Title: No, Just No
WARNING: The following ficlet contains the description of "tentacle-sex" and though it's not graphic, you should consider yourself warned.

NO, JUST NO

It was not like in those animated Japanese movies and definitely not like in those stories Peter had been finding on the internet occasionally. Not even close. It was twelve and a half on the 'one-to-ten' weirdness scale, instead of being arousing his erection had died before Eddie even started and Peter absolutely, certainly positively didn't want to scream any obscenities of the "Oh baby, yes, harder, give it to me, fuck me hard" variety.

Peter had only agreed to this, because ever since him and Venom "came out" (had been kicked out of the closet by JJ, to be more accurate) the whole world seemed to be obsessed with the thought that Spider-Man was taking tentacles up the ass. The internet he could understand, after all that place was crowded with weirdoes in dire need of LIFE (real life, not WoW-life), that apparently had nothing better to do with their time but write pornographic stories about them. Bless them, at least, unlike some other people, they didn't shove it in their faces. He understood a tabloid like "The Daily Planet" would print an article about this, he had been prepared but why the hell "New York Post" had dedicated the whole "Page Six" to this? Probably because none of those people ever had "tentacle-sex", if the did they would be printing completely different articles.

The Symbiote inside him shifted and Peter gasped in pain. He realized that he was too tense for this sort of fun and that if he was able to relax maybe he would start enjoying himself but how could anyone that was not a fourteen years old Japanese schoolgirl (or that nubile gay witch with Skrull/Kree boyfriend) enjoy themselves while having a piece of an alien being shoved up their… privates?

He was a science geek, experimentation was his life but even the most devoted scientist knew that enough was enough.

"Eddie, stop it" he gasped out through clenched teeth. "Take it out"

Few seconds later, when the tendril had finally been removed, Peter met his boyfriend's eyes expecting to find there at least some hints of disappointment but instead, he found only relief. "Thank god, one minute more of this and we would have to finance Symbiote's therapy and while I'm sure that Doc Samson would love to hear all about it… no, just no."

Peter gawked as the black creature unattached itself from Eddie's body and slid under the bed, in what seemed like a record time. "I take then it didn't enjoy itself all that much as well?"

"You can say so."

The awkward silence didn't have any time to make itself at home, as Peter leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Eddie. "How about, if from now on, we have just the plain, old, ordinary gay sex?" he proposed with a relieved sigh

Eddie kissed the top of his head, his fingers gently massaging the nape of his boyfriend's neck "As long as it's with you love, I'm all game"