Warning: Non-beta-ed, self-checked. So please bear with me and for whatever errors you might encounter.
PLUS, please read this note before continuing!
There is a scene here where you readers might feel grossed out. If you know the sci-fi comedy movie "Evolution" starring David Duchovny and Julianne Moore, then it is safe to say that there is a specific scene in that movie I used for this chapter. Or better yet, watch the movie first before you read. Trust me; you would want to see the movie first before you decided to flame me for not warning you.
Legend:
'Hello!' – Thoughts
"Hello!" – Thoughts spoken out loud
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Chapter 3: Behold, the Godaime Hokage's Wisdom?!—The Mission of Love
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So Plan A and B failed miserably while Plan C, D and E never happened…at all, whatever Plan C, D and E were anyway.
"Umm, Kurenai, what are we doing here at the Hokage Tower?" Asuma asked, leaning against the wall. "I don't think it's practical to bother Tsunade-sama about our injuries; they're just cuts, scrapes and bruises."
"We could have just gone to the hospital to have our injuries healed." Gai said as he held onto the railing for support.
Kakashi was silent. He didn't dare complain, which was more like he didn't dare say anything that might bite him back in his ass was more precise to say the least so he just stayed quiet and let the two injured men do the talking.
"We're not here to ask Tsunade-sama to have a look at your injuries. We're here because she's the person who's going to help us, or should I say, help you Kakashi."
The men face faulted and sweatdropped at the statement.
"And here I was thinking she was so concerned about the two of you." Kakashi whispered low enough for Asuma and Gai to hear before they were dragged away to the Hokage's office.
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Kakashi could swear that he was going to piss in his pants any time soon if the pair of eyes looking at him glared and studied him any harder.
"So… Let me get this straight, you need my help so that Kakashi can woo Naruto." Tsunade said, still not removing her piercing gaze off Kakashi. It was more than a statement rather than a question.
"Yes Tsunade-sama." Kurenai answered.
"Why do you need my help? Why don't you just tell him, Kakashi, so that you wouldn't go all the trouble bothering all of us?" Tsunade said, her gaze never wavering. Kakashi could practically feel that he was being backed down the wall. Heck! His breathing was coming in short as well.
"Um, you see, Tsunade-sama, that's the problem. The poor guy gets tongue tied and with Iruka around… Well, I guess you get the drift." Kurenai explained.
"…Hmm…Hmm… Okay, I get it now." Tsunade then shifted her gaze towards the two injured jounins who were currently being treated by Shizune making Kakashi breathe and sigh in relief. "And what about the two of you?"
"We were the first casualties of war." Asuma said as Shizune bandaged his arm.
"Actually, make that, fortuitous victims of Konoha's renowned mother hen." Kakashi said in hopes to compensate for their pains. Kurenai had to sigh. Shizune and Tsunade sweatdropped, she had heard what happened earlier in the market but didn't actually thought Iruka was that deranged to issue an all-out-war when it comes to protecting Naruto's virtue.
"I think I should promote Iruka to Jounin or better yet, recommend him to join Anko and Ibiki's team." Tsunade said thoughtfully.
"NO!!!" The four jounins chorused with trepidation and horror as they suddenly lunged at the Hokage's desk. To say that the Hokage was surprised at their sudden outburst would be an understatement; she nearly fell off her chair when the four jounins crowded her desk. Anko and Ibiki were insane enough to compensate for the rest of the much needed insanity and madness in Konoha, there was no need for one more. Nevertheless, they couldn't imagine what horror they would form and create out if Iruka if they ever did managed to get their hands on the said chuunin. They all had to suppress a shiver, including Shizune.
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Somewhere in Konoha, specifically in Ichiraku's, a certain chuunin sneezed.
"Are you okay Iruka-sensei? I hope you're not catching a cold or anything." Naruto asked in concern.
"I hope not." The chuunin replied as he rubbed his nose.
"Or maybe… Someone's thinking about you…" Ayame cheerfully suggested.
