temples. How to get out of this mess?
"As your guardian and mentor," Zang explained, "it is your uncle's duty to accommodate you with potential brides."
Zuko dropped his hands and stared at Iroh once again. "My uncle?" It was bad enough the Council wanted him to wed, but now he must court women his uncle chose? Was this late revenge for helping the Avatar defeat his father, former Fire Lord Ozai; and ending the century long war? These men were so cynical. Zuko's eyebrows shot up when a thought suddenly occurred to him. Cynical? Conniving? He could be those adjective too; and he knew just how to cynically connive his way out of this ridiculous situation. "Yes, my uncle."
This time it was Iroh's turn to raise his grey eyebrows. "You're not traumatized by the thought?"
"No uncle," Zuko said, donning a smile…or rather smirk, actually. "No, I trust you completely."
Iroh looked down at the table and stared at the cup of tea sitting in front of Zuko, he then turned his gaze to the Council. "What did you put in his tea?"
The Fire Nation Council stared at the two firebenders in confusion before shrugging their shoulder. As long as the Fire Lord agreed, they had no worries about anything else.
"Have you gone bonkers Zuko?" Iroh asked his nephew when they were alone in the Fire Lord's chambers later that night.
"Of course not, uncle," stated Zuko as he took the gold Fire Lord crown off his head and set it in the crown's golden cushioned case. "I'm just cynical and conniving."
"…I wonder what was in that tea," Iroh said, rubbing his chin while pondering.
"Uncle, I agreed because you are the one who will be choosing the girls," Zuko explained. "And though, admittedly, the thought did scare me, I have come up with a plan that changes everything."
"You have?" Iroh asked while he sat down on one of the red cushions set on the floor.
"Yes! You will choose four girls who will most defiantly be at the Councils disapproval and/or someone who would most certainly refuse to marry me!"
"That will never work," Iroh said, "pshing" at the idea.
"Uncle, you are the great General Iroh; the Dragon of the West; I know if anyone could pull this off, it's you."
Iroh rubbed his grey beard appreciatively, thoughts swarming in his head. A fire ball appeared over his head when he came up with an idea. Though Zuko believed himself to be cynical and conniving; Iroh was cynical, conniving, and a mastermind. "Alright Lord Zuko," Iroh said, giving his nephew a large smile. "I have the perfect girls in mind. All of them would practically hurl at the thought of being married to you."
"Well…that was fast…" Zuko thought, not sure how he should feel about his uncle being able to come up with four girls who despised him so easily. Oh well.
"To make it even better, to appeal to the Council's taste, you know, to make it look like we're actually trying, each is from a different of the three Nations. Well…two from the Earth Kingdom, but that's so large its okay. Also, they're from prosperous high ranking families!"
"…and they all despise me?"
"No; they just don't want to marry you!"
Zuko shrugged and started to take of his heavy robes. "Perfect."
She might bring someone wonderful----
Throughout all his adventured Iroh had never been to a circus. Not once. He found it exciting to see all the bright colored tents, strange animals and people, the children running around laughing, with no care in the world. It was a lovely sight to behold; one he never was able to see during the war.
He was not surprised that the young fire nation girl he had come to visit chose the circus; it fight her personality perfectly; cheerful, wild, exciting, and active. The circus was no place for a girl who would want to be tied down to the Fire Lord.
"General Iroh?" A cheery voice called from the mist of the crowd. Iroh watched in amusement as the agile girl flipped over the a few heads and landed in front of him in a low bow, a light applause coming from those who had witnessed the scene. "Hiya! Why are you here?"
"Hello Ty Lee," Iroh said, bowing slightly in return, though it was not needed or expected of him. He was a very polite man. "I was wondering if I could speak with you about an important matter."
"Oh sure, my last show of the day just ended. Follow me!" Iroh followed the energetic girl, who was weaving and flipping her way through the crowd. Iroh admired the spectacular sights as they made their way to her tend. The bearded lady winked at him, the man with the greasy ponytail gave him a wave as he swallowed a sword, and a man walking on his hands while a Poodle Monkey held a leash around his neck barked at him.
