"Wu de tyen ah" Was all Malcom Reynolds could say coming into the galley and seeing the blood everywhere.

His gun was in his hand before he any formed the thought to draw it and his head looked quickly around.

His hand flew to the intercom and he yelled out. "Get your pee goo to the galley now."

I don't need this on my ship he thought angrily.

He was surprised when Jayne arrived first and took one look around and turned toward him. "Wasn't me Mal." Jayne declared sweeping the room with a shotgun looking rather nervous.

"Seems you're a mite defensive." Malcom countered.

Zoe and Wash arrived seconds after the words fell from his lips and Wash quickly joked. "Well I love what you did with the place Mal what is it turn of the century massacre."

Malcom was about to bite back at the pilot but a not now look from Zoe did it faster than anything he could have said. Kaylee and Simon rushed from the direction of the engine compartment and she took one look and gave a mouse of a scream as her hand flew to her mouth. Simon grabbed her and looked over her shoulder before the doctor in him took over and he pushed into the room looking for the source of the blood.

"Doc I'm hoping you're going to tell me this ain't blood and someone just spilled a mess of paint up here so we can all go to bed." Mal hoped out loud.

"Its blood and way too much someone needs to be in the infirmary now." He declared and scanned the gathered faces and Mal saw the look that came over the young doctor's face.

"Well in less your sister has gotten herself the ability to look like the Sheppard or Inara she is the only one missing." Mal said realizing that everyone else had made their way to the galley and were standing in shock at the blood.

"Something wrong here Mal." Jayne said from his left looking in the shelves for what Malcom wasn't sure.

"Besides my galley and dining room being covered in blood you mean." Malcom said stingily.

"Ya, lot of blood to come from one little girl and them just get up walk away." Jayne declared.

"He's right sir if this came from River she should be here and in a bad way." Zoe said agreeing with Jayne.

Wonders will never cease not sure what surprises me more Zoe agreeing with Jayne or him being right Mal thought with a mental laugh.

"All right I want a full sweep of this ship everyplace down to the smallest hidey hole wither or not you think she could be there just check it, Wash get to the bridge and see if anything has gotten near us in the last few hours. If we have another guest I want him found too so everybody searches in pairs now go gorram it." Malcom said and grabbed Jayne by the shoulder and looked him in the eye.

"Mal I swear this ain't me." Jayne said softly keeping his voice low to keep the secret they shared and only Simon had moved close enough to hear the words.

"Then you won't mind pairing up with the good doctor here and help him round up his wayward sister." Malcom said sighing inward as he saw truth in his hired muscle's eyes.

"Come on then nancy boy; let's find your fong luh sister." Jayne said with fierce determination.

Simon caught the captain's eye and saw what he needed to see and shook his head. "All right can we start with the cargo bay she always likes to play there?"

"Shiny." Jayne responded and started toward the catwalk and the doctor followed.

Malcom turned and saw Zoe checking the crew cabins carefully while watching the bridge and her husband at the same time.

"She's not here there would have to be a blood trail and its clean or as clean as this place ever gets." Zoe called over to him and continued her search just in case.

Kaylee and the Sheppard Book searched the passenger cabins and Inara and the captain searched the shuttles and ended at the air lock which now had a physical lock on the interior release after their last unscheduled guest.

"Captain." Wash's voice rang out over the intercom.

"What?" He turned into the nearest intercom.

"Checked the nav logs and nothing not even a rock has come onto our scopes in a day." Wash answered.

"Start searching then." He returned to the intercom and turned away. "Jen dao mei; this isn't happening." He muttered and started back to the galley wanting another look around it.

"Mal. I'm sure she is ok." Inara whispered placing a reassuring hand on his upper arm.

She followed his silent form back into the galley and watched as he inspected the room looking for anything that might give him a clue to what occurred.

Book searched the crawl spaces in the engine room and tried to keep Kaylee calm and after what had occurred the last time there was a problem he was doing a fabulous job but the tears continued to flow even after she had grabbed a rather nasty looking wrench from her toolbox and continued their search.

"Nyen ching-duh be at peace, we will find her." Book assured the young engineer and decided to ask about the wrench later because he could not fathom what you would fix with it.

"Poor River is all, somewhere hurt and scared and I can't find her." Kaylee cried as she searched.

"The lord will watch over that child and punish who ever seeks to harm her and I think you're overlooking the fact he might have already." The Sheppard pondered aloud.

"You think River might have hurt another fellow like the last and be hiding now." Kaylee said allowing the hope to creep into her voice.

"I think it's reasonable to assume that it might be possible with the way she handled the last one and her ability with weapons." Book said remembering what had occurred when they had freed the captain from Niska.

Simon was surprised by his relief at Jayne's presence during their search and admitted that if they ran into a problem the brute would greatly increase both his and River's chances through this.

Jayne looked at the core bred doctor and snorted at the man's concerns. "Don't fret none doctor, I'm just hoping your sister left some of the bad guys for me, missed all the fun last time."

"This reminds me of Ariel and how you saved us from the Alliance there." Simon admitted.

"Rutting hell doc, I told you I wasn't of a mind to do that again." Jayne defended.

"I know you sold us out but you still didn't have to save us afterwards you could have gotten away much easier without us but you didn't and paid for it if what River told me is true about the captain." Simon explained.

"What I deserved." Jayne muttered.

"I felt the same way until I remembered you getting us out of there and one mistake or even more isn't grounds to condemn a man who has tried to atone for them but don't make a habit out it." Simon ended with a sour laugh.

Jayne pulled up short and moved over to a section of wall that seemed off somehow needing a second look and Jayne turned on his tracker self and spotted the single drop of blood on the floor and with a finger rubbed it and showed the smear to the doc and moved the finger into a shush position. The wall plate was one of many on Serenity that hid false compartments large enough for someone to hide.

Jayne had a pretty good idea what he was going to find and steeled himself as he pulled the section of wall away and quickly backed up using it as a shield and retrieved his shotgun before tossing it to the side and using the flashlight mounted on the end to light up the compartment and spotted the girl near the entrance covered in blood.

"Mei Mei." Simon moaned seeing his sister.

"Gorram girl." Jayne said setting aside the gun and reaching in to grab the still living rag doll and pull her out of the hideaway and not so gently tossed her over his shoulder not bothering to worry about the blood that soaked him and his clothes and started to the infirmary with Simon right behind him. It took only a span of seconds to reach the cleanest room in the entire ship and Jayne dumped the girl off his shoulder onto the medical bed and moved out of the way so the doc could get to her and start inspecting her.

"Guess we're even now doc." Jayne said turning to leave to reclaim his gun.

"You only sold us out once but saved her twice but then math isn't your strong suit." Simon said distracted as he started to patch the wounds he found on River's neck and upper back.

Jayne grunted as he left and had picked Mary up off the floor and was making nice with her so she wouldn't hold it against him next time he needed her when he realized what the doctor had meant.

Simon had remembered to send word through the intercom that River had been found and soon the entire ship was standing outside the door waiting for an answer except for Jayne who decided that an extra bath this week would do him fine what with all the blood covering him.

It took an hour for Simon to patch up his sister and assure himself she was doing well before he stepped out of the infirmary and spoke to the waiting group.

"She's fine now, resting. The blood came from her neck and back she nicked a major vein and if Jayne hadn't found her when he did she wouldn't be alive now." He said carefully.

"Well I'm just peaches about her going to make it and all but any idea what happened?" Malcom asked.

"The injuries seem to be self inflected almost like she was trying to remove something." Simon theorized.

"Could she have thought that the men chasing her had implanted some kind of tracking device?" Book said.

"Makes sense." Zoe whispered.

"I don't know what she might have thought but I have scanned her entire body and there isn't anything electrical inside her." Simon stated without doubt.

"What about something else?" Kaylee wondered.

"What you thinking?" Malcom asked.

"Sometimes when the asteroid prospectors used to come in to my daddy's shop they would talk about painting one with something only they would know to look for." Kaylee explained.

"Of course just inject the girl with something that wouldn't harm her and would show up on a sensor sweep, Jen duh sh tyen tsai." Book declared making Kaylee blush.

"I can run scans to check for anything that might be detectable from a standard security sweep but I don't know what they check for." Simon admitted.

"Stands to reason they check for weapons and bombs and the like." Malcom offered.

"Anything like that would be harmful if it was inside her." Simon answered.

"What if they made something to mimic a weapon like in the war?" Zoe remembered.

"I don't understand." Simon said and his confused face was far from alone.

"We would drop packets of the right chemicals into laundry shops to mix with the soap and afterwards everyone clothes would register as explosive but of course they weren't, it kept the security forces busy chasing ghosts." Zoe explained.

"That's possible if they placed small amounts of the right chemicals in her body she would appear to be anything from explosive to carrying a laser pistol to dying of an infectious illness." Simon thought aloud.

