Due to the rules of I had to erase a small part of the fic with explicit content. Though it was only a few lines and does not change the story at all…

Part 2: New beginnings

It was silent in the Hyperion hotel when the morning dawned. It was silent when it became noon. Normally Wesley and Cordelia would have been here, working on the computer or searching through old books. But not today.

Fortunately Angel had given them both a day off, as if he had known that the last thing he wanted today was company. Spike had left the hotel after their fight, he was sure about that. He had definitely left and would not come back at all. He had wrecked the little connection they had built over the last few months.

He really had hoped that Spike would acknowledge them and would still feel something too. But it seemed as if he was alone with his feelings and memories. Again alone.

When he heard steps coming up the stairway he groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. He did now want to talk to Cordelia right now. A soft knock startled him for Cordelia was more the type of opening the door and then knocking. Nevertheless he needed some free time from the real world today and therefore didn't answer.

The visitor seemed persistent and knocked again, ignoring the possibility of Angel still sleeping.

"Go away!"

"Angel, can we talk?"

Angel sat straight up in his bed as he heard Spike's voice calling through the door.

"Ehm, sure, just a second." He barged out of bed and ran into the adjoining bathroom. He slipped into some of his discarded clothes and quickly brushed his teeth. Sure Spike only wanted to talk and had no interest whatsoever in him, but that didn't mean that he had to walk around unwashed and barely clothed.

In the meantime Spike became uncertain if this was really a good idea. Maybe he had read Angel's expression wrong yesterday and it had been all about his ego and not about hurt feelings. But he had decided to find it out once and for all.

He lifted his hand to knock again when the door was torn open and an anxious looking vampire stood in front of him.

"Spike, I'm sorry."

"Angel, I'm sorry."

The room was filled with tension.

"Wait, Angel. Let me speak first. Or else I will never be able to do it."

"Okay, come in and have a seat."

"Well, I would rather stand, but you should sit down, because what I will tell you could be rather shocking." 'And I would have a head start if you decide to kill me', Spike thought.

"Angel, I want you to…No, wait. I will rephrase this. I would like you to…No, that's not good either. Would you…? Bloody hell, this is harder than I thought."

Spike had begun to walk to and fro in the room and was startled when two strong arms surrounded him and turned him around. When he looked in Angel's brown eyes, he had to gulp. Maybe it had been a mistake coming here.

"Spike, whatever it is you can tell me. I am not going to judge you or yell at you, okay?"

"I want you to sleep with me", Spike blurted out without thinking.

"Pardon me?" Angel was sure that he had misheard.

"I thought about our talk yesterday, you know and I realized that I would have rather slept with you for my first time than with Angelus and you looked so hurt when I said that I didn't want to remember and so I thought that maybe you still feel something or if you haven't before that you maybe now feel something and…"

Spike's rambling was interrupted by Angel's soft lips. He closed his eyes and let the emotions engulf him.

"I am not going to sleep with you, fuck you or shag you or whatever expression you may normally use for it." Spike's shoulders dropped down and he began to push himself out of Angel's tight embrace. "I am going to make love to you. Do you like that idea?"

Spike's answer was that he pressed himself harder against Angel's muscular body.

"Oh yes, I am going to make love to you all night long like this is our first time."

"It is our first time, Angel. I've never been with you. I've been with Angelus, but not with the man I love."

Angel had to take a deep breath, although he didn't need it for living, but Spike's honest reply made him weak in his knees.

"So this is not about the past? You are in love with me? You really fell in love with me?" Angel sounded like a child who gets a long desired wish fulfilled. His eyes lit up, filled with love and desire. "I love you too, Spike."

"You do? I mean, of course you do. Who would not fall in love with me, 'cause I am…well, me. You really are?"

"Spike!"

"Okay, shutting up now. So someone said something about making love? How are you going to do that?"

"I thought that maybe I could start here."

Angel closed Spike's mouth with his and kissed him softly.

"That's a good start. What comes next?", asked Spike with a passionate expression.

"Now we could do a little bit of this."

