What if…
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Phantom of the Opera'
Warning: Very OoC. Also a lot of Raoul bashing, some Christine bashing and I make fun of Erik a little bit too. No flames please because I truly love the film and Erik and if you love it as much as I do a little bit of mockery won't upset you…hopefully.
Raoul woke up with a grunt, swiftly flattening his hair and looked around frantically.
"I didn't fall asleep!" he exclaimed and glanced down to see if his shirt was revealing enough to look sexy in case anyone was watching…unfortunately no one was so he gave a dejected sigh and sat back down on the chair, only to leap up again a second later.
"My Phantom sense is tingling!"
Raoul bolted to the window, quickly checking his reflection while he was at it and looked down into the courtyard. Christine was being driven off in a hired carriage.
"The Phantom must be the driver!" Raoul thought for absolutely no reason whatsoever. "I must save her, despite the fact that she quite clearly wants to be alone as she snuck past me while I was asleep. Blast the inconvenience. Now I'll have to stalk her outside opera house as well."
At which point Raoul raced down the stairs and outside into the cold air.
"Where've they gone?" he demanded of a man who was rubbing his head and not looking at all concerned that someone had knocked him out and kidnapped a customer.
"The cemetery," he answered gruffly.
Raoul, feeling very urgent and important, vaulted onto a grey horse.
'Ooooooh, don't I look awesome,' Raoul thought to himself smugly. 'What a totally slick move! I hope everyone was watching.'
"Hi ho Silver away!" Raoul kicked the horse's sides, slipping slightly to one side as he did so but masking the blunder admirably, and galloped out the courtyard.
"Show off," the man muttered then yelled sarcastically at Raoul's back, "thank you for asking about my head jerk!" Then finally…
"Wait a minute…bring my horse back thief!"
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Meanwhile Christine was alighting in the graveyard. Behind her she heard the carriage drive off…the question of how she was going to get home did briefly enter her head before being displaced by sad thoughts again.
'I know,' she thought, 'I'll sing to all these gravestones about my father while walking really slowly to his grave, that'll eat up some time.' And with that she commenced.
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Raoul at this point in time was still galloping over the fields.
'Why the heck haven't I caught up to them yet? They only left the Opera House a few seconds before me and I'm going faster than them and I'm taking shortcuts!!!! It's as if someone out there only wants me to arrive just in the nick of time.'
Sighting a log in front of him Raoul gave a smug smile and urged his horse to jump it, thus proving to the invisible onlookers that he was an expert horseman by jumping a log bareback.
It was however unfortunate that he lost his balance half way over and tumbled off the horse and into the mud.
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Christine had reached her father's mausoleum, speculating as she did so on how she had managed to afford giving him such an elaborate burial when he had clearly left her no money as shown by the fact that she had had to become a chorus girl. Nevertheless Christine walked towards his resting place and knelt on the steps.
"Wandering child so lost, so helpless," came an eerie and familiar voice.
Christine lifted her head with a look of wonder and stood. 'Oh my father's risen from the dead and is calling me,' she thought happily, as you do, 'It really is a coincidence that he has the exact same voice of the Phantom that's been stalking me.'
"Come to me angel of music…" the voice sang and began to lure her towards the gates of the vault, swinging them open in a mysterious way.
Now at this point it would have been Raoul's cue to burst into the graveyard and rescue Christine from the terrible Phantom, creating the best dramatic climax possible…but regrettably Raoul was lying in the mud somewhere, so Christine walked straight into the crypt. With a laugh the Phantom leapt from the roof and slammed the gates shut on her, locking her in. With a shriek Christine spun around and shook the bars desperately.
"Let me out!"
"No!" the Phantom laughed.
It was a little time later that Christine got tired and stopped trying to escape.
"So now what?"
The Phantom looked a little startled at this question. "What do you mean?"
"What happens now?" she inquired. "I mean…okay you've lured me into my father's mausoleum but what are you going to do next? You can't keep me here indefinitely."
"Hmmm…" he pondered this for a while. "How about…I don't let you out until you decide to marry me?"
"Oh what a romantic way to woo someone!" Christine gasped with joy, "But I'm afraid I will never agree to marry you as long as my very rich finance is still alive because he has more money than you. Sorry."
The Phantom looked at her exasperatedly then sighed and looked around the graveyard. "Blast it all! Where's that fop so I can kill him and thus automatically win your heart?"
"Right – here - " Raoul wheezed staggering into the graveyard covered in mud and twigs and scratched to pieces. "I – had – to – walk."
"Oh boo hoo! En garde!" The Phantom drew his sword and advanced on Raoul. "You can't possibly win," he chuckled. "I am by far the superior swordsman."
Raoul gave a sly smile, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but I win this duel."
"What? How?" the Phantom exclaimed aghast.
"By the ancient art of cheating by tripping you up and stepping on your sword!"
"We'll just see about that," the Phantom cried and the duel commenced.