He wiped the tears off the boy's face gently, watching him as he finally slept, not at all calm but certainly closer to peace than he had been in the last few hours. With a slight movement of his wand, Severus extinguished the light in his guest room, letting the sight of young Draco, his white hair rumpled over the pillow and his cheeks glistening evaporate into darkness. He slipped out and into the hallway, making sure he did so with as little noise as was possible and as he entered the living room, sank into a red leather arm chair, letting himself relax. The situation was complicated to say the least but not at all unpleasant in truth. He simply hadn't imagined it becoming serious this early.

He should have and yet he didn't. What was he thinking, that a fifteen year old boy could deal with what was happening and not let something slip to someone? Draco wasn't up to this, he wasn't old enough and certainly wasn't mature enough and yet when he saw the boy looking so...sweet one could have hardly refused him anything. That's what had gotten them where they now were, Draco running away from home to a man he called his lover (Snape imagined purely for the sound of it, since one would hardly have agreed on calling what they had a relationship).

It started about a month ago at Draco's initiative, or so Severus liked to think. The boy did everything he could have. He had spent weeks simply staring at him through classes, at one point actually starting to worry that the other students would figure it out (which he saw was a frail threat considering no one really noticed anything but Snape during that class, due to the amount of fear most of them shared for the Potions Teacher). Draco's pink lips would twist into the most seductive smiles he could muster, his lashes flutter and although at times he could appear quite the teenager, he always betrayed such overpowering lust that Severus couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to...He started staying after classes, asking for help when he didn't need it, finding any conceivable reason to be alone with him. As much as Severus would like to have said that it wasn't true, it didn't take him long. He had known right from the start and it had always been just a matter of time until he said yes, until he decided control over that young, blond body sounded too interesting to pass up.

It began in the dungeon one night, where Draco was purposely serving detention and continued throughout the following weeks. He had been the first to ever take the boy inside his arms, the first person whom Draco let explore his untouched skin, the first he had ever given himself to. He had been the first to ever claim him, the one that showed him what it was like to have someone inside you, feeling someone take control of your pain and your pleasure and giving that power over to them willingly. It had been exhilarating.

And then, Draco went home. It was Spring break and the boy left the school distraught, desperate that he wouldn't be seeing Snape for the next three weeks and frightened of returning home, a place that seemed to stay untouched his whole life, and entering it changed. He actually feared his father would be able to tell. He turned out not to be that wrong.

The first days passed as they always did, in peace and their classic holiday routine, only this time his father seemed to have more work to do and spent more time in his study. Draco soon began to feel safe there all over again, and his mind turned to thinking about his own life and that, however unexpectedly, he felt himself starting to...care for the object of his affection. He wondered if this was love, the constant need and inability to concentrate on anything, the ever present dissatisfaction that came when sex ended and they would part. It continued plaguing him for days until he decided that there was only one person he could discuss it with.

He waited for Lucius until he came from a meeting and asked him if they could talk. They settled in the living room of the second floor, the great glass windows staring into their back garden, the sun beginning to set. Draco started interrogating his father about love and sex, about what it had been like for him. Lucius answered his questions, albeit candidly and Draco was unaware of the growing uneasiness building up inside his father. He hadn't expected questions like this, not from his fifteen year old son. He had expected youthful wonder and although Draco tried to play it off as nothing more than that, Lucius could tell this was different. Children that age may have been running around and doing what they liked in the filthy muggle world (it suited them after all) but in their world that still wasn't and would not be a custom. They took care of their children and they grew up proper.

Draco started feeling so comfortable that for a moment, only a moment, he lost track of himself. A moment was all it took. Before he even registered his own words, Father's hand struck him along the cheek. It was only when his head flew back and his fingers reached the tender, now reddened skin that Draco realized what he said. He had called his lover a «he». Suddenly, the pain that throbbed all over his face didn't seem to matter anymore and he stared at his father in numb shock, saying nothing.

Lucius was experiencing something much the same, only bewilderment seemed to be rising through him.

"Father, I..."

"Silence!", he said through his teeth, watching as Draco's face turned a dark red. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

His breathing was hard, his eyes becoming almost completely black as they widened. Draco couldn't remember ever being this afraid of his father.