Angel began to nibble his way from Spike's chin to his left ear and down on his neck. Spike moaned softly. His neck was one of his most sensual parts and Angel seemed to remember it from their former experiences.

"And maybe a bit of that?" Spike began to unbutton Angel's shirt and kissed every inch of skin he exposed.

"Yes…" Angel hissed his agreement. He ripped Spike's t-shirt in a half and pressed their naked chests together. His lips searching for their home, his tongue searching for the sweetness that was Spike.

From this moment on words were unnecessary. Their eyes told each other everything they needed to know.

Clothes fell down to the floor as hands touched first frantically then tenderly, realizing that there was no hurry. Entangled they lay down on the bed and began to discover the other again. Too much time had passed since they had felt the respective other and although the territory was not new, it still felt like the very first time that their skin came in contact with each other.

Angel buried Spike underneath him and started to discover every spot of his body. He touched, licked and kissed his way down from Spike's soft blond hair to his shoulders and made the younger vampire squirm under him.

Probingly he dipped his tongue into the belly button, never leaving his eyes off of the beautiful face that had haunted his dreams for so long. He adored the way how Spike shut his eyes and took in a deep breath whenever he lingered at one of his especially sensual zones. But he simply loved the moans which were getting louder and louder the further he went down on the lean body.

The need to become one with his lover was overwhelming, but Angel held back. He wanted it to be special; he needed to convince Spike that this was not just about sex.

He slowly prepared Spike, for pain could be later on a part of their loveplay, but not today. Light thrusts were interrupted by the love making of their tongues. The rhythm changed when they came closer to their peak. […

Angel lay panting besides Spike, fully sated by their love making.

"I love you, Spike."

"This isn't going to work." Spike sat up and searched for his clothes.

"What are you talking about? I think it worked really good."

"That was sex. This thing between us, whatever it is, isn't going to work. I'm sorry, Angel. Me, I'll always remember Angelus and you see somethin' in me I haven't been for a very long time. The two of us together, it's just a matter of time before we'll hate each other for the past and present and I don't think that I could live with that. You know, they say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. We know that I'm love's bitch and will always be, but I'd rather don't know this love, 'cause losing it – you - would definitely destroy me. I can't risk my heart again."

Angel pulled Spike back to bed and pushed him down with his weight.

"So you take the cowardly way out? Is that it? You're too much of a coward to risk something? I love you. But I guess this – us - is not as important to you as it is to me!"

The blond pushed the taller vampire off of him and paced off the room.

"I love you, Angel. I really do. And I am man enough to admit it, but don't ask me to rip my heart out of me chest. No, don't say a word. Sooner or later you will leave me again. It's just what you do. What you'll always do. No one stays with me for the long run. How can I believe that I am coming first this time?"

"I can't do more than give you my word that we are going to make this work. Don't give up on us, just because it could be difficult. Of course it will be. We are not the two easiest persons to be around, but I am sure about my feelings. They will not change tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or next month. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you really don't want to be with me. Tell me and I will leave you alone."

Brown eyes met blue ones as Angel tried his best to convince Spike of his sincerity.

"Give us a chance. The moment you feel insecure or overlooked or handled wrong by me, you tell me and we will figure it out. I will do whatever it takes to make you believe in me again."

"Even change your pansy hair?"

"Whatever it takes. I promise that I will do everything I can to make you the happiest man on earth. Either dead or alive. Do you hear me, Spike? I promise you that I am never going to leave you ever again. Wherever you will go, I'll follow you. I am not going to leave you and you can kick my ass whenever you think I behave poorly or treat you wrong."

"Well, then you're in for a whole lot of spanking." Spike grinned mischievously.

"You make it sound anything but bad. So what do you say? Can you give us a try? Can you give me a chance?"

Silence filled the room.

"I…Okay, I'm going to risk it. But be warned the second you just think you made the wrong decision, is the second I am out of here."

"That's fair. But it ain't going to happen. So do we have a deal?" Angel stretched out his hand.

"Deal." Spike ignored his hand and pressed his lips on Angel's. The older man embraced him happily and together they lay down on the bed. Kissing as if there was no tomorrow…