War Cry
By M. Zephyr
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is a trademark of Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ Communications, and its characters have been borrowed without permission. This story was written for non-commercial purposes only.
Ranma x Akane. The martial artists of Nerima are being laid low by an unstoppable fighter. What drives him?
The afternoon sun was streaming brightly through the windows of a ward at Nerima General Hospital. The nurse finished arranging the firm pillow under the head of the second of her two new patients, then turned to the window controls. In her late twenties, she was an old hand here, and was accustomed to interesting patients. After all, Nerima had something of a reputation for the unusual. The blinds having been adjusted to reduce both heat and glare from outside, she again faced the man and his ... companion ... and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you, right now?"
The man, whose chart gave his name as Soun Tendo, had been admitted with two broken arms. They had not only required to be set and placed in casts, but also to be suspended above his bed with pulleys. The nurse thought he seemed attractive enough, for an older man. He was in his early forties, with long black hair and a mustache, and the muscular, fit build of a martial artist. She had heard of his name before, as he was somewhat famous, or perhaps notorious, within Nerima.
Soun Tendo, she reflected. Owner and master of the Tendo dojo. Which, incidentally, made his current predicament somewhat surprising. Former student of the ancient pervert Happosai, who had stolen her own undergarments on one memorable occasion. Widower and father of three daughters. The eldest daughter Kasumi had a reputation for being well-liked. The middle daughter Nabiki was infamous for shady dealings. But he was by far best known for the chaos surrounding his youngest daughter Akane and Akane's somewhat reluctant fiancé Ranma Saotome. Even though four months had passed since the event, those two were still the topic of much gossip among the nurses about their attempted wedding which had been destroyed by the guests.
Perhaps the gossip was still going strong because things had been rather quiet around Nerima since then. Unnaturally so. It was no doubt time for a new outbreak of violence, which explained the presence of these two here as well as the other things she had heard.
As for the occupant of the other bed, he was in fact Genma Saotome, father of the aforementioned Ranma. Occupant, not man. The tale she had heard was that he had offended a powerful Amazon sorceress while traveling in China, and he and his son had been cursed as a result. The father changed into a panda bear whenever splashed with cold water, as his son changed into a female. It was as a panda that he was currently lying in the next bed over from Soun. This might seem a highly unusual thing for a hospital, but once again, this was Nerima, and the medical staff were accustomed to the little oddities of the local martial artists.
Soun groaned, hoping for some show of sympathy from the nurse, but in answer to her question, he couldn't truthfully think of anything she could do for him at the moment. He was about to respond in the negative when he reconsidered. "I don't suppose ... would it be possible to have some more painkillers? Please?" He never had dealt well with pain, of any sort.
The nurse gave him a small smile, although it was tolerantly amused rather than sympathetic. "No, I'm afraid not. The doctor already gave you enough. Besides, aren't martial artists supposed to be able to handle a little pain?"
Soun groaned again, but decided against answering this.
The nurse paused before turning away. She regarded the panda once more, taking in the casts on both its legs, plus the brace around its neck. Even if she was prepared to deal with the unusual, this was still a hospital. Making up her mind, the nurse addressed Soun again, asking, "Excuse me, honored sir, but ... I suppose it's none of my business, only ... why is he still a panda? Isn't hot water supposed to restore his human form? At least, that's the rumor I heard. Nobody's told me, but why didn't they change him back? Is there a reason to leave him this way?"
The panda gave a low growl. Soun sighed melodramatically, before answering. "There was no choice. It appears his assailant used a, ummm, technique developed by the Joketsuzoku in China. It's known as the Full Body Cat's Tongue. A technique which he should not have known. It makes the victim so sensitive that even cold water will scald him. So he can't bear the touch of hot water to change back."
"Oh, I see." She turned to leave.
"Er, miss?" Soun queried before she'd taken more than two steps.
Turning back, the nurse asked, "Yes?"
Soun looked around the ward. "Why are we in ... such a large room? There are more than a dozen beds in here. Wouldn't something ... smaller ... be more suitable?"