"Well that gives you a place to start so how about the rest of us give the doc time to figure something out and go clean up my gorram galley." Malcom said in his best I'm the captain voice.

"We should be at Unity in 39 hours, Captain." Wash spoke.

"Good we drop our cargo and head toward Greenleaf quick as we can let's just hope we can avoid another eventful trip like the last time we headed that way." Malcom stated shaking his head.

"I'll keep checking for anything unusual inside River but it might be useful if I could see the speciation's for a military scanner." Simon implied without guile.

"We'll add that to the shopping list." Malcom said as he walked away heading toward the bridge.

"Mal wait up please." Inara said hurrying behind him.

"What?" He asked to tired for another fight.

"In light of what happened I am considering delaying my departure from Serenity for a few weeks to help with River, I've grown quite found of her." Inara said softly her eyes speaking volumes.

"Well I thank ya and it will surely come in handy having someone to help out with the poor dear as she recovers." Malcom said with only the tiniest bit of sarcasm.

"That had to hurt." Inara returned as she strutted away and damn if she wasn't shaking her backside a bit more than usual.

Simon ran the scans on his sister but without knowing what he might be looking for he was at a loss to discover anything but he couldn't shake the feeling that the idea made perfect sense. Since coming on board the ship the Alliance had seemed one step behind and maybe they were just that. Every time River got off the ship she was sending a flag up and out would come the searchers looking for her only to miss them as the ship never stayed in once place long enough for them to be caught. That is if the current theory turned out to be fact Simon thought. He stayed to long and didn't notice Kaylee come up behind him until she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh god you scared me." He laughed at himself.

"I'm sorry for surprising you Simon but I've come to take you to bed." Kaylee said hoping he would except the offer or even realize it had been made.

"I am running a few scans on River right now." He started missing the rather obvious offer.

"You said she would be asleep till morning and if you're tired you might make a mistake or miss something so off to bed." Kaylee said channeling her mother far too well for her own liking.

"Your right, it's just she is all the family I have left now and almost losing her, if Jayne hadn't found her when he did, a few minutes and it would have been too late." Simon tried to put into words the anguish he felt.

"Get some rest and start fresh and everything will be shiny in the morning." Kaylee said pulling Simon away from the infirmary.

"Thank you Kaylee for everything." Simon said heartfelt.

"You're welcome and if you need some help getting to sleep I'm sure we could find a way to wear you out." Kaylee said almost hearing Simon blush behind her as she left him at the passenger bunks. Well at least he knows what I'm talking about I was starting to worry Kaylee thought with a smile.

Malcom sat at the helm after reliving Wash and sending him to bed with Zoe that should at least him a few points with the two of them. Gorram it every time things get a little easier they go and get a whole lot harder. Zoe and Wash seemed to have tabled the whole baby thing for the time being and Inara was hanging around still even after announcing her upcoming departure and Jayne had been downright civil to just about everyone and the Sheppard was even helping them find jobs though only the legal kind but they paid cashy money or goods they sorely needed most of the time and while it barely covered expenses most of the time it kept them under the radar of the Alliance and even started building them up a word of mouth following on some of the outer settlements that was keeping them busy and even putting a little away for a rainy day and now this. Mal shook his head trying not to hate the purple bellies even more than he had before he met the Tams something he hadn't thought possible but knowing what they did to that little girl was enough to even turn Inara against her earlier beliefs. Jayne seemed to be relaxing around the girl a mite and while he still jerked whenever she came to close he was working on it. Kaylee had gotten herself all matter of new toys in the mean time and had made a few improvements to the ship including a manually activated life support system and since they already had two he wondered what you might call a third system. Jayne climbed up the ladder from his bunk and stumbled into the hall and Malcom noticed the hat had been joined by a scarf and blanket that the merc had thrown over his shoulders as he moved toward the galley.

Jayne felt the captain's eyes on him as he made his way to the galley and didn't much care who saw him his stomach was raging and he aimed to quell it. A quick sandwich later and his trip back to his bunk were interrupted by the captain hailing him to the bridge.

"Did a good job tonight Jayne just wanted to say. I believe this here might be that there fresh start people are always talking about." Mal said.

"What you talking about." Jayne said.

"You finding that girl and me finding out you weren't the cause of harm to her." Mal said honestly.

"I'm your muscle wouldn't look right if the girl got attacked on my watch again." Jayne declared.

"Might make folks wonder what good you were I'll admit but you did good." Mal offered.

"Shiny." Jayne said returning to his bunk with a wave over his shoulder and Mal noticed the blanket was gone.

"That went very well." Mal said out loud rather surprised seeing as it was the easiest job related talk he could remember with the hired gun.

Simon awoke from his cabin and quickly dressed and made his way to the infirmary and pulled up short at the door not able to make sense of what he was seeing. The brightly covered blanket that covered River's sleeping form that she held so tightly was clearly the work of mother Cobb and Simon felt another wave of gratitude for the not quite so brainless hired gun. River awoke slowly and noticed him staring as he moved into the room and checked her vitals.

"She is sorry the noise alerted her and she tried to quite it but this is mine." River whispered gripping the blanket even tighter.

"River are you feeling better?" Simon asked carefully.

"I calculate a 98 percent chance of survival but 60 percent chance of serious scaring." River announced.

"Seems my little witch has woken up after her little nap." Malcom said from the doorway.

River pulled the blanket up to her chin and she started studying the number of threads in the seam. "Girl didn't mean to cause trouble just wanted to stay."

"Don't remember saying a thing about you not staying." Malcom said.

"Hands of blue won't ask captain of bug house will just take and kill her friend Kaylee and pretty companion Inara and Zoe and Wash his dinosaurs will cry and then will kill Simon and captain and even big man with guns blood covering the walls and the ship will drift with no stories told and no songs sung so alone." River cried.

"We've been doing pretty good in staying away so far haven't we?" Mal asked.

"Less than a step until we slip." River said softly.

"Well I'll have Wash keep his eye out for banana peels alright little witch." Mal joked.

"So pretty colors and filled with love must of cost a million credits." River said suddenly holding the blanket in front of her face.

Simon bulked at the number but wisely refrained from making any statement concerning the blanket except. "It looks very nice and warm."

"I reckon mother Cobb would be a mite happy to sell a few at that price." Mal smiled and was pleased to see River give him that smile than helped him forget what someone had done to her and showed him the girl.

Mal turned and left the girl with her worrying brother running tests assured that the danger was passed for the time being and reminded himself to make sure Kaylee found out about the blanket seeing as it took her over a year to get her hands on one and he was still waiting.

The male Cobb who was making himself considerably more useful as of late and the urge to toss the man out of an airlock hadn't hit Mal for almost a week. Jayne was busy setting the table as Zoe took her turn cooking which amounted to heating up some protein mash and something that was pretending to be bread.

"Girl still crazy Mal?" Jayne asked.

The image of an airlock rushed to the front of his mind but decided to hurt the merc even worse. "Seems that way as she just quoted a price of a million credits for one of those fine blankets your sainted mother keeps sending you when she thinks you have enough hats, might just make a man jealous you handing one off to someone who just came on board when others have been waiting. Seems Kaylee told me they were worth at least twice that much."

"Aw Mal girl was cold in there, Doc left her without anything and you know how cold it gets in that room." Jayne defended.

"I don't know Captain our hired muscle might be getting soft or something on us I had to wait almost a year to get one myself." Zoe said with a smirk.

"Rutting hell." Jayne said finishing the table and taking a seat.

"Does everyone on this boat get to sample one of those before I get one?" Mal asked.

"Yep." Jayne quipped.

Kaylee joined them and quickly fell about the big man promising to write his mother and tell her how nice her big strong son was being to poor lost lambs. Sheppard Book joined the table and listened to the teasing and smiled patting Jayne on the forearm and laughed. "We all have off days my son I'm sure this caring and giving is just a phase and you'll be back to normal in a few days."

"Thank you Sheppard." Jayne replied.

"I think it's nice and don't make Jayne any less a cold blooded shooting man." Kaylee defended.

"Gorram it will people not make a big deal out of nothing." Jayne growled and spooned the mash into his mouth and started eating.

The laughter stopped as Simon helped River into the room and Kaylee jumped up and pulled them some chairs over to the table and helped Simon hover over River as she sat down and a bowl of mash appeared in front of her.

"Looks like our princess has decided to join us this morning." Wash stated.

"Caloric intake is needed to fuel the reconstruction of cells and allow for the interchange of gaseous material." River calmly stated.

"Gas that's a real possibility with Zoe's cooking." Jayne muttered as he continued to spoon another mouthful.

Kaylee and Mal tried not to laugh as Zoe might hit them with the look she was giving the now choking Wash at that very moment almost daring him to laugh.

Simon looked somewhat embarrassed remembering River making almost the same statement at a dinner party years before the academy ruined her life but a small smile crept onto his face in memory at his mother's face. He took a seat next to River and started eating carefully and decided comments would not cover the meal at least none that wouldn't bring Zoe's stare toward him and since he apparently had no ability to lie it was best to keep quite.

