Out of this world cravings

Disclaimer: Vision of Escaflowne ain't mine. But Van is, hehe.

Spin off from Pillar of Light. Occurs one year after. A little bit on the limey side. This is another lame attempt on my part in humor. And to tell you the truth, I have a different sense of humor than most people. I find ironies very funny, as can be seen from my other humor fics. If you don't find it funny, well, uhh, umm, HEY! I think I saw Van naked running over there [points at something. When audience turned to look, Neesah sneaked out and ran away]. For comments, suggestions, flames or reviews you can email me at [email protected].


Out of this world cravings
by Neesah



It was an exhausting day. Though tired, Van was smiling as he walked through the Palace Corridors. Well, all of Fanelia mirrored the same happiness this past week. He entered the royal bedchamber and saw Hitomi plopped against the pillows, reading a book. She looked up and smiled upon seeing him. Van smiled back, heading towards her side. He leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth.

When they pulled apart, Van asked, "How's my Queen?" He reached out to pat her still small tummy then added, "And my little prince?"

"We're both fine," Hitomi replied. She then cocked an eyebrow. "How come you refer to our baby as a prince, not a princess?"

"I just know," Van answered, sitting down beside her. He took the book from her hands and placed it on the bedside table. He traced her cheek with his finger, his eyes locked onto hers. He slowly leaned over to capture her lips. Hitomi closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Van pressed his body against her, his lips traveling down her neck. He was drowning in her.

"Van." No answer. "Van."

Hitomi's voice finally penetrated his consciousness, causing him to lift his head. "Huh?" he said somewhat languidly.

Hitomi gave him a sheepish grin as she ran a hand through his unruly hair. "Umm, Van, I want, uhh, can you…"

Van took her other hand and gently kissed it. "What do you want, Hitomi? You know that I'll give anything you wish."

Hitomi took a deep breath then said, "Can you get me a cookies 'n cream ice cream?"

Van frowned. "What?"

Hitomi pouted. "I want a cookies 'n cream ice cream."

Van scratched his head. "What's a cookies 'n cream ice cream?"

"It was the dessert we ate yesterday when we went to the Mystic Moon to visit and tell Mom, Dad, my little brother, Amano and Yukari that I'm 3 months pregnant, remember? The cold, sweet, creamy, white with specks of black thing?"

"Oh that. That was really good," Van said. Then it hit him. "You mean to tell me that I have to go to the Mystic Moon to get that thing?!"

Hitomi looked at him sweetly. "Yes. Please?"

"Why this sudden urge for it? And of all times, why now when we're --- er, in the middle of something?"

"I don't know. I suddenly felt the urge to eat it just now."

"You felt the urge to eat ice cream while we're kissing?!" Van asked incredulously. "My kiss reminded you of that cold, sweat, creamy, white with specks of black thing?!"

Hitomi grinned at him sheepishly again. "Among other things."

Van couldn't believe it. Oh, boy. I'm really losing my touch. My kiss should cause her to feel some 'urges' but not the urge to eat dessert. His dismal thoughts disappeared when realization dawned on him. Oh. Must be the craving thing pregnant women experience, he thought happily. He wasn't losing his touch afterall. He leaned down again to kiss her eyes, then the tip of her nose. "Ok. I'll get you your ice cream. But can I go to the Mystic Moon after we're 'done' here?" he asked as his lips traveled to her ear. "I want you now," he whispered huskily.

"I'm sorry, Van. I want that ice cream right now too." Hitomi then ran a finger from his chest downwards. Shecould feel him reacting to her touch. "And I promise that once my craving is satisfied, I'll satisfy yours," she added seductively, reaching further down.

Van sighed when Hitomi stopped what she was doing. He knew that he had no other choice but to do what Hitomi was asking of him now so he could get some later. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Van gave her one last kiss before standing up. "Ok. You win. Where and how can I get this ice cream of yours?"

