Ok, I couldn't help myself. If you look up the translation to Sasuke's name, you don't get a defined word or term like you do with Naruto's name, or Kakashi's. Instead, you get a phrase that made me think up this insanity. For the record, Sarutobi's name is the same, but his says that it's a traditional FAMILY name.
Also for the record, this is based off of the site from which I found the translations. Names may be different on different sites.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, then Naruto would get Sakura, AND Hinata, and Iruka and Kakashi would be unable to stay out of each other's pants. Sadly, I don't and they don't.
What's In a Name?
Naruto couldn't believe his eyes. Besides him, Sakura was equally stunned as they took in the sight before them. After almost three years, three long years, Sasuke had finally returned to them!
The Uchiha looked well, fit and strong after three years of constant training. A sword was hung at his side, and he wearing the uniform of Sound, which consisted of a white haori, black hakama, and the strange purple rope belt. What threw them off though, was the deviation from the normal outfit: Sasuke's chest was tightly wrapped in white bandages. It wasn't tight enough to hide his new assets though.
"Hold on, Sasuke-teme is a GIRL?!" Naruto bellowed, pointing at the distinctive lumps that were only slightly flattened by the bandages. "When the HELL did that happen?!"
It was true. Sasuke officially had knockers, boobies, breasts, however you wanted to say it. The Avenger wasn't very large, nothing like the ones Anko or Ino had, more like Sakura's, but with his haori open, they were more than noticable.
As if embarrassed, Sasuke shifted his-no, her weight as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You should have had at least a clue when you first learned my name, Dobe!" she muttered darkly.
"Huh?" Naruto and Sakura echoed, completely confused. It was Sai, whom had been quietly skulking around in the background, who got the hint first. His snickers ignited a fiery blush over Sasuke's face, and Naruto and Sakura looked back at him in confusion.
Biting his tongue to keep from laughing out loud, the young man looked his teammates in the eyes. "Sasuke is, a traditional, ninja name. A traditional, MAIDEN name!" he managed to spit out before his mirth got the best of him. Naruto and Sakura looked on in horror as Sai started laughing, leaning against his legs for support.
The remaining members of Team 7 looked at each other, looking for any support. The only thing running through Naruto's mind though, was the thought that he liked his name compared to Sasuke's. Swirly Fish Cake had NOTHING on this!
Seeing that she would get no help from Naruto or Sai, Sakura turned to Sasuke, who had started walking down towards them during Sai's laughing fit. "So, if you're a woman, then why have you been going around like a boy for so long?!" she asked desperately.
Sasuke shrugged. "My father didn't want a girl to help carry on our line. My mother was the one who insisted on my name," she said, as if it would explain everything. Scarily enough, it did. Her father wanted a second son, but her mother left the clue in her daughter's name in hopes that someone would be smart enough to figure it out. Sakura had to give the woman props-she must have been quite devious.
As Naruto looked at the newly-exposed woman, one thought went through his mind. 'Does this make me completely straight now?'
Sakura was thinking along slightly different lines. She however, was thinking out loud. "Does this make me a lesbian then?!" she muttered, eyes wide.
Hearing her, Sasuke shuddered, morbidly curious to see if the girls were going to continue chasing her. 'Kami-sama, I hope not,' she thought.
Shaking her head, Sakura raised her fist in declaration. "Well, if I'm a lesbian, then so is Ino-pig! Oooh, I can't wait to rub this in her face!" she crowed. Grinning evilly, the medic-nin grabbed Sasuke by her arm. "Come on, we have people to talk too!" she declared. A split second later, Naruto and Sai were the only ones left as Sakura streaked towards the village.
Perplexed, Naruto looked over at Sai, who had recovered from his laughter. "What just happened?" he asked.
Sai shook his head as they started back towards Konohagakure. "I don't understand women any more than you do Naruto," he confessed. Over the horizon, the first of many squeals started up, only to dissolve into screams of rage. Despite himself, Naruto grinned: It was good to have the bastard back.
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Thanks!!