"Or probably talking about you, you're the man Iruka." Teuchi, the owner of Ichiraku teased as he presented his most frequent customers their steaming orders.
Iruka blushed madly at the statement much to his dismay.
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"It was just a thought…" Tsunade said but mentally filed it away for future reference. Oh yes, she was definitely considering her plans for Iruka. She then cleared her throat and continued. "So, anyway, the four of you are here to ask for my help regarding Kakashi's love problems or as I may say his post-adolescent phase."
Kakashi sweatdropped at the comment. Yeah, Tsunade just had to subtly put it that way making the Kurenai, Asuma and Shizune bite back their giggles and making Gai almost explode into one of his spring time of youth speeches but thankfully, Tsunade beat him before Gai could even start.
"Well then, why don't you take missions with Naruto? You can definitely propose to him or if you still get tongue tied, try to at least see if he likes you too."
"Tsunade-sama, pardon me but why can Kakashi just drop hints to Naruto that Kakashi likes him?"
"Asuma, we're talking about the uke of all ukes' here. The most pure, innocent and oblivious of all—"
"Not to mention, adorable, hot and sexy."
"Yes, that too, thank you Kurenai. Anything more subtle or straight to the point would result to failure. That is why I'm assigning the four of you with a couple missions along with Naruto."
"Why do you need the four of us to do this?" Kakashi asked, voicing out the thoughts of the other three jounins.
"Its either that or you have Iruka tag along with you and Naruto." Tsunade grinned sadistically.
"The things you have to do for love Kakashi." Kurenai patted his shoulder.
"I wouldn't mind assigning just the two of you with a couple of missions but knowing your current predicament, there's no way you'd accomplish what you're trying to achieve especially with his fan club around who would most likely try to ruin every moment not to mention probably hang you upside down naked from the Hokage monument or worse."
Kakashi paled considerably at the said statement and mentally cried as to why it had to be so difficult.
"I know what you're thinking Kakashi, but it can't be helped. Besides, ever since that incident, Konoha had never been the same again." Tsunade said as she placed her chin on top of her intertwined fingers.
It was five months(1) after Naruto had returned from his training with Jiraiya when the villagers no longer saw Naruto as the Nine-Tailed Demon Vessel nor do they even call him a monster. They had given the blonde haired shinobi the much earned respect after he had defended it through thick and thin against Orochimaru's invading forces the second time around. They were so ashamed of themselves when Tsunade bitch slapped all of them when Naruto was brought in almost half dead by his ANBU group who were gently holding him and protecting him as if he was ready to fall apart if he was carried the wrong way. They were need not to be told of what Naruto did for them that fateful day for all of them had seen what happened with their own eyes when Naruto sacrificed himself just to bring down and stop the Snake Sannin's delusions.
It was also during that time when Kakashi realized his feelings for Naruto. He had never been so scared in his life. The thought that he would no longer see the Naruto's smiling face made the warning bells in Kakashi's head ring like a dozen of alarm clocks going off at the same time. Ever since that day, he had made sure that he would protect Naruto and at least try to tell him how he felt. But ever since that incident, Naruto had earned his very own fan club which consisted of civilian and shinobi alike much to his dismay and additional dilemma.
Tsunade saw the worry and pain that flashed briefly in Kakashi's eyes. She was well aware of what was going through the silver-haired jounin's head. She had given the said jounin a piece of her mind before hand that if he even dare hurt or make Naruto cry, he was most certain to become a eunuch and afterwards wished him well with his own personal mission knowing that Kakashi wasn't that bad to hurt her gaki.
"Don't worry. The missions would be simple D-rank missions. Nothing life threatening so there's no need to geared for battle." Tsunade smiled.
The four of them somehow heaved a sigh if relief, especially Kakashi. After all, with D-rank missions what could possibly go wrong?
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The next day, Naruto was informed of the missions he was about to take along with the four other jounins. Of course, this was met with a truck load of pouting and whining much to Tsunade's amusement and utter annoyance.
