I haven't really watched many episodes of S4 and I haven't seen episode 4.15 and so on so some of the things like BP moving in together and becoming instant friends haven't happened in here. I do read spoilers so I know the main points so some things are the same. It is pretty easy to see which are. I hope that isn't too confusing. I promise the story flows really well. lol
A special thanks to Elena who helped me feel better about posting this. She is one hell of a friend. Thanks!!!
Change
The music was blaring. Much too loud for Lucas, who shut the sliding door behind him, finding solace in the darkness that now surrounded him. He wasn't sure why he had even forced himself to be here tonight. When previously approached about the end of the year party he'd adamantly refused to have anything to do with it. He wasn't surprised that it was all the students at Tree Hill High talked about. They used any excuse to throw a party. Drinking and partying were considered a must for the teens.
He just wasn't in the mood to party anymore. Lately he wasn't in the mood to do anything, but lay in his room and sulk. Everything was changing. Nothing would be how it once was and that was what was so unnerving for him. He never was a friend of change. Any and all change he'd been through had caused nothing but bad things for him and the people around him.
There was joining the basketball team his junior year. That change brought Dan back into his and his mother's life full force. He was at every basketball game in everyones face. Dan Scott being in your life was never a good thing. If he hadn't loved the game so much he might have given it up just to get Dan off his back.
Then there was junior year when he started dating Brooke, the most popular girl in their school. He went from one minute wanting her best friend to being with her and then back again.That change in events in turn ended up hurting their friendship and that was the last thing he wanted to have happen. Too much had changed for them to ever be able to go back to the way they were.
He'd not that long ago lost his uncle Keith. He went from having his uncle in his life everyday to not having him in this world at all. That change had to be the most devastating one of all to him. One that still hurt him more that he was willing to admit.
Then he had his heart condition which changed his life beyond belief. He was no longer able to play basketball. The one thing that he held above all else was taken away from him by a condition his good for nothing father had passed down to him.
There was never anything good about change and nobody was going to tell him otherwise.
Lucas took a deep breath as he looked out onto the beach. It really was beautiful out here at night. He continued to scan the beach taking in all the calmness it brought forth, a calmness he really yearned for right now. His eyes slowly found their focus on a brunette beauty sitting out on the sand alone.
Lucas took a deep breath and stood there watching her do nothing imparticular. He'd refused to attend this party no matter who begged him to do so, that was up until she'd come to him and insisted he be there herself. It was funny how that was all it took.
Lucas shifted his backpack on his shoulder as he walked in the direction of his car. He had to stop abruptly as a pretty brunette cut in front of him.
"Hey Luke, whatcha doing?"she asked as she stood only a couple of feet away from him, smile and dimples brightly displayed.
Lucas pointed to his car not too far away."I'm heading home. I don't really feel like staying here today."was his answer. School now a days was the last place he wanted to be. It reminded him of only bad things. This place was where everything changed.
Brooke nodded in agreement."I hear ya. I mean we all already know we're graduating. It's really no use in having us continue to come everyday. It's not like the work we do now is gonna count toward anything. You know what I think? I think they're just making us get up every morning just to torture us. You know to pay us back for all the crap we put them through though out the years."she smiled widely as she took in the small upturn of Lucas' mouth.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him smile, not that they'd spent any real time together lately. They'd both been busy since their break up, that and it was just too hard being around each other. Last she'd heard he spent all his free time hauled up in his room alone. It was sad to think about him being secluded in his room all by himself, but what could she do? It wasn't her place to interfere. She wasn't his girlfriend anymore. No, that title now belonged to her former best friend.
Lucas couldn't help the small smile that appeared only when Brooke came around him. There was something about her that always brought a smile to his face and made his heart flutter slightly."You may very well have a point there genius."he said as he shook his head letting out a small chuckle. It had been a few minutes at least since he'd thought about Dan, Keith, and his broken mother who was probably still at home crying her eyes out. Not having them on his mind at that moment was all because of her.
This wasn't right though. He couldn't be feeling happy standing here talking with Brooke, not when his mother was a wreck at home. He removed the smile from his face and tried to walk past her."I need to be getting home Brooke. I'll see you around."he let out knowing that real soon he wouldn't be seeing her around. She was moving to California to work with Victoria Secret and to be closer to her parents. Soon she'd leave Tree Hill and him behind for good.
Brooke watched as Lucas returned to the sullen broken boy everyone had grown accustomed to. She quickly stepped forward blocking Lucas' path to his car. She wasn't sure what had caused Lucas' change in attitude, but everything in her was screaming not to let him leave just yet. If she did she was sure he'd just end up back in his bedroom alone. She had to get him to brighten up again."You know, I could let you go, but I just don't feel like it."she gave him a big lopsided grin.
Lucas could already feel himself once again giving into the warm sensations Brooke brought out of him, but at the same time it caused him to feel guilty. He cleared his throat and head and tried once again to make it to his car."Seriously Brooke I need to get going."he stepped to the side to pass her but was unsuccessful.
"I hear you, I really do. I want to let you go because I know that's what you want, but before I do I have one simple question for you. Once I get the right answer out of you then you can go. I promise."she cocked an eyebrow.
Off his annoyed look and lack of trying to escape she continued knowing she'd won this battle."Okay, what's all this crap I keep hearing about you not coming to my end of the year party? My very important end of the year party might I add. I'll let you know Lucas Scott that you not coming is unacceptable. I can not have my last party here in Tree Hill knowing you won't be there. You're a big part of this Lucas. The party not only is to say goodbye to our high school careers, it's also my goodbye to all the people that matter to me Lucas. You matter to me so you need to be there. I won't take no for an answer. You got it?"she said as she poked him in his chest hard.
He needed to get that she was serious about this. In no way was he allowed to sit at home and wallow in self pity while all his friends were together having fun without him.
So the party was Brooke's party. Not once had anyone told him that bit of information. If they had then maybe Lucas might not have refused to go all those times. He just heard it was going to be at the beach house and assumed it was Nathan's party."I didn't know this was your party."he said turning to look directly at her."Yeah, sure, I'll come."he wasn't in the mood to party, but she seemed to really want him there so he could put in an appearance for her.