The nurse shook her head. "There may only be two of you now, but there are several others with injuries being treated down in emergency. They'll be transferred up here as soon as their wounds have been dealt with. There are also reports of additional attacks, whose victims are on their way to the hospital. By putting all of you martial artists in one place, it should be easier to take care of you." She paused for a beat. "As well as confining any ensuing havoc to one place." Without waiting for a response to this, she left the room.
"All of us martial artists?" Soun echoed feebly, though too late. She was gone.
Soun lay there for a while in contemplation, worrying over what might be happening at home, as well as what might be transpiring for his youngest daughter and her fiancé. Of late, the pair seemed to be resisting the engagement far less. Ever since their return from China, Akane and Ranma had ceased much of their arguing. Or at least the more violent outbursts. Indeed, on several occasions now he had caught them casting covert glances in the other's direction, followed by blushes they attempted to hide. He had even, entirely by accident, interrupted the two teenagers a couple of times while they were engaged in intense, whispered conversations. Not that they had believed his claims of accident.
Shifting his thoughts to the ambush which had been perpetrated on himself and Genma a short time ago, Soun turned to his friend in the next bed, saying, "That attack ... it's been a long time since I faced something like that. I have to admit, it was frightening, so ... unexpected. Not to mention extremely painful. I suppose ... that's what we get for trying to do the right thing." He paused, gazing at the ceiling thoughtfully. "But what do you think he meant by shouting 'twenty-four hours'?"
Genma only growfed in reply. The sign with which he normally communicated in this form had been smashed, and the doctor had spent considerable time extracting the marking pen from the panda's right ear.
Time passed, and others were admitted to the room, all martial artists of one sort or another. Until, at last, the orderly wheeled a patient of another sort into the ward; a teenage girl with short brown hair, who didn't seem to be reacting to her surroundings. On catching sight of her, Soun burst into tears and wailed, "My baby girl!"
On the other side of the room, Ukyo Kuonji, owner and chef of the okonomiyaki restaurant named Ucchan's, weakly asked of the young man standing beside her, "Who ... who is it, Konatsu? Is it ... Akane? I caught sight of her while I was running, but ... he was after me at the time." Despite her weakness, there was a hint of satisfaction in the question.
Konatsu worked for Ukyo at her restaurant, and it would no doubt appall many of the male customers who drooled over the pretty waitress to learn that "she" was actually a boy under "her" uniform. At the moment, however, he was dressed in less feminine clothing, as he had been doing more frequently in recent months. He gave Ukyo a fond smile, mixed with barely suppressed concern. She had sustained a concussion from being hit over the head with her own battle spatula, which had then been tied around her torso. The doctors had experienced considerable difficulty in cutting it off, an operation which had required consultation of emergency personnel from the fire department. In Konatsu's opinion, the physicians and technicians involved had been much too ... jocular about it.
Schooling his features so as to keep the greater part of his worry safely hidden, Konatsu leaned down and spoke softly. "No, Mistress Ukyo. It is Nabiki-san, Akane-san's middle sister. One moment." He walked over and held a short, whispered exchange with the orderly, then returned. Bending down once more, he told Ukyo, "They have given Nabiki-san a large dose of something for her pain, so that she is not very awake. It seems that she did not stay far enough away from things, and her jaw was dislocated when her camera was shoved entire into her mouth."
Ukyo chuckled weakly, then winced as it made her head throb. She was glad that Konatsu was here with her, and uninjured. He had arrived too late on the scene to interfere with the attack on her, but had been in time to immediately scoop her up and run with her all of the way to the hospital. She had insisted that Konatsu remain, telling herself she had done so out of uncertainty whether he would be in danger himself if he were to leave.
Why had they all been attacked? What was the motivation? Ukyo reflected on the other people already present in the hospital ward, and what Konatsu had told her about each of them.
First were Ranma's and Akane's fathers, with Genma apparently stuck as a panda bear.
Next was their homeroom teacher, Hinako Ninomiya, who had apparently attempted to drain her assailant of his battle aura. It was something she did frequently, only this time her strategem had backfired in some strange way, leaving her unconscious.
Kuno-sensei, the school's principal, was also present, with all four of his limbs in casts. He was still green and sweating after having had at least ten kilograms of what seemed to be unpeeled pineapple pumped out of his stomach. Konatsu had reported that the man had sworn, with fervent sincerity, that he never wanted to see another pineapple ever again.