"Tsunade-nee-chan, I'm already a jounin! Why are you giving me D-rank missions instead of A or B?!" Naruto complained.
"It can't be helped Naruto, besides, someone needs to do them."
"Then why don't you let Konohamaru or other genin teams do it?"
"Because, some of the missions, or should I say, the ones who commissioned for the mission specifically requested you." Tsunade said. She was somewhat surprised when the people who placed the request asked for Naruto to do the complete the task at hand. Tsunade had asked them why and their reply was simply: 'Naruto-kun exudes such a cheerful aura and we know that he does a task with complete and utmost care and priority'. The said statement made Tsunade's heart swell with pride for Naruto.
"But why me?!" Naruto demanded.
"Just go and do it, besides, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai and Gai are taking the same mission with you so stop complaining. I already informed them of the situation and they gladly accepted. Now go and meet them in the mission room."
Naruto harrumphed as he turned his heel to leave. "Maybe I should just call you 'baa-chan' again. You're going senile." Naruto mumbled as he opened the door. Luckily for him he was able to close the door quickly before the projectile that Tsunade hurled hit him in the back of his head.
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Their first mission was to do baby-sitting for the Suzuki couple. The wife of Suzuki Iba-san, Michiko, had just given birth to quintuplets [2 six months ago and the couple had requested for five able ninjas to baby-sit for their children, and they had specifically requested Naruto to be one of them. Ah, just what a coincidence it is…
"Naruto-kun!" Michiko squealed in delight the moment she saw the blonde shinobi. "You have no idea how grateful we are to have you look after the little tykes!"
"It's nothing Michiko-san. I enjoy looking out for them. Where are you two headed anyway?" Naruto wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at them making the couple blush.
"Naruto, it's not what you think. Hokage-sama gave us a mission and it just so happens that our parents are in Spring Country doing whatever Kami-sama knows." Iba supplied.
"You needn't say it Iba-san." Naruto said suddenly looking nauseous.
"Yeah. You could've just said they were on vacation." Asuma piped in making their presence known to the couple.
"Now that the five of us are already here, why don't you two get going so you can finish your mission on time?" Kurenai smiled.
"Oh yes. Naruto-kun, the babies are upstairs, and everything else including milk, feeding bottles, baby food, diapers and extra clothing are where they usually are. We'll be away for two an hour the least, ja ne(3)!" And with that the couple left in a blink of an eye leaving the remaining jounins disappeared at their wake. And with that, Naruto proceeded upstairs to check the quintuplets. The four other jounins were somewhat surprised that Naruto knew where he was going.
"Naruto-kun, just how many times have you done baby-sitting for them?"
"Umm… I think this is my 15th time to look after them." Naruto mused as he disappeared up the stairs. The four jounins were surprised to say the least. No wonder the couple had specifically requested him, but one thing still bothered them though, was Naruto really good at taking care of kids, most especially six month old babies? And the answer was served to them on silver plate when they followed him up the stairs.
"Bless him…" Kurenai said when she saw Naruto holding one of the babies in his arm.
"Take off his shirt and would be a picture perfect moment." Asuma commented. Naruto's expression was soft and most angelic; he was currently cradling the youngest of the babies in his left arm and holding the feeding bottle with his right hand. Naruto just didn't know how he looked so feminine that moment. It would put shame on all the women in Konoha.
"Do you think the couple has a camera here somewhere?" Gai said.
"Do you guys have a death wish or something?" Kakashi said as he looked at the picture perfect scene in front of them.
"Why Kakashi, don't you want to keep a picture?"
"I would like to if not for the fact that the said picture would also reach his fans. That I would rather not risk. And besides, if the mother hen finds out…"
"Enough said. We'll just burn this in our memories." Asuma said as all of them nodded in agreement.