"Well now this is a peaceful scene that I could do with more often but since my pilot tells me still over a day out from Unity I guess I can't expect it to last." Mal sighed.

"I don't know I think I can use this stuff to clean the rust of Sally so I'll be real busy." Jayne stated as he helped himself to another bowl skillful dodging the spoon tossed his way by Zoe.

"My wife does fine wifely things like cooking wonderful meals and shooting anyone that speaks ill of them." Wash stated firmly.

"That's right I'm a picture of wife perfectness." Zoe declared and dared any of them to counter.

"Well I think it's much better than what the captain tried to feed us last he cooked." Kaylee offered.

"Amen little one." The Sheppard added.

"Hey now wait a minute are you attacking my fine dinner making skills." Mal challenged.

"Hell no one else has ever ended three people in the infirmary after a meal before, thought I was dying." Jayne grumbled.

"River don't count she was already there." Mal tried to defend himself.

"But she wasn't there for food poisoning until after she ate." Jayne tossed back.

"In the captain's defense I'm sure he just didn't notice the food had spoiled." Simon offered.

"Seeing as I was one of the three I think that's a safe bet." Mal spoke.

"I just think it's funny how none of the big strong men realized something was wrong till they was puking all over the ship." Kaylee said.

"Are you saying I'm not big and strong?" Wash teased.

"And I feel terrible for not believing River that something was wrong with the food as I was feeding it to her." Simon admitted not wanting to weigh in on the big and strong or not conversion.

"It was a cold that burned." River said.

"Seems our two men here don't have sense enough to stop eating something if it tastes funny unlike everyone else who tasted that … meal." Zoe said checking her words carefully.

"Try not to taste anything served in this gorram galley mite scar me for life." Jayne allowed.

The room burst into laughter and Mal shuddered thinking Jayne right three times in two days that's a lot scarier than Zoe or my cooking.

River finished her bowl of mash and Simon rose with her and they started to leave before she turned and spoke in her singsong voice. "Simon forgets how cold hospital is so thank you for warming me with love."

Simon seemed shocked at the words but followed his chattering sister out of the galley allowing a room to turn their eyes to Jayne.

"I never touched that girl Mal." Jayne said quickly.

"She's talking about the blanket you big goof." Kaylee said shaking her head.

"Ok I did that." Jayne allowed.

"Not even our Jayne would be stupid enough to mess with a fong luh little girl like River and think he wouldn't get shot or pushed out the air lock for it." Zoe said.

"If he was lucky, we could just make him marry the poor dear." Sheppard Book stated sounding serious.

"That there is the best threat I reckon I ever heard." Jayne whistled at Book.

"I'll remember that, Jayne clean out the shuttles or marry River yep seems to work for anything." Mal smiled.

"That's just wrong." Jayne groaned.

The trip to Unity was uneventful and even the teasing of Jayne had grown boring by the time they were approaching the moon that housed almost 6 million people making it one of the largest populations outside of the core.

"Well Wash, think you can set us down without attracting attention from that there big and scary Alliance cruiser." Mal stated staring at the ship in high orbit.

"Can do but it's almost a waste seeing as this trip is pretty much legal." Wash complained.

"I need to remind you of the slightly wanted status of two people on this boat." Mal came back with.

"Kaylee is looking for you Captain, are you back seat driving my man's flying again." Zoe said sticking her head onto the bridge.

"Yes he is, make him stop." Wash whined.

The drop on Unity went perfectly and they made it back to the boat without even having to draw their guns something Jayne seemed almost disappointed about but he perked up when the captain announced they wouldn't be leaving until the next morning.

"I don't believe I need to tell anyone that attracting to much attention to my boat could be harmful to their health." Mal warned as his crew quickly changed and ducked out of the loading door heading into the town.

"Everything will be shiny captain just going to get some parts for Serenity and maybe some girly things." Kaylee laughed back.

"You know where to find me." Jayne grunted as he headed out.

"Nearest whorehouse that's next door to a bar." Mal answered to Jayne's affirmative response.

"Well seeing as us leaving the ship with all the Alliance in town would be rather fool hardy I think I'll drag River in for a few more scans." Simon said with a frown.

"Zoe and Wash promised to try to get those specs you asked but I reckon it might be difficult to get our dirty little hands on them." Mal admitted.

Mal was rather pleased with himself for most of the day mostly for not getting shot or anything else for a change but his mode was dashed when an Alliance officer walked up the loading ramp onto his boat with several very armed soldiers following him and Mal found his stomach filled with bricks.

"We are looking for Captain Malcom Reynolds if you would." The officer said.

"That would be me." Mal tried to put on a friendly face.

"I have in my custody someone who claims they are a member of your crew bound by law for fighting." The officer informed him with a grim look.

"Húndàn gorram it Jayne." Mal exclaimed.

"Jayne? Is that her name? She gave us another?" The officer smirked as he signaled something to one of his men who ducked back down the ramp out of sight and started pulling someone back with him.

"Her?" Mal exclaimed confused as his mind couldn't seemed to process what his eyes were seeing.

"Sorry Captain." Kaylee sniffled.

"Is this person the Jayne you spoke of?" The officer asked.

"No this is Kaylee our mechanic." Mal spoke shocked at this turn of events.

"Well we are more than happy to release her into your custody but please explain that fighting in the streets is not an acceptable form of shore leave, Ah my next meeting Mr. Cobb wasn't it?" The officer spoke to a rather surprised looking Jayne who had just marched onto the boat and froze at the sight of the soldiers and seemed to be staring at Mal waiting for a signal to start shooting to which Mal just shook his head no and the merc relaxed until his name was spoken. Mal had a strong surge of anger and if things didn't change in the next few seconds Jayne was not going to live to get out of this bay.

"What I do?" Jayne asked.

"I understand you wanted information concerning weapon scans." The officer pressed.

Jayne turned slightly red and seemed to be trying to think quickly which was a rather amusing thing to watch.

"Well I got this girl and man that sold her said she couldn't be scanned and I wanted to see if it was true." Jayne came up with pretty quickly.

"Girl?" The officer asked.

"Gina, let me go get her." Jayne said and headed in a rush to his bunk.

"He names his guns." Kaylee added.

"Ah I see well I guess we could take a look at it." The officer sighed.

"Sorry Captain but I had to." Kaylee whispered at him.

"Had to what?" Mal asked forgetting for a few seconds about the fight.

"She said Serenity looked like something a dog had left in her yard after eating garbage." Kaylee said almost on the verge of tears.

"You got in a tussle over someone insulting my boat?" Mal asked stunned.

"Your boat but my girl." Kaylee defended.

"Corporal remind me never to insult a ship around an engineer ever." The officer said to one of his men.

"The damage to the other person and the building was minimal and the shop keeper felt no need for charges so we decided to bring her back to her ship and ask she be leashed for the remainder of her stay here." The officer said politely.

"I got my parts but I lost them I think." Kaylee started to really tear up at that.

"Ah I forgot here you go I believe these are yours." The officer signaled one of his men who handed Kaylee a rather large box filled with various ship parts.

"Oh thank you." Kaylee squealed and pecked the officer on the cheek before dashing to the engine room with Serenity's new parts.

Jayne ducked out of the way as she came by and shook his head walking back toward them carrying a much smaller box.

"Here she is Gina, was wanting to see if she really is as nice as the man said." Jayne handed the box out to the officer and Mal noticed the slight tremor in the muscle's hand."

"Ah a Gorrd 15mm plastic you even have the plastic bullets haven't seen one in this kind of shape in years, it's not a very good gun and can only fire the plastic rounds and I can assure you this would avoid any scan we have." The officer said with slight smile as he inspected the weapon.

"Captain been thinking about getting us a scanner thingee to stop folks from sneaking guns inside and I figure we'd get the best, can a person buy a surplus one of yours or sumthing?" Jayne asked.

"No Alliance scanners are restricted use but there are several civilian models that are just as good and I can send the specs for ours to your cortex id so you can compare when you shop." The officer offered.

"Shiny." Jayne said.

Mal couldn't believe his ears, not only wasn't he going to get to shoot Jayne he was going to have to complement him again. After exchanging ids and with a bit of thanks and another warning about keeping Kaylee inline the Alliance marched off his boat without a single look back.

"What the blazing hell you playing at?" Mal stormed at Jayne.

"Heard some of the soldiers talking at the bar that the garrison chief was a gun nut so I figured might be a way to get the information we wanted." Jayne shrugged.

"Well it worked." Mal fumed.

"Shiny." Jayne said and lit a cigar and starting smoking it. "Take it this means no airlock today."

"Maybe tomorrow." Mal countered and stormed to the engine room to bark at Kaylee.

Zoe and Wash returned and as soon as his entire crew was aboard he ordered them to take off and put some distance between them and the Alliance forces on this planet.