"Remember the place we went into to buy food? The one just a block away from my parents' house? They sell it there. You've seen me buy stuff there too right? After finding what you're looking for, you go to the counter and pay for the ice cream. I have some Earth money in my purse. And from our frequent visits, you've learned how to understand, read and speak Earth language a little, so there wouldn't be any problems." Hitomi reached out to the bedside table to get a pad of paper and a pen. She wrote down 'cookies 'n cream' then gave it to Van. "There. Compare the words to the label. And don't bring your sword."

Van put the paper to his pocket then went to the dresser to get money. "I'll be back shortly. I hope you're ready for me by then." With a last wave of goodbye, he strode out of the room.



After being transported by a pillar of light, Van found himself in front of the P-A-V-I-L-I-O-N-S. This is the food place alright, he confirmed. He stood still for a moment, a little apprehensive. True, he had been there many times before, but always, someone was with him--- Hitomi, his brother-in-law or Amano. Baka! You've slain a dragon, made a blood pact with Escaflowne so you can pilot it, talked with the dead and almost died yourself several times then won the war! You shouldn't be afraid of going inside a store to buy ice cream! the soldier in him silently reprimanded. And if you don't hurry, you might just not get some tonight! he added as an afterthought.

Well, he sure did bring up some interesting points there (Soldier in him: Of course I did! I'm an exceptional soldier and the King of Fanelia bwahahahahaha!). Van shook his head to make the mad laughing noise inside go away. I think post-war trauma is finally getting to me after all these years, he thought. Returning to his present predicament, Van squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and confidently made his way inside.

Inside the store, he walked around, looking for the frozen food section. Ice cream is a frozen food so they must have placed it in the frozen food section, he reasoned. Finally, he reached the cold place with the big glass doors. This must be it. He took out the paper in his pocket and compared what Hitomi had written there with the ice cream labels. Finding a match, he opened the glass door, took out the container and headed to the counter.

Minutes later, Van emerged from the store carrying a bag with one container of cookies 'n cream ice cream in it. "That was easy," he remarked to himself. He touched his pendant, afterwhich, a pillar of light swallowed him and took him home.



Humming, Van entered the royal bedchamber, carrying the ice cream in one hand, a bowl with a spoon in the other. He placed them on top of the bedside table and started scooping some on the bowl.

"Here you go. One cookies 'n cream ice cream," he said with a smile, handing her the bowl.

Hitomi eagerly accepted it. She scooped up some and was about to eat it when the spoon stopped midway from her mouth. She put her hand down and placed the bowl on the table.

Van frowned. "Why? What's wrong? Did I make a mistake?"

"I don't feel like eating it anymore."

Van blinked. She didn't feel like eating it anymore? But he went all the way to the Mystic Moon for that! And more importantly, he got interrupted with what he was doing earlier just to buy that thing! Oh well, he shrugged. He just had to make the best of the present situation.

"That's ok. Anyways, it's time that I take you on your promise," he said huskily as he sat down beside her. He was leaning down towards her when Hitomi suddenly said, "I don't think so, buddy. You haven't satisfied my cravings yet."

Van repressed the groan coming from his throat. "I went to buy you ice cream," he pointed out.

"Yes you did, my little pumpkin pie," Hitomi cooed, tousling his hair. "But I crave something different now. I want a Del Taco Burrito."

"What?!" Van exclaimed.

Hitomi's eyes became slits. "Are you deaf! I want a Del Taco Burrito right now!" Van jumped out of the bed and stared at his wife with a scared expression. Hitomi came to her senses and smiled sheepishly at him. "Umm, sorry about that. I don't know where that came from. Anyways, you should go and get me that burrito. It's a popular Mystic Moon belief that if a pregnant lady's cravings weren't satisfied, the child will be born deformed. You don't want our child to be deformed now, do you?"

Van shook his head. It was a popular belief in Gaea too.

"So what are you waiting for?! Don't just stand there! Go! They might be open 24 hours but my patience won't last that long!" Hitomi yelled. Van hastily ran out of the room.

