Bend and Break

By: White Rain

Disclaimer: I don't own Berserk.

Pairing/Character: Guts, Griffith, Casca; Griffith/Casca, Guts/Griffith, Guts/Griffith/Casca, Griffith/Judeau, Guts/Casca, and Casca/Farnese.

Genre: Angst/General/Romance

Word Count: 932

Notes: It's about the train-wrecky OT3 of the series. It's going to about the hurt and there is going to be rape.

Summary: Five things that didn't happen to Guts. Griffith and Casca.

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i

(too late)

Casca had always kept in the back of her mind that she could be raped. As soon as she was sold, she resigned herself to the fact that it would happen.

Despite that, it wasn't easier in the end.

He was big. Much bigger than her. And strong. Much stronger than her. She doubted he knew anything of gentleness.

And she couldn't stop crying. She had always hated to cry.

His face is relaxed and almost human when it's over. He was about to lick away her tears when he gasps and falls on her neck, dead.

Her savior is Griffith and his eyes are flickering with sadness and regret. She will grow to love him, but it will be tainted, and she won't think he's above humanity.

ii

(they die)

It took Griffith two weeks, four days, eight hours, and twenty minutes to find their bodies. They are both naked, holding each other, covered in each other's blood. Casca's hair is brushed across his face and her hand is on the small of his back. Guts is holding one of her breasts.

It's strange, that for a brief moment, Griffith was raging jealous. He clenched his fists and closed his eyes tightly, and tells himself that that's the last thing he should be feeling. It doesn't help much, he has always been too good at sabotaging himself emotionally.

Judeau walked from behind him and sets his hand on Griffith's shoulder.

"You shouldn't do something foolish," Judeau said, Griffith suspects he is staring at Casca, with the same grief and longing he tried to hide, more intense than normal. "That would betray their memory."

Griffith fucked him that night, and most nights after that, thinking about Guts, and sometimes, Guts kissing Casca.

iii

(use me)

Griffith knelt in the snow, cradling his wrist for hours. Casca had shoed away the Hawks, and silently ordered Judeau to take care of things for the moment.

It was abrupt and surprising when Griffith finally stands up; Casca had begun to think he would never stand. He would just stare at his wrist until he wasted away.

"I have things to do," Griffith said, and smiled at her; his best fake smile.

Casca felt her heart break at that very moment. That very moment, it hit her that Guts was gone and he wouldn't come back. That very moment, it crushed her how much Griffith loved Guts and how he could never love her as nearly as much. That very moment, it broke her knowing how much things would change and all of it would hurt. That very moment, part of her died.

Griffith began to walk away, but Casca grabbed his wrist, thinking: I have nothing to lose.

"Don't leave me," Casca said. "I know... I know you're going to do something you'll regret. Use me, not her."

Griffith looked surprised, more surprised then she'd ever seen him in her entire life. He always seemed to underestimate how well she could read him.

She'll never remember if she kissed him or if he kissed her first. She'll also never remember when and how the kissing became the sex.

iv

(failed you)

Judeau had told him his feelings, had given him that wary and sad smile, as he spelled out the truth clearly: you love Casca.

He didn't deny it, but he never accepted it either. He knew that she loved Griffith and was content with that fact, sure that Griffith would love her too and they would be happy together.

Now that he held her hand, him being the only line she had before she fell to her death, it strikes him fully. He loved her and wanted her. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to push her down and love her like a man was supposed to do to the woman who had his heart.

Using all his strength he pulls her up, knowing he would save her.

His hands are sweaty and her slim wrist slips from his hand.

She falls to her death, smiling, freer than she's ever been.

v

(what's left)

She, alone, knows what happened. She, alone, saw their deaths. She, alone, understands fully why it was necessary. Even Griffith and Guts didn't have as good a view as her as they died together, or why they had to.

She could always see the thread binding them. She always knew that whatever thread bound the two of them together was never as strong or clear as the one binding her to them, no matter how much she wished she could change that truth.

Her hair is now past her hips, and she has Farnese braid it ever morning. It matters that she looks pretty, even though she feels it stupid. It shouldn't matter if she looks nice or not, it should only matter how well she rules the land.

When she was younger, she would have protested it and possibly shaven her head out of spite. She hated things that should be since she fell in love with Griffith. Since she had sex with Guts. Since she was raped by Griffith. Since she lost her mind and was tied up by Griffith. Since she couldn't save them as they died together.

There are things she fights now, but not the threads of fate, she submits to it; along with the petty things that aren't worth thinking about like having Farnese braid her hair, and the things that are anything but petty like how Farnese kisses her neck gently after she's done.