Zoe announced that they hadn't been able to get anything on the scanners and was even offered cashy money for any information they might find in their search.

"Not an issue as our man Jayne here got us what we needed and Simon is already working on it and now he says we need a scanner to reconfigure to Alliance specs, Lil Kaylee is grounded to the boat for the next week or so we spend on the ground because she likes to beat up poor little plant bunnies when she is supposed to be shopping for parts." Mal said.

"I have an old scanner in the engine room." Kaylee said not taking offensive or even notice of the rest of Mal's speech.

"Get that over to Simon and help him get it running." Mal stated.

"Thanks Captain." Kaylee said with a smile as she almost bounced away to Mal's groan. Why don't I just pin a medal on her and give her a piece of candy he thought.

"Wait Kaylee got in trouble for fighting and Jayne did something productive are we on the right boat?" Wash asked.

"Had to happen eventually husband. We just went insane." Zoe said with a toothy smile as she patted Wash hand.

"Does that mean I don't have to wear shoes anymore?" Wash asked.

"No shoes no service." Zoe stated calmly.

"So shoes good." Wash laughed.

The scanner took an extremely short period of time for Kaylee to get working and within a few hours they were gathered in the infirmary and Simon was elated.

"The scanner picked up a nitron ore leak in River once I get the exact location I can remove it or counter it." Simon said with ease.

"And since no ship uses that kind of engine anymore that showing up on a scanner would be a dead giveaway." Kaylee laughed.

"Also it wouldn't alert the local authorities of anything unusual and when the daily scans were uploaded to the cortex then they would be able to know where she was just a few hours previously." Book sighed.

"So Doc you reckon you can fix it." Mal said.

"Not broken working as intended." River said.

"Well let's see what we have." Simon said softly as he went through the medical scan and security scan comparing them.

"Yes I can remove it; it appears to be a small implant almost like a breast augment in her right calf. I can remove it without any problems at all but it does mean surgery." Simon turned toward River to judge her reaction.

"Cut and nip pull out the bad and replace with good." River mused.

"Well then let's leave the good doctor alone and good job Doc." Mal said herding his crew out of the infirmary stopping only when Simon spoke behind him.

"That's one more Jayne; I'll have River show you the math when she wakes up."

Jayne grunted in response and headed toward his bunk without any comment.

Simon preformed the operation and removed the bag like implant that was smaller than a thumbnail and Kaylee saw to it being taken care of drifting slowly away into the black. River of course demanded for post surgery special treatment and that included being carried to the dinner table by a rather reluctant Jayne.

"Don't see why I got to be the one carrying the crazy girl around." He muttered as he gently placed River on a chair."

"I offered." Mal laughed.

"She didn't want to be dropped." River responded.

"Ok then afraid weak old Mal was going to land you on your head that I can understand." Jayne perked up.

Kaylee made sure to ohh and uhh over the small bandage covered wound with considerable more fuss than anyone thought it deserved.

"Now River I'm sure Simon didn't even consider taking the leg off." Book scolded her slightly after River gave a detailed but somewhat tilted version of the operation.

"That would be a crime." Jayne said shaking his head and quickly found him under the tight gaze of everyone.

"What I'm a man and crazy girl here ain't got much in the way of features but her legs look nice. Best chance she got to land a husband if she ever gets not crazy." Jayne defended.

"I think that was Jayne giving a compliment." Wash said puzzled.

"It would explain why he doesn't do it often man sticks to his strengths." Zoe added.

Mal was about to join in and offer to let Sheppard marry them when he felt the slight tremor run through the ship and saw Kaylee's eyes get big. The force of the tremor exploded under their feet and in seconds they were all on the floor and the shaking stopped.

"What in hell was that?" Mal shouted.

"Did we gorram crash?" Jayne sputtered.

"I think we hit something." Wash said in disbelief as he dashed to the bridge.

"Something hit us, must of pushed up against another ship." Kaylee declared as she allowed Simon to help her up.

Mal helped Inara to her feet and winced at the small cut on her elbow leaking blood over one of her fine dresses.

"It's nothing Mal I have been injured in the past." Inara sighed when she saw where his gaze was going.

"Have the Doc take a look anyway don't need any more problems on this ship right now." Mal ordered.

"Jayne get the girl to the infirmary help Simon if he needs it and then get to the engine room and help Kaylee fix anything that needs fixing." Mal ordered to his crew.

"Where do you want me Captain?" Zoe asked.

"Inspect the ship look for any damage." Mal answered.

"Will do." Zoe said and started her search.

"Captain looks like we got hit by an abandoned freighter that just slid up next to us and rubbed right down our side before going on its happy way." Wash informed him.

"So what's the bad news?" Mal sighed.

"Took out nav and com as well as jammed the air lock door and damaged just about every surface relay for the power system we have on the port side." Wash explained.

"Can we fly?" Mal asked fearing the answer.

"Sure but it's gonna involve stopping taking star measurements re-plotting a new course then flying a while then repeating over and over again." Wash looked almost disgusted at the thought.

"River might be able to help with some of that charting is this something we can fix in the black?" Mal asked.

"Nope gonna have to take the entire power grid off line so that means being in atmo unless you don't need to breath." Wash offered.

"Where's the nearest plant?" Mal asked.

"Well that's the problem I can't look without knowing where we are but guessing off where we should be it would be Brighter and look there out the window to the side I think that's her so do we make way." Wash asked.

"As soon as Kaylee clears us head directly there and get us on the ground in one piece." Mal demanded.

Mal stomped back toward the galley where Jayne was righting tables and chairs as Book was sweeping the broken dishes into a bin.

"Kaylee ran me off Captain said I was taking up to much space in the engine room." Jayne quickly informed him.

"Ship's fine except for half the systems not responding and power flickering all over the place." Zoe said returning from the cargo hold.

"What are we going to do Captain." Book asked.

"We are going to land and make repairs, Wash says there's a plant called Brighter nearby and we should be able to limp to it and land without too much problem." Mal said and was surprised by the sudden and intense reaction from his crew.

"Gorram it Mal why we got to go there." Jayne demanded.

"You can't be serious?" Inara asked. "Not at this time of year."

"What in hell is wrong with you two, my ship is half dead floating in the black we're lucky it's close enough to make way to or we would be in a world of hurt real quick." Mal offered still in shock over the response.

"I ain't getting married." Jayne declared.

"Hwoon dahn what is wrong with you people."Mal yelled.

"The season of marriage is celebrated on Brighter for 3 months." Book explained.

"And I care about that why." Mal said.

"Chun because it is the law that anyone on the planet of consenting age must be married and if you're not they hand you off to whom else isn't married and marry you on the spot." Inara said her calm clearly cracking.

"Fei hua, no one gets off the boat then." Mal countered.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple they will board the ship and inspect the crew and passengers and with the exception of I being a Sheppard and Zoe and Wash being married you all will be married by force even River." Book announced.

"That's insane." Simon said from the doorway as he entered.

"It served a purpose thirty years ago to help ensure the continued population growth but now it's used more to seize property and to gain taxes against travelers who stumble onto the plant at the wrong time of year." Book stated.

"I ain't getting married Mal." Jayne insisted again.

"Shut up let me think." Mal said.

"Some reason we can't just lie and say we're married seems like the right number of men to women not counting you of course Sheppard." He continued.

"They will require proof and they do inspections to ensure the off world couples are really that, even bed checks in the middle of the night and having people observe you and of course as I said proof." Book explained.

"Well you could make us up some convincing proof, right Sheppard Book." Kaylee asked.

"Yes and no, I would be unwilling to lie concerning my duties as a Sheppard." Book admitted.

"Shiny." Zoe sighed.

"I could offer another option." Book almost whispered.

"Anything at this point would be welcome." Inara said.

"A temporarily marriage, quite legal and common on the core worlds though rarely used out here but still legal and no reason that we would have to disclose that part to the authorities when questioned. It lasts 30 days which should be long enough to make repairs and leave but I would have to insist that no demands would be made of the partner of a let's say adult nature." Book offered.

"Shiny. Kaylee you and the Doc will get married and Inara will marry Jayne and I guess I'll marry River. Let's get this happening Sheppard." Mal said groaning.

"I am not marrying Jayne not for a day let alone a month." Inara stated forcefully.

"Hey." Jayne groused.

"Fine Inara will marry the doc and Kaylee can marry Jayne and I'll marry River happy." Mal countered.

"No." Kaylee and Simon declared but only Simon blushed afterwards.

"I can't marry Simon without offending Kaylee which I will not do but no one will believe I married Jayne." Inara tried.

"No Mal I'm not marrying Fung luh no." Jayne said.

"Won't work anyway." Mal countered.

"I believe I could come up with a suitable explanation for their marriage that might be acceptable." Book offered.

"Like what?" Simon demanded.

