it walks alone: Hey! What you are about to read is what we call the 'Random Papers'. It's where our disclaimers come from. Everything is true.
BritKit: True and hilarious. Also, some people come and go, and you'll meet some people who haven't made it into our disclaimers yet. You will also find some of this familiar, as we have already used it in our disclaimers.
IWA: Yup. And we might use some of this in future disclaimers.
BK: Okay, pennames are as follows:
IWA: it walks alone
BK: BritKit
SKM: SailorKMoonie
M: Mordecai
FC: freakinCRAZY
FTW: flyonthewall
Mars: Mars
IG: I'm Good
IDNR: InDesperateNeedofRitalin
MM: MotorMouth (although I don't think he shows up in anything we've got down yet.)
PF: Pink Floyd
VGM: VideoGameMaster
IWA: (blinks at the list) …That's a lot of people. And yes, PF is obsessed with Pink Floyd, which we don't own.
BK: This spans a few years, people. Just an FYI.
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M: Hey, it's a Care Bear! I have a lot of Care Bears…
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M: How do I Internet?
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IWA: The key to controlling men is a Frying Pan.
FC: Or… a Rolling Pin.
BK: Oh! A Wrench!
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M: Y'know, there's no time in space? Geometrically speaking, there's no timeframe based on the sun.
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FC: What's FMA?
M: It's a proclamation that every word with a 'th' must be pronounced with an 'f'. Like 'Earf'!
M: You can't be on the sun. You'd die.
FC: Really? I gotta try that! I'm gonna by a one-way ticket to the Sun 'cause I won't be coming back!
M: They're probably selling it on eBay…
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M: What does FH sound like?
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FTW: I have Dum-Dums!
FC: W'll, duh.
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FC: (about the Dum-Dums) My rootbeer!
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FTW: (about the Dum-Dum wrappers) We can make hats!
FC: Ah-freakin-flack!!!
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M: Grammar me has not today.
FC: What!?
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IWA: Whoopde freakin' wee-hah.
BK: How do you spell that?
IWA: Whoopde space freakin' space wee dash hah.
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M: The Internets are coming to town.
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M: Nee-i-ee-i-oh.
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M: Scandinavian monkeys!
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M: AOL is actually a virus.
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M: Do you know how I spell pi? P-I-Y! I like pie… 3.1415926565!
IWA: …89793.
M: (slams fist on table) Darn it!
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FC: Not working my brain is not!
M: Working my brain not is.
IWA: And I don't own Yoda, either.
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FC: Quarters multiply? I thought only rabbits did that…
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FC: No! My Lime Green EXPO Marker!
IWA: Maowie.
FC: Mine!
IWA: Maowie.
FC: Mine!
FTW: You know she's saying Maowie, right? Do you really think IWA'd use real words?
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M: Grammar no me not today…
FTW: Your grandma doesn't know you?
IWA: Grammar me has not today. You forgot the 'has'. You're talking in caveman again.
M: Darn verbs and their missingness!
IWA: (sigh) Typical Mordecai…
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M: What does zh sound like? I mean you can't even fathom it!
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FTW: R-s-8-p-b-e-r-r-i-e. Raspberry!
FC: I think spelling "raspberry' is a little hard for Friend #2 over here…
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FTW: The Philliad!
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M: My hair is non-coherent.
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M: You know we have the Monday off after break?
BK: Whoopde freakin' wee-hah.
IWA: Hey! That's my line!
FC: (too hyper to care)
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IWA: I have a scar on my elbow… from my bed!
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M: (shocked look) I forgot that Target sells kosher Pepsi! They use the kosher sugar in it!
BK: (walks in at the end) Wait… what!?!?
M: People sell it on eBay!
BK: They sell everything on eBay…
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FC: (after many tries and failures…) (belch) Ahh… Finally!!! I feel so much better!
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M: You know you've been in Chem to long when you start thinking about the percent composition of that crumb. (points to crumb)
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M: Do you have chemistry?
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M: A sign says 'No Parking' in a parking lot.
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IWA: Ow! I just stabbed myself in the neck with my pencil…
FTW: That's not good If you're not careful, it'll go right through ya. Just like beer.
IWA: (stares) And… you'd know from experience?
FTW: Eww! Of course not! (shifty eyes)
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FTW: (blows on standing up water bottle) Watch the water bottle hump the table! I should know, I've tried it before.
FC: (wide eyes)
FTW: I meant the water bottle!!! …Look, it can flip then hump the table! (flips bottle)
FC: (bounces with bottle)
FTW: Thanks for the demonstration! …It hurts when I hit against my teeth.
IWA: Duh!
FTW: It vibrates my whole face!
BK: … (silence) …
FC: Ooookay then… (goes back to munching on cookies)
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M: I don't have cable evil.
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M: (reading Bible) What kind of name is Mahalalel?
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BK: You will not get high off my hand lotion!
M: No, I was gonna eat it.
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FC: Every time I look at this water, I think I'll get it, but I get strawberry! (funny face) Woot woot!
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M: (puts Origami paper package in mouth) Tastes like Eww…
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FC: Wow. … Wow.
FTW: What?
FC: Nothing.
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M: Don't eat tinfoil! (slams head on table)
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M: I'm sick of numbers! There's too many of them and stuff.
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IWA: Wheeeeeeeeeeee splat.
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(IWA: Just an FYI, FC handed this to me. I don't think it actually happened.)
FC: (gets on table and starts cancaning) Can… can you do the cancan? Can you do the cancan can you do the can-cancancancancancancan (repeats) (to cancan theme)
M: No, I can't.
FC: (sees everyone staring at her, turns red, and jumps under table)
Others: (clapping (except IWA)
FC: (pops up) Thank you, I'm here every Monday and Wednesday!
IWA: Well, that was new. (goes back to scribbling)
(IWA: Thank you for listening.)
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FC: I don't know Spanish! Yo no comprendo Español!
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FTW: Give me back my pen! I need to itch my nose.
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FTW: Math homework makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
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FTW: The ceiling is pencil?
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FC: Waka waka… (howls like a wolf)
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A girl walking by: I hate you. I fucking hate you!
M: (cheerfully) OK!
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FTW: Look at the walkie-talkie sign!
FC: It looks like a calculator.
IWA: With a pen as an antenna.
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FTW: Flunking monkey, grunking monkey, drunking monkey, etc.
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BK: Graciás!
FC: You mean grassy ass!
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M: 3 giga hertz equals 3 freaking billion hertz!
BK: What's a hertz?
M: Exactly!
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M: (about hertz) It's like 'ferrets' without the 'ferret'.
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M: 2 + 2 on earth equals 2… er… 4.
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M: I can't think while I eat. I can't multitagst.
IWA: Multitagst?
M: Exactly!
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M: (Grabs cookie wrapper) How deadly is this thing? Oh, man…
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BK: (to IWA) It's getting easier to write Envy. It's a bit like writing you.
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VGM: Was that a laugh, a hiccup, or a cough?
IWA: A laugh.
M: A little bit of all of both.
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M: Fingle dingle dingle do. The end.
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M: Ya know, they call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing.
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M: I'm so damn confused – woah!! I swore!
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M: Chival rolls! The new (and improved) spring roll!
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M: I. Smell. A. Vegetable. (notices tiny piece of lettuce left over from lunch) Oh. It might be that.
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