Wahoo! First Chapter! I'm excited, aren't you?
Disclaimer – All Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. And I'm also 'gonna give a shout-out to akatsuki's-fangirl, because she originally had this brilliant idea. Kudos to you, A-F!
FYI, Tobi will always speak in the 3rd person (or whatever) in this fic, because it sounds cute.
This is Zetsu's white side speaking (AKA White-san)
This is Zetsu's black side speaking (AKA Black-san
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Dear Tobi,
I've always wondered, why do you keep that mask on?
-sasunarulove01
Dear sasunarulove01,
If Tobi told you, Tobi would have to get Deidei-sempai Deidara- STOP CALLING ME THAT toblow you up with a pretty lil' clay birdie….Just Kidding! Tobi is too much of a good boy to do that! Honestly, Tobi really doesn't know…teehee…
-Tobi
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To Deidara-sempai
I have some questions for you.
Number 1: Are you worried that your hands might try to molest you in your sleep? I would be worried...
Number 2: You killed Gaara right? You know he was brought back to live right?
Number 3: Even though I'm positive you are a guy...are you a guy?
And, well it's not really a question but, Tobi is cool! Stop being mean to him! Oh, and you wanna kill Sasuke right? Tell me the time and place, and I will come and take fun in the action :)
From: Taya
P.S. I think that you are...(blushes) kinda hot...
Dear Taya,
1.) Between you and me, they have, yeah (shudders)
2.)(proudly) Yeah, I di-WAIT, HE WHAT? Ah, dammit, yeah.
3.)Totally, yeah. They just say I'm a girl because they're jealous that I'm prettier-I MEAN, HANDSOMER, than them, yeah.
Tobi is NOT COOL! He's ANNOYING! Tobi- Awww, Deidei-sempai! STOP CALLING ME THAT! Yes…I DO want to kill Sasuke, yeah. AND NO ONE BETTER FUCKING BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, YEAH!
Oh, and thanks, yeah. You're probably pretty, too, and you can totally come with me to kill Sasuke, yeah.
-Deidara
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Dear Deidara,
1.)Can you give yourself -- with your hands?
2.)If your a guy why do you insist on being so effeminate?
to Tobi:
1.) Whats with the "good boy" thing?
-limerence 11
Dear limerence 11,
1.)Eh….I guess, but I never do Tobi: Deidei-sempai usually gets Saso- TOBI SHUT UP, YEAH blushes
2.)I AM NOT EFFEMINATE, YEAH! It just…er…seems that way, yeah…
1.)Tobi is a good boy because Zetsu-san said so!
-Deidara & Tobi
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Ok, Kisame,
What the hell happened to the 'famous' 7 shinobi swordsmen, Raiga and Zabuza are dead, but there is obviously 4 others, where are they! Just wondering……please answer.
-priscillaxoxoxox
Dear priscillaxoxoxox,
How the hell am I supposed to know? When I left, they were still there.
-Kisame
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Dear all,
Tobi-where did you get your mask from? Why orange?
Orochimaru- if you could have ANYONE from the cast, of either gender, as your sex-slave who would it be? Why?
Kisame-do you dye your hair?
A.L- what is the REAL origin of the Akatsuki uniform?
Sasori-what is your opinion of Pinocchio?
Hidan-do you go knocking door-to-to preach about your religion?
Deidara-seriously, are you related to Yamanaka Ino in ANY way?
Kakuzu-did you ever study under a Dr. Frankenstein?
Blue haired mystery chick-Is it true your only purpose is to provide nightly entertainment?
Itachi-boxers of briefs?
-Avatarofrage
Dear Avatarofrage,
Tobi- Tobi got his mask when a guy dropped it. He ran away screaming when he saw Tobi's face (meany) Tobi loves orange!
Orochimaru- Sex…slave? Well, If you must know, it would have to be Kabuto. Sasuke's great, but Kabuto-chan has a nice ass Kabuto: (blushes) Oro-sama!
Kisame- No. I guess next you'll be asking me if I dye my SKIN.
Leader-san- I originally wanted something a lot nicer, but Kakuzu insisted that we get cloud-cloaks, because they were on sale at the goodwill store for 35 cents apiece.
Sasori- He's UGLY. It makes me sad that someone would perform such a time-consuming task as creating a puppet and create such a monstrosity. And the way his nose grows looks tacky.
Hidan-Yes. I must have missed your house. Dammit…
Deidara- I really don't know…why? Do I look like her? OOH! Does she like art too, yeah?
Kakuzu- No. He wanted me to pay him before he would teach me anything. He's the one who should have paid me. It should be considered an honor to teach an S-Ranked criminal like myself.
Blue- Entertainment? Phht…Everyone here is gay. Tobi: What about leader-san? (blushes) W-WHAT?
Itachi- Briefs. Boxers feel awkward under the cloak.
-All
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Dear Itachi:
What's the first thought that comes to you when you hear this : You put the lime in de coconut and shake it all up...?
