HUGE credits go to the talented Gargoyle13, who has written large parts of the description for Arthur, Dagonet, and virtually everything for Galahad. We look forward to her official debut with great anticipation! For now, she and I proudly give you :

YEAR BOOK OF THE SARMATIAN KNIGHTS AT HADRIAN'S WALL (year 462 AD).

Lancelot.

Nickname/s : Lance, Demands-a-lot, The Mouth.

Tribe : Iazyghe

Favourite drink: As long as it has an effect...

Signs of recognition : Mug. Arthur. Black curls. Exquisitely trimmed goatee-like beard (must be Arthur's influence).

Description: Lancelot perceives himself to be quite the womanizer. Unfortunately, a lot of the women of the fort does not seem to agree, much to his dismay. However, it must be said that Lance knows how to get a party going, even if he also knows a lot about how to turn it into a brawl (especially if Bors is present).

Around the table, Lancelot usually asks a lot of questions about everything. While this can initially be informative and useful to all of us, it has become custom to recognize Tristran's eventual throwing of assorted fruit at his face, as an occasional necessity to make him shut up.

Lancelot likes to tease, and is admittedly good at it. His favourite victims seem to be Gawain and Bors, and the quips invariably involve assumed differences regarding the distribution of female attention between him and them, as well as the possible reasons for these differences (certain physical attributes being a commonly cited cause).

Evil tongues (read : the Thing) maintain that Lancelots focus on physique stems from some tragic and somehow amputating accident shrouded in the darkness of the past. However, since the Mouth does seem to have his fair share of success with the barmaids, several of whom has become returning guests, we reckon it is just a nasty rumour.

But sometimes you really could have us fooled, Lance!

Goofs: Vanora.

Future plans after service : Going home, of which he will incessantly inform everyone who cares listening – as well as us.

Advice from the Guys : Vanora is not interested. Deal with it and move on. As for the plans of wifesharing with Gawain - we recommend having a word with Gawain.

Nickname/s : the Foghorn.

Tribe : Roxolani (Cousin of Dagonet).

Favourite drink: Vanora's homebrewed.

Signs of recognition: All the Spawn. Otherwise, just follow the incessant bellowing.

Description:Large bald man with many children strewn about him. Look for the fiery red-head who will either be slapping him or yelling at him.

When not being chastised by the mother of his children, Bors does know how to get a party going, even if he also knows a lot about how to turn it into a brawl (especially if Lancelot is present).

We wish we could think of some other intricate and high-cultural ways in which this ox of a man has contributed to our brotherhood. Sadly, we are at a loss. The man has indeed been known to contribute to a discussion by mooing. (Yes...Mooing...)

Oh, around the table he does tend to be good at telling Arthur where to shove his Roman friends. You have to hand it to him.

Goofs : When he was sent by Arthur to Londinium in a diplomatic errand.

Future plans after service : Being King of random British backwater town (read : being the figurehead of more sensible/intelligent ruling powers, such as Vanora and Dagonet).

Advice from the Guys : Just marry her already, and let's have peace.

Nickname/s : Blondie.

Tribe : Aorsi.

Favourite drink: Koumiss (of his own production).

Signs of recognition : Overall wicked hairdo!

Description: Gawain separates himself from the rest of the brothers by having the most ludicrous style of hair around the fort, only possibly slightly rivalled by that of the Thing (see below).

However, the guy is mean with a hammer and an anvil, and also brews a wicked koumiss, a fact which has earned him quite an amount of respect with all of us (for the uninformed, Koumiss is an alcoholic beverage that comes about by the proud and ancient Sarmatian tradition of fermenting mare's milk).

Gawain is the amiable and easygoing type, and he always has a pat for your shoulder when you're down, as well as being generally a primus motor in keeping spirits up (especially if it rains during missions – if by no other means then at least because of the effect a good persisting drizzle has on said hairdo).

The only thing able to put a dent in this generally balanced demeanor is when Lancelot is a bit too funny for a bit too long. While Gawain is usually perceived to be generally bright it seems there is a special compartment of his brain reserved for not thinking at all before allowing Lancelots quips to get to him – much to the amusement of the latter (and, we admit, the rest of us).

Goofs: "Beautiful Sarmatian woman..."

Future plans after service: Findinga beautiful sarmatian cow...we mean woman to wed. Hit Lancelot with his axe.

Advice from the Guys : Quit always rising to it. That is just what he wants.

Nickname/s : 'It', Thing, the Spook, Shadow

Tribe : Halani

Favourite drink : Apples. (Possibly Cider?)

Signs of recognition : The bird. (No, not that bird!). Eyes usually completely hidden 'neath fringe. Apart from this, follow the trail of blood and entrails.

Description :

As the tribename reveals, Thing is from waaaay out east, where they do even more strange things than Lancelot's tribe. There is possibly some Hunnic blood in his family, which would explain a lot.

The Thing is always very quiet around the table. So quiet that he sometimes forgets he is present, and then he falls asleep.

Apart from that, he has a living interest in nature. In fact, none of us are to this day really sure if he is interested in very much apart from that. As long as Thing gets his daily dosis of fruit and gore, he will be reasonably happy. While this zen attitude might give rise to the perception that he is docile, do not be fooled : stealing the former will often result in the latter, to your own very deep and very intense discomfort.