And finally, the principal's daughter, the crazed martial arts gymnast Kodachi Kuno, lay in a bed next to her father. Konatsu had repeated a tale from the nurse that Kodachi was unconscious and paralyzed after ingesting a mixture of her own drugs. Ukyo smiled at the girl's well-deserved fate.
In a frail sounding voice, Ukyo remarked to her employee, "You know, I overheard Ranma and Akane once talking about how strong Pantyhose Taro was, at least in his cursed form. But I never really imagined ..."
"Yes, Mistress Ukyo, so you said," Konatsu replied dutifully.
"It was just ..." Ukyo gave a little shudder. "Seeing them fight. So much devastation. I felt frozen in place while I watched. Then those glowing eyes turned in my direction." She gave a whimper and spoke even more quietly. "That's why I ran. Because I knew that I was next."
"It was the path of wisdom," the boy told her. "I only wish that I had been quicker ..."
Ukyo reached out, and managed to find Konatsu's hand. She gave it a squeeze. "I'll be all right. Eventually. How is he, anyway?"
Konatsu looked at the figure a couple of beds down. "Taro-san is still unconscious, but at least unlike Saotome-san they were able to change him back to human. I do not think he will be fighting again with anyone, anytime soon. He is in a full body cast." Ukyo nodded. This didn't surprise her, after the battle she had witnessed. Konatsu paused before adding, in a very thoughtful voice, "It will be interesting to see what form some of his injuries take, when next he transforms."
At that moment the door opened and another gurney was wheeled in. The young man on it was lying ramrod straight. He was pale, sweating, and moaning horribly. Unlike the other patients so far, he was lying on his stomach. Principal Kuno gasped and cried out, "My Tacchi! What happened to him?"
The orderly looked up from his task and asked, "This guy, Tatewaki Kuno, he's your son?" He then snickered evilly.
The nurse who had been following behind blushed strongly. She stammered, "The doctor's not ... r-ready for him, yet. He said the patient could wait in here. As for what happened ... well ... you see his ... that is ... I never knew ... never realized ..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't have believed that a bokken could be shoved so far into ...," whispering, "... one's nether region." Turning resolutely to her task, she helped the orderly to make the latest patient as comfortable as was possible under the circumstances.
A moan from Tatewaki resolved itself into words. "What ... happens ... in twenty-four hours?" All of the other patients in the room, or at least those who were conscious, gave a start upon hearing this.
The door suddenly swung open yet again, as still another gurney entered the room. There was a thick bandage wound around this patient's head, and his face was even more pale than Tatewaki's. His eyes didn't seem able to focus properly.
Konatsu struggled successfully to hide a smirk at seeing Ryoga Hibiki laid low. He sometimes worried that Ukyo, the secret love of his life, was a little too generous with Ryoga. He was certain that she was just being nice, when it wasn't part of some scheme to win Ranma's heart, but it was possible that Ryoga might misinterpret her kindness. Putting the thought aside, he called out, "What happened to you, Ryoga-kun?"
Ryoga eyed the people in the room dazedly. In a tentative voice, he answered, "Pretty much the same thing that happened to everyone else here, looks like. Damn bastard hit me over the head with my own umbrella!" He shuddered as he remembered waking up after that, in his cursed pig form. The other who had been present, the girl standing beside his attacker, she'd done things ... said things ... until he'd passed out again in sheer terror. He was never, ever, going to tell anyone about that part of what happened.
Ryoga gave another glance around the room, noticing Genma Saotome especially. Ryoga was glad that he himself had at least been changed back to human before they'd treated him. He demanded, petulantly, "Does anyone have any idea why he kept shouting 'twenty-four hours'? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I'm just saying, as a war cry, it seems to leave a little something to be desired."
His question was met by silence, except for Tatewaki's moaning. No one else had any more of a clue than he did.
Ryoga closed his eyes, wishing the pain in his head would go away. "Damn it! Maybe we've got too used to Ranma saving our asses! What's different this time?! I kept expecting ... up to the last minute ..." He trailed off. The others were still silent. Most of them were wondering much the same thing.
