Title: Embracing Together
Rating: T
Ship: Sawyer/Kate
Description: She felt him before she heard him. In his arms she was at peace. Set after Kate's return from her rescue mission for Jack. Season 3. SKATE
Disclaimer: We've been over this. However much I wish I owned Sawyer, wishing doesn't make it so.
She sat on a rock, her legs outstretched in front of her, her feet dangling in the water. Staring at the waterfall, the only sound the raging water making contact with the still wetness beneath it, silent in her musings. Her still wet hair clung to her back, dripping onto the stone beneath her. She hadn't been back long, and had quickly disappeared from the group. She'd felt foolish and embarrassed. The dirt that clung to her body from the days in the jungle felt heavier than the mere physical presence of it. She was tired, and discouraged, so she'd fallen back into the habits that had served her so well for years. She'd run. Run from everyone and everything to the only place she'd ever known some kind of peace.
It was their place. And the irony of that wasn't lost on her, as she'd instinctively found her way there without seeking it out. The waterfall. Their waterfall. Sawyer. James.
He'd welcomed her home, into his arms, despite the dirt that clung to her. Despite the way in which they'd left things. He looked at her, and like he always could, he'd known what she was thinking, what she was feeling and he'd offered her the peace of his embrace. And she'd lost herself in it. If only for a moment.
As they'd pulled apart and harsh reality broke into the warmth she'd found in his arms, she'd suddenly lost all the will to fight. She felt raw and exposed as everyone looked to her for answers. She'd shaken her head and walked away, retreating to her tent to gather a change of clothes before disappearing into the jungle. The only thing her exhausted mind could deal with was getting clean and stopping to just breathe. No monsters chasing her, whether of the unknown kind, the human or the metaphorical. Just a moment to herself. A moment of peace.
That was how she'd wound up here instead of at the caves or any of a number of places she could have gone to get cleaned up. Here she was at peace. In his arms she was at peace. With him she'd found it. That illusive feeling of safety, of comfort, of acceptance. She didn't feel the need to explain herself or her actions with him. She didn't feel like the bad girl who needed redemption. She didn't feel unworthy. And it scared the hell out of her. He'd given her exactly what she'd always looked to someone like Jack for. The kind of peace and acceptance that no one else could ever offer her, because he was right, they had a connection. They were connected by events so tragic, so dark, that they had damaged the children they used to be, forming the adults that lived and breathed today. But more than that. They were connected as survivors. The crash had made them all survivors, but Katie and James had been long before flight 815. They survived their lives. Something that seemed a lot more difficult, more miraculous.
And now, they'd had to survive again. Back breaking labor, cages, and deranged grief-stricken men with guns. She'd watched, helplessly, as Pickett had held a gun to his head. And for the first time in her life she'd been more afraid for someone else than she had for herself. For the first time in her life she'd wanted to die. She wanted to take that bullet for him. She would have done anything to save him. Because, as long as it had taken to admit it, as she'd fought it tooth and nail, she loved him. More than she could have ever imagined possible. But she'd run again when they returned to camp the first time. She'd been so afraid of what she felt and how deeply, that she'd allowed him to push her away and she ran. Just like he knew she would. It was his defense mechanism and she now wondered why she'd fallen for it. But that voice in her mind told her, because you wanted to run.
Now she only felt foolish, and childish. So sitting on that rock, staring at the cascading water she forced herself to confront everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks. Everything. No matter how painful or scary. She wasn't the least bit surprised that Sawyer featured in every thought.
She felt him before she heard him and saw him coming out of the trees into the clearing. She should have known he would come for her, and as she closed her eyes briefly and he came closer to her, she realized she had known. That had been part of the reason her body steered her toward the waterfall. Because she'd known he would follow her here and here with him she could finally allow herself to feel, allow her heart to break after coming so close to losing the man she loved. Something she hadn't allowed herself to do.
He approached her, pulling his shoes and socks off before stepping up onto the rock and behind her. But she didn't move, didn't acknowledge his presence in anyway. Only as he moved up behind her and sat down, positioning himself so she sat between his open legs did she speak up.
"What are you doing?" She asked and he hesitated, leaning back to look into her face.
"Would you just be quiet?" He asked as he snaked his left arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. Her head naturally fell back against his shoulder and she turned her face in to his neck. Kate closed her eyes for a second as she breathed in his scent before looking back at the water. Sawyer's right hand rose to her forehead, brushing the hair out of her face. It was eerily reminiscent of the time she held him as the infection from the bullet wound in his shoulder shook his clammy body.
Kate sighed as she felt his lips brush against her forehead in the most gentle of caresses. He loved her. She knew it with all her being. He didn't need to say the words; he'd just screamed it in that one tiny gesture. He loved her. She'd never been so sure of anything in her life.
"You're not going to ask what I'm doing here." She whispered as she enjoyed the warmth of his tender embrace, sinking into him that little bit more. His arms were so strong.
"No." He answered simply. His deep drawl completely void of sarcasm.
"Why?" She couldn't hide the confusion and the awe in her voice.
"Cause if you wanted to talk, you wouldn't be out here on your own. If you want to talk, you will. So I'll just sit here with you until you're ready or want to leave, which ever." He whispered and she felt his lips moving against her forehead with each word.
"Why?" She didn't know when she'd lost the capacity for more than one word sentences. But she guessed it was around the time the hand that rested on her stomach started tracing circles around her belly button under her shirt.
"Cause if you didn't want me to be here with you, just like this, you would have thrown a rock at me when you realized I was following you a mile back. And you would have demanded I leave you alone in that way of yours that no one dare argue." She felt his smile against her skin and couldn't stop a smirk from forming on her own lips. Unfortunately it acted like a break against the dam of her tears and she couldn't hold them in anymore. Sobs started to silently wrack her body but he made no move to force her admission. Sawyer merely tightened his hold on her and whispered reassuring words in her ear.
"You almost died." She choked out on a sob and felt him tense against her. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn't expecting that to be the reason she was upset. She could almost here his voice saying 'And here I thought you were crying over the doc' though he never opened his mouth. His lips brushed against her forehead again and she closed her eyes against the tears that still formed in her eyes.
"But I didn't Freckles. I'm right here." He whispered in her ear and she felt a shiver run down her spin. Reaching for the hand that rested against her stomach, she took his hand in hers and entwined their fingers. He squeezed her hand gently and a sob wracked her body.
"I was so scared." She stuttered and felt herself being lifted and turned. He positioned her in his lap to straddle him and pulled her against him, holding her tightly. Kate buried her head against his neck and let herself cry. The comfort of his hands running up and down her back to the sound of the cascading water behind her lulled her and she felt the tears dry up, but she never weakened her hold on him.
Kate felt Sawyer's hands move up her back and around to her neck, before they traced a gentle caress on her cheeks and pulled her back to look at him. He kissed her so softly, so gently. It was almost enough to bring her to tears once again. As he rested his forehead against hers and opened his eyes to look into hers she realized that she didn't want to run anymore. That here, with this man, she could stay and not feel that nagging inside of her that told her to run. That need to bail that had driven her all her life.
It was almost comical that this man, this emotional train wreck of a man, could ground her. Could offer her a peace she'd only dreamt of. Or even more comical, that she knew it wasn't him that had given her this precious gift, but rather through him she had found it herself. She had been looking to a man to be her savior her whole life, when all she'd really needed was someone to show her that she could save herself. And this wonderful, crazy, aggravating, loving man had shown her that. As messed up as they both were alone, together they worked. They did better together.
The End