Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana

It was seven in the morning and I had been up since four. I hadn't sat down since I had woken up. I was pacing my room in hopes to burn some calories before I was forced to go to school. If you stand, you burn sixty more calories an hour than you would if you were sitting. The more I walked, the more calories I burned, the more calories I burned, the more weight I lost. I hadn't thrown up since I had talked to Jackson and Robby Ray, but then again. I hadn't eaten anything since then either.

I had draped a blanket over the mirror to avoid my reflection. I knew that if I saw it I would just be disappointed in who was looking back at me.

What the fuck had I been thinking? Jackson and Robby Ray's "we care so much about you" speech was all bull shit. I mean Robby Ray has his own daughter to be daddy too. But Miley's perfect so he doesn't have to "daddy" her about anything. I was a fucking fat ass bitch who deserves to die. I hate my life. I hate my god damn life.

As I paced the room I glanced down at the scale that sat in beside my bathroom door. I knew I would have to face it eventually. My life revolved around that fucking scale. That god damn thing ruined my life. I hated it. But it controlled me. It had a power over me that I couldn't help. It was hell, but it was my life.

My paces slowed down as I stood in front of the scale. Should I get on now? Face the fact that I had probably gained ten pounds? Or let my thoughts go wild and try to pretend I didn't care.

"Fuck it," I mumbled to myself as I placed both feet on the scale. As the red numbers rolled by my eyes I stared up at the ceiling. I was too scared to look down. What if I was back to triple digits? What if I was back to my original weight before any of this shit started? I chewed my bottom lip as I began to move my eyes downwards to the numbers that sat on the screen. The red numbers read 90 pounds. I took a sigh of relief. I hadn't gained weight, thank God. Now I just needed to get to eighty five pounds, my goal weight. Then all of this will be over. I wont be like this anymore, I'll be happy.

"Lily!" I heard my mom call. I quickly stepped off the scale and walked over to my door where I peeled it open a crack to yell back.

"What?" I called back.

"Miley's here!" My mom called.

"Alright," I said as I closed the door. Great. Here we go again. Another day of walking through the hallways feeling stares down my back. Another day of Miley insulting me, another day of me being fat.

I quickly pulled on an oversized long sleeve shirt and a pair of baggy sweat pants. I grabbed my backpack off the foot of my bed, and headed down stairs. As I headed for the door I tried to ignore my mom who was standing over a plate of pancakes that were sitting on the table.

"Lils, do you want to invite Miley in for breakfast, I mean you girls are pretty early," I knew my mom had noticed I hadn't been eating, she had just been to stupid not to put two and two together.

"No," I said trying avert my gaze from the delicious stack of blueberry pancakes.

"Hun, you didn't even have dinner last night, please can you at least grab something and eat it on the way?" My mom pleaded. I rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen. I reached for the cabinet and pulled out a box of granola bars and took one for myself. I held it up for my mom to see and gave her a sarcastic smile.

"Now, please make sure you eat something for lunch, Do you have enough money?" My mom asked anxiously. I rolled my eyes and gave her a consoling smile.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Alright. love you," She said, I didn't reply as I stormed out the front door, literally slamming it in my mom's face. Once outside, I walked over to Miley's car and through my stuff in the back seat and then proceeded to sit down in the front.

"Hey Lils," she said sweeter than usual. I didn't say anything back to her. I just gave her another fake ass smile before she started to pull out of my driveway.

We weren't even halfway down my street when she started talking. Damn, did this girl ever shut up?

"So, what exactly happened on Friday night after I had left the room?" She asked. Oh shit. Here we go again.

"Nothing happened," I said shrugging my shoulder.

"Well something must have happened, my dad does not tell me to leave the room for no reason," She said as she glanced over at me for a quick second.

"Miley nothing happened, I left, end of story," I said trying to avoid this entire conversation.

"I heard yelling!" Miley blurted out.