A short time later, two more patients were brought into the room and moved onto beds. They were both female, and Chinese, although one was very elderly and wrinkled, while the other was a young woman with purple hair. Both were heavily bandaged.
The younger, Shampoo, had an expression which seemed frozen in a rictus of terror, and everyone was shocked to see that her long, stunning, purple hair had been hacked off below the ears. Cologne, the elder, did a better job of not showing her fear. But it was there, if you looked carefully at her eyes.
"So he attacked you, too," Ukyo wheezed somberly from her bed.
Shampoo nodded, not speaking. Cologne had to swallow a couple of times, before she got out, "Yes. I couldn't believe it at first, but I was virtually helpless. I haven't faced anything quite so overwhelming in the last hundred years. I ... I need to contact the other elders soon. My people ... it would appear ..." She took a deep breath. "I think that this is an enemy that we do not dare antagonize. Not any further. We must," her mouth twisted, "make peace with him."
The younger girl's eyes glistened, as she spoke in the broken Japanese which was practically her trademark. "Not believe he hurt Shampoo like that. Eyes were glowing! Scary!" She shuddered. "Shampoo not think even airen is that strong!"
"Where's Mousse?" Ryoga asked from his corner. "I'd have thought he'd be with you. I can't see him standing by and not trying to protect his Shampoo."
Shampoo closed her eyes in remembered pain. "He ... he try. Shampoo never see so much chain come out of robes. But not work. Instead Mousse tied up with own chains. Doctors still unwrapping. Only half done when bring Shampoo here."
Cologne cleared her throat. "There's something I feel I must ask, which has me greatly confused. As I tried to hold him back, from time to time he would shout 'twenty-four hours'. Each time he did so, his attack grew more fierce, until I finally fell under the onslaught. Does anyone know what this might have meant?"
Everyone shook their heads. Soun took it upon himself to answer. "He shouted the same with all of us, but so far no one has understood. He never explained. It is ..." His voice grew deep and portentious. "... a great mystery!"
Cologne rolled her eyes, but before she could answer the door swung open once more. The gurney this time held an ancient old man, strapped down tightly. His eyes were open wide, staring into space, and he writhed in his bonds. Every few seconds he would piteously mutter, "No, no! The horror!"
All in the room who were conscious grinned at the sight. Soun inquired of the orderly, "What happened to Master Happosai?"
The man pushing the gurney paused and shrugged. "I don't really know. They found him tied up, gagged, and stuffed in a locker at a gym. The perpetrator arranged it so he was unable to turn his head away from the ventilation slits. It was a private gym catering to a group of transvestites." Another shrug. "So aside from being restrained, the only thing that happened is he saw a lot of ugly guys changing in and out of women's underwear. Apparently he's been like this ever since." The orderly was startled by the fusillade of laughs, guffaws and chuckles which came from the people lying in the various beds. He shrugged once more and went about his business.
Another hour had passed. Mousse had finally joined them. The nurse explained that he had several injuries along the lines of sprains and torn ligaments, mostly due to his own struggles against the chains which had been tightly wrapped around him.
The next time the door opened, it was to admit Kasumi Tendo, eldest of Soun Tendo's daughters. She walked in wearing a yellow dress, with her long brown hair draped over one shoulder. In her arm was a basket, carrying some things she had brought from home for her father and sister.
"Kasumi," Soun cried out, overjoyed to see her. His daughter smiled and stepped over to his side.
A minute later Nodoka Saotome also entered the room. She strolled over to the bed containing the panda, where she stared resignedly at her husband with lips pressed tightly together. Genma tried to look innocent, though it was a somewhat pointless effort to make in a bear's body.
Ukyo tried to figure out how to phrase the question that was on her mind, and finally asked, "Um ... I'm a little surprised that Akane didn't end up in here as well. Did she escape?"
Kasumi gave her a sunny smile. "Oh no. Akane is the one person who definitely wouldn't have been attacked."
Konatsu inquired politely, "And do either of you know where Ranma-san is now?"
Nodoka's mouth quirked up into a mischievous smile. There was an impression of something quite gleeful behind it. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do know where he is right now. Purely by accident. I happened to see him going into ... someplace ... just before I came over here. I chose not to draw his attention to myself."