"You guys can make yourselves useful by feeding the other babies since I only have a pair of arms." Naruto said while smiling serenely at baby in his arms. The four jounins took another moment to burn another photographic memory of Naruto before they did their share of babysitting tasks. The three men thought that this would be a piece of cake since Naruto seems to be breezing through the task as if it were a normal everyday task. But of course, babysitting was not as easy as it seems and this became a proven fact when the babies did what they were best known for…
Asuma took baby #2. The baby stared at him and he stared back. It went on for a minute or two and before they knew it, the baby bawled its lungs out.
"Asuma what did you do?!"
"I was just holding him up! I swear I didn't do anything!"
"Try holding him close to you and bounce him gently a couple of times." Naruto suggested.
"Excuse me?" Asuma raised a brow at Naruto as the said blonde shook his head and demonstrated.
"It's just like dancing. Didn't you take care of Konohamaru when he was still a baby?"
"Unfortunately, I was always away on a mission and whenever I did get to see my nephew he was always sitting on my lap or I was helping with feeding him baby food."
"Have you ever seen your sister bounce Konohamaru when he was a baby?"
"…" And thus Asuma began to bounce the baby gently and the bawling subsided.
Baby #3 was a different story. It seemed to have found a morbid fascination for Kakashi's silver locks, pulling and tugging it whenever her little fingers managed to grab a fistful. It also seemed to be highly intrigued with Kakashi's mask, not to mention, it had a habit of biting, this it became the baby #2's mission to try to bite Kakashi's nose thinking that it was a pacifier. Feeding the said baby was also an experience Kakashi would never forget.
Naruto had asked him feed the baby with some apple-peach sauce that was kept in the fridge in the kitchen since the baby #2 favored it above anything else aside from milk. So here he was, doing the ultra fun and patience eating task of spoon feeding the baby.
"Open wide, here comes the choo-choo train!" Kakashi said in a sing-song voice. It made the baby giggle and reach put for the spoon, once those chubby hands reached the plastic spoon, Kakashi, out of pure reflex pulled the spoon away. However, the baby's grip on the spoon was a bit tight, thus making the spoon recoil a bit within Kakashi's grasp and the contents of the spoon landed straight across his face.
"Listen chibi, no playing with your food." Kakashi said as he wiped the sauce from his face using the apron he was wearing. The baby of course, not understanding anything at all, continued reach for the spoon...
When the four other jounins entered the kitchen, they were greeted with a sight they would never forget.
"Let me guess, food fight?" Naruto asked as he tried to hold back his laughter along with Gai, Asuma and Kurenai. The four of them didn't dare laugh for the fact that, one, they each had a baby in their arm, two, and they didn't want to piss Kakashi any further than he already was.
"…Hai…food fight." Kakashi said monotonously. He was wearing an apron stained with baby food and said baby food was stuck in his hair.
Baby #4 was a very agreeable baby. It adored Kurenai and she adored the little bundle back, no problem at all…
And finally, there was baby #5. Gai with his overflowing youthful energy didn't seem to sit well with the baby, after all, children less than four feet tall aren't allowed to ride roller coasters. Gai was bouncing the baby too much while patting its back gently, trying to get the baby to burp after he had fed it. What he didn't know that some children were prone to motion sickness and Gai's overflowing activeness was enough to make the said baby throw up its breakfast like a fountain all over Gai.
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"Tsunade-sama, do you think there will be progress between those two? I mean, with Kakashi and all?" Shizune asked as she handed papers to Tsunade to sign.
"We can only hope for the best. If not, then that could only mean that we have to help the poor jounin with his so-called love life. Other than that, we have to keep Iruka at bay."
"You sound like you're opting for Kakashi to really win Naruto-kun's affections."
"Better Kakashi than those other morons. At least Kakashi is sensible enough to know that he had better commit seppuku than mess around with my brat. Besides if he wasn't serious with Naruto in the first place, he wouldn't be in such a predicament as he is right now." Tsunade rationalized. Shizune realized that Tsunade was correct.
"I guess you're right Tsunade-sama. So what did you have in mind just in case we have to help out?"
Tsunade paused from reading the document to think.