What happened later seemed a blur of anger and tears, his father's words hitting him worse than his blows ever had. Only the sound of Lucius' voice would have been enough to finish him. His father had never addressed him with such rage, one he never afforded his family but that wasn't even what mattered, he could have born that. What had hurt more than anything, making Draco feel more alone than he ever had was the apparent sound of poisonous disappointment thrown at him.

Of all the things Draco had ever been sure of in life, and there weren't many truths to believe in left for anyone these days, his father had been the most important. Lucius was one of the greatest living pure blood wizards left, the pride he carried himself – justified by his name and presence, the respect he exuded in people, almost frightening, Draco would have never aspired to anything but one day becoming a worthy heir to such a man. This time, Lucius Malfoy looked at his son and called him a disgrace. He eyed him with such disgust and left the room, unable to stomach looking at his son a second longer. That was the moment Draco started to cry, for he hadn't dared to do so in front of Lucius. His father had never been a man who could respect or accept any kind of weakness. Now, it seemed his father had found their lowest forms in him.

Draco couldn't bear being in their house a moment longer, couldn't fathom what would happen when Lucius told Narcissa. He couldn't stand looking at his father again and watching himself as the object of regret. In those moments, he honestly wished he could take it back. All the pleasure, all the happiness, all he felt for Snape if it meant taking what happened with his father back. If there was any way to erase it, he would have. But what's done is done and you have to live with yourself, no matter how badly it hurts to face things.

There seemed to be nothing else left to do and without saying anything to his parents, without packing anything (he couldn't find the energy inside himself to), he left on his broom to the house of the only person he could imagine understanding, the only person he could imagine still caring for him after he knew what he was like (since he himself had been part of it). He banged on Snape's door and when he opened it, he was greeted by the sight of an exhausted boy who had been crying all the way to his house. A dark purple bruise graced Draco's face and instantly, everything became clear to Severus.

He had been glad to hear that Lucius hadn't found out who the lover was, for that would have put them in far worse trouble, trouble Draco couldn't imagine for all he had just experienced with his father. He calmed the boy down as best as he could, given him something to drink and put him down to bed. Draco could do nothing else but sleep, feeling too weak for anything else. Snape could almost understand that. He hadn't expected any different from Lucius.

Slowly, Severus lit a cigarette as he relaxed in the chair. He had decided he would stop long ago, not so much for his health but for there being approximately one room where he could smoke at Hogwarts (that, naturally, being his own) so as to serve as a role model for the students. Still, situations like this demanded one.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on the taste of the deadly thing, a small perfection he hadn't had in such a long while, when there was a knock on his door – so violent that it brought him out of his thoughts, almost frightening him.

"Who is it?", Snape asked as he got up, his wand ready in his hand. He didn't expect it to be anything more dangerous than a common thief in this neighborhood but there was no trouble in making sure.

"It's me, open up!"

He certainly hadn't been expecting this. He opened the door to find himself face to face with a distraught Lucius Malfoy who came in without a word, setting his broom down and taking his cape off. He went straight to Snape's liquor cabinet and poured himself some whisky, drowning most of the glass in a single gulp. He must be really upset, Snape thought to himself with a smirk, to not even wait for a house elf to do that for him.

Lucius looked at him, pouring some more and setting it down on the table, taking the cigarette out of the ashtray and pressing it to his lips. He sat down, looking from Snape to the table and then back again, his face so expressionless that it brought the smile right off of Severus' lips.

"Good evening to you, too, Lucius, very glad you could drop by unannounced.", he said as he sat down opposite him, "Please, do help yourself to the refreshments if you like, I've got some marvelous-"

"Draco's run away from home.", Lucius replied, breaking his sentence. He said nothing more but inhaled the smoke in once more. Snape went silent for a moment.

"I know."

"What?" , Lucius said, looking up, confused.

"He's here."

"What?!"

"He's here, Lucius."

"Why is he in your house?", Lucius replied angrily, nothing making sense anymore.

"Why do you think?", Severus snapped back, "His father called him an insult to the family name and practically disowned him. Who else do you think he could go to? "

"And you didn't think it was important to notify me of my son's whereabouts?!", Lucius said, rising from his chair. Now that Draco wasn't in danger anymore, the reality of the situation was returning to him.

