Hi everybody! Okay, okay, I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long! I know it's been like a year already, but I had some serious WB issues and a lot of other shit to sort through.

Again, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but I didn't know where to pick it up from so I decided to chop it. I thought I knew where this story was going, but then I changed the plot fifty gazillion times, so even I'm not really sure what's going to happen next. But thank you guys all so much from the bottom of my heart for your support! You have no idea what it means to me!

Oh, and as for Tifa's theories… they made sense to me. And yes, I did repeat one section, but it was for dramatic effect. Hopefully it works. And as for Aerith's weapon- I couldn't remember what her Ultimate Weapon was. I tried to look it up but that gave me nothing. So if I'm wrong- tough.

Dedicated to (in no particular order): Snickey, Shawna, Zexion, Sasha- thanks for putting up with me while I was being a whiney emo-bitch, and thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you guys. To Jumesyn- I missed you so much! I am utterly undeserving of your kind, beautiful words! And to everyone who's faved and watched and left reviews- you guys are the best! Love ya!

Cloud awoke from his hellish vision with a sudden start, just when the chorus of screams had reached its climax. A noise from the world of the awake had startled him out of it. Wait- who was still shrieking?

Cloud abruptly clamped a hand over his mouth, effectively suffocating the scream that was escaping his lips. He tried to remember how to breathe past his fingers, closing his eyes and fighting to get his heartbeat down to a steady speed. Something akin to adrenaline was speeding through him, making him feel dizzy and almost twitchy. His head ached. He reached up with his other hand to cradle his head, only to have his fingers suddenly meet a heavy gauze bandage that definitely wasn't there before he slept.

The blonde attempted to sit up, only to have something tight constricting his movement. He struggled for a moment until he managed it, confused as to why it was suddenly so hard to do something that was practically second nature. The bright sunlight streaming through the window wasn't helping his foggy brain to work.

At least the room was familiar. It was Merlin's living room- the musty, dusty scent of old books made it obvious. A small mountain of blankets and sheets were heaped up on top of him, and Cloud shoved them unceremoniously onto the floor. Looking down, he understood his difficulty sitting up- his chest and abdomen had been completely wrapped up in bandages, just like his head.

Somewhere deep in his mind, Cloud knew he probably shouldn't be moving around so quickly. But his head hurt, and there was no aspirin on the little table in front of the couch. Moving like a snail, he stood up, feeling… okay. Aside from his head he didn't hurt at all. Through his sleepiness he realized that was strange. However, all of his thoughts were currently concentrated on aspirin.

Walking was much easier then he anticipated, but it certainly was slower. Cloud could feel small bandages flexing and pulling around his legs, so he tried not to move too quickly, lest he should tear them open. Whoever fixed him up had obviously tried their best.

At last, he was able to shuffle his way into the bathroom, and after digging through the cabinets, he found a bottle of tiny white pills and swallowed two without bothering for water. He knew it was a bad idea to look in the mirror, but as he put the bottle away, Cloud caught a glimpse of his reflection.

The person staring back at him was barely recognizable. His mako-enhanced eyes were dull and sickly, their eerie glow muted. Ashen skin, whiter and paler than normal, made him look like some sort of phantom from a ghost story. Even his hair seemed sick, drooping low over his eyes and resembling nothing but limp straw.

Cloud swallowed, his adrenaline rush fading away. He looked scary, and what's more, he felt scared. The events of the past day and half were streaming through his head, memories that had been kept away by his earlier grogginess.

The stark whiteness of a cold hospital waiting room…

His friend's questioning, pleading looks…

The smell of blood and rain on Hollow Bastion's streets…

And one small, misplaced sentiment, that just couldn't be true…

"But it's worth it."

Cloud's knees suddenly buckled for no apparent reason, and he reached out to grab the counter, gripping the sides to support himself. A wave of dizziness and nausea hit him, but more importantly, pain hit him from all sides, sneaking in and ripping through his veins like a fire. He winced, the sudden pain tempting him to cry out. A bead of sweat slipped down the side of his face as he allowed himself to sit down on the side of the bathtub, trying to focus on the hurt and nothing else. No memories. No thoughts. Just pain.

He deserved this. Every ounce of it. He told Leon, he warned him, that he would only end up hurting him. And he'd proved himself correct, hadn't he? He hurt Leon. Cloud cursed himself into the farthest reaches of hell, self-loathing and guilt clawing at the remaining shreds of heart he possessed.

The phantom Sephiroth's words were still fresh in his mind, and he knew without a doubt that there was truth in them.

"I guess I didn't have to take away all that's precious to you, Cloud. You did it yourself."

"You're right," the pale blonde whispered, lowering his head in weary defeat. "You're right…"

SLAM!

Cloud jumped at the sudden noise invading Merlin's quiet home. The banging sound was accompanied by a quiet 'eep' and the swooshing sound of a large gust of wind. Just as swiftly as the clatter came, it disappeared, the silence once again taking back its throne.

"Phew! I can't believe how badly the wind is blowing today. I hope we didn't wake him up."

"With injuries like that, he'll probably be out for a little while longer. You'd be surprised how heavily he can sleep."