"I heard Genma is trying to court Iruka, is it true?" Tsunade asked her assistant.
"Hai, unfortunately though, Iruka is just as dense as Naruto when it comes to his own love life, however he becomes overly protective when it comes to Naruto's well-being."
Tsunade sweatdropped, at least now she knew where Naruto got his naïve nature. Then an idea struck her, as a sinister smile crept up on her features as she chuckled with glee. "Shizune, you agree with me when I say that if we're going to help with Kakashi's love life, we have to help Genma as well don't you think?"
"What do you have in mind, Tsunade-sama?"
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In the teacher's lounge, Iruka was busy checking papers when he sneezed for the nth time that day.
"Yo, Iruka, why don't you go and stop by the infirmary? That's the 20th time you've sneezed in the past hour." Raidou said as he looked Iruka with worry written on his face.
"Nah, I don't think it's even possible for Iruka-san to get sick, someone's probably thinking and talking about him. He probably has some secret admirers of his own." Inuzuka Hana commented making the said chuunin blush.
"I don't think that's possible!" Iruka said as he tried to hide his embarrassment, which was then when he sneezed again. Izumo then approached him and placed the back of his hand against Iruka's neck to check for his temperature.
"You don't seem to have a fever since your temperature is fine so it's probably the latter." Izumo quipped. Just as those words slipped out of Izumo's lips Genma entered the lounge in all his glory. He immediately took notice of Izumo's hand on Iruka's neck and quickly strode over to them.
"What's wrong Iruka? Are you not feeling well?" Genma asked as he 'gently' pushed, more like shoved, Izumo out of the way and casually took one of Iruka's hands in his. Iruka blushed harder at the sudden gesture.
"Anou..." Raidou began but was cut off when Genma spoke again and placed his own hand against Iruka's neck.
"Why are you so flushed? You seem hot. Let me take you to the infirmary, we wouldn't want one of our best teachers suddenly falling ill!" And then Genma suddenly carried Iruka in his arms bridal style as Ibiki entered the lounge and was surprised to see the scene in front of him.
"Hello Ibiki-san! Excuse us, I need to make sure my little dolph—I mean Iruka feels better." Genma said as he rushed off to the direction of the infirmary, Ibiki and the rest of the chuunin in the lounge sweatdropped at the events that unfolded in front of their eyes.
"Wait! Put me down! I'm fine and I can walk! Oi, Genma, I said put me down!" And the rest of the chuunin's protests were blurred as they got farther away.
"Anyone care to explain what just happened?" Ibiki asked.
"Where do you want us to start?" Hana asked as she tried to keep her giggles at bay. She had a very good idea what was going on.
"The beginning is usually a good place to start." Ibiki said. He curious to know what the hell just happened a few moments ago as he made a cup of coffee and sat in one of the available chairs. 'Besides, Godaime Hokage-sama might want to hear any new developments with her shinobi.' Ibiki thought to himself.
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"Gai, I'm sure that the "spring time of youth" doesn't smell like a pair of socks begging to have a date with the Laundromat." Kurenai deadpanned as she inched away from Gai as she tried her best not to wrinkle her nose in disgust.
"Huh?"
"You stink. Go home Gai, and change into some fresh smelling spandex, better yet, take a quick shower too." Asuma said. He was already nauseous and looked like he was about to faint any minute due to lack of fresh air.
"And don't worry, we'll wait for you." Kakashi said. Even his mask couldn't block out the nauseating smell.
That was the only time Gai realized that he indeed smelled no better than a pair of socks that has been worn for the past two weeks. Talk about eeww...
"You're right. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Let's meet at the Dango shop(4)." Gai said before he ran towards his apartment. After he was out of sight, the three remaining jounins heaved a breath of relief and fresh air. They had suffered an excruciating hour with Gai and his new 'perfume' as they patiently did their baby-sitting mission. Thankfully, the Suzuki couple came back earlier than expected, relieving them of their burden. The three jounins waited for Naruto as he said goodbye to the couple.