Geez. Aside from the bizaare cravings, I had to deal with the mood swings too, he thought as he ran out of the palace. Who said that being a father is easy? Just when he was about to wish on the pendant did he realize that he forgot something. He forgot to ask Hitomi where the hell would he find that Del Taco Burrito! You dolt! How could you forget something as important as that? Honestly, he knew how. He was so shocked at Hitomi's behavior (not to mention scared too) that he just wanted to get the hell out of there and give her what she wanted, for his sake. He couldn't risk going back to ask her now, could he? Nah. Fanelia still needs a King. I'll think of something. And with that, he disappeared in a pillar of light.



Yukari moaned as she felt her husband's lips made a hot trail from her neck down to the top of her chest, his hands reaching out to unclasp her bra. Amano's hands suddenly stilled when they heard the doorbell.

Amano groaned. Yukari just gave birth 2 months ago and this was the first time that they would have the chance to 'enjoy' each other again after months of abstinence. The doorbell rang again. He grudgingly stood up and put on a shirt. "Who could that be?" he grumbled. He turned to his wife and said, "I'll be back," then went downstairs to open the door (and more or less kill the f-----g bastard that disturbed them). This better be important...

"Van!" he exclaimed when he opened the door. "What are you doing here? Where's Hitomi? Is she in danger?" Amano asked one after the other.

Van had a hard time understanding his words because he had said them too quickly but he eventually grasped what he meant. He searched for the right words to answer him. "No danger. She's at the Palace. She wants a Del Taco Burrito. That's why I'm here."

Amano smiled as he understood what was happening. "Cravings eh? I just graduated from that myself. I'll go upstairs to change quickly then I'll take you where you can buy it. Do you have money?"

Van nodded. "I already went here earlier to buy ice cream. But she lost the craving for it and asked for that other thing. She yelled at me so I didn't have time to ask her where to get it."

"I see. Come in. I'll be down in a minute."



That wasn't the last time Amano and Yukari got interrupted that night. Because Hitomi had the habit of changing her mind just as Van was handing her what she asked earlier and yelling at him to hurry up in getting what she 'presently' wanted, Van had to constantly 'ask' Amano's assistance. Amano, on the other hand, was getting cranky (who wouldn't?) with the constant interruption so he drew a map of all the places where Van could get what Hitomi would possibly ask for. Amano gave it to Van when the latter had to get something called 'sushi' for Hitomi.



Van entered their room for the umpteenth time that night and handed a bag of 'chicken chow mein' to Hitomi, expecting her to place it with the other food 'rejects' and ask for another. But to his amazement, Hitomi opened the box, took out the chopsticks and started eating. Van sighed in relief and plopped down on the bed. This had been one long, tiring night. Going back and forth between two worlds was more tiring than fighting a lot of guymelefs all at once. He would rather face Dilandau in battle than go through that ordeal over again. But he knew that was just wishful thinking. Hitomi would continue to have cravings and since she wasn't from Gaea, she would ask for food only found in the Mystic Moon. Besides, even if he wanted to, he couldn't fight Dilandau any longer since he had reverted back to Celena years ago. Allen would kill him if he would ask Celena to fight. What rotten luck, Van thought. He let out a yawn. He looked at Hitomi and seeing that she was still eating happily thought, Well, I could rest for a few minutes while she's eating. With that, he closed his eyes.

Hitomi sighed contentedly after finishing her meal. Satisfied, she said, "Van, honey, your tur---" she trailed off as she saw him sprawled on the bed, sound asleep. She brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face and kissed him gently on the lips. She knew that he was spent trying to satisfy her cravings all night and she felt guilty. But she couldn't help it. And to repay him, she thought it best to just let him rest. Oh well. I could just fulfill my promise to him tomorrow, she thought with a grin. She stood up and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Afterwards she turned off the lights, lied down and snuggled closer to him. Van unconsciously wrapped his arm around her. Hitomi smiled then drifted off to sleep.