Brooke was a bit thrown off at his immediate acceptance to come. All she'd been told for days now was that Lucas would not budge and now all she'd done was simply ask and he'd complied. The fact that she'd been able to do what nobody else, not even his girlfriend Peyton, had brought a huge smile to her face. She knew she shouldn't be feeling like this, but she couldn't help it.
This just cemented the fact that she and Lucas had a bond that no one else shared. One that no one else could touch. She shook her head of all those foolish thoughts and gave him a brief nod."Well, that was easy."she let out a small laugh."I don't think you know what you got yourself into mister, but that's too bad for you. Pick me up at my apartment tomorrow at about 2:00 and we'll go from there."she let out confidently.
Lucas furrowed his eyes confused."2:00? Um...why?"he questioned. No way would Brooke be having a party that started at 2:00 in the afternoon.
Brooke rolled her eyes as if he should already know the answer to his question. They'd dated twice after all. He should know her by now, but she decided to let that go and explain to the clueless one."Because you said yes to the party silly. Now that to me translates to, "Yes Brooke, I'd be happy to help you set up for your bash." That is what you meant right?"she kinked her eyes brows in the way she knew he couldn't resist. Knowing the broody blonde as well as she did always payed off. She knew how to get what she wanted from him at all times.
Lucas let out a fake sigh of annoyance."Fine. Sure I'll help you set up for this thing, but what's in it for me?" he questioned playfully. Knowing Brooke she'd have some smart come back for him and he loved that about her. Actually there really wasn't anything about her that he didn't love.
"Getting to spend time with me before I leave to Cali is what's in it for you. Now remember 2:00 and don't be late. Brooke Davis waits for no man."she smiled and leaned in to give him a quick hug before making her way back into the school. Lucas was smiling and joking around again. Her work was done for now. Tomorrow she'd make sure to get him into a good mood once again.
Lucas stood there and took in the feeling of Brooke's arms around him. The hug had been brief, but that didn't stop the swelling of his heart. It had been a long time since he'd touched her like this. Too long in his book. He missed the girl so much and this conversation just reminded him of how much. It still amazed him that only she could get him feeling sane again. Nobody else came close.
He'd done just that too. He'd picked her up at 2:00 and helped her set up for the party. It had been fun spending some uninterrupted time alone with Brooke. It was something that he enjoyed more than he thought he would, but then again he always loved being around her.
Once they'd finished everything Brooke set out to he dropped her back at her apartment and was told to make sure his ass was at the party later. Once he'd gotten to the party she hugged him and once again thanked him for helping her.
That was the last he talked to her all night. He was beginning to wonder why it was he had agreed to come at all. Peyton stayed by his side all night which had him feeling a bit claustrophobic and was probably the reason Brooke stayed away. The second she left to the restroom he used the opportunity to escape and find somewhere quiet to think.
Being with his girlfriend all night should have made him happy, but it hadn't. Being with his girlfriend's somewhat friend earlier was what made him happy. He knew those thoughts were wrong, but that didn't stop him from feeling that way. His feelings and the way he was thinking weren't fair to Peyton. It wasn't right at all. He knew he had to do something about it even if someone got hurt in the end. He couldn't continue to hide out like this.
So he'd snuck outside to think of the best way to handle all this and that's where he was right now, looking out at the girl that had caused him so much heartache when she broke up with him, but at the same time still made him happier than he'd ever been.
Before Lucas knew what he was doing he found himself standing behind the gorgeous brunette."This beach taken?"he asked aloud.
Brooke turned to look up at him and smiled."I feel like we've done this before."she said as she motioned for him to sit down.
Lucas nodded remembering their junior formal."Aww... that was a good night, wasn't it?"for him that night was the night he realized he wanted to be more than just her friend. That night there was no denying it any longer.
Brooke shook her head."No, if I remember correctly that night pretty much sucked, but spending time with you made it bearable."her eyes glistened under the moonlight.
"You too."he agreed giving her the smallest of smiles."So this is your party, what are you doing out here all by yourself?"he questioned turning his body to face her.
Brooke shrugged."I don't really know. This is a great party, but I just feel like I'm over it all. I mean I could be in there getting wasted and making out with some random guy, but I just don't feel like it, you know?"she looked over at him, head tilted to the left. Something she did when she was being serious.
Lucas didn't want to think about her with some random guy. It hurt him just hearing her say it. He was glad she felt the way she did about everything. She tended to get out of hand once the drinking began."I know exactly how you feel Brooke."he offered up.
He wanted her to know that he understood what she was saying. He wanted her to feel as if she could continue their conversation for as long as she needed to." We're not the same kids we once were. We've both grown up so much these past two years. We're not content with getting smashed at a party anymore."he said looking out into the water. He quickly turned back to her when he heard her slight laughter. He was a bit confused."What's so funny?"he questioned.
Brooke smiled at him through her laughter."Since when were you ever content with getting smashed at a party?" she asked once her laughter subsided. She was curious as to what his answer to this question would be. Anything he said would be a riot. Picturing Lucas actually happy getting drunk just wasn't possible.
Lucas took a deep breath before speaking."When I had you in my arms."He answered without even thinking about it. The answer was just that simple. It was the truth. He watched her head quickly shoot his way and he didn't miss the confused look in her eyes. He knew he should just leave it at that, but he couldn't stop himself from saying more."When we were together I could be found happy just staring into space. As long as I had you in my arms everything was okay. You made everything okay. I guess maybe that's why I miss you so much. These past few months have been hell without you Brooke. I hate that I can't pull you into my arms and have you make everything okay."he stopped as the words caught in his throat.
He closed his eyes and took another much needed deep breath. Lucas tensed briefly as he felt Brooke place her hand on his back and gently rub soothing circles on it. He soon relaxed into her touch as he always did. It was funny that Brooke Davis had that calming affect on him.