"Thanks again, Naruto-kun!" Michiko said as she saw Naruto to the door.
"It was nothing Michiko-san. I always do enjoy looking after the babies. We'll be going now, see you!" Naruto said with an angelic smile making Kurenai's and Michiko's inner fangirl squeal with delight. As Naruto reached the other three jounins he asked about Gai's whereabouts.
"I see, let's go to that dango shop then and grab something to eat while we wait for Gejimayu-sensei(5)." Naruto suggested.
"Good idea, but don't you want to get some ramen instead?" Kurenai asked, knowing that Naruto was a ramen lover.
"Maybe later, besides, we wouldn't want Gejimayu-sensei bawling his lungs out looking for us because we're late." Naruto replied as he began to tread towards the direction of the dango shop. The three jounins were surprised at Naruto's perceptiveness. They quickly fell into stride with Naruto.
"Say, Naruto, if you were the one baby-sitting those babies, how did you manage? Were you assigned with a couple of genins?" Asuma inquired.
"Nope, I just used Kage Bunshin. Works wonders all the time." Naruto said nonchalantly leaving the three jounins flabbergasted. Why didn't they thought of it earlier, we'll never know.
Kurenai and Naruto were chatting merrily whilst Kakashi and Asuma were in awe how those two suddenly just clicked like girlfriends. They had just finished their first mission yet Asuma and Kakashi felt like they had been battling a group of highly trained shinobis.
Asuma then whispered something to Kakashi, "I just noticed, but Naruto looks like he's still got lots of energy for the rest of the day."
"Naruto just has amazing stamina. You would be surprised to know that he's at par with Rock Lee in that department or maybe even more." Kakashi whispered back.
"I see." Asuma paused, thinking for a moment before whispering something back. "Do you think you can keep up with him then? Bedroom wise, that is." Asuma teased making Kakashi choke on air and hitting Asuma on the back of head.
"If Kurenai hears you she's going to make you her slave." Kakashi said, knowing full well that Asuma was straight as a nail and that Naruto was safe from the bearded man.
The moment they arrived at the dango shop they ordered a simple meal set and some green tea while they waited for Gai to arrive. The moment Gai arrived they told him to order something to eat since their next D-class mission might take the majority of the day.
Once they had eaten, they proceeded to the farm outside the walls of Konoha to help a farmer with planting rice on the field since his four sons had gotten sick.
"Naruto-kun, it's so good to see you again! Thank you so much for helping me out today. I don't know when my sons would get better to help me with planting the rice on the field." The old farmer said.
"What did the old man mean by 'again'? Just how many times have Naruto helped the villagers?" Was the current train of thought in the other jounins' minds.
"It's nothing gramps. Where should we start?" Naruto cheerfully said.
"All of you can start with the rice field over there." The old man said as he demonstrated how to properly plant the rice seedlings to the four jounins, whilst Naruto headed off to one of the prepared rice paddies. "And I should warn you," the old farmer said, addressing the four jounins. "There are giant leeches in the rice paddies, just so you know."
The four jounins looked at the rice field where Naruto already began to plant, that was when they noticed the giant leeches jumping out of muddy waters like carps jumping out of a pond. They watched how Naruto swatted them away like it was a normal everyday occurrence.
"I think it would be better if we begin if we want to get anything done. Kakashi, why don't you plant those rice seedlings next to the paddy Naruto is working on?" Kurenai suggested and winked at Kakashi as he began to remove his sandals and roll up his pant legs.
Not 30 minutes into planting the rice seedlings, the four other jounins felt like horses that swished their tails in attempt to swat away the flies hovering over their asses. Not to mention, they've been watching each other's backs just in case a flying leech got the better of them...
"This D-class mission feels like a B-class mission to me." Asuma mumbled.
"Think of it this way, we're fending off incompetent enemy shinobis trying to steal an important and highly classified scroll from us!" Gai exclaimed; Asuma Kurenai and Kakashi sweatdropped at the statement.