"Well then Jackson and you dad must have gotten into a fight, it had nothing to do with me," I said as I sank into my seat. I didn't want to be here I wished that I could just be invisible.

"Jackson was crying!" I froze. Jackson was crying? Over me?

"He what?" I said, suddenly changing my previous tone of voice.

"He was crying, I mean really crying," She said assuming that I wanted her to tell me every detail.

"Oh," I said as I tried to calm down a bit. I mean so he was crying... big whoop.

"I know, I mean I haven't seen that boy cry that hard since my mom died," she said. I tried to pretend like I didn't care. I painted on that "I don't give a fuck" face, but in reality, I was hanging on every word she said. I couldn't believe maybe he really did care I mean after all he was crying... God, what am I saying? He doesn't and will never give a damn about me. Right?

Once we pulled into the school parking lot I hurried into the crowded hallways in an attempt to lose Miley. I couldn't stand to hear her talk anymore. Her half southern accent was starting to deafen me. Once I reached my locked I began to unload all my books into my cramped locker. But, as I reach for my Math text book I noticed something fall from my backpack to the ground. I reached down to pick it up and saw that it was the granola bar that I had stuffed into my bag in an attempt to please my mother this morning. God, it looked so good. And I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten but a bagel in three fucking days. But I couldn't I needed to get to eighty five pounds. Only five pounds to go. I could do this. I quickly stuffed the granola bar back into my bag and headed off to class.

Once first period had let out I thought I was going to die from hunger. But I couldn't eat, under no circumstances could I stuff anymore pieces of food into this already fat body. I needed to be skinny, and I sure as hell wasn't going to reach my goal by stuffing my face with more food. I headed off to second period trying to ignore my rumbling stomach.

As Mr. Harrison rambled on and on about civic science and all that shit I could feel my stomach begging me to feed him. And I knew that granola bar was in my bag. God, I never thought the combination of oats and honey would ever sound this good to me. I moved uncomfortably in my seat which caused Miley to glance over at me. I tried to ignore her stare as I attempted to concentrate on whatever the hell Mr. Harrison was talking about. But it didn't work. My stomach roared again. Dammit, I couldn't take this shit anymore. When Mr. Harrison had his back turned I quickly reached into my bag and got the granola bar. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm gonna be regretting this when I step on that scale and it says 100... but fuck it. I need food. I quickly pulled the wrapper off which caused a few heads to turn but I ignored them as I stuffed the puny bar into my mouth in two bites. As soon as I felt that thing start heading down my throat I immediately regretted it. What the fuck had I done? Dammit, you fat ass. I just screwed up big time. I needed to get rid of this, I couldn't let it sit in my stomach adding more pounds to my ass every second. Before I knew what i was doing I felt my hand shoot up in the air. I could feel the stares on me. Everyone must think I'm crazy. When Mr. Harrison finally turned around he called on me.

"Yes Ms. Truscott?" He said politely.

"May I go to the bathroom please?" I asked. He shrugged and then pointed to the hall pass hung by the door.

"Go ahead," he said as I turned back to the board. I grabbed my bag that sat beside my desk and then left the room. Dammit, why did I have to eat that fucking granola bar. I was such a retard. When I finally reached the bathroom I made sure no one was in the other stalls before I threw my bag down by one of the sinks and walked into one of the stalls. I knelt down on the floor. And since I didn't have a spoon as I normally did I used my middle finger. I shoved it down my throat as far as it could possibly go. I yanked my finger out of my mouth and waited for the food to come out. When it did I felt satisfied that I wasn't just letting myself get fatter. I was actually doing something to cover it. As I stuck my finger down my throat again I thought I heard the bathroom door open, but the sounds of my gagging covered the noise I thought I had heard. When I finally realized there was no more granola bar to throw up I rose from my knees and unlocked the bathroom stall. When I glanced up I jumped. Standing there in the bathroom was Miley.