Iroh ducked under the pink flap that Ty Lee held for him and walked into her personal tent. It was full of pink furniture, as expected, except for a green and gold jewelry box that sat atop a pink wooden chest.
"My mother gave that too me on my sixth birthday," Ty Lee stated having caught Iroh staring at it. Her normally bright eyes dulled with sadness. "Even though she was from the Earth Kingdom, she stilled loved my father very much and his affections for her were twice as much. I killed him when she died…"
"Her death was a big reason for your decision in joining the circus, was it not?" Iroh inquired.
Ty Lee nodded. "She took me to the circus whenever she could; she said she loved the rush it gave her." She smiled at the memories, before shaking her thoughts and turning back to Iroh. "So what can I do for you?"
Iroh took a seat in one of the pink chairs. "I have come to ask you a favor on behalf of the Fire Lord."
"Fire Lord Zuko? What does he want with me?"
"It's more like…what he doesn't want," Iroh explained.
"Okay; what doesn't he want with me?" Ty Lee asked.
"He doesn't want to marry you."
"…huh?"
"You see," Iroh said. "The Council wants Zuko to have a Courting Ceremony. Of course Zuko doesn't want to get married so he has asked me to gather girls who would most defiantly not want to marry him."
Ty Lee let out a giggle. "I suppose I would be apart of that group. Lord Zuko actually thinks this plan will work?"
Iroh chuckled. "You know Zuko; as stubborn as his father. The young man actually believes that things will go exactly has he plans."
"And you're not about to let that happen are you?" Ty Lee gave the old man a playful nudge in the shoulder.
Iroh winked. "So may I tell the Fire Lord that you shall be attending the Courting Ceremony?"
Ty Lee smirked. "I think I can take some time off."
Someone interesting----
"I'm really sorry you had to travel all the way to Ba Sing Sa," Suki said while taking a sip of her tea. "I would help you if I could, but I'm already engaged to Sokka and we're getting married in a month; me doing this courting thing will seem a little suspicious."
Iroh sighed, letting the smell of jasmine tea relieve him of his disappointment. "That's alright. I'll try to find someone else."
"Could you not just have three girls?" Suki asked.
"Oh no, I've already promised the Counsel four girls," Iroh explained. "Don't you worry, I'll find someone else."
Suki gave a small smile. "All this to stay single? Lord Zuko must be desperate."
Iroh chuckled. "Well you know the boy; he never does anything half way."
Suki laughed. "So who are the other girls you're recruiting?"
Iroh shrugged. "Oh you know, Miss. Bei Fong, someone other than you, Ty Lee, and um, well, Katara."
Suki choked on her tea. "Katara?! Katara of the South Pole? The soon to be my sister-in-law Katara?"
"…Yes."
Suki sighed and rubbed her temples. "Not to mention Toph and Ty Lee…you really want to torture this boy, don't you?"
"It's an added bonus," Iroh admitted. "Ever since the war ended and we stopped traveling, there's been nothing but boring meetings."
Before Suki could say anything else a loud shout echoed throughout the Tea House and a young woman stood from her seat and splashed a boy in his face with her tea.
"You are so infuriating!" The girl shouted, her green eyes smoldering.
The boy stood up angrily, slamming his hands onto the table. "You are the most stubborn woman I've ever had the misfortune of meeting!"
"Right back at you!" The girl, Jin, shouted before storming out of the shop.
"…I miss Sokka," Suki mumbled, turning her face from the scene. The boy rubbed his face with his hands and sat back down in his seat, a frustrated from on his face.
Iroh stroked his chin in contemplation. He knew that girl and he mentally fire-balled himself for not thinking of her in the first place. He stood up and bowed his head at Suki. "If you'll excuse me."
Suki smirked. "It was nice seeing you again, general Iroh."