"Oh do calm down, Lucius. He came here no less than an hour ago; he's only just went to sleep. I would have sent an owl to you instantly, had you not barged in like that."

He was no less angry but he did sit down, swallowing all of what was left in the glass.

"Where is he now?"

I"n the guest room, sleeping."

"Well, do you know why we fought? Why I-"

"Slapped his face blue? Yes, I know." , when he received another puzzled look he added, thinking fast, "He told me when he came."

"And?"

"And what?"

"He's...my son is...", Lucius swallowed the word and got up to pour himself some more alcohol. Unexpectedly, Snape felt anger building up inside himself though he was determined not to show it. After all this time, he couldn't even...

"I know what your son is, not that I understand why you're so upset."

"How can you not?!" , Lucius said, turning to Snape so fast that he almost spilled the liquor.

"Well, it's not like you can't...relate. Like father like son, isn't it?"

"Yes but I knew where to put the limit!" , Lucius replied furiously.

"Experience does do that to a man."

"Severus, please! Take this seriously!"

"When do I not?"

"He's my only son."

"I know."

"He's the Malfoy heir. He can't..."

"What? You were once in the same position and look how you turned out. One can hardly tell."

"Oh come off it, Severus, I stopped when I had to."

"And what tells you Draco can't do the same? Did you even ask him?", Severus replied, raising an eyebrow while looking at him,

Lucius waved his head angrily and Severus could almost see a tingle of regret on that perfect face. Lucius was beside himself, hair still tousled, white locks soaring around his face, tossed around by the wind of his travel.

"What would have happened if your father found out?"

"He would have killed me."

"So why do you have to behave the same?"

"No, he would have killed me.", Lucius said, remembering Malfoy Senior in his prime glory, soaring green eyes as he sat behind his desk starring trough his young self, debating on which was the better sister for him to marry. Nobody asked him anything, that was never the point. It was on Lucius' shoulders to carry on the duty that Luther Malfoy put forth and he would do so with pride.

"Well, if I had behaved like my father, Draco never would have dared."

"You did.", Snape replied, watching Lucius light another cigarette, pressing it with his lips, never breaking the glance. His glass never seemed to be empty. This might prove to be...interesting.

"Draco's not me."

"Do you think he wants to be anything else? ", Snape said, watching Lucius eyes fill with almost regretful but still perversely intense pride. "So why deny the boy the little luxuries you had?"

His blue eyes darkened instantly.

"I wish I knew who it was."

"And what would you do if you did?"

"Make them regret it."

"For a short while I assume?"

"For all the remainder of their days.", Lucius replied, a self-satisfied smile appearing.

"I assumed as much. ", he said, betraying nothing of the, some would say foolish, pleasure that he dared indulge in. Lucius didn't know, he had come to talk with his friend, searching comfort or at least the presence of the only person, Severus knew, Lucius could betray his bewilderment to. The remainder of his life was set to know none of that, was meant for Lucius forget he was human, a word he never put much value in. Power built a man, weakness destroyed him. He could never forgive himself being an exquisite mix of both.

"Any ideas on whom?"

"Unfortunately," Lucius said, throwing the strong liquid in his mouth. "None. You?"

"It's not as if it happens in class."

"It would kill Narcissa."

"Most things would."

"You forget she's my wife."

"Never. ", Severus said slowly, his voice seeming to stretch and deepen as he did.

"He does spend an awful lot of time with those two boys..."

"Give young Draco some credit Lucius, I doubt that would be...satisfying for him, or anyone for that matter."

"Well who then?"

"I don't know Lucius, I've told you before. Try to relax, will you? This isn't exactly life changing. "

"It could mean the end of my line. ", he said and for a few seconds, Severus remained silent. Was that all there was? He certainly thought not.

"I think...that's not your main concern. I think it bothers you that he's made the same mistake as you once did. "

"Of course it does! I don't want him to have to..."

"Be as flawed as you are? That is what we're talking about, isn't it?"

He was answered by nothing but Lucius' sullen glance directed towards the floor, his concentration somewhat dazed from the drink.

"I think you mind nothing more than Draco enjoying something you yourself should never have. "

"That was the past..."