The Thing also has quite a sense of humor. Unfortunately, no one understands it, this taking its expression in it sometimes starting to snicker inaudibly, while the rest of us ponder. If pressed, it will either A) look at you as if you are dim for not getting the hilariousness of the situation, B) look at you as if you are dim, because you did not perceive that it just told you a joke, C) just look at you as if you are dim.

Note : Galahad maintains that he has once convinced Tristran to try and explain the joke he had just perceived himself as telling, and that the explanation did not help in any way, except serving to make Galahad lose his appetite.

Goofs : Opinions vary whether Tristran has inexplicably failed to produce any goofs, or whether the whole 15 years of his being with us have been one very long, very subtle goof only understandable to insiders – meaning Tristran (and possibly the bird).

Future plans after service : Who can say?

Advice from the Guys : You disturb us. Get a woman. No wait, you disturb the women as well.

Nickname/s : Sick boy, King Vomit, The Whelp.

Tribe : the boyscouts... sorry. Iazyghe.

Favourite drink: One that stays down (yet to be found).

Signs of recognition : The seeming inability to start dressing in long pants, even though he has a full grown beard by now.

Description :Pale legs and knobby knees underneath a short skirt. He tells everyone it's a kilt, but it's not. It's a sissy Roman skirt thing. We're pretty sure he's going to get frostbite one winter, but he won't listen to anyone. Galahad always knows better than everyone, even though he's been proven wrong over and over and over. Did we mention how often he is wrong? We're also quite certain that because of the sissy skirt he's had some nasty poison ivy rashes, but he won't confess and neither will Dagonet.

Galahad can often be found in Gawain's shadow. Which might help to explain the overall pale appearance of his person.

He is prone to throwing hissy fits like a girl when things don't go his way and has been known to waste a good jug of wine pouring it on the ground. Imbecile.

All in all, we sometimes wonder if Galahad is not a big waste of resources, since when he is not throwing (up) beverage on the floor, he is having trouble holding down Vanora's stew when trying to insert himself into Tristran's mindset. By all the Gods, boy, if it grosses you out so much don't ask him. That's how the rest of us keep our stew inboard. By not asking.

Goofs : Will not be listed, as we promised Arthur not to use too much parchment for this book.

Future plans after service : Galahad reckons he will go home along with Gawain. Whether Gawain's cow... er, wife will throw him out of the yurt after some months remains to be seen.

Advice from the Guys : Try drinking slower.

Nickname/s : Dag. Alternatively Igor (no one seems to be certain why).

Tribe: Roxolani (Cousin of Bors).

Favourite drink: A nice quiet beer.

Signs of recognition : Scar in his face. Can be spotted approx. one foot above most crowds.

Description:Dagonet is the dad of the group. Whenever there is trouble, you can count on him to quiet things down. He is able to make Bors behave himself without having to resort to a smack upside the head, which makes Vanora really envious.

Dagonet collects small injured persons. If you are feeling ill, go see Dag and he'll fix you right up. It might not smell or taste good, but he's not poisoned anyone – to the best of our knowledge.

It is a commonly known secret that Dagonet is probably the one who has most dirt on all the brothers. He would probably be the one to go to, if trying to assert if a juicy rumour is true, were it not for his depressing stubbornness in refusing to spill the beans (the unconfirmed poison ivy rash rumour being a sad example thereof). He also has a very efficient manner of putting a stop to impending brawls : he stands up.

It is therefore probably thanks to Dag that we are all able to live with one another. This in itself ough to testify for his greatness (also figuratively).

Goofs: There was the thing with the lake...

Future plans after service : Living a nice quiet life and have a wife and some kids (droll!) Though he might agree to become the right hand of Bors, just to ensure the man does not do something irreparably stupid.

Advice from the Guys : Learn how to swim. Seriously dude, you might need it before you know it.

Nickname/s : Babyface, Mother Hen.

Tribe: Up for grabs. Best not go into it.

Favourite drink : Wine ( you PANSY :-D).

Signs of recognition : Clean shaven, Roman clothing. Lancelot.

Description :Often found on his knees (no, not for that...get your mind out of the gutter), lamenting his worthlessness to a God that we find rather disturbing.

Arthur likes to worry. That is the only reason we can think about as to why he does it so much.

Arthur worries about the rain. He worries when the sun is out. Most of all, he worries when the Woads are on the warpath, this worry only being topped by his worry when they are being silent.

Oh, and we almost forgot : the worry that smurfette will fall out of her top.

In his spare time, he worries. Maybe that he does not have enough to worry about.

Arthur has some interesting friends. They tend to freak out about the furnishment of our meeting hall, which in itself contributes vastly to their otherwise very poor entertainment factor.

Generally, Arthur can thus be admired for being a very accepting and tolerant man, though some of us feel that it tends to go a little far sometimes, especially what with above mentioned aquaintances.

In fact, we sometimes question Arthur's ability to make friends with people without ulterior motives (Merlin, the Smurf lady) or without a wish to see us, his other friends, dead (the local Bishop and most of the clergy).

This disturbs us greatly.

Goofs : When he sent Bors to Londinium in a diplomatic errand. The smurfette lady. Many more that, again, would take too much parchment so we'll stick to the top two.

Future plans after service : Getting happily married to smurfette lady.

Advice from the Guys : She's bad news, Arthur, we're TELLING ya! (even Lance agrees).