Iroh quickly walked out of the shop, well after finishing his tea and once gulp, and followed the girl down the street. He almost lost her in the crowd of bustling buyers. Two young girls cut him off while squealing about a gold belt they though would math perfectly with a green silk ensemble. "Excuse me, Miss!" Iroh called, figuring it would be better to talk to the girl before he actually did lose her.
The girl turned around, putting her hands on her hips and frowning. "What? You've been following me for the last three blo-… Mushi? I mean, general Iroh."
"Hello Jin," Iroh said, giving the girl a big smile. "It's been awhile."
Jin crossed her arms, trying to make herself look formidable, but her bright smile betrayed her "evil" aura. "Are you here alone or is Lee, I mean, Lord Zuko here as well?"
"Lord Zuko is not with me, but he is the reason I am here," Iroh stated. He gave her a toothy grin. "Do you still think Lord Zuko us the most disgusting, loathsome, backstabbing piece of swamp scum to ever walk the four nations?"
"Of course," Jin asked somberly.
"Perfect! How would you like to be on of his fiancé's?"
"…Excuse me?" Jin looked at him in shock, not quite certain if she had heard the old man right.
"Well, not really his fiancé. More like a participant in his Courting Ceremony."
"General Iroh… Why in the world would I want to be anywhere near that backstabbing, smoke mouth?" Jin asked, thinking Iroh had finally lost his mind…well, more of it anyway.
"Well," began Iroh. "He doesn't really want to get married, so he's asked me to get girls who would rather kiss a Komodo Rhino than marry him."
"You asked the right girl," Jin mumbled. "So if I did this, I would be helping Zuko."
"…Well…yes…" There was a hitch in his plan.
"Well I'm going to go look for a Komodo Rhino," Jin said, turning away from him.
"Wait!" Iroh called, the wheels turning in his head. Think, think! Ah! The boy in the shop! Things did not work so well with him. Jin was a girl of pride, she would want revenge for whatever had happened; a faced full of tea will not be able to sate her for long! "That boy in the tea shop; what did he do?"
Jin stopped in mid-step, her shoulders stiffening. "The little worm is leaving for five months," he growled.
Iroh nodded. "And he broke up with you to keep his options free, am I right? Boys are such Hog Monkey's."
Jin looked at him weirdly. "He didn't break up with me."
Iroh did a double take. "He didn't? Than why are you so mad?"
"Because he's leaving in one hour! He's known for two weeks he had to leave and he put off telling me!" She hissed under her breath, "the little Possum Chicken."
Iroh stared for a moment and then shrugged. "Well…if you're free for five months, why not join the Courting Ceremony. You know the saying "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer", and Zuko is your biggest enemy."
Jin smirked. "Nice try general Iroh." She bit her lip in contemplation. "Doing this would really tick him off?"
"Who? Zuko or your tea shop boy?"
"Oh, both," Jin said. "Which is what makes it so sweet… Alright general Iroh; I'll do it."
Iroh smiled. Zuko was going to love his choice!
And well off----
Iroh knew that the next young lady might be a lot harder to persuade than Ty Lee. She was, after all, the very epitome of freedom and trouble. Though she comes from the most influential family in the Earth Kingdom and everyone knows that her family has been pushing her to get married; she has somehow sent every single suitor screaming the other way.
Iroh stared at the large, green marbled statue of Avatar Kyoshi that stood in the middle of the entrance way of the luxurious Bei Fong estate.
The servant tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. "The Bei Fong's will see you now,"
Iroh followed the man through the many halls of the main house until they came to the meeting room where Lao Bei Fong and his wife sat on their pedestals and their sixteen year old daughter Toph was kneeling beside them on a green and gold cushion.
"General Iroh," Lao Bei Fong said, a big smile donning his face. "It is an honor to welcome you to our home."
"Thank you," Iroh said, bowing his head. "I am honored to be here."
"What do we owe this visit to?" Mrs. Bei Fong asked.
"The Fire Lord would be very…well, honored, if your daughter would agree to participate in his Courting Ceremony."