"Come back to rear its ugly head. I think you forget...how good it could be. Or is that it? Maybe you don't. Maybe that's what you don't like. "

"This isn't about me. "

"You're exactly what it's about. "

"You can't expect it not to bother me. I'm his father, I never wanted to...he's been brought up so he wouldn't learn my mistakes. "

"And now he's no longer the perfect little Malfoy."

Lucius sucked empty air in. He couldn't disagree with him. He had expected...more from his son. Now, he could only hope to expect the same sacrifice.

"Well, doesn't it bother you? You are his godfather, after all..."

Snape narrowed his eyes a bit at Lucius, whose beauty now seemed visibly affected by the alcohol. It happens to some people, the lines of their face soften or become somehow different, somehow more intense, their eyes gain a dazzling shine, an almost lascivious quality. It happened with Lucius. The anger and liquor mixed, making him look like he hadn't in years, when self control underneath the public eye became necessary and Lucius Malfoy would betray nothing but the self evident fact that he was indeed dangerous. Years ago, in the Voldemort years, he would tremble from the pleasure that power gave him, the remembrance of which remained his focus still. Severus looked at him, startled by the resemblance he shared with the Lucius whose grey eyes would shine with ecstasy and would visibly shed all control, the Lucius whose body he had been so familiar with then. Then again, maybe he had wished it, maybe the subject matter simply...rekindled an old flame or two. His thought returned to the imminent question and Snape got up, walking towards Lucius who stared back at him, awaiting his judgment of Draco, no doubt was he expecting that.

"I believe he may surprise you. "

"He's certainly managed to do that."

"No, I think he can do better than that. He's becoming more and more active in school for one thing, his interest in certain arts is certainly more prominent now than it ever was.", Lucius looked up at him, confused by the answer he was getting.

"Maybe", Severus went on, standing above him, one hand gripping a strong shoulder, no different than other friends did, "You should leave him his pleasures for now and see how it progresses. This might very well be exactly what he needs."

"What if it is? What if it becomes too important for him?"

"Impossible, Lucius. Remember your own name before you start questioning it. No Malfoy has ever put anything in front of that and Draco certainly won't be the first. It appears...he's got much too much of his father inside to ever do something as drastic."

For a moment, Lucius wasn't sure what to say. For his part, everything becoming slightly more unreal, and also slightly more relaxed, he wasn't sure if he had understood what Snape had truly meant. It seemed like something Severus would have said when he had wanted to torture him, making feel worse than he would feel when the fights began but something inside told him that his imagination might just be working on him. After all, didn't he say exactly what Lucius had truly hoped he would? In his characteristically ironic way, he had to admit that, but none the less...

"I hope you're right."

"You know I am.", Snape said, his deep voice soothing him down as he knelt in front of Lucius. m"Remember who you are Lucius. Remember what kind of boy you raised. He just might make you proud. "

His hand touched the pale, smooth skin of his younger lover's father, no different than a friend would, and for a moment he could almost believe in his own claim that it truly was no different, that he hadn't wanted anything more. That all this was really nothing more than a boy's father and godfather trying to handle his upbringing as best as they could. That when he saw the drunken, exhausted blue eyes look back, needing his comfort, that when he saw his lips part slightly, that knowing they would taste like him and whisky meant nothing to him. But only for a moment.

"Don't say that only to calm me down.", Lucius said as he closed his eyes for moments. He felt almost literally ill from the situation and was beginning to believe he could will it away. In spite of how he had felt when he arrived, his anger had faded almost completely, the feeling of disorientation remaining. But the horrible sense of being lost inside one's own life was being soothed down regardless of him clinging to it as if it was a religious truth, a belief he had to uphold because some things simply couldn't be accepted. But then again, he knew all things could. He of all people knew. So, he allowed himself to relax into Snape's words, starting even to believe them, and to relax inside his touch, a warm closeness, even this small, that he hadn't felt in years.

"I'm not. But you should, you know.", he said, bringing him closer, Lucius letting himself be brought to such close proximity that Snape felt at once intoxicated from the scent of skin he had once known every part of and the sharp smell of liquor, not that uncommon for their days as lover's, Severus was instantly reminded. Lord Voldemort's banquets...one could never have imagined a more decadent combination of guests and spells, drugs of the mind, body and any imaginable kind. They both used to love them. Now, as he pressed his lips to Lucius' forehead, his lips never quite leaving his skin as they moved down to his lips, the taste returned to him in it's full luster. Not that he had ever forgotten.