"Tifa, what are we going to do when he wakes up? Do you think he'll want to see Leon?"

"It's hard to say, but in the end, it's up to him."

"But I don't understand! Why wouldn't Cloud want to see him? It doesn't make sense to me- Leon's hurt, and Cloud just runs off! I mean, if you really pay attention, you can tell- they would die for each other. Why would he just abandon him like that?"

"I don't think 'abandon' is the right word, Aerith."

"Then what is?"

"I don't know. But I don't really think that Cloud purposely abandoned Leon. I think he left the hospital more out of fear than anything else. That, and panic. Maybe even duty too."

"Duty?!"

"Well, think about it. Haven't you ever heard about rape victims cleaning up the crime scene and themselves, to try and find a sense of normalcy? It's the same basic concept. Something traumatic happened that he couldn't handle, so he went back to town and patrolled. That's normal for him."

"Okay, that's one theory. But how do you get 'duty' out of that behavior?"

"When we heard about Leon, every single one of the Restoration Committee left for the hospital, even Sora. That means the town was vulnerable. The defense system works beautifully, but we still need people out on the streets. Maybe he thought that's what Leon would want, for someone to go back and patrol so nobody would get hurt from lack of protection."

"… That makes sense too, I guess. But that seems rather cold. Do you really think that's what he was thinking?"

"I dunno. Those are just my theories. We can ask him ourselves when he wakes up. I'll go check on him."

Cloud could hear Tifa stepping lightly towards the living room. Knowing that it would be inevitable, he stood up and stepped out of the bathroom just as the martial artist walked into the room. She gasped in obvious surprise when she saw him.

"I'm glad to see that you're awake, but you shouldn't be up yet! You could reopen something!" she scolded with a weary smile. Aerith peeked her head around the corner and nodded in agreement.

Cloud ignored them, opting to take slow strides towards the stairs.

"And where do you think you're going?!" Tifa exclaimed, running over to the steps. "Go back and rest!"

Cloud disregarded her completely, taking each step as quickly as the bandages allowed. The irritation suddenly flooding his head made it more difficult to concentrate. He understood that he was being stupid. He understood that he was making yet another mistake. He just didn't give a damn.

"Do you think you're the only one who cares about Leon?!"

Aerith's remark stung painfully, just as it was meant to. His chest tightened and his throat dried up, making swallowing an impossibility. But he refused to turn around and took another step up.

"He wouldn't want to see you in pain like this!" she cried.

Cloud paused, turning his head to the side. "He can't see much of anything right now, and whose fault do you think that is, Aerith? Mine," he retorted angrily.

"Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over!"

"Don't give me that 'no control' crap. I could have-"

"What? You could have what, Cloud? Taken his place? For gods' sakes, you both could have ended up dead!"

"I should be dead, damn it!" Cloud shouted, turning around to face her. "I should be the one in that hospital bed, not him!" Blood was rushing to his head and anger-fueled adrenaline filled his veins like a drug. He wanted so badly to hit something, anything, to be struck in return to pay for his sins. He started up the steps again, the adrenaline making him forget the pain and move faster. He was able to reach his room unhindered- he refused to look down the hallway at Leon's. Cloud grabbed the first set of fresh clothes he could find and dressed as quickly as he could.

"Did you really mean that?"

Cloud paused as he pulled on a sock. Tifa's plaintive voice tore open a fresh wound in his heart. He finished his task and stood up straight, still ignoring her.

"Answer me, Cloud." The faintest tremor ran through her enraged voice. The swordsman stayed still and silent, unable to form a competent reply. There were too many words in his head, too many thoughts and emotions that he would never be able to relay to her. And to say that he hadn't meant it, to say what she wanted to hear… well, that would be lying.

He stood and turned to her, and the pure sorrow in his mako-tainted eyes told her everything.

"He… pushed me… out of the way," he whispered. A lump formed in his throat and constricted his breathing.

Tifa was quiet for a second, tears forming in her chocolate-colored eyes. She took a step forward and reached out a hand to him in a comforting gesture. The motherly concern on her face reminded him of a guardian angel.

"Don't waste it," he said roughly, brushing past her outstretched hand and escaping towards the stairs. He vaguely heard her call out to him, but he did nothing, and before he knew it he was rushing past Aerith in the living room. His legs began to burn beneath the bandages.

"Where are you going?!" Aerith called, rushing to him. "You need your rest-"

"Reflega," Cloud muttered. A crystalline shield formed between him and the flower girl, preventing her from coming any closer. The spell took away more energy then he expected, and the blonde swayed unsteadily.

"Cloud, don't do this!" she shouted. She pulled out her Prism Rod and struck the barrier, but to no avail. Tifa came up from behind and delivered a cement-crushing kick. The shield flickered. Even though it didn't break, in Cloud's weakened state, the magickal barrier wouldn't hold much longer. He gave them one last look before he left the house, moving as quickly as he could through the streets, trying his best to block out his friend's cries.

He understood that he was being stupid. He understood that he was making yet another mistake. He just didn't give a damn.

You know… I worked