"What?!" came the loud, high pitched screech of Toph Bei Fong.
"Toph!" came the horrified gasp of Lao and his wife. Iroh chuckled.
"I don't want to marry Hothead!" exclaimed the young girl. "He's pigheaded and I swear he has a big flame stuffed up his-"
"Toooph," Mrs. Bei Fong hissed warningly.
"Would it be alright if I spoke with Miss. Toph alone?" Iroh asked, knowing the only way he could get her to go along with his plan was to speak with her without her parents near by.
"Yes, yes, of course," Lao said, nodding to a servant. "Lead General Iroh and my daughter to the garden."
"That won't be necessary father," Toph said, standing up. "I can get us there."
"But Toph-" Before he could finish Toph was at Iroh's said and pulling him out of the room toward the garden full of flowers, rocks, and a bridge going over a large pond full of Koi fish.
"Okay you old fart," Toph said, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's going on here? You know more than anyone I would rather stand on fifty miles of ice than marry Lord Hothead."
"I like your hair like that Miss. Toph," Iroh stated, staring at the midnight silk that lay atop the girls head in curls and flowers. "I don't believe I've seen you look so lovely since the Summer Solstice feast last year."
"Talk or die fatty." Toph took her bending position.
Iroh laughed deeply. "The Counsel wants Lord Zuko to have a Courting Ceremony. My nephew came up with a plan to make the Counsel happy and stay a bachelor."
"Hothead has a plan? That's a failure waiting to happen."
"Exactly; so I have my own little plan, which Lord Zuko doesn't know about."
Toph smirked. "You're going to get Suqarqueen in this courting thing aren't you?"
Iroh raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"
"Because the sexual tension between those two while we traveled together was so strong I tried not to see the vibrations."
"So, do you want to help me?"
Toph thought for a moment, rubbing her chin in contemplation. "I suppose. I mean, I've been stuck in this prison for three months; since Twinkletoes went to the South Pole for summer."
"Why did you not just go with the boy?" Iroh raised an eyebrow.
Toph scoffed, as if the answer was obvious. "Toph equals vibrations. South Pole equals Ice. Toph plus South Pole equals no seeing!"
"…Right…"
"But, I'm willing to go with you. You're going to get Sweetness, right?"
Iroh looked surprised. "Well, yes; but I thought you wouldn't be able to see."
Toph smirked. "I would like to see the others before I go meet my maybe future husband."
Iroh soon felt a smirk gracing his own face. "You're an evil little earthbender, aren't you?"
And important---
The Dragon of the West watched in amusement as the pretty blind earthbender worked her way down the metal ramp and onto the ice of the South Pole.
"Shoes feel weird!" she grumbled as she slowly slid herself down.
"Toph?!" came a loud, shocked voice behind Iroh. The former general turned and saw the now older, more mature Sokka running towards them. "I didn't think I'd ever see you this far south!"
"Shut up Meathead," Toph snapped when she finally reached ground. She grabbed onto Iroh sleeve and he led them forward. "Are Suqarqueen and Twinkletoes here?"
"Toph it's the South Pole; there's no where else for them to go," Sokka smirked. Okay, he was only a little more mature; at least personality wise.
"I know that!" Toph growled. "I just-"
"Toph! General Iroh!" Katara and Aang came running...actually sliding since they were on the Otter Penguins. Aang gracefully airbended himself off the penguin and landed next to Toph. "You said you would never set foot on this icy tundra of death!"
"I changed my mind," Toph said, smirking. "I came for Sweetness."
"Me?" Katara said, climbing off her own penguin.
"Uh well…yes…" Iroh said. "I would like to speak with you of a matter with great importance."
"Maybe it will be better to speak inside," said Hakoda coming up behind Iroh and placing a friendly hand on the older man's shoulder.
"Marvelous idea, Chief Hakoda," Iroh said, smiling widely. "The South Pole has grown since the last time I was here." It was true. The South Pole has become more like its sister tribe in the North. It had taller buildings, more room and housing, even some canals for traveling.