"What the hell were you doing?" she said, wide eyed. Shit. Shit shit shit shit SHIT! What the fuck was I thinking. I knew I shouldn't have done it hear at school. I shouldn't had ever eaten that damn granola bar. shit. I didn't reply to Miley question. I did the only thing I could've done at that moment. I ran. I ran out of the bathroom, and out of the school. Even when I was off campus I continued running. I finally stopped when I had reached the beach. not knowing where else to go I went to a spot that Miley, Oliver and I used to go. It used to be my favorite spot. You had a perfect view of the sunset and sometimes a few really hot surfer guys would walk by. It was the perfect spot. God, I missed those days. the days when nothing about my appearance bothered me. Those days when that fucking scale didn't rule every aspect of my god damn life.

When I reached the spot on the beach I took a seat on the hot sand. I pulled my knees up to my chest. I wanted to go back in time to when I was in Jr. High and Miley, Oliver and I were best friends. Where nothing in the world mattered except boys and shopping. I wanted to go back to the time where I would eat without feeling guilty. I wanted to be normal. At that moment I didn't give a damn about being perfect. I didn't care about a size 0. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be. I missed my friends. I missed my old life. I missed the old me.

"Lily?" I heard someone say, causing me to be pulled out of my thoughts. I turned my head and saw Jackson standing behind me. He was wearing his uniform from Rico's and was holding a hot dog in his right hand and a back pack in his left. I gave him a weak smile. Unable to form any words at that point.

"You okay?" He asked as he walked over towards me. I stayed silent and shook my head. I could feel a few tears begin to roll out of my eyes. I pulled my hand to my eyes and wiped them away with the sleeve of my shirt. Jackson didn't say anything as he walked over towards me and then took a seat next to me on the sand. I didn't want to talk to him. I wanted him to go away. I didn't need another fight with him. We both stayed silent for a few minutes before I finally spoke.

"Jackson, what's wrong with me?" The words had rolled off my tongue. I had said it quietly. So quiet I was surprised when he replied.

"Nothing is wrong with you," he said not looking up at me.

"No," I said as the streams of tears became longer and faster, " Jackson something has to be wrong with me, why can't I stop this, I mean, I don't want to be like this," Jackson looked at me and then blinked away again.

"Lily, you need to get help..." he said. Oh great, here we go again. The "help" shit. I don't need help. When will he realize that? I can stop myself. I can quit on my own.

"No!" I yelled as I threw my hand down onto the sand trying to release the anger I was feeling.

"I don't need help I can stop on my own!" I yelled through my sobs.

"No you ca-" I cut him off.

"Stop! Just stop! You don't care about me, you're just trying to do the right thing!" I yelled at him. I was starting to lose it. I needed to run away from him but once again, something kept me from leaving. Something in the way he looked at me told me maybe he really did truly care.

"That's not true," he said his voice raising a bit.

"Well if you cared about me then why did you tell your dad?" I said angrily.

"Because I don't know what to do Lily, I thought maybe he could help you before-" I cut him off once again.

"...before I kill myself I know," I said rolling my eyes.

"But why would it matter anyways, I mean if I die, big deal, who's gonna care anyways?" I said trying to dry my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

"I would care Lily!" Jackson said.

"That's bullshit," I said as I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.

"Lily, no it's not!" he said defensively.

"Oh yea? Well then prove it Jackson, prove that you're not just some fake-" But I never got to finish my sentence because to my surprise my words were silenced when Jackson cover my lips with his own.

A/N: So sorry for the long update, I had lost the chord to my laptop and have been using my dads and I haven't been able to work on any of my stories or check my email because my email doesn't work on my dad's internet browser. But anyways, I thought about ending it when Miley walked in but I thought, what the hell. And decided to end it this way instead. I'm sorry that if it sucked! I'm trying, lol.

Well, anyways please review! (I'm half way to 100! yea) hehe.

Thanks for reading!