Dear Kisame:
Do you like squirrels? What do you think of squirrels?
Dear Zetsu:
What would you say if I said that I know where you live?
Dear Deidara:
Is Sasori your pimp? Or is Itachi? How much do you cost?
Dear Sasori:
Do you have organs?
Dear Hidan:
Am I annoying? Would you kill me if I did witchcraft in front of you?
Dear Kakuzu:
Since Hidan is immortal...or whatever...Have you ever thought of selling his organs on the black market?
Dear Tobi:
Who do you like more...Cookie...or...Creme?
-RapistNoJutsu
Dear RapistNoJutsu,
Itachi- That certain phrase reminds me of the time Kisame and I got wasted in Jamaica Kisame: WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO MENTION THAT EVER AGAIN, REMEMBER?
Kisame- I HATE them. I got attacked by one of those vermin a few weeks ago (shudders)
Zetsu- I would simply ask you HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE? please don't come to my house OR I'LL FUCKING EAT YOU ALIVE.
Deidara- Saso-I MEAN….pimp? What are you talking about, yeah? I'm not for sale,
yeah!
Sasori- (blushing) Um…yes…I do have…some…organs…
Hidan- No, you aren't, but if you did all of that pagan shit in front of me, I would have to
disembowel you and send your soul to Jashin-Sama.
Kakuzu- Yes. As a matter of fact, I've already sold his right kidney, his gall bladder, and his small intestine (but don't tell him, okay?)
Tobi- Tobi loves BOTH! (singing) Cookies and cream, cookies and cream, Tobi's a little lad who loves cookies and creeaaammm! Deidara: It's BERRIES, you idiot! What's berries?
-Everyone
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Dear Deidara,
I love you're kick -- and explosions are the best damn thing on this planet
Dear Sasori,
Do you like deidara?
Dear Itachi,
When was the last time you showed emotion?
Dear Kisame,
Is your mouth seriously cut up from having sharp teeth?
Dear Hidan,
What does Jashin-sama think of yaoi/yuri relationships?
Dear Kakuzu,
Why does everyone say your ugly? Personally I think you're hot without the mask and hat thingy.
Dear Zetsu,
White-san, what's up? Black-san, why are you so mean?
Dear Sir-leader,
I'm not gonna ask to join but could you like send me pics of all the members:D
Flower-chan,
Why don't you just turn around?
Dear Orochimaru,
I don't like you very much
Dear Tobi,
:D?
-akatsuki's-fangirl
Dear akatsuki's-fangirl,
Deidara- (grins) Thanks, yeah! I think they're pretty damn awesome, too, yeah.
Sasori- He's my partner. If I didn't somewhat like him, I would have probably killed him by now Kisame: Uh, Sasori-san? What? Kisame: I think she means…uh…like, you LIKE like him. Oh, well, yea-WAIT…What!? (blushes) n-no…of c-course not…(nervously) What would give you that idea?
Itachi - Jamaica, as far as I know (see above).
Kisame- Yeah! (frowns) AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL, TOO!
Hidan- WHAT?!? How the fuck did you find out! Those are between me and-I mean, what…yaoi/yuri…pairings? (Dammit)
Kakuzu? Really? Maybe I should leave 'em off. Toasty: I THINK YOU'RE HOT, KAKKY-CHAN!!1111ONE...Uhhh….who are you?
Zetsu- Lately, I've been trying to control Black-san's profanity problem. It's rather annoying And there's nothing you can do about it, bitch!
Leader-san- How do I know you're not a spy? (suspicious)
Flower-chan- I'm so pretty, that if I did, everyone on the planet would want to bone me Tobi: And that wouldn't make Leader-san too happy SHUT THE HELL UP, TOBI!…..Kidding! I'm just a little shy, is all. Do you really want to see my face that bad?
Orochimaru- (scoffs) Well, I don't like you either…
Tobi- :DDD!
-Everyone
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Dear Kisame, Itachi, and Orochimaru
Is ya'll gay? Tell the truth. And if you aren't, do ya'll have girlfriends?
-Sheridan
Dear Sheridan,
Itachi- I plead the fifth. Toasty: You can't plead the fifth! That's the AMERICAN bill of rights! Itachi: I don't care.
Kisame- I'M NOT GAY, I'M TELLING YOU! NO! NO! NO!
Orochimaru- Defensive, aren't we, Kisame? Are you totally sure about that? I'll go ahead and tell you now that I am. Kisame: B-BUT..I'M NOT! Deidara: Oh, come one…just admit it, yeah! Kisame: NO ONE ASKED YOU, GIRLY-MAN!
-Itachi, Kisame, and Orochimaru.
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And there's your first chappie! Awesome, huh? Remember now, kiddies, I NEEDS ME SOME MO' Reviews. And not just "that was graetlololol" I want QUESTIONS, DAMMIT! See intro chapter for details, Please and Thank you.