The next day…

"Van. Van, wake up."

Van slowly opened his eyes and smiled when he saw a pair of beautiful green eyes looking down on him. Then he noticed the sun's early rays seeping through the window. He jolted into a sitting position exclaiming, "What?! It's morning already!"

Hitomi wrapped her arms around him. "Sorry if I didn't wake you up after I finished eating last night. You look so peaceful sleeping there and I know you're tired. Thanks for buying all those food for me, Van. I really appreciate it."

Van couldn't believe it. What kind of twisted fate is this? he silently asked as he looked up the ceiling. He went to all that trouble and just when he finally satisfied her cravings, he slept throughout the night and didn't get any?!!! He was still wallowing in self-pity when he felt Hitomi's breath by his ear. "Don't worry. I intend to keep my promise," she said seductively.

Van's eyes lit up. He was leaning down towards her when she said, "Umm, but…" She trailed off, looking sheepish.

Van inwardly groaned. Whenever he thought that things were finally going in his favor, only at the last minute would he find out how wrong he was. That was the 3rd time since last night that he was interrupted with what he was planning to do with his wife, by his own wife! Brushing all his grim thoughts away, he solemnly looked at her face. He loved her so much that he would do anything to make her happy. Even put her needs above his own. Sighing, he said, "Ok. Tell me what you want and I will get it for you." Please ask for something that I could find here in Gaea. Please ask for something that I could find here in Gaea. Please ask for something that I could find here in Gaea, his mind repeatedly chanted.

Hitomi smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I want a watermelon."

Whoa. This must be his lucky day. A watermelon, woohoo! the soldier in him yelled in jubilation as he did cartwheels. Van shook his head to erase the mental picture. He couldn't blame him though. Watermelons were not indigenous to the Mystic Moon, there were watermelons in Gaea too. Actually, it was watermelon season in Fanelia right now.

Van immediately jumped out of bed to run out of the room and do her bidding when she added, "A blue watermelon."

Van tripped and fell face first on the marble floor. He stood up and faced his wife. "A b-blue watermelon?" he croaked out.

Hitomi nodded. "Yup. Blue in the outside and blue in the inside. Though I don't require the seeds to be blue too."

He looked at her disbelievingly. Blue watermelon? Where on Gaea or the Mystic moon could I get that? But he knew that he had to procure one or else he wouldn't be getting any today. Oh well, time to be creative. "One blue watermelon coming up!" he told her before running out of the room.

Hitomi lied down again and patted her stomach. "Your Daddy is the greatest, isn't he sweetie?"



Merle was walking towards the kitchen when she heard the ruckus about the Queen wanting a blue watermelon. She entered and saw Van busy painting the watermelon's skin blue. Afterwards, he cut it open and used an edible dye to color the watermelon's insides. Merle smiled. She walked over to him and said, "Very smart, if I do say so myself."

"Thank you, Merle," he replied, pleased with himself.

Merle grinned mischievously. "Hmm, but I don't know. You might run out of ideas, seeing that Hitomi is just 3 months pregnant. You still have a long way to go, Lord Van."

Van paled. Then a shout echoed inside the Palace. "WHERE'S MY WATERMELON!! I WANT IT NOW!!"

Van hurriedly took the plate and ran upstairs, summoning the old Atlantean power residing in his blood to make wishes come true --- to make his wish come true. Please let it be a boy so I don't have to make Hitomi pregnant again.



After Hitomi finished eating the blue watermelon (which, according to her, tasted just like a regular watermelon), she finally fulfilled her promise to Van. Twice.

Van rolled over and lied down beside her. "That was nice," he remarked with a sly grin.

Hitomi rolled on her belly and traced a finger on his bare chest. "Are we even then, hmm?"

"Yup," he answered, kissing her on the forehead.

"In that case, can you get me a chili corn dog? Oh, with extra mustard please."

Van fell off the bed.

Ah, the joys of pregnancy.