Notes: This fic eventually has Gaara x Lee. (No, there's no significance to that order.) However, this chapter has one-time, brief Sakura + Gaara. If you're violently opposed to that you can skip this chapter, but you'll miss the build-up, and it will be briefly referenced later. This was originally a one-shot, so it may seem a bit different from later chapters.
Spoilers: Through Timeskip.
Comments are appreciated, concrit especially.
Sakura had a secret.
As a shinobi she held many, but this was personal, one she'd never tell Ino or her mother or Tsunade and certainly not Naruto or Sasuke.
Sakura's first kiss wasn't anyone in Konoha—not Sasuke, Naruto, or even Lee.
Sakura's first kiss was with Gaara.
Tsunade was called to Sunagakure for something important, too high-level for Sakura to know but involved enough she needed to come along if she wanted to continue training. (Sakura was convinced it was actually to help carry Tsunade's luggage; the Hokage packed enough to last a month after the world ended.) Either way, she found herself in the Hidden Village of Sand with a fair amount of free time and nobody to talk to.
Temari was a little intense and though she made the time, Sakura always got the impression she'd rather be elsewhere. Kankurou seemed to only care about her because she was a pretty girl but was sent off on a mission two days after she arrived. The climate was harsh and the locals less than friendly. It left her with hours of training and reading by herself, making for restless nights.
The days were scorching and the nights frigid, but the clear skies drew her to the rooftop. Looking at those stars, she could think of Sasuke and Naruto under the same sky, training and hopefully well. Hopefully thinking about her. It left her feeling a little hollow but she did her best to replace it all with determination. She didn't want to be weak any more; she didn't want to be protected all the time, as futile as that hope may be.
The third night, Gaara appeared. Part of her still feared him, memories of Lee's horrible injuries haunted her. But he'd also saved Lee's life, leaving her with only mixed feelings. He said nothing, staring into the distance with eyes that looked almost solid white in the low light. It figured that an insomniac would notice her late night habit. It felt like he was waiting for something, but nothing happened and she went to bed as usual.
Two more days of this made her near paranoid. Being near him made her feel exposed, pinned to the roof like her worth was being examined and found lacking. He hadn't even looked at her. She trained harder but was still unable to sleep without those midnight vigils.
On the sixth day he was waiting for her, distant eyes tracing every movement as she leaped onto the roof. She stubbornly turned to the stars but he kept staring until every nerve in her body was twitching from his scrutiny. Inner Sakura fumed and she indulged in mental name-calling until the anger wore itself out. These days it seemed like her angry inner self wasn't talking as much.
When he spoke, Sakura was ashamed to admit she started.
"They say you love Sasuke," was the brief declaration. It lacked emotion and she couldn't judge his intent from his stoic features. She felt foolish when she blushed at the mere mention of a name.
Before she could reply, he spoke again. "They say Naruto and Lee love you."
This time he waited, but she couldn't get herself to respond right away. Her skin crawled from his constant gaze but she stuck to the stars until it felt right.
"It's true," she whispered, somehow serene and embarrassed all at once.
Sabaku no Gaara looked away and she couldn't help the small sigh of relief. It was short-lived.
"Tell me what love is," he ordered, pale green eyes boring into her. There was a rawness to them, a silent cry for an answer that she couldn't refuse.
"I…I don't know how to say it, I'm really not the best person to ask but…I'll try." Her mind raced through idle schoolgirl talk, dictionaries, and the warm feeling she got whenever Sasuke was mentioned. Lee's speeches, Naruto's fumbling, the small affectionate gestures her parents made when they thought she wasn't looking. How could she sum that all up with something as clumsy as words? Still, she felt obligated to try.
"Love is devotion, and affection, and sometimes lust. It's living or dying for their sake, putting what they want before your own wishes. It's wanting all of a person, wishing they'd think about only you but being happy with nothing, or almost nothing."
Silence, then a reply. "I understand need, hunger, want, and lust. I understand hate, envy, and malice. I don't understand love, but I know it's needed. It must be given." His words were devoid of emotion but Sakura felt something welling up in her chest.
What must it be like, to not know love? How awful would growing up without kind words and support be? What monstrosities were done to create the bloodthirsty Gaara of the Chuunin exam? How was it possible to live without something so basic?
In that instant her heart broke for him, she shed tears for kindness lost, and found herself in love with him in a way that defied any reason. In this tiny grain of time, Sakura loved him whole-heartedly and somehow devoid of pity.
"I can't really tell you what love is…but I can try to show you." Her fear fell away and she walked up to him. Her hand reached out and he looked at it as if he couldn't understand the gesture, but allowed it to happen. With every ounce of gentleness she knew, she tried to channel every goodnight kiss, every morning greeting from her parents into her hand as she placed it on his cheek. The sand barrier didn't react as she leaned in and gave him the lightest of pecks on the cheek. It tasted like sand. It wasn't enough.
Sakura wasn't Ino, she didn't use bunshin to practice kissing techniques (though she did watch on occasion,) but the moment and the swelling heart in her chest demanded she try.
Sasuke's tiny smiles, Naruto's failed attempts to impress her, Lee's long-winded speeches on her virtue were packed into her lips. She tried to talk of devotion and sacrifice, romance and courtship as her lips trailed across his smooth face. Inner Sakura was angry that she didn't warrant the sand armor, regardless of the situation.
His lips opened and she spoke in tongues of passion and lust, pouring herself in despite the lack of response. Even if it was brief and pointless in the long run, she wanted to let him know love, she wanted to love him while it lasted. In the back of her mind she knew there was selfishness in this, to kiss somebody while the one she loved was so far away. It was long and needy and as the moment faded, Sakura pushed away and tried a shy smile.
Gaara appeared unmoved, and the kunoichi turned away as her mouth filled with bitterness. Even something this simple, this important, she'd failed.
"Thank you."
Turquoise eyes wide, Sakura whirled, disbelieving that the curt young man had said it, the slight softness of his voice alien to her. He turned to leave, and she felt like she'd been given something precious.
"Gaara," she called, wanting to say one last thing. Though he didn't turn back around, the Kazekage did stop. That strange rush of emotion had ebbed out and she felt at a loss, but something lingered in the air and demanded voice.
"Although I don't…Maybe you…" This wouldn't do, it wasn't right. Determination, feeling, instinct would give her the needed words. "Your brother and sister already love you. Your people are learning to love you. And out there is your most important person who can show you love in all the ways I can't, somebody who can accept who you are, were, and will be. It may take time, but one day it'll happen. I'm sure of it."
Her smile was full of her own heartache, but she meant every word. Gaara may've been a monster once, but that made him no less deserving of love. He'd become Kazekage after all that, surely love would come one day, too.
His face revealed nothing, he bowed and looked at her with eyes that seemed a little less lonely. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking. "I won't forget this." Then the Sand nin was gone, and Sakura desperately hoped she'd gotten through to whatever humanity Gaara had.
Three weeks later, Gaara gave a bewildered Rock Lee a bouquet of wildflowers. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled so hard.