"It was bound to happen with all the northerners coming down," Sokka said. "They didn't feel like adapting to a harsher life."
They finally walked into the Chief family's now much larger hut and sat around a table.
"So what can we help you with general Iroh?" Hakoda asked.
"Well…it's more like what Katara can do for me." Iroh answered.
"Me?" Katara asked for the second time.
"Yes…and it's more like what she can do for Fire Lord Zuko."
"What does Lord Have a Fire-Ball Stuck Up My Butt want?" Sokka asked irritably.
"Four possible brides," Toph said before Iroh, smirking.
Four pairs of eyebrows shot up in confusion…and then after Sokka fell out of his chair, Aang sneezed and shot across the room, Toph perfected her evil smirk even more and Katara's jaw almost dropped to the floor.
"W-What?" Katara gasped.
"The Counsel wants Zuko to get married so they told him to have a Courting Ceremony; where four girls stay at the palace for a month and at the end of the month he chooses a bride; as long as she wishes for the marriage as well, of course."
"What does that have to do with my precious little sister?!" Sokka exclaimed, climbing back into his seat. Aang "flew" back into his as well.
"Lord Zuko asked me to gather girls who would not want to marry him, and of course Katara came to mind," Iroh said.
"Who are the other three girls?" Aang asked, suddenly not too thrilled with Toph's surprise trip.
"Ty Lee, Jin Ko of Ba Sing Sa, and Miss. Toph," Iroh answered robotically.
"Toph?!" everyone shouted, except for Toph and Iroh of course, and stared at said girl in shock.
"What?" asked Toph while picking at her nail. "I'm an eligible young lady."
"Yeah but…you're Toph!" said Sokka. "If you ever got married I thought it would be to a boulder or Aa-" a gush of wind knocked him off his seat again.
"It's like I said," Iroh continued. "You won't have to marry him; this is just to make the Counsel happy."
"So what your saying is, you want to use my daughter to make a Counsel of a nation that tried to take over the world happy?" Hakoda asked, rubbing his chin.
"That about sums it up," Iroh said, nodding.
Everyone stared at Katara who had yet to say a word. She bit her lip and ran a hand through her dark hair. "Well…I suppose…I mean, I 'm not actually going to marry him, right?"
"Whatever floats your boat Sweetness," Toph said, nodding her head.
"You probably wont have to deal with the Counsel that much," Iroh said in encouragement. "Miss. Toph will most likely be their favorite; being from such a powerful family. Ty Lee will probably come second since she is Fire Nation…of course she did run away to join the circus…again…"
Katara sighed and stood from her seat. "All right, I'll do it."
"You will?" Hakoda asked in amusement.
"Big surprise," mumbled Toph.
Aang was staring at Katara in bewilderment, then his gaze went to Toph and became ever more…well, bewildered.
"You'll what?!" exclaimed Sokka.
"This is great!" cried Iroh, smiling. Then his face became serious again. "Of course…you are technically the princess of the Southern Water Tribe, which the Counsel might like…"
"I FORBID IT!"
"Was that…Sokka?" Pakku asked Kana from their boat a few miles away.
"Most likely," replied Kana, shrugging.
My first Avatar fic, I hope you like it. There will be no OC's in this story. I do not trust myself to bring one in. Also this isn't going to be one of those evil girl tries to sabatoage Katara's chance with Zuko; this is more of a romantic comedy than romantic angst/drama. Though, there will be craziness. Also, the couples in this story are going to be Zutara (of course), Taang, Suka, and Jit (Jin and Jet- xcgirl08's Book 3: Fire got me into that couple so yeah...and I like Jin and even though Nick says Jet is gone, in this story he is not. He is to cool and yummy to kill in my opinion; the guy needs a break!)
There will be more South Pole craziness in the next chapter and also some more Zuko, hopefully. Zuko will get to meet his bridal contestants by chapter 3!
I hope you like it! Drop a review!