"Gai, what you said is basically almost the same to Asuma's comment." Kurenai said as she continued her job as she swatted a dozen more leeches flying towards her.
"But still, a mission like this reminds us that the power of youth runs through our veins!"
"Yare, yare." Asuma said as he stretched his back. In the corner of his eye, he saw a giant leech crawling towards the general direction of Kakashi's leg. He noticed that Kakashi wasn't aware of the leech nearing his exposed right leg and so Asuma quickly fished for a kunai and threw it at Kakashi, to be more precise, Asuma aimed for the leech.
"Kakashi, watch out!" Naruto warned the silver-haired jounin not too far from him when he saw the kunai from the corner of his eye.
Kakashi, upon hearing the warning, wasn't able to dodge completely. The sharp kunai managed to give him a half an inch cut on his right leg.
"Oh my god, Kakashi, I'm so sorry!" Asuma called out as he jogged towards his injured comrade.
"Asuma, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Kakashi berated.
"I was aiming for the leech! I thought you would dodge it!" Asuma said in his defense.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Kurenai asked as she neared the three men.
"I threw a kunai at Kakashi's direction since there was a leech that was near his leg. I thought he would be able to dodge it."
"You could have just called out for his attention." Gai said.
"Kakashi, why don't you clean and wrap up your wound first before it gets infected." Worry laced Naruto's voice as he approached Kakashi. The three other jounins noticed this and smiled inwardly. At least Naruto was worried for Kakashi's sake. Kakashi almost blushed at Naruto and felt like his stomach was doing back flips.
Unbeknown to them, the aberrant leech which was supposed to be Asuma's target leapt out of the muddy waters and quickly attached itself on the open would on Kakashi's leg. Kakashi suddenly jumped out of the muddy water and landed on the dry partition which divided the rice paddies. The five jounins quickly turned their eyes to look at the source of the flapping noise. To their surprise they saw the leech trying to worm its way on Kakashi's leg through the wound. Before they could move to remove the offending leech from Kakashi's leg, the leech managed to squeeze itself and entered Kakashi's leg.
"OH MY GOD! HELP ME! GET IT OUT!" Kakashi screamed as he shook his right leg while jumping up and down like an idiot.
"Calm down and stay put! How can we get it out if keep you on moving!" Asuma frantically called out to Kakashi.
"I think it would be better if we bring him to Tsunade-sama!" Kurenai said as she and Gai got out of the muddy water.
"It's moving! It's moving up!" Kakashi screamed. Asuma quickly got hold of Kakashi and steadied him as he took out a roll of cloth bandage out of his hip bag and tied it around Kakashi's thigh.
"Its best of you guys go the hospital Kurenai-sensei, you go on ahead while I finish up with this mission and catch up with you in the hospital after I'm done here." Naruto said as he whipped up five more shadow clones to help him. Kurenai nodded as she went of the three men to warn Tsunade while the other two men quickly brought Kakashi to the hospital.
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"Where's Tsunade-sama?! We need her quick! This is an emergency!" Kurenai exclaimed as the four of them appeared in the ER of the village hospital. Lucky for them, Tsunade was currently making her rounds in the said hospital along with Shizune.
"What's wrong? What happened to Kakashi? Were you guys attacked?" Tsunade asked as she ordered Asuma and Gai to place Kakashi on an available bed.
"No, Tsunade-sama, its Kakashi, he accidentally got injured while we were—" Kurenai said but was cut off by Asuma.
"There's a giant leech in Kakashi's leg!" Asuma exclaimed as he and Gai moved out of Tsunade's way.
"How the hell did a giant leech get in to your leg?!" Tsunade exclaimed as she tried to contain the fast moving, blood sucking leech that was venturing its way up Kakashi's leg.(6)
"Get it out! Get it out!" Kakashi yelled as he tried to flail his right leg. Kakashi tried to sit up but was forcefully shoved back down by Tsunade as she removed the tightly wound up bandage around Kakashi's thigh. They saw slight movement around Kakashi's knee area and tried to contain the moving leech.