Lucius, who still seemed tense when it had started, kissed him back fiercely, obviously finding alcohol (Severus knew) and the disappointment of his son a good enough excuse. As Severus pulled him closer, grasping his neck, fingers mangled in between white locks, Lucius said nothing, never ending the kiss as his fingers began to work the buttons of Snape's own clothes. When he finally did look at him, all Severus could see was a need that Lucius seemed to put forth as viciously and as possessively as he could, wanting nothing more than it's absolutions.

Severus pushed him back on to the leather chair, rising as he did and forcing Lucius to remain perfectly still as he unbuckled his own silk. He knew he liked that, just as when his hands tightened around Lucius' wrists, he could feel him only pressing harder against his body, only wanting more, his eyes shut as moans escaped his mouth. That was apparently one of those things that never changes and they always, always liked it...raw. He felt teeth graze the skin of his neck and Lucius' large hands pushing him farther away from the chair, to the floor. Severus was just about desperate now to get him down underneath himself and as he slammed Lucius off in one movement so that he was on top of him, strong hands reached his chest.

So many times, it had felt like a struggle, like a violent tryst that found it's origin in desire that he didn't failed to realize immediately that this, now, really had turned into a full blown fight. Lucius liked violence, he always did, but this time, as Severus felt himself shoved back, it wasn't a game. It could have been, had he not seen the look in Lucius' eyes.

He could have sworn the man was sobered up, though he wasn't of course, judging by all that happened afterwards. The grey of his eyes became so completely cold in such a short time that when Severus finally did notice it, he loosened his hold immediately, disgusted by the scene. He felt his body fill with anger as powerful as the arousal had been and he got off him instantly, turning away as Lucius sat up, looking at his back and said in a completely sound voice, as if it should have been self explanatory but by some magical chance, wasn't:

"My son is sleeping in the next room. "

As soon as he said it, Snape understood perfectly why the change had been so sudden. Lucius hadn't thought of it earlier, so as soon as he did... Still, it made Severus no less angry.

"Not exactly a first time around set of circumstances.", he said and got up, only to be met by Lucius' furious glance, recovered from forgetfulness in a matter of seconds.

"He was a baby then, it was a long time ago!», he replied, fiddling with the onyx buttons on the velvet that he seemed too nervous to manage to use. "This..."

"What?", Snape said as sharply as his voice could cut. Temporarily, he regreted the fact that Malfoy was the only one that wouldn't shiver away from that voice very deeply.

"What do you think? It was a mistake, nothing more than that."

"It always is, darling Lucius. Haven't you learned that yet?", he replied, cloaked again in black and Lucius shot him a poisonous glance, Snape's lips twisting in a small smile born purely out of the satisfaction of telling him something he couldn't change but loathed to hear about himself. «Maybe that's young Draco's problem. Maybe he's come to understand something his father still can't.»

"And how would you know, ha!? What exactly puts you in that omnipotent position?", Lucius yelled back furiously.

"Nothing. Nothing except knowing you well enough to see old habits never quite die out."

"One. Time. Shot.", he replied trough his teeth, as slowly and fiercely as he could. The truth was, both were quite shaken up by the unexpected turn of events and both completely determined not to betray the smallest sign of it.

"I'm glad your son would disagree."

"Why? So you can throw it in my face?"

"You do that rather well on your own."

"Like you could ever understand what having a son is like!"

Snape couldn't help but suppress a bitter laugh at this point. He had been reminded of his own position, a position that put Lucius completely in his power without him knowing, a position where the Malfoy family is finally exactly where it should be. Beneath him.

"I don't have a child but I have Draco. I treat him...like I would my own."

"That still doesn't make it the same!"

"Thank Heavens for young Draco."

"And what is that supposed to signify?"

"Exactly that. I think he might just be very grateful for having someone to run to after his father calls him a disgrace for something he himself couldn't help doing!"

"And I suppose that's horribly hard to understand for someone who was perfectly aware he was fucking someone who always planned to marry! Please Severus, instruct me on the value of principles! Tell me, from your own benevolent perspective, how I should treat a boy whos passions will never have a future?!"