Brooked looked deeply into Lucas' eyes. She needed him to know that what she was about to say was the truth."Luke, I hate even thinking about everything you've gone through lately. Nobody should have to go through what you have. Nobody should have to tell their mother that the man she found herself in love with once again killed her unborn daughter's father, his own brother."she found herself shaking her head in disgust just thinking about what Dan had done to both Lucas and his poor mother. It literally made her sick.
" If I could, I'd take away all your pain Luke. Yours and Karen's. This is the last thing Karen needed right now. She deserved to be happy for once. I wish that I could make everything better for the both of you. It kills me to know that I can't. All can do is be a friend."she smiled sadly."I hope that's enough."she finished, her voice trembling.
Lucas nodded as he looked down. He loved the fact that Brooke cared about him and his mother enough to want to make them feel better. The bond that she still had with his mother amazed him. He knew he could tell Brooke anything about her and she'd understand. "Do you know that she broke down and fell to the floor crying hysterically when I told her it was Dan that killed Keith? Did you know she was ready to marry him and become a family with him?"
Off Brooke's simple shake of the head he continued." She told me all of that while I held her on the floor. She blames herself for all of this happening. She thinks she's stupid for not being able to see through Dan's act. I couldn't believe what I was hearing Brooke. Not only was she was ready to let Dan raise Keith's kid, but now after she knows the truth she believes this is all her fault."he shook his head furiously.
" I had no idea she and Dan had gotten that close."he found himself getting angry all over again just remembering the look on his broken sobbing mother's face." I never told anyone this, but I seriously contemplated going over there and killing Dan for all the horrible things he'd done. I hated him that much for breaking my mom yet again and for taking away the best person I know."
Lucas paused momentarily as he felt Brooke remove her hand from his back only to find his hand and intertwine their fingers. The small gesture meant the world to him. It gave him the courage to continue and get everything he'd been hiding out in the open.
"You wanna know what stopped me?"he didn't wait for her response before continuing."You did."he said looking into her eyes." I was pacing around my room going over everything in my head when I happened to glance over into my closet. My eyes immediately found your box of letters. My mind went straight to the one where you said despite everything I was still the best person you had ever known and that knowing me in turn made you a better person. I automatically thought about what you would think of me if you knew what I was thinking of doing. I could even picture the look of disappointment etched on your face. You were the only one I thought of and you were the one that stopped me from making the second biggest mistake of my life."he said in a voice more confident than she had ever heard from him sound before.
Brooke sat there watching her hand in his, just taking in all he had to say. Their hands held securely by the other fit so well together. She listened intently to everything he'd said. She couldn't believe everything he was saying. He'd actually thought about killing Dan? That was something she never thought she'd hear. She couldn't believe that he said it was one of her letters that stopped him from making the second biggest mistake of his life. She was the only person he'd told about this. She couldn't help, but be a little happy that he trusted her enough to share this with.
In that moment it meant everything to her, but she still couldn't get her mind off the other thing he'd said. "What was the other biggest mistake of your life?"she asked as she gave his hand a gently reassuring squeeze. Maybe she shouldn't be asking, but she was curious and for some reason she just had to know.
Lucas turned and looked deeply into her green eyes. He'd always loved her eyes. They too had a calming affect on him. When he looked into her eyes he knew everything was going to be okay."The other biggest mistake of my life was letting you go." he said as he swallowed and continued."The day you walked out that door you took my heart with you. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I just couldn't get my brain and mouth to work together. My heart was beating so fast I thought it was gonna explode. I loved you so much Brooke. I still do. I love you more than anything."he said as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers as he continued to look into her eyes." You're still the only one for me Brooke."he whispered as he slowly began to close the remaining gap between them.
In a matter of seconds he captured her lips with his own. In that moment everything felt right. Brooke was here with him and she was allowing him to be this close to her. It was all more than he could ask for.
Brooke sat completely still for a second as Lucas leaned in and kissed her. She allowed herself to briefly reciprocate the kiss before she quickly pulled away from him. This wasn't right. She shouldn't be kissing him no matter how much she wanted to do just that. She knew when she asked him about his other big mistake she shouldn't have. Now he'd said too much. Now he'd went too far. Everything was ruined. Things would have to change now and it was all his fault.
She found herself furious with him for ruining the close friendship they were slowly working on."Don't do that again and don't you dare say those things to me. You can't go around saying things like that Lucas, not when you have a girlfriend that loves you more than anything. You can't kiss me like that. It's not right. Do you know what you've done? What we've done."she quickly got up from the sand and dusted herself off."This was wrong."she said in bewilderment."I can't believe I let that happen. I'm not that person Lucas."she yelled shaking her head violently." I won't be."she stated more firmly as she wiped away the tears that had already streamed down her face.
Lucas too got up and looked at her. He was scared now. He felt her slipping away more so than ever before. He knew that after what he'd made her part of she had to be feeling terrible, guilty even. He too now felt guilty for causing her to do something she was so against. He had to fix this. He had to make her see that everything would be okay if they just worked everything out and got back together. He had to try and make her understand."I'm sorry Brooke. I know I shouldn't have kissed you, but you can't in all honesty stand there and say that it didn't feel good, that it didn't feel right."he spoke firmly."I love you Brooke. With everything that has gone on that has never changed. Kissing you was something I felt I had to do. I'm only sorry that I waited this long to tell you how I feel."
Brooke shook her head, not wanting to hear what he was saying. She felt that if she did she might agree with him and that was not something she was willing to do."That's not the problem Lucas. Kissing you has always felt good, felt right even. That's what it feels like when you're kissing the person you're in love with."she knew she'd just let him know she was still in love with him, but at the moment that was the least of her worries." The problem is Peyton. She's your girlfriend. You can't go around kissing other people all the time Lucas. You chose to be with her, not me. You're supposed love her."said Brooke as she fought back more tears.
"I do love her Brooke, but I know I'm not in love with her."said Lucas never taking his eyes off of Brooke."Do you wanna know how I know that?"he asked not bothering to wait for her response." I know that because I'm in love with you. I never stopped being in love with you."he said as he took a step closer to her.