"How about he was hired to deliver the girl to her arranged husband but soiled her on the way and as part of his repayment to the parents had to marry her to avoid being punished or jailed for it." Book stated.

"I'd believe that." Zoe said.

"Shiny Kaylee and Simon are back together and Jayne will marry River but I swear you do anything to that girl I'll do worse than shove you out an airlock you hear me and Inara I guess you're my blushing bride or am I the one blushing." Mal kidded.

"Fine I will require that you all spend one hour in thoughtful refection and then I will willingly marry you but again captain people will need to do more than say their married they will need to act married and that means sharing a bed but I again demand it be sex free." Book said with a clear tone even though he never even glanced at Jayne.

"I got to share a bunk with a nut case that likes to see me bleed." Jayne stated almost in shock.

"Jayne get to you bunk and stow your ladies in the aft locker until we leave I don't want you waking up to a loud bang." Mal said rather seriously.

"Gorram right." Jayne said almost running to his bunk.

"Simon talk to River, make her understand and no drugs while we're there it will be a dead giveaway." Mal said.

"I'm not letting my sister sleep in the same room let alone the same bed as that walking evolutionary mistake." Simon said.

"It's either that or watch her get married off to someone who might be worse than Jayne and taken off this ship to live with her new husband who will do who knows what to her at least Jayne we can threaten and his sense of survival will kick in." Zoe summed up.

"Fine but if he hurts her I'll remove what he uses to do it with a surgical laser." Simon said walking out of the galley toward the infirmary.

"That was a better threat than I thought he could do." Mal laughed.

"Gorram Mal why I got to be married to that crazy girl and now I have to worry about her brother cutting chunks off me." Jayne complained.

Mal turned and saw his hired gun with an armload of guns standing at the opposite doorway from the one Simon had just exited from. The merc's arms were loaded with various weapons some that Mal couldn't even identify.

"Get everything." Mal asked.

"First trip just a couple more and everything should be locked up nice and tight." Jayne answered honestly.

"Good lord how many guns you got Jayne?" Kaylee asked.

"Not enough." Jayne answered something Mal was forced to agree with.

Jayne disappeared into the rear of the ship and Inara looked at Mal with a sudden smile and asked. "Does my status of being your wife negate my rent for this month?"

"No it doubles it." Mal said before heading toward the bridge.

"Fine I'll draw it out of our joint account." Inara laughed as she headed toward her shuttle.

Mal arrived on the bridge and stared at the overly bright planet that was now dead center of the windows as Wash flew them straight at it.

"You heard." Mal asked.

"I think Kaylee and Simon will make a cute couple and seeing as River will probably kill Jayne in his sleep it sounds like a great idea to me." Wash said.

"Shiny and Wash change my code on my credit account." Mal said as he left the bridge.

"About 7 hours until we make atmo so enjoy your honeymoon you wacky kids." Wash called down the hallway.

Mal groaned and made way toward his bunk quickly climbing the stairs deciding to wait for his wedding in quiet.

The entire crew gathered in the cargo bay with the couples grouped together and Sheppard Book standing before them speaking.

"As I join these fine people together for a month to allow them the chance to find themselves nothing is sought but respect and comfort to be found in friendship and love. Let all gathered know that with a simple request can this short period be extended to a life time and harmony find a home with you and with the ceremony complete I again remind each of you of … the airlock, which I will use to push out into the black anyone who makes unseemly demands of their mate during this time."

"Ya Jayne be nice." Kaylee laughed holding tightly onto Simon's hand.

"That would include cute engineers from skipping rather critical steps in the courting rituals of her favorite doctor." Book prodded her.

"Ya." Jayne yelled a bit loudly making Kaylee blush but her grip on Simon didn't ease.

"I want a kiss." River spoke up quickly. "Historical references state clearly that an exchange of vows is followed by a kiss to seal the aforementioned promise."

"A kiss is acceptable and quite common." Book offered.

"I ain't kissing the crazy girl." Jayne barked.

"I'm getting my kiss." Kaylee said and quickly kissed Simon who didn't seem to mind all too much.

"I want my kiss." River demanded stamping her feet preparing for what everyone could see was about to be a tantrum to end all tantrums.

"Jayne just kiss your wife." Mal ordered.

"Fine but if it ends badly I want a bonus." Jayne threatened. "Don't be hitting me or nothing you hear me girl." He continued as he bent down and kissed her cheek.

"Not acceptable." River said.

"What?" Jayne hollered to the amusement of the other newlyweds.

"Kiss is on the lips but doesn't need to be as tongue filled as Kaylee's but must be on the lips." River stated firmly to another blush from Kaylee who was almost as red as Simon.

"I don't kiss on the lips." Jayne declared.

River then burst into tears and declared. "Girl is too ugly to be kissed."

Jayne felt the room explode with tension around him and sighed. "Didn't say that, fine once but not again you understand?"

"Conditions are acceptable." River said through the tears.

Jayne leaned down and rather surprisingly kissed her gently on the lips before swiftly standing up and looking to see if anyone was about to shoot him.

"Girl is now married and will carry out traditional duties with careful hast to ensure husband does not wander or become restless." River stated.

"Huh." Jayne said looking confused.

"I will clean our bunk." River stated as she turned and moved toward the bunks.

"That was nice Jayne." Kaylee said smiling.

"I have to say you handed that better than I thought." Simon offered.

Jayne grunted and shook his head heading directly to his weight bench and starting to work out looking rather concerned.

Mal turned to Inara who was standing next to him and despite the rather relaxed calmed that was working in the room he couldn't resist. "Don't I get a kiss?"

"Fine if it will stop you from throwing a fit or looking like a kicked puppy." Inara said before kissing him rather more intensely than he expected.

"Wow I mean that was nice I can see why you're in such demand." Mal corrected himself.

Inara issued a rather non lady like growl before stomping off toward her shuttle.

"Honey did Jayne just handle his wife better than Mal." Wash asked Zoe stoically.

"I told you dear we went insane just roll with it." Zoe sighed.

"2 hours until we make atmo on Brighter you do have our papers right." Wash asked.

"Yes husband." Zoe answered.

The ride through the atmosphere was somewhat more violent than normal and everyone except Wash and Mal who were in the cockpit were strapped into the seats in the waiting alcove off of the galley and Jayne made sure everyone was strapped down tightly before he took the remaining seat next to River who quickly released Simon's hand and grabbed his.

"Only an 8 percent chance of the increased airflow to cause a failure of the aerodynamics." She stated to him sounding nervous as she was squeezing his hand almost as tight as Kaylee gripped Simon's arm.

"Huh." Jayne muttered.

"We aren't going to crash maybe." Kaylee translated.

"Course not just a bumpy ride it'll be shiny." Jayne grunted patting River's hand.

"Wife is reassured and comforted." River said leaning her head on Jayne's shoulder.

"Huh." Jayne said with a sick feeling sitting in his gut.

"She feels better about the landing now." Book offered.

"Simon look at them it's so cute our little girl is all grown up. I want to get a capture of them soon." Kaylee said with a grin and pecked Simon on the cheek.

"I think a little future blackmail against Jayne would be a good thing." Zoe said cheerfully.

"Now don't be mean but Kaylee I would like a copy myself." Book said.

"Nobody best be getting near me with a capture cause my trigger finger is itchy." Jayne growled.

River then caused everyone to burst out laughing by scratching his finger.

The ship evened out and the turbulence eased as they moved in to land and Wash cleared them to move around the ship and Jayne quickly hopped up and dashed toward the cargo bay as everyone laughed at his running form.

"Everyone start on repairs as soon as we land and let's stay focused on getting off this insane rock quickly." Mal spoke over the intercom.

The ship landed with a calm shudder and soon the entire crew worked as one to begin repairs on the ship waiting for the company they knew was coming.

The first step in the repairs was climbing up on top of the ship and removing each damaged component and lowering it down for Kaylee to decide if it could be repaired or if it had to be replaced and Mal was grateful the repairable pile was larger than the replace pile. Jayne spent most of the day hanging from a rope pulling parts and trying to repair the primary airlock door and became a walking pile of grime long before anyone else but was not anymore noticeable than the others when Mal called for a stop as the setting sun took with it the light needed to continue. Mal was exiting from the shower when Jayne started an almost silent storm on the entire crew. Mal entered the galley and was prepared to enter into the fray but saw it wasn't going to be required.

"Where are my pictures and clothes?" Jayne demanded keeping his voice low.

"Removed images of other women from her sleeping quarters to prevent husband from comparing their bodies to hers and finding her wanting and clothes are in the wash and will be done soon." River said rather calmly to a towel wrapped Jayne.

"What?" Jayne responded trying to decode the girl's words.

"Sit for dinner I prepared a meal that should exceed nutritional requirements and be satisfactory to the palette." River continued.

"Huh."Jayne grunted.

"Good food, Jayne eat now sit." River sighed pointing to a chair reminding him strangely of his mother.