Ukyo wanted to get back to the previous point. "What ... what do you mean? That Akane wouldn't have been attacked? Why not?"
"Well ..." Kasumi hesitated, concerned about respecting the privacy of Akane and her fiancé. However, a small and fierce part of her, which she rarely allowed ascendency, decided that this needed to be said.
"This morning, after Ranma-kun returned from ... a shopping trip, I overheard him and Akane talking up in her room. It was a coincidence, as I happened to be putting some supplies in the closet across from her door. I caught the tail end of Ranma-kun telling Akane about some curse and Ryoga-kun, which seemed to upset her. I stood there quietly for a while as he comforted her, saying some things which seemed to make her feel better. Then ... Ranma-kun told Akane ... that he loved her. That he's loved her for a long time now."
There were shocked gasps all around the room, including strangled protests from a few. Tears started to leak from Ukyo's and Shampoo's eyes. Kodachi was still drugged to the gills.
Kasumi went on. "It was quiet for a while after that, except for some, er, kissing noises. Then I heard Akane tell Ranma that she loved him too. I think she was crying. But happily. Then ..."
Kasumi took a deep breath. "Ranma asked Akane if she would marry him. I had to bite my lip to keep from shouting in joy. I peeked through the door and saw that he was holding a ring. Akane told him that of course she would marry him, just as soon as they could convince everyone to leave them in peace so they could have a wedding. Then Akane got this look on her face, like an idea had occurred to her, and she trailed a finger along Ranma's chest, and she said ... well, I suppose I really shouldn't repeat what she said."
Soun and Genma-the-panda groaned with frustration. Ukyo, Shampoo, Ryoga and Tatewaki had looks on their faces which said they definitely didn't want to hear any more, and wished they hadn't heard this much. Mousse suddenly felt much happier about his injuries, as if they had been well worth it. Konatsu also found himself in a more forgiving mood concerning the injuries to his poor Ukyo.
"But why ... why did Ranchan ... Ranma ... attack us?" Ukyo wailed piteously. "Isn't it bad enough that he chose Akane instead of me?"
Nodoka glanced at the ceiling, and couldn't quite keep the glee out of her voice as she responded, "Well, I suppose it might have something to do with the establishment I saw my son and Akane entering. It could well be he wanted to ensure that they had no interruptions. Although, I admit that one little thing does puzzle me. Just before they went in, I heard my son say, in this strangely happy voice, the words 'twenty-four hours'."
Kasumi found herself blushing terribly. She changed her mind about not repeating the last thing she had heard Akane say to Ranma, deciding instead to finish the story. "I ... I believe that I can explain that," she stammered. "You see, after Akane trailed her finger down Ranma's chest and, um, down to the front of, er, Ranma's," she whispered the word, "pants, she told him, in this really, really husky voice ..."
Kasumi paused once more to lick her lips, then finished repeating Akane's words. "You wanna know something, Ranma? If I could be sure that everyone would leave us alone, that absolutely no one could cause us any trouble, I'd drag you off to the nearest love hotel. In fact, I wouldn't let you out of that bed for twenty-four hours."
THE END
Author's note:
It's been really busy at the office lately, up until this week, and I hadn't had time to do much in the way of writing, or rewriting, or even planning of my stories. But I found myself with a little spare time on the Sunday night before last, got inspired, and wrote the above in a few hours. I hope you enjoyed it.
At least part of the inspiration for this story came from a review of Amazon Aid by Silver Warrior, which I quote in part here. "I've always known that if any of Ranma's suitors had the power to utterly stop the madness, it was the Amazons. Well, maybe Akane. If she admitted her feelings and asked him to stop it, there'd be hospital stays and maybe a body bag or two in the works." I've had the basic outline written down as a story idea for some time, but only recently came up with the "war cry" bit that inspired me to write it.
In case it isn't clear, this story is meant to be viewed in a farcical, non-serious way, like a cartoon or the Three Stooges. I admit, it would be plain and simply wrong for the protagonist to inflict these sort of injuries in a more serious story.
2007-09-23: Replaced "Kuno-senpai" by "Kuno-sensei" in the reference to the principal.