Brooke took a step back and waved her finger in front of her."No, you chose Peyton."she reaffirmed sadly. He was with Peyton so why was he doing this to her?
Lucas looked down. He knew he was putting Brooke through something confusing and hard, but he couldn't help it any longer. He couldn't continue to live this lie. She needed to know what was in his heart."You chose her for me Brooke."he said barely above a whisper. She had to know it was her push that sent him into the arms of Peyton. All she constantly did was tell him to be with her blonde ex best friend, well that was when she wasn't telling him she didn't love him or when she wouldn't even speak to him.
Remembering all that she'd put him through began to upset him a bit and he allowed that to show as he continued to talk to her." You told me to go be with Peyton after you told me you didn't miss me anymore. That you no longer loved me. What was I supposed to do?"he practically yelled at her." It broke my heart to hear you say those things Brooke. Especially since I still loved you more than ever. Peyton was there and she wanted me. She said she loved me and it felt good after hearing all you had to say, so yeah,"he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly." I went to her. The sad thing is I never really felt the way she did. I just wanted the hurt to go away. It was wrong and I know that now. I keep screwing up. I don't know how to stop. The only time I'm remotely sane is when I'm with you. I'm gonna tell Peyton everything. I just need to know if there's a chance for us. I need to know if there is anyway that you can forgive me. Please say there is."he pleaded.
He knew this time he'd screwed up much worse than the last time, but he also knew that Brooke had the biggest heart and was more forgiving than he or anyone else that hurt her deserved. He hoped that she could see that he was sincere with his words.
The tears continued to fall down Brooke's cheeks.This was so hard for her. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him when he was already hurting so much."I can't say that Luke."she cried."I know that you mean everything you're saying, but that doesn't change anything. I don't think there is a chance for us Lucas. Not now that you've been with Peyton."she said with a sigh." I'm not saying that I don't love you because I do. Everything would be so much easier if I didn't, but I do and I probably always will."she let out as her chin began to quiver." Everything is just different now. Everything has changed. Nothing can be as it once was."
Lucas shook his head furiously."Don't say that!"he shouted. "Don't talk about everything changing. I don't want to hear it. Fuck change Brooke. Fuck it all."he continued to yell causing Brooke to flinch at his harsh words.
Brooke watched as Lucas went off. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or do. She wasn't even sure what had caused his sudden burst of anger."Luke..."she tried to speak, but was immediately cut off.
"No."said Lucas shaking his head at her."I'm serious. I can't hear anymore about how everything has changed. I can't stand the way things always change for the worse. I hate change Brooke. It always brings bad things."he went on to explain.
Brooke still wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, but she felt as if she should at least try and make him feel better. Yes he was screaming and yelling, but she could tell he was sad and hurting. Lucas had this warped idea that all change was bad and that simply wasn't the case."That's not true Luke. Change can be good too."she tried to assure. It was so sad seeing the broken boy in front of her.
Lucas scoffed at her attempt to sway his thinking."Please Brooke. Nothing good has ever come from change. All it ends up doing is hurting everyone and I don't need you to try and tell me otherwise. I'm not in the mood."
Brooke glared back at Lucas. Who did he think he was telling her he wasn't in the mood to hear it? Well she hadn't been in the mood for all this with him to be happening, but he still kissed her and brought this out."I really don't give a damn what you're in the mood for Lucas. You seem to have this warped idea that change is all bad and that just isn't true."
Lucas rolled his eyes at her."Whatever Brooke."he cut her off.
"Lucas please just listen. I hate seeing you like this. I care about you so much. I just want to help."she pleaded with him to let her in.
Lucas shook his head."This is stupid Brooke. This whole conversation about change is just stupid. I'm gonna believe what I believe and that's that. There is nothing you can say to change that. I just don't want to talk about it anymore."he stated more calmly.
Brooke looked at him, but continued."Look, I see where you're coming from Lucas, but will you just think about this? Your whole life has basically just consisted of you and your mom. You two were all each other had, but Luke that's all about to change. Your mom is getting ready to give birth to your baby sister Lucas. That is a huge change. Both of your lives are gonna change and I bet not one thought you've had about your sister being born has been bad. I know you are counting down the days until she arrives. That right there goes against your whole all change is bad mentality."she watched him take in what she was saying.
" And what about the fact that you finished your book? That book got you into a wonderful college Lucas. One that wants to help you publish it."Brooke smiled off his confused look."Yeah, I know all about that. Just because we don't talk doesn't mean that I don't keep up with what is going on with you Lucas."she smiled at him before continuing her rant." Your life is going to change drastically Lucas and I bet the last thing you were thinking when you got the news was that this whole thing is bad."She knew for a fact that when he got the news it brought a smile to his face. Haley was all too happy to share that bit of information with her.
"So you see Lucas not all change is bad. You just seem to focus on the bad things and only bring those things up when trying to convince yourself of this. If you are willing to be open minded than you'll see that it can be 50/50. Open yourself up to positive changes Lucas. Trust me you'll be better off in the long run if you do."she finished not really knowing where all that came from. She wasn't even sure why she'd said anything to begin with. She was supposed to still be angry with him.
Lucas stared contently at her long after she'd finished talking. All this just cemented the fact that they were perfect for each other. She understood him enough to want to get through to him. He had always hated the word change, but now after hearing Brooke's side to it it made a lot of sense. She was right. His life was changing and it wasn't all bad. His sister would soon be making her appearance and he soon with any luck would be a published author. All that seemed to be good things. He just wished that he could have Brooke by his side to go through the changes with.
He knew now more than ever that he really needed her to help him make sense of his life."Thank you Brooke. I don't know how you do it, but you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better. I love that about you. I need you Brooke. I need to be with you. I don't think you understand how much."he said taking a step toward her and taking her hand in his."Please take back what you said and say there still is a chance for us."he pleaded not caring if he sounded desperate. He would give anything just to have her back, even if he had to look like a fool to accomplish that.