"Why didn't you say so?" Jayne said confused.

"So dinner is ready I take it." Mal said bringing attention to himself.

"Food is prepared." River answered as she made up two plates and carried them to the table taking a seat next to Jayne placing his plate in front of him and starting to eat.

Jayne looked at Mal with a frightened expression and Mal wanted to laugh but instead gave him a look ordering him to eat silently. Jayne picked up a spoon and gathered a mouthful of food and placed it into his mouth. "Hey this is good." Jayne said smiling and started digging in.

"It pleases." River asked as she beamed, her entire face lighting up.

"Gorram right it does, this is the best chow I've had since last time I went to visit my ma." Jayne said continuing to eat.

They had been joined now by the entire ship that upon hearing the words rushed to the kitchen and started filling plates.

They were enjoying the meal and only picking on the towel clad Jayne a dozen or so times when a cough turned their heads to the doorway leading to the cargo bay and say several official looking men who were watching them.

"Greetings travelers, I am minster Michael Voss and I greet you to Brighter and wish it was under better times that we meet but alas it is the festival of marriage and before tonight's weddings we have come to collect those among your crew who are not married to join in, it is the law." Voss said not sounding unhappy about it at all.

"Me and my filly already are hitched so get." Jayne scowled as he placed his arm around River's shoulder and squeezed gently before moving it back down.

"Congratulations I don't suppose you have some proof of the marriage on you." Voss smiled a wicked smile.

"I have the paperwork in my cabin one moment please." Book said and stood moving toward the passenger area.

"Alright while we wait for his return is anyone else married?" Voss asked.

All hands in the galley went up and Zoe clutched her paperwork in her hand that went skyward.

Voss approached and looked at the papers and nodded his head before asking. "Who would be Hoban?"

"Most folks just call be Wash." Wash said with a smile as he stood and held out his hand for Voss to shake before sitting back down.

Book returned and handed off slips of paper to Voss who read them each before sighing.

"Who is Malcom and Inara? Thank you and Kaylee and Simon really ok, and Jayne and River ah you two ok." Voss asked as he read each and responded to their raised hands at his words.

"First then welcome to Brighter and I congratulate each on your marriages and inform you that you are now entitled to marriage counselors that will assist in resolving any issues you might have as well as keep an eye out for fraud you would be surprised how many lie about being married they will make regular visits here to your ship now onto another unpleasant matter." Voss said clearing his voice.

"I understand that the rules concerning treatment of your wife may differ where you're from but physical violence against a women is a serious crime here and while I will not hold you accountable for what most likely occurred off world I will let you know that razing your hand to your wife here will result in jail time, Simon isn't it so I would recommend no further bruises show up on your wife's face or any other part of her body. Good night." Voss said pointing to the blackened eye and bruised cheek that Kaylee was sporting since her fight to defend Serenity's honor before he walked out of the room.

They waited for their guests to leave the ship before Simon slammed his head down onto the table muttering as Kaylee rubbed his shoulders. "Now I'm a wife beating slob."

"It's a good thing though Simon." Book said looking cheerful.

"Please tell me how them thinking I'm abusing Kaylee is a good thing." Simon said raising his head.

"It gives them something to focus on and honestly speaking it's a common enough occurrence that it would surprise them more if all the marriages were perfect you just put a realistic face onto your marriage." Book informed him.

"So now what get drunk and insult her whenever their around." Simon groaned.

"No of course not but allowing their misconceptions might not be a bad thing." Inara offered gently.

"We all know you wouldn't hurt me Simon it's ok." Kaylee said softly still rubbing Simon's shoulders.

"I'll try to be less of an abusive husband." Simon groaned again.

"I expect they'll be back tonight so everyone be prepared to be woken up by a bed checking counselor tonight." Book informed them.

Jayne was greeted with threats from nearly every member of the crew as he made his way to his bunk and started down the stairs into the clean and neatly arranged room that used to be his. River was dressed in a nightgown sitting on the corner of the bed staring at him as he entered and held out some clean and folded clothes that returned his thoughts to his mother.

"Thank you." He muttered before ducking into the closet behind a privacy screen River must have brought down by herself.

"You're welcome." She said gently sounding more normal than usual.

"Just a couple days, girl then we can go back to normal ok." Jayne said.

"I want to work." River said.

"What." Jayne asked.

"I can help with repairs," River explained.

"Ok sounds good to me a rutting genius and all might hurry things up a bit." Jayne grunted.

"Is this ma?" River asked holding a picture of his mother over the screen.

"Ya that's my ma." Jayne answered.

"She's pretty and looks strong." River said moving away from the screen.

"Had to be raised me didn't she?" Jayne laughed please by River's compliment of his mother.

Jayne moved to the bed and took a seat moving toward the wall making sure to leave plenty of room for River before almost jumping when her hand moved swiftly from behind her back toward his head and he felt his body unclench when he saw the hair brush.

"Please." River said.

"You want me to brush your hair?" Jayne asked trying to stop his hands from shaking as he took the brush.

"Yes." River said before jumping on the bed and turning her back to him and waiting.

"Gorram girl." Jayne muttered along with a few well thought of curses as he started her hair before realizing what he was doing and sighed.

"Gorram wife." River said in her musical voice.

"Ya ya I know." Jayne almost laughed.

Her hair took longer than he expected as it was full of knots and tangles and his arm felt like lead by the time he tied it back and handed her back her brush and laid out on his stomach.

He felt her move but it wasn't until her weight settled on his back he grew alarmed but when he felt her hands lifting his shirt up to his neck and start to work on his back he grew terrified.

"River what are you doing." He asked gently.

"Favor for a favor your back hurts from hanging all day." She responded.

"You don't have to do that." He offered almost regretting the words as her hands were doing a good job working out the kinks on his back.

"Silly." River laughed but didn't stop until a good amount of time had passed before laying next to him and closing her eyes with her head resting on his shoulder.

Jayne waited for the outburst or insane speak that he had become used to living with the crazy girl for months and was stunned when he felt her drift to sleep against him. Hell if this is marriage I should rethink the whole idea when we get off this rock find me a nice girl to come along for the ride he thought.

Kaylee and Simon were well into appearing to be in the middle of amorous relations just in case their room got checked and with her wearing only one of his shirts and him just in pants they were doing a great job and Kaylee was enjoying teasing the good doctor with what he had been missing.

Mal and Inara were laying in the bed staring at the ceiling both unwilling to move or be the first one to speak.

Zoe and Wash were enjoying themselves with a touch of extra volume just in case.

Sheppard Book laid his head down and smiled wondering what powers of heaven or hell he may have unleashed today.

The night went by without a single visit and it wasn't till morning when Mal argued his way out of his bunk with Inara in tow all the way to the galley to be surprised by an older woman in a similar uniform as the minster last night sitting at the table.

Mal froze at the doorway blocking Inara's view.

"Mal I'm just saying if you thought a bit more before making some of your decisions then maybe things wouldn't go so hello." Inara stopped as she caught sight of their guest. Kaylee and Simon seemed to be embracing their way into to room before they caught sight of the newcomer as well.

"Hi." Kaylee stuttered.

River came out from Jayne's bunk and walked directly to Kaylee and started speaking not giving the stranger a single glance.

"Husband has said my clothing is not suitable for manual labor needed to assist in repairs and has given credits to buy more sensible attire will you take me?" River asked Kaylee politely.

"You want me to take you shopping?" Kaylee asked smiling.

"Please if it will not get you in trouble with …" River said staring at Simon something picked up by the counselor Mal noticed.

"Is it all right honey?" Kaylee asked Simon sweetly.

"Fine, go shopping." Simon said trying to control his voice but unable to stop the volume from raising considerable amounts.

"What's all the ruckus in here, Simon you yelling at the women folk again." Jayne said as he sauntered into the galley.

"Seems if you're not sticking your feet in your mouth you're yelling give it a break already." Jayne continued as Simon's face quickly discolored before he stormed off cursing under his breath.

Jayne walked over to River and held out another handful of credits. "Here while you're out get some meal fixings and maybe get something nice for Kaylee maybe see if they got any of those strawberries she likes so much and get some shoes." He said gently giving Kaylee a pity filled look.

"Thank you husband." River smiled before grabbing Kaylee's hand and dragging the mechanic down the stairs toward the cargo bay doors.

"I see that the report was quite accurate and not much chance of fraud here, One couple married for several years another a struggling home to abuse that seems to be trying to repair itself another the clear sign of a well to do women trying to better her husband and last but not least a shining example of proper behavior and compassion that was touching Mr. Cobb." The counselor stated.

"Weren't nothing." Jayne shrugged.

"To some it comes so easy why sweet girls like her must always end up with brutes like him." The counselor mused indicating her head toward the direction Simon had left in.

"Boy's just got to grow up some is all." Jayne nodded before making himself a bowl of leftover dinner and sitting at the table eating.