Severus froze dead in his place. For all they had said to each other, he had never expected it to come to this. He had never expected Lucius saying words again that could cut this deep. He simply watched him as he went on, the pure, uncontroled rage in his eyes enough to put Severus back fifteen years in the past when they never thought things would, or could for that matter, end up like this, end up laced with a bitterness that seemed to resemble a neverending sickness that persisted to devour them from inside, never quite ending and never leaving, a part of them that had been there so long that they couldn't have even imagined a life without it. Now, it seemed to make it's presence known again in a way that made him unable to do anything but let it spread trough his blood with the sight of man that, with his words, was encouraging it to do just that. Lucius seemed beside himself, the force of his own voice tearing at his own, shaking body.

"Tell me, should I comend him for doing something that will lead to nothing but deprivation and will make him look at himself with...Am I supposed to encourage something that will only make life that much harder? Give me a reason and I will! Give me one bloody good reason that would make what he's doing worth it!"

Lucius said, his eyes blazing, consumed by the very same illness he had worked so hard to become accustomed to, one he had been almost certain he had gotten rid of. He encountered no reply, no words that would make him continue basking in his own anger as Severus looked at him, speechless. A desperation spread trough him in a matter of seconds as he meet with a silence that sounded worse than any kind of insult, outraged words or simple hatred. He could have born being met by anything but that. He watched, his breathing threatening to tear open his chest as Snape's eyes turned an almost unfanthomable cold that dispayed nothing. He didn't move away until Lucius, unabble to bear looking at him a moment longer, turned to the wall and went straight for the liquer cabinet, the whisky bottle being dry. He knew what a bad decision it had been, but he couldn't imagine brining himself to do anything else.

As he turned, pouring himself some of the newly opened scotch, an expressionless voice began speaking.

"There has never been a reason good enough, you're right about that Lucius. Never, not even when we were sure there was. I believe...we have made that perfectly clear to eachother. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things to take care of.", Severus said and without a word more, left the room, leaving Lucius alone there with nothing but what had just happened. He stood there as if stricken, almost phisically sickened what had been said, both by him and by Severus. He hadn't meant to do it. He hadn't meant to show him just how close to home this whole situation, this little bit of phisical closenes, had affected him.

But he did. He had said things that he would never be able to take back, things he would never even try to take back simply because of what that would do to him, where it would inevitably lead. He couldn't. He couldn't endure facing all of their private darkness the second time around, making himself once again so completly open to all the demons it conjured. Some things had to be left burried, even if they could never be destroyed, never be killed no matter how desperately you wanted them to leave you. They had done too much to eachother already.

As he closed the door behind himself, Severus closed his eyes in the comfort of the depthless darkness that filled it. He stood there, trying to calm himself, trying somehow to compose himself again. He knew that, as hours passed, they would never speak of it again. They would let it sink inside, drowning in the same depths where they put their past. In a few hours, nothing will have changed. Nothing ever changed. The past remained locked up somewhere, in a darkness much blacker and deeper than this, in a place they hardly ever went.

When they did... it ended up like this. Lucius truly had been right. There never was a reason good enough to account for it. He certainly hadn't been enough. Nothing seemed to serve as comfort for what they had gone trough and Severus was rather certain that nothing would ever explain any of it. It was a poison they had been addicted to, that they had consumed with all the faith they possessed. It was a poison they would never be cleansed off, no matter how hard they tried.

As he opened the door, still as quietly as he could, his eyes fell on the young body that slept there, his white hair covering the pillow, his cheeks now dry. He slept soundly now, his chest rising calmly with every breath, his still slightly childish beauty self evident on the black sheets, looking almost...pure.

For a moment, Severus wondered on what he was doing to the boy. Here was a young man, no, a child, that still had a chance against this twisted game that he and his father called life. Here was a child with no scars, no pains to deal with and bear, no wounds that threatened to never heal.

Here was a child that could escape all of that and be happy, be safe from people like him, from people that would use him for themselves, all the while knowing full well why and what kind of harm they would cause. Here was a child that hadn't been hurt.

Yet.

A smile came over his lips and he bent to kiss the white hair, Draco oblivious to his touch. He turned off the light, leaving the room. All of the sudden, he felt calm.