Brooke looked down. She hated hurting Lucas. It was as if that was all they did to each other. It was a never ending cycle. It made her sad that Lucas didn't see that they weren't good together. Yes they both loved each other more than either thought possible, but love wasn't always enough and in their case it definitely wasn't."I can't."she whispered sadly." I'm leaving in a few weeks Lucas."she said as she wiped away a few tears."There is just no way we can work. I'm sorry."she breathed out deeply.
He nodded defeatedly. He knew she was right. There was no way they could be together, not when she didn't trust him and was leaving for California in a few short weeks, but knowing all that didn't stop him from wanting it."I keep messing everything up for us. I'm sorry Brooke. Maybe if I wasn't so screwed up then we could be happy. I love you and you love me and we should be able to be together happily. It should be as simple as that."he shook his head not understanding how everything had gotten so messed up.
"Nothing in life is simple Lucas. If it were everyone would be happy."she said with a sad smile.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you Brooke. You're all I think of. You're it Pretty Girl."he finished hoping he could somehow get through to her.
Brooke once again teared up at his words. Everything he was saying was what she longed to hear since the day she walked out on him and now here he was saying it all. The only problem was that she was leaving soon and he was still with Peyton. How was she supposed to be with him when she couldn't even trust him? He was saying all these wonderful things to her when Peyton was somewhere in the house, probably looking for him. It was sad that Lucas was never content with the person he was with.
"Well look at it this way Luke."started Brooke waiting to get his full attention. She continued once he was looking at her."At least you didn't make the mistake of breaking up with Peyton before I told you we couldn't be together. You'll still have her when everything is said and done."she finished still really upset that Lucas had done all this, said all this while he was still with her. Sure she and Peyton weren't really friends anymore, but still nobody deserved for their boyfriend to be professing his undying love to another girl. It was wrong and she really wished Lucas would see that.
Lucas looked down at her words. He couldn't believe that once again he'd forgotten about Peyton. He was such a bastard for doing this to her, but at the same time he felt as if all this had to be done. Brooke was leaving soon and she needed to know everything. The only thing he regretted was not breaking things off with Peyton before talking with Brooke. He knew that being with her was a part of the reason Brooke wasn't ready to give him one last chance. She couldn't trust that he wouldn't do the same thing to her one day and he didn't blame her one bit. He'd really shot himself in the foot with this."I'm gonna tell her everything Brooke. It isn't fair not to. She deserves to know how I feel. She deserves to know that I can't be with her anymore."
"So, you're just gonna hurt her like that? That's just great Luke."said Brooke with a shake of the head.
Lucas narrowed his eyes at her."I don't want to hurt her Brooke, but I have to do this. I can't continue to be with her when I don't feel the way she does. I'm in love with you, not her. It wouldn't be right and I can't continue to lie to her."
Brooke nodded knowing he was right. It just sucked that everyone involved was gonna end up hurt. Life really did suck sometimes."You're right. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if Peyton didn't know everything. We're no where near best friends, but she deserves better than this even after everything she's done to me. I mean you'd think I wouldn't care, but I do. I..."she stopped suddenly as Lucas' cell began to ring. There was no doubt in her mind that it was Peyton."You should go. Peyton must be worried sick. You've been out here with me for way too long."said Brooke as she turned away from Lucas to look out onto the waves. Tears were once again forming in her eyes and she didn't want him to know she was now crying over him.
Lucas watched her turn away from him. He knew from the sound of her voice that she'd begun to cry, but was trying to hide it from him."Brooke I..."
"Lucas don't, just go. I can't hear anymore."she yelled still not looking at him. This was all too much for her. She loved him more than anything. She wanted to be with him just as bad as he wanted to be with her. It was like he said they loved each other and should be together. It really should be that simple. But it wasn't. Nothing in her life was simple. There was no way this was going to change that.
He gave her a sad smile as he began to walk back to the loud beach house. Once he was almost to the house he stopped and turned to look at her. He watched her sink back to the sand and pull her knees up to her chest. He wanted more than anything to run over to her and pull her into his arms and hold her all night, but that wasn't possible. He needed to talk to Peyton and it couldn't wait any longer.
Lucas searched the house for Peyton. He hadn't answered her call so he had no clue where she was. He spotted Haley with Nathan in a corner nearby and made a beeline for them. He gently pulled Haley's arm and leaned in close to her ear."Have you seen Peyton?"he asked her.
Haley pulled away slightly and nodded."Yeah she's looking for you Luke. She's pretty pissed too. I guess she's been looking for a while. Where've you been?"she asked tilting her head to the side curiously.
Lucas shook his head not bothering to answer."Look just tell me if you know where she is."he said a bit frustrated. He wasn't sure why he was being this way. He really shouldn't be in any rush to break things off with his girlfriend, but he was. In his head he felt that once it was over he could go back to Brooke and she would take him back. It was a crazy idea, but it was still there.
Haley's eyes brows furrowed. Lucas was acting strange, more so than he had been recently."Yeah, she said if I saw you to tell you she is out front trying to call you."she watched Lucas give her a small nod before immediately turning in the direction of the front door. Haley quickly grabbed a hold of his arm."Hey, is everything okay?"she asked a bit worried.
Lucas once again gave her a nod."I just really need to talk to her."he said before removing himself from her hold and going in search of Peyton.
Peyton quickly turned around once she heard the door open. She flipped her phone shut and gave him an angry glare."Where the hell have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere. I thought you'd ditched me or something."
Lucas looked at her. He hated that he had to hurt her, but he just didn't see any other way."You know I would never leave without telling you."he said beginning to feel guilty.
Peyton's frown turned into a smile instantly."I know. I just couldn't find you and I got worried."she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist."See."she said giving him a gentle squeeze."This was what I've been dying to do since I lost you earlier. I missed you Boyfriend."said Peyton contently.