"Tsunade-sama, we have to cut off his leg, we can't contain it." Shizune said.
"No! Don't you dare cut the leg! Just get it out! GET IT OUT!" Kakashi was getting frantic by the second. Sure, he was known to keep his cool when it comes to accomplishing S-rank missions and the likes, getting cuts and bruises were just like a walk in the park in terms of enemy shinobi encounters. But this one was different!
"It's moving up!" And then an idea popped up Tsunade's head. "We can get it out through his rectum! Hand me the forceps, we're going to pull it out from there!"
If one were to look at the whole situation, that person could tell that there was a manic glee twinkling in the eyes of the medical shinobi present in the room along with the devilish grin that was almost splitting their faces in half.
"Oh no, no, no! Don't you dare! Just cut the leg! Cut the leg! Cut the leg!"
And Kakashi was flipped down to his stomach leaving no room for his desperate cries as his pants were pulled down along with his underwear, exposing his pale ass to the much eager eyes of the Godaime and Shizune along with three more nurses who were assisting. It was also then when the forceps were unceremoniously shoved up his ass making Kakashi scream and cry in agony. Whatever color that was left in the men's faces was drained. And to think, Kakashi wasn't even prepared…
Tsunade had successfully managed to pull out the damned, abhorred, giant blood-sucking leech that managed to 'leech' its way up Kakashi's leg and had the nurses destroy the vile thing. After that, Tsunade barked orders to the nurses who scuttled in a flash and pushed Kakashi out of the emergency room with Gai and Asuma following their tails.
"Kakashi do you need anything? We'll get you anything you want." Asuma asked as he and Gai jogged along side the stretcher where the slightly immobile jounin who was still wincing in pain.
"Ice cream…I want ice cream…" Kakashi winced.
"Okay, ice cream, what flavor?"
"It doesn't matter… It's for my ass…" And Kakashi buried his head back in the pillows and suddenly grabbed the Asuma's vest making bring his face close to his, "Not a word Asuma…not one single word or I swear that you're gonna get it! The same goes to you Gai!" Kakashi snarled and let go of the jounin's vest as he was wheeled away for further treatment.
"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Gai asked in all seriousness.
"Physically, yeah... Mentally and emotionally, we can only hope he doesn't go through any more torture..." Asuma answered sympathetically.
Asuma could only hope, for the heavens have something else in mind.
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- To Be Continued -
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Authoress' Notes:
Sorry for the late update. I had problems writing the farm scene. I was thinking of splitting this chapter in to two parts since it was too long (6000 words), but in the end, I decided against it. Anyone care to share their ideas for the next chapter?
And I would like to thank those who reviewed! All of you really made my day and gave me so much energy to make this chapter. You guys know who you are. Again, thanks! I'm even surprised on how one of the reviewers guessed what would happen to Kakashi. You know, being confined in the hospital and all. Pakkun finally makes his appearance on the next chapter. And those who have been asking for a bit of Genma/Iruka action, there you have it!
So now, it's time to review! I'm running out of ideas and I know you guys are itching to press that button down there so don't be shy and just do it. Give me and Pakkun some love! Pakkun needs it and my typing fingers are out of fuel… Until then, my darlings!
Pakkun: You guys know the drill. Here are your cookies, Oreos and milk. So review…NOW! I might even be considerate enough to let you touch my paw, it's soft and bouncy!
Footnotes:
1 Naruto is fifteen during this time and Sasuke-teme never joined Orochimaru.
2 Quintuplets – kind of like twins or triplets the only thing is that there are five of them.
3 Ja ne! – Literally means "See you soon!"
4 Does anyone know the name of that shop?
5 Literally means "Master Thick Eyebrows". For those who don't know, this is how Naruto usually addresses Gai.
6 If any of you have watched the film EVOLUTION starring David Duchovny, etc. then you'll know this specific scene.