The Attack
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd, and Eddy, or Psychonauts, no matter how much I paid in the online auction. I do, however, own all original characters
The man ran as fast as he could down the alleyway in Peach Creek. He didn't know why the person was chasing him; he just knew he had to run.
The man remembered when he was a boy; he had demonstrated some unusual powers and his parents had wanted to send him to a summer camp for psychics. But he had decided not to. Now, he wished he had; maybe he could fight off whoever was chasing him.
A trashcan suddenly began floating. It went flying into the man, knocking him down on his face. He felt someone place their foot on his back, pinning him down. Whoever it was seemed to be humming a jazz tune cheerfully.
"Who are you...?" The man asked, desperate for an answer. He felt something slimy crawl into his ear. The last thing he heard before he passed out was the person singing.
"...Sure they might think it's deranged/ But they won't give it a thought after I've eaten their brain..."
"Oh, man." Kevin said as he stared at the sight. Most of the kids from the cul-de-sac were standing in front of the yellow tape blocking them from the crime scene.
"Plank's creeped out!" "Oh, gross!" What is that stuff?!" "I'm going to throw up!" "Rolf has seen worse."
The man was laying face-down, and didn't seem to be breathing. A disgusting, green goo was near his left ear. Two policemen were standing over him, trying to make heads or tails of it.
"No, I'm telling you..." Eddy said as he and his two friends walked down the street, unknowingly approaching a crime scene. "...I heard the guy say 'New Toasting Fork.'"
"Eddy," Double D began, "Our teacher clearly said 'New York.' You simply misheard him."
"No, he said 'buttered toast!" Ed insisted as he walked right over Double D without even realizing. Eddy simply laughed at his friend's pain.
"Ed..." Double D said as he got up and followed after his 'friends', his clothes now slightly torn. "...how could you possibly mistake 'New York' for—?"
By this time, they had walked up to the crime scene. "Whoa." Eddy said. "What happened?"
"Oh, great." Kevin said sarcastically as he pointed at the Ed's. "It was only a matter of time until the Dork Patrol showed up." The group didn't laugh at Kevin's insult, as their moods were slightly dampened by the attack.
Suddenly, the man who had been attacked sat up and looked around, confused. "TV?" He asked absentmindedly.
"Sir, take it easy." One of the police officers said. "You've been attacked and—."
"Oh!" Ed yelled as he broke through the yellow tape and grabbed the man by the wrist. "There's a TV at my house! You can watch shows on it!" He ran to his house, dragging the man along with him.
"Ed!" Sarah yelled as she chased after her idiot brother. "Mom said no strangers in the house!"
The man stared blankly at the television set in Ed's room as he sat in a chair that had a variety of food, vermin, and unknown forms of life in it.
"Ed!" Double D said upstairs to his small-brained friend. "You cannot simply take the victim of a crime attack from the crime scene and let him watch television in your room!"
"Yeah, lumpy." Eddy said as he sat on a nearby chair. "Besides, we don't have time for this. We've got people to scam!"
"What?!" Double D yelled. "How can you think of your ludicrous scams at a time like this?! That man requires medical attention! And have you noticed that for the past three hours he hasn't said anything other than 'TV?!' I mean, there's something obviously wrong with him!"
"Jeez, Sock-head, calm down." Eddy said.
But it wasn't working. Double D was too worked up. "I mean, what was that viscous substance around his ear?!" He ranted, pacing as he spoke. "And why wasn't he breathing? Why does he have that empty look in his eyes? Why—?!" He suddenly grabbed his head in pain.
"You okay, Sock-head?" Eddy asked.
"Yes." Double D said. "Just a minor migrai—." He grunted in pain. "Ed, I wonder if I may make use of your restroom?"
"Wipe your feet!" Ed said, as dumb as ever.
"Gross..." Raz said as he dipped his hand in the black goo. "What is this stuff?"
"Unknown." Sasha Nein said. "The police report says that it was found around the victim's ear after the attack. Upon waking up, the first thing he said was 'TV.'"
"Great." Raz said. "More people are sneezing their brains out. You got a funnel?"
"This doesn't look like the Super Sneezing Powder..." Sasha said as he examined the crime scene a bit. "Besides, that case is closed; Oleander's been reformed, Loboto's dead..."
"Where is Oleander, any way?" Raz asked as he looked around. "Didn't he get off of the plane with—?" His sentence was cut short by a scream; it was Oleander.
Next Time: Know Your Enemy