Lucas' head shot down to the girl in front of him. Since when did she start calling him Boyfriend? Nicknames and especially that one were what Brooke did. He loved hearing Brooke call him Boyfriend. He'd even told her so once before. Hearing Peyton say it only made him feel as if this was what was best. He knew if he stayed with Peyton feeling the way he did about Brooke he would always be comparing her to Brooke. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. This was something that had to be done and as soon as possible.
Lucas slowly pulled out of her grasp. He watched a confused look cross her pretty face. He really did hate the fact that he was about to hurt her."Can we talk Peyton?"he asked a bit tensely.
Peyton furrowed her eyes in confusion."Is everything okay Luke? You don't look too good."she suddenly placed a hand over his forehead to see if he had a fever.
Lucas moved away from her once again."No, I'm fine. I just think we should talk."he said softly.
Peyton continued to look at him intently."Yeah, okay. What's up?"
Lucas took his position in front of her and closed his eyes trying to find the easiest way of doing this. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking at her."You know I love you right?"he questioned.
Peyton nodded."I love you too Lucas. Where's this coming from?"this conversation didn't sound good and she could feel that it was only gonna get worse.
"I do love you Peyton and I know that you love me as well and that's what makes this so hard."he paused as he took in the now sad expression on Peyton's face. She knew what was coming next.
Peyton shook her head quickly."I don't get it Lucas. What are you doing? I thought we were happy."she had never been more confused. It sounded as if he was about to break up with her which made no sense at all. Sure he'd been moody and distant lately, but she just chalked it up to him hurting over his uncle. She never not once considered it was because he no longer wanted to be with her.
Lucas looked down. He really didn't want to hurt her."I'm sorry Peyton. I know this is hard, I just don't think you and I should be together right now. It doesn't feel right."he concluded.
"It feels right to me Luke. I love you. I don't understand. I thought you wanted to be with me too."she couldn't believe the things coming out of her mouth. She knew she sound like some pathetic weak little girl pleading with her boyfriend not to dump her, but right now she really didn't care. She was losing Lucas and that was the last thing she wanted.
Lucas let out a sad sigh."I thought that was what I wanted too. I really did, but now it just feels wrong. I shouldn't be with you when I'm in love with..."he stopped himself before he said too much, though he was sure it was still too late. Peyton wasn't stupid. He hadn't planned on saying anything about Brooke. It just slipped out in his explanation. He watched as Peyton's eyes grew from confused and hurt to recognition and anger.
She knew what this was all about now.
Peyton shook her head furiously once Lucas let it slip that he was still in love with Brooke. Sure he'd stopped himself before saying her name but she knew she was who he was talking about."I should have know this was about Brooke. I can't believe that you are still hung up on her. She wants nothing to do with you Lucas. She doesn't want anything to do with either one of us."she paused momentarily as if piecing together yet another piece of the puzzle."Unless that has changed. Has that changed Lucas? Wait a second... Were you with her just now? You were weren't you?"Peyton watched as Lucas looked guilty." All this time I was looking for you worried you were off somewhere with Brooke?"she spit out her name as if it might burn her tongue."I can't believe you Lucas. How long have you two been sneaking around?"she questioned. She knew she shouldn't be mad. She and Lucas had done it to Brooke so in a way she deserved it, but still it hurt like hell.
Lucas looked her in the eye and shook his head."We haven't been sneaking around Peyton. That's not why I'm doing this. You're right she still wants nothing to do with me. She let me know just that right now. I just don't think we should be together right now. It doesn't feel right and I don't really want to do something that my heart isn't into. You deserve more than someone who has his mind on someone else."
Peyton just looked at him. It hurt hearing him say these things. How dare he stand there and tell her his heart was with Brooke and not with her? Who the hell did he think he was? Had he just been using her to try and get over Brooke? Why was he telling her this now? Was he breaking up with her to be with Brooke?
She had so many questions swirling around her head. Something had to have happened with Brooke for him to be breaking up with her now. He'd been gone for a long time. She quickly began to get upset at the thought of Lucas being with Brooke all the while she was worrying about where he was. Before she knew what was happening her hand shot out and glided across his cheek."You really are a bastard Lucas. You and Brooke both."she shook her head."I can't believe after everything Brooke would do this."
" Brooke didn't do anything. She wants nothing to do with me. Yes, I told her I loved her and she told me to come and be with you. You can hate me all you want Peyton, but Brooke didn't do anything wrong. After everything that has happened she still cares about you and you're feelings."finished Lucas knowing that all that probably fell on deaf ears. It tended to be like that with girls.
Peyton listened to what Lucas was saying. It all made sense. She couldn't see Brooke messing behind her back or anyone else's for that matter, but right now she really wasn't in any mood to be open minded about the girl the guy she was in love with wanted to be with."Whatever Lucas. You two can kiss my ass. You got your wish. We are so through."she gave him one final cold stare before turning and walking in the direction of her car.
Lucas had never hated himself as much as he did right at that moment. He knew Brooke was out on the beach hurting because of him and now Peyton was off in her car hurting just as much because of him. Peyton was right. He really was a bastard for doing all this. He hoped that all the hurt and pain he'd caused would heal soon.
Both girls deserved better than him. He just wished Brooke would give him one last change to prove to her that he could be a better person. That he could be the guy for her. He knew all about Brooke's insecurities about he and Peyton, so the fact that he had actually been with Peyton and in the end still wanted to be with her should count for something. Brooke would now know that he didn't want to be with Peyton. That it was only her that he wanted. He knew it was all true, but somehow he just didn't see Brooke seeing it that way at all. He would have to make her see it his way. Once she did then they could be together with nothing hanging over them, threatening to ruin everything they worked so hard to build.
Lucas took one last look in the direction Peyton ran off to before quickly turning around and making his way back to the beach and the girl he had to win back. She was right where he left her, still looking out onto the water. He steadily made his way to her."Brooke."he called out once he was almost to her.
Brooke quickly turned her head once she heard her name. Lucas was very persistent tonight. She had to give him that, but persistence didn't mean a thing to her. She turned back around away from him."What do you want Lucas? I thought we were done already."she said not bothering to look at him.