"Well said I think I'll go speak with Simon to see if I can help in that process any." She said standing and heading toward the infirmary where Simon could still be heard cursing.

"What the bloody hell are you playing at now?" Mal said quietly as soon as the woman was out of sight.

"Nothing just giving the doc a taste of his own medicine is all." Jayne whispered back.

"And River going shopping?" Inara asked.

"Girl wants to help with the repairs and she ain't got nothing but them silly dresses her brother buys her and it ain't like I can spend it here without causing a problem so I gave it to her to get some work clothes and seeing as she is a genius maybe she can help get us off this rock." Jayne answered keeping his voice low.

"And the whole Simon is a brute thing." Mal asked.

"That's just fun is all." Jayne admitted.

"Well remember that brute is the one that has to patch you up on pretty regular bases so it might not be ideal to torture him too much." Mal advised.

"River is supposed to fill Kaylee in on what Simon should do next time we're getting inspected, crazy has it all planned out." Jayne answered with a grunt.

"What is this plan?" Mal demanded.

"Don't rightly know Mal couldn't understand it all myself but it sound good lots of big words." Jayne chuckled.

"Get your gorram ass fixing my boat." Mal growled.

Jayne laughed and headed out stopping long enough to grab up a pack of tools before moving out to start his work. Mal groaned and felt Inara his hand rest on his shoulder before her voice reassured him slightly.

"It will be all right for some reason I trust River to come up with a good plan."

"Ya when she's not crazy do me a favor find the girls in town and keep an eye on them." Mal asked.

"Sure but I have been known to do some shopping myself on occasion." Inara said sweetly as she moved away exiting the room.

Mal smiled as she left the room and had to remind himself she wasn't really his wife and his mood worsened quickly something Zoe and Wash picked up on at once before moving out to join Jayne at work causing Mal to follow behind them hoping beyond hope that the damage would look better today than yesterday but reality crushed that hope and the damage remained as intense as it had been when he went to bed. It didn't take long for him to get started repairing the hull damage while Zoe finished pulled the damaged elements of the power system and Wash repaired the airlock door and Jayne installed the handful of power relays that Kaylee had managed to repair yesterday before moving to install the nav transmitter that Wash had bought for from a wreck yard for a rather low amount of credit that the owner declared was needed to buy back his son from his new wife.

Kaylee and Inara with a newly work dressed River to join in the effort and Mal noticed even Inara seemed at ease in workers clothing and he admitted that the extra hands made the work go much smoother and saw that even Simon tried to help but was delegated to carrying things for Kaylee on her trips back and forth from the various scrap shops and the wreckage yard. They worked through lunch enjoying some quick handables whipped up by Inara and Kaylee determined to show they could hang in the wife duties as well as River.

The day ended well with Mal starting to believe they might just get the ship done in a matter of days instead of weeks and the back into the ship was pleasant with honest teasing and playful banter that ended shortly after finding several counselors were waiting in the cargo hold and Jayne had to fight the urge to start shooting someone.

"Welcome did your repairs go well?" One of them asked.

"Shiny." Mal answered trying not to let his exhaustion come into his voice.

"Well I'm going to be rude and head to the showers as the little missus won't lay hands on me if I stink to bad." Jayne declared before heading toward the showers.

"I see you almost got him trained." One of the female counselors smirked.

"It is a difficult process but reward based training is its own reward when you are the reward." River responded.

A flutter of giggles erupted from the counselor and Kaylee.

"I can imagine it would be with that hunk of manhood." The counselor answered.

"We have decided to spend a meal with you and since a ship this size is somewhat limited we brought dinner so if you could all get cleaned up we can eat."

Mal groaned inward but the smell coming from the galley spurred him to hit the shower without complaint staying in his bunk while Inara used his shower as well and he thanked himself for never replacing the damaged doorway allowing him a rather pleasant view as she showered but he needn't have bothered as catching on to what he was doing she decided to dress in front of him allowing him full view of her body almost asking that he dare to comment. They moved together and she offered her arm as they moved down the hall to galley arms intertwined taking seats next to each other as she graced him with the widest style he thought he had ever seen.

"And why are you two so happy?" Wash asked.

"It's just a bit of a thrill to discover my husband still enjoys watching me bath after all this time." Inara answered pleasantly.

"You should try bathing together its how I got Zoe to marry me." Wash described getting smacked on his upper arm from Zoe for the comment.

Jayne and River walked together as well and took seats next to each other and Mal noticed how much River was smiling and as Simon and Kaylee joined them Mal decided to ask.

"And why are you so happy today little one?" Mal asked River.

"I worked today paid my way instead of being carried and got to shop and pick what I wanted to buy instead of no this is much better." River answered with a smile.

"Good for you." Zoe said with an honest smile.

"Your brother and parents didn't allow such freedoms before you married?" Asked the female counselor.

"No only husband gives me such things." River answered and Mal caught Simon jerk in his seat.

"I'm sorry River." Simon said before beginning a careful inspection of his plate as Kaylee took his hand and whispered soothing words to him.

"You still remember the little girl have both the past and the now in your head and they get mixed up." River answered. "I still love you boob." She finished.

"Thank you." Simon said softly.

The dinner went quickly and soon their guests made their exit and Simon turned to River and started speaking.

"I thought you liked the dresses." He said with a hurt voice.

"I do but not for working and I like working and doing things besides getting needles and feeling away I like being here and don't want to spend all my time drifting away." River answered.

"You sound so much better River more here." Inara said honestly.

"I become what I need to become." River answered.

"What does that mean River?" Simon asked.

"Does husband want desert now." River ended the conversion and turned to Jayne.

"He does." Jayne replied.

"Good, husband suggested it and Kaylee helped pick the best ones." River said as she pulled out a mixed of sliced strawberries and other fruit resting in sweet liquid and served Jayne before making herself a small bowl and returning to her seat.

"This is good little wife." Jayne stated scarfing down the sweet fruit.

"Thank you big husband." River said swelling with pride something that made it easy to forget she was crazy most of the time.

The meal ended and Kaylee laid Simon away looking like his entire world had crashed around him and Zoe and Wash took their leave returning to their bunk leaving Mal with Inara and Jayne with River sitting at the table.

"Anything I need to know about." Mal questioned gently.

"Considering going forth and multiply I calculate a 90 percent chance any prodigy would have husbands and wife's combined assets of strength and intellect bringing forth superior children." River stated.

"Huh." Jayne grunted.

"Your kids would have her smarts and your brawn but it's the kids part or rather the making of said kids that concerns me." Mal answered.

"I haven't done nothing Mal." Jayne defended.

"Nothing wrongful has occurred that would concern even Simon." River stated.

"Good so let me know what happens with the whole kids thing." Mal said confused.

"Yes sir." River stated.

Mal and Inara walked together to their bunk leaving Jayne and River to clear the table which they did quickly and without speaking until River laughed. "Told you they wouldn't know what to say let alone get mad I owe you ten credits less."

"When your right your right but don't worry about the credits I don't spend too much of what I get paid just ammo and new guns send most of it home to Ma but I still got me a rather large stockpile and all the gorram fun I'm having is money well spent." Jayne admitted.

"I like being your wife it's simple." River said.

"I guess I could do a lot worse than you for a wife even with you being crazy." Jayne replied.

They moved to their bunk and climbed down the stairs and changing into their sleeping clothes and climbed into the bed and River offered him the hair brush which he took with a smile.

"Guess you done trained me huh." Jayne laughed as he brushed her hair.

"No training required you have done this before." Commented River.

"Well I got lots of little sisters and I guess hair brushing came with the whole being a big brother thing." Jayne admitted.

"If we were to stay man and wife would I meet them." River asked.

"Of course and you might anyway next time we head that way." Jayne answered.

"You're life is filled with mother and brothers and sisters and handmade blankets and hats and duty and work and I'm empty with only brother Simon." River said sorrowful.

"What about here everybody on Serenity loves you." Jayne said laying down the hairbrush and tying back her hair.

"I like it here; I would serve you if you ask." River stated.

"What you mean serve me?" Jayne asked.

"Like the women you pay." River said almost at a whisper.

"Ai ya, Tsai boo shr. Mal would skin me alive and besides we aren't together like that." Jayne stated firmly.

"Stress relief is common without emotional attachment like you often do." River responded.

"Ya well you're better than that." Jayne said before laying down on his stomach.

River bounced on to his back and tried to tickle him before sighing at its failure and starting to work on his back again.

"Nicest things you have ever said to wife you said tonight." River spoke as her hands worked him to sleep.

The next thing he knew River was moaning on his back and rocking back and forth as someone quickly climbed up his ladder and closed his bunk door.

"What the ruddy hell was that?" Jayne demanded as River slid off his back to allow for him to get up.

"Fell asleep while on your back and didn't hear their approach until they were coming down the ladder so pretended to be engaged in physical act of pleasure and they seemed to be convinced and left quickly." River stated.

"Good girl." Jayne said as he prepared to climb up the ladder.

"Good wife." River corrected.

"You have any idea what we should do when we get up there." Jayne asked.

"Someone just walked in on you with your wife an anger response would be warranted as well as slightly embarrassed." River stated.

"So pissed off and nervous like all at once." Jayne said.

"Correct." River stated. "I will be embarrassed but not ashamed." She continued.

"Let's do this." Jayne said.

"Ready." River said after shaking her head and loosening her night dress exposing most of her right shoulder almost down to her breast and ripping the side up to her hip and removed her underwear.

Jayne took a deep breath and climbed the ladder drawing his gun and started hollering as soon as he stepped into the hall. "Who the gorram is yuchun to be walking in on me and my wife."

"Bao bay please its ok." River said following him down the hall as Jayne stomped into the galley where Mal was standing looking rather gruff with several of their regular guests as Simon and Kaylee were looking embarrassed.

"We are so sorry Mr. Cobb if we had realized we would have not have entered your cabin just as we did with the others we would have knocked louder like with Kaylee and Simon when we heard them moving around on the bed clearly showing why Mrs. Frye puts up with as much from her husband as she does they do seem very much in love when they are alone and of course the captain and Inara were also interrupted but not as directly as you and your lovely wife so please put down the gun." One of the guests spoke.

"I don't like people peeping on my Ke ai when we're busy trying to expand our family." Jayne said.

"What?" Simon said.

"We want to have babies isn't it wonderful." River beamed.

"What?" Sheppard Book said with a rather angry look.

"Babies that's wonderful River." Inara said sounding slightly shocked.

"Can we have babies?" Kaylee giggled pulling on Simon's arm.

"Sure babies for River and you and Inara and Zoe hell babies for everyone." Simon said falling into a chair.

"Oh I can't wait to have a baby." Kaylee said laughing giving Simon a huge hug before dashing over to River and at once started to discuss baby names and only Mal saw her lips move against his ear and the relaxed feeling come on his face.

"Again we are deeply sorry for the interruption and pay you a good night." Their guests echoed each other as they quickly took their leave of the ship leaving the entire crew standing in shock.

"What the gorram hell is going on my ship." Mal stormed.

Jayne scoped River up and spun her around before setting her back down. "You done played that perfect crazy gir … I mean crazy wife." Jayne said.

"You played your part to the envy of thespians everywhere." River responded laughing as he spun her.

"So you're not trying to have babies." Zoe said.

"No not yet it's still too soon in the marriage." River answered sounding serious before breaking into laughter.

"Ah I was hoping they had went and decided to stay married and all." Kaylee said.

"So what were you doing when they walked in and why are you in a state of undress River." Book asked.

"Disguise wife fell asleep on husbands back after rubbing it and didn't hear their approach but darkness hid details so pretended to be making love and they didn't notice body position prevented the actual act." River giggled.

"I was on my stomach Mal I swear." Jayne added.

"You make her rub your back." Simon said looking at Jayne anger.

"I offered after he brushed my hair and said nice things." River defended Jayne quickly.

"What nice things?" Kaylee asked smiling.

"He said I was a good wife and that he loved me and I was better than the women he pays." River replied.

"Gôushî bùrú." Simon growled.

"Húndàn." Mal snapped and Jayne felt the room turn against him.

Jayne backed toward the exit to find Zoe standing there and changed direction till his back was against the wall pushing River away from him he looked from one to another of his crewmates and tried to find the words to explain.

River burst into tears and threw herself in front of him. "Why are you angry please just tell the wife, he has done nothing wrong."

"River what has Jayne done?" Book asked gently.

"He brushed my hair and brought me clothes and been nice." River said.

"When did he tell you he loved you?" Mal asked.

"Tonight he told me you all love me why is that bad." River cried standing between everyone and Jayne.

"What did he say exactly River?" Inara asked.

"What about here everybody on Serenity loves you." River mimicked his voice.

"And the other statement about you being better?" Inara pressed.

"I offered stress relief like Inara does to men without emotional ties and he refused saying I was better than the women he pays." River explained.

"So you two didn't make love or have sex or anything tonight." Inara continued.

"No." River said.

Mal groaned inwardly and holstered his gun and took stock Simon was about to pass out from the stress and Jayne was still trying to push River out of the way in case shooting started.

"Enough we have a day's worth of work left and then we can get out of the hellhole and get back to a normal life, Jayne your doing a great job don't change anything same with you River everyone else relax and let's stop jumping to conclusions which seem to be wrong every time we do." Mal demanded.

"Can I move now?" Jayne asked from the wall.

"Yes I over reacted and I'm sorry Jayne." Simon said quickly.

"Alright I might to if a fellow like me was hanging around my sister." Jayne said.

"Go to bed everyone now." Mal ordered.

Everyone made their way to their bunks and Mal watched River and Jayne climb down his stairs and close the hatch. He shook his head making a note to be nice to the merc for a few extra days when this was over.

Jayne climbed into his bed and laid there trying to find the words he wanted to say.

"I said wrong things I am sorry." River offered as she crawled next to him.

"Nah you didn't they just tend to think the worst is all." Jayne answered. "Mighty brave you defending me and all." He finished.

"Wife's duty and maybe friend too." River said.

"Yep we're friends now no matter what." Jayne said.

River snuggled next to him and laughed gently. "So I guess no airlock tonight you cannot end our marriage so easy."

"Guess I'll just suffer through the good meals and company until the end." Jayne said letting sleep take him not minding the comfort of River next to him or noticing her state of near undress.

The repairs went quickly as everyone was feeling rushed to put this planet behind them and soon the ship was taking off and leaving the planet shrinking below the ship. Kaylee was of course disappointed that Simon wouldn't be sharing her bunk anymore and pouted and per his usual skillful way with women Simon placed a foot firmly into his mouth sending Kaylee into a tirade against men in general that would last for days.

Inara paid double rent for the month and of course submitted a bill for her serves as a wife that was twice that amount. Jayne and River faired the best returning to their previous existence almost as if nothing had occurred until 27 days later.

Sheppard Book led a smiling River into the galley followed by a rather confused looking Simon and took a seat across from Jayne looking rather serious.

"Good evening Jayne." Book smiled slightly which caught Mal's attention quickly.

"Evening Sheppard." Jayne responded.

"As today end will mark the end of your marriage to River she has asked me to mediate the divorce." Book said again looking rather serious.

"Thought it just ended no fuss." Jayne grunted.

"Girl has referred to historical and contemporary documentation and determined she is entitled to martial assets." River stated.

"What?" Jayne barked was preparing to start yelling when he caught Simon's eyes and saw the look in the brother's eyes one that begged for understanding.

"What you want?" Jayne asked.

"4 blankets, 2 hats 1 scarf and 3 pairs of socks all made with mother love and this." River said unashamed holding out the capture of his mother she had seemed to like so much.

"Now River that is a personal item." Book started.

"Why do you want that River?" Simon asked confused.

"I like her pretty and strong but never distant she would have hugged and kissed the girl and made many love filled items and spoiled the many children that would never have known times without love." River answered.

Zoe's eyebrow went skyward at the reference to "many children" causing Mal and the gathered crew to start the battle against the laughter that forcing itself on them.

Jayne sighed but guessed he could part with one picture of his Ma. "Well I reckon she would want you to have it seeing how fond of you she would have been just a second." Jayne said getting up and hurrying to his bunk and gathering the requested items and returning to the galley and placing the items on the table.

"All right crazy girl here is your cut anything else." He said amused.

River promptly slipped a blanket under her dress and whispered in Book's ear.

Book laughed and quickly silenced it and turned to Jayne. "She now wishes to discuss funds for care of the children as she is in the family way."

"Reckon that's fair but I'll be insisting on the Doc to confirm it's mine." Jayne retorted ducking the removed blanket swiftly as River tossed it at him to the combined laughter of everyone including River.

Kaylee retrieved the blanket and handed it back to River who was whispering again to Sheppard Book.

He nodded his head and again turned to Jayne. "River wants to know what assets you wish to claim."

Jayne thought carefully and couldn't figure anything crazy had he might want then came up with something. "Not sure this counts but that thing in my shoulder is popping again and whatever you did took care of it for a while if you wouldn't mind." He said.

River smiled and moved around the table behind the seated hired gun and started working on his shoulder.

"I will miss the alone time." She said wistfully.

"Better wife than a fellow like me ever had." Jayne offered.

River finished his shoulder and once again his shoulder moved without the annoying popping feeling and he watched her gather up her settlement and follow Kaylee and Sheppard Book out towards the passenger cabins, Simon moved behind them then turned back and spoke up. "Come see me tomorrow about that shoulder."

Jayne grunted in response.

"Well that went far better than I was thinking it would now maybe this crew can get back to normal." Mal said.

"Maybe get some shooting done." Jayne added.

"Men." Inara and Zoe both said together.

The End.