"We're never gonna be done Brooke. You should know that by now."was his reply.
Brooke rolled her eyes at his reply. He would say something cheesy like that. It would be a lie if she said hearing it didn't make her want to smile, but she couldn't. They had just done this. It wasn't right."Did you find your girlfriend?"she asked once again putting Peyton between them. The place she'd always been.
"Ex girlfriend."said Lucas walking over to stand in front of her."I broke up with her."he looked down at her wanting to see the expression on her face at his news. He hoped he'd see relief and happiness, but he didn't see anything like that. She looked as if he had just told her the weather.
Brooke couldn't believe he had actually done it. She figured that once she told him there was no chance for them that he would just stay with Peyton, but obviously she'd been wrong. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel or how she was supposed to take this information. On one hand she wanted to jump into his arms and tell him that now they could be together, but then the other more logical part of her knew that couldn't be done. The fact that he'd broken up with Peyton wasn't the magical fix for them. If anything it made everything worse. She'd be just as bad as Peyton. Jumping at the chance to be with Lucas no matter that he just broke up with his girlfriend. No, that just couldn't happen.
Brooke shrugged her shoulders as she looked up at him."So?"she questioned as if she could care less about what he'd just said.
Lucas looked at her a little hurt that she didn't seem to care in the least."Brooke."he started.
Brooke stood up and shook her head."No Lucas. Look I told you before you left that you breaking up with Peyton would change anything for us. We aren't getting back together. I really wish that you would accept that."she let out a sigh.
"How am I supposed to accept something that neither of us want? I know you want to be with me just as much as I want to be with you Brooke. Why can't you just admit it?"he yelled out frustrated at how things were turning out. He should have know this was what was going to happen, but still it was getting to him.
"Lucas I already told you that I still loved you. It has nothing to do with not wanting to admit anything. It has to do with the fact that I can no longer trust you. I can't get over the fact that you were with Peyton and I don't think I will ever get over that. I'm sorry I'm not giving you what you want, but I have to think about myself now and right now my life doesn't have room for you in it as anything more than a friend. I hope you can respect that Lucas."she said turning and walking off the beach. Being around Lucas like this was too much. It all made her feel too much.
Lucas watched her walk away from him yet again. It was becoming a pattern with them, but at least she couldn't say that he didn't fight for her. He wanted to be with her more than anything, but she didn't want him. He would have to accept that no matter how much it hurt him. She was right he had to respect her wishes. Everything was his fault anyways.
"Lets see, ticket...check...luggage...check...Victoria Secret paper work...check."said Brooke aloud smiling at the fact that she was working with a major company.
"Well it seems like you have everything you need."said Haley sadly as she watched Brooke set everything at the door. It was all so real now. Brooke was leaving for California and she wasn't sure when she'd see her again. The three weeks that had past since the beach party had flown by and now it was all ending.
"Yeah, I like to be prepared. There is no way I can just fly back if I forget something."she smiled at her friend.
"You could."said Haley with a small smile of her own.
"No, this way with everything packed and ready to go all I have to do is get dressed tomorrow and then head to the airport."she said as if she were brilliant for being as prepared for her departure as she was.
"I really wish you would let me and Nathan take you to the airport."said Haley pouting. She really was going to miss her friend. If anyone would have told her her freshman year that she would be in near tears over Brooke moving away she'd have laughed in your face. Being this close to Brooke was a surprise, one that she wasn't anticipating but was happy to have.
Brooke shook her head."I already told you that wasn't a good idea. I want us to say our goodbyes here tonight. If you take me tomorrow morning we'll both end up a big crying mess and that's the last thing I want. I can't handle being that sad on the plane. I hope you understand Hales."she said with her best attempt at a smile. This was all too much for her. She hated having to leave her friends.
Haley nodded."I do understand. I hate it, but I understand. I'm just gonna miss you so much. I love you Brooke and I hate having to say goodbye. I don't want you to go. There. I said it. I don't want you to go and with that said you better go and be a huge hit in the fashion world. I want everything for you Brooke. You go out there and get it."smiled Haley through tears.
Brooke swiped at a few tears of her own before pulling Haley into a hug."I am going to miss you the most Haley James Scott. And you needn't worry your pretty little head. I am going to take California and Victoria Secret by storm. They won't know what hit them until everyone is wearing something by Clothes over Bros."she said with a laugh.
"You do that."said Haley pulling Brooke into an even tighter hug.
The girls quickly pulled apart as they heard a third person clear their throat from the doorway. They looked to see a very uncomfortable looking Peyton standing there."Hey guys."she said not daring to enter the apartment fully.
Brooke looked at her former best friend not sure exactly why she was there. They hadn't had an actual conversation with each other in over a month."Hey Peyt. What are you doing here?"she questioned.
Peyton shrugged her shoulders."I knew you were leaving tomorrow and it just felt wrong not saying goodbye."she said looking up from the floor and over to her one time best friend.
Haley smiled at both girls. She'd been secretly hoping they'd get over their stubbornness and say a proper goodbye before they both regretted it."Well in that case I should get going. My husband is waiting for me anyways."she turned to Brooke and pulled her in for one final hug."You are going to be great. You are going to do amazing things over there. I just know it. I love you Brooke and you better call me the second you land. Do you hear me?"she scolded. She'd learned early on how easily Brooke got distracted.
Brooke pulled out of the hug briefly to roll her eyes at the brunette in front of her before giving her a final hug of her own."I am gonna miss you Tutor Mom. I love you."
Haley smiled at Brooke before heading toward the door."I mean it Brooke. Call me."she finished.
"I will."smiled Brooke as Haley made it out the door. She turned her attention to Peyton who still stood planted in the doorway."Well you better come inside if you're gonna say goodbye."said Brooke as she waved the blonde in.
Peyton gave her an uncomfortable smile before entering."So what time is your flight?"she asked hoping the light conversation would help change the slightly uncomfortable mood.
"7:00 am."she took in Peyton's widened eyes."I know, it's really early, but the sooner I get to Cali the better. I have meetings all day the next morning so I need to get a good nights sleep."
"I bet."said Peyton stepping closer to Brooke."You know, I still can't believe you've made it. You're doing something for yourself that you are good at and I am so proud of you Brooke. There is no way that I could be as strong as you. You're one brave bitch."smiled Peyton.
Brooke found herself smiling as well."Well I try to be."she laughed."I'm not gonna stand here and lie and say I'm not scared because I am. I am terrified of all the changes that I'm about to go through. A part of me just wants to stay here and go to a community college and be with the people I love."she confessed. She hadn't told anyone of her actual fears. Peyton was the first and it felt right sharing these things with only her.
"If you did that, gave all this up, I might have to kick your ass. This is one hell of an opportunity Brooke. How many teenagers can say they got the chance to work in California with Victoria Secret right out of high school? You'd be crazy to give this up for anything."she assured.
Brooke nodded."I know that and I'm not about to give this up, but I can't help but think about what I'm leaving behind."she said as she felt her eyes begin to water. Going off to better yourself shouldn't be this hard.
Peyton looked around the apartment. Anything to keep her eyes away from Brooke."You mean Lucas?"she asked daring herself to look Brooke in the eyes.
Brooke looked at Peyton not sure what she was getting at. The last thing she wanted was a fight."Lucas?"she shook her head."No, this has nothing to do with him."she said trying to convince herself more so than Peyton at this point. Lucas had been the one person to occupy her thoughts nonstop these past few weeks.
"It's okay if it does. He's been a huge part of your life for a really long time Brooke. You two love each other. It would be wrong not to consider him in this decision."this was so hard for her. She still loved Lucas more than ever, but she knew his heart was where it had always been.
With Brooke.
She'd watched him these past few week looking more defeated and withdrawn than she'd ever seen him. It had to be because of Brooke. Not once had she seen them together these past few weeks. It was safe to say that they hadn't gotten back together since he'd broken up with her. That had puzzled her.
Lucas let her know that he wanted to be with Brooke so the fact that they weren't together had to be because of Brooke herself. It had surprised her at first, but once she thought about it it really made sense. Brooke wasn't the type of person to go after her friend's boyfriend. Even with them not being actual friends Brooke wouldn't do that. That meant a lot to Peyton. It meant that deep down Brooke still cared. That's why she herself was here right now. To do the right thing. Brooke had done the right thing for her months back and now it was her turn to return the favor. It would be wrong not to do this.
Brooke shook her head adamantly."That's not true. I don't love him and he had no part in my decision to stay or go."she finished hoping that Peyton would believe her lies.
Peyton rolled her eyes at her former best friend."You're not seriously gonna stand there and try that bull shit with me, are you? I know you and I know Lucas. And no matter how much I tried to fight it and change it, you two still belong together. You're the real thing."she said shrugging.
"Peyton I..."started Brooke.
"No, listen Brooke you can stand here and lie to yourself, but it won't change anything. The fact that you're even thinking about leaving without saying goodbye to Lucas is killing you. Don't do it. I know he means too much to you for you to let that happen. Talk to him, even if it's just to say bye, do it. You'll regret it if you don't."
Brooke watched Peyton as she said what she did. She tried to see if there was any bitterness in the blonde, but she saw nothing."Why are you doing this? Why are you telling me all this? I know you're still in love with him too."she was so confused at this point.
Peyton nodded at Brooke's words."You're right. I do still love him, but I also know that he loves you. He always has."she looked down not sure what else to say."I don't know what I was thinking. I guess Lucas was just this thought, this idea in my head of the perfect guy. Don't get me wrong, he is the perfect guy, but for you. Not me. I guess I was just trying to recreate something that never really was. I shouldn't have interfered with what you two had. It was wrong and I'm sorry Brooke. I owe you the biggest apology known to man. I knew that when I told you I was in love with him that you would break up with him. It was what I was hoping for and I'm sorry. It was wrong and I know it. Don't let my stupid selfish actions cost you your chance at happiness with the guy you love. Go to him Brooke. Tell Lucas how you feel. At the very least don't leave without talking to him."
Brooke closed her eyes at her friends words. She allowed the tears to fall. Hearing all this was too much. Peyton had admitted why she did what she did and that she knew it was wrong. It was like a weight had been lifted from their non friendship. She hadn't realized until now how much she actually missed her best friend."What good is it gonna do Peyt? I'm still gonna leave in the end. It's like you said. I'd be crazy to give all this up. I can't do it."she said as she took a deep breath trying to control her crying.
Peyton's heart broke at the sight before her. Brooke was so sad and broken it was killing her. She shouldn't be feeling like this, not when she had the opportunity of a lifetime waiting for her. As much as she knew Brooke was hurting she knew it would be a million times worse if she allowed herself to leave without talking to Lucas first." I'm not saying give anything up Brooke. I wouldn't tell you to do that. All I'm saying is go talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Let him tell you how he feels. Do it for the both of you."finished Peyton with a sad smile.
Brooke let out a sigh."What about you? How can I go to him when I know you still love him?"she took a step toward her once best friend.
Peyton too took a step toward Brooke and took Brooke's hand in her own."I will always love Lucas Brooke. He's a good guy, but don't not do this because of me. He's not the guy for me and I'm okay with that. He's always been your guy. So even if it's just to tell him bye go to him."
Brooke nodded before pulling Peyton into her arms."I love you so much Peyt. Even after everything that has happened I'm gonna miss you."she sobbed.
Peyton smiled into Brooke's shoulder."I'm gonna miss you too Brooke. I'm sure this won't be the last we see each other. You've grown up so much Brooke and I couldn't be prouder."she let out a small laugh.
Brooke pulled away slightly to look at her."We've both grown up P. Sawyer."she said as she gave her a final hug before letting go and making her way toward the door." Thank you."
Peyton shrugged."I'm just returning the favor now get out of here."she smiled through tears of her own.
Brooke nodded as she walked through the door.
Peyton stood and watched her friend leave in search of the guy she still loved.